Uncontrollable (The Nature of Grace, Book 2)

by S. R. Johannes

  Wyn breaks our gaze. “What do we do now?”

  Porter points off into the trees. “We have to carry him out.”

  Skyler groans behind us and mumbles. “Great.”

  Without being asked, I find two long, thick branches. Wyn and I drag them over next to the wolf. I take out the tarp and rope to make a stretcher.

  Skyler covers her mouth as we load up the wolf, but I see her gag. “Can’t we just leave it? I mean, it’s dead.”

  No smart comment comes from me. I don’t have the energy to answer or argue. My voice is weighed down by my heavy heart. I didn’t expect this at all, or I might not have volunteered.

  A person can only take so much death.

  Porter drags the animal onto the tarp. “No way. We need it for research. If we leave the body out here, no telling what could get it.” He covers the body and claps his hands together, wiping off the snow. “Wyn, you grab one side, and I’ll get the other. Grace, you lead us out.”

  The four of us set off back down the way we came. The light flurry has already covered our tracks. No one says anything the whole hike back, not even Skyler.

  But my head is buzzing.

  I can’t help but wonder what happened to that wolf.

  Survival Skill #8

  The rapport with other hikers is critical to making decisions in the wild.

  “Maybe you should bow out of this thing?”

  Agent Sweeney sits very still and doesn’t take his eyes off me. Even though we’ve been discussing what happened in the woods, I wasn’t expecting this comment to come out of his mouth.

  I fiddle with the zipper on my jacket and shake my head. “What? Why?”

  He takes in a deep breath and exhales through his nose, causing a slight whistling sound. “You know why.”

  My heart thumps in my ears. “You think he’s back?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  I look him in the eyes and spot it – the concern, the worry. “You don’t have to.”

  He gets up and walks around the room, up and down the aisles, until he sits on the desk. “Look, Grace. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t necessarily like it when you volunteered for this project, but who was I to hold you back if you were ready to go into the woods again?”

  “I was. I mean, I am.”

  He shakes his head. “I know, but this changes everything.”

  I don’t want to believe he’s right. “Porter says it was natural causes.”

  Sweeney rubs his hands together as if trying to keep warm. “Doesn’t matter.”

  I pull my long hair back off my face and tug on my turtleneck, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. “Do you think Al is involved?” I cringe when I say the name out loud.

  Agent Sweeney removes his baseball cap and scratches his head. “I doubt it. He’d be pretty dumb to show his face here again. He knows he’s a wanted man. Not only by me, but by the FBI as well. This has nothing to do with Al. This is because I don’t want you to get involved.”

  “In what? The wolf project?”

  He crosses his arms, and I’m suddenly reminded of all the times Carl tried to get me off my Dad’s trail. “In anything that’s going to upset you.”

  I shrug, playing off any feelings I have about the dead wolf. “Do I look upset?”

  He twirls a pencil between his fingers. “No, but I know you. We’ve spent a lot of time together the last few months, and you’ve gone through a really traumatic event. More than one. A dead animal bothers you just as much as a human.”

  His comment stabs me in the stomach to the point I almost double over. Agent Sweeney obviously notices and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have that, but you know what I mean.”

  I nod.

  “I know this upsets you. If something… anything is going to impact these wolves, it will hurt you just as much. I don’t want you going through anything else. Not now. Not after everything that’s happened. Maybe you need to be a regular kid for a while.”

  I know he’s right, but I push back anyway. “Maybe I can’t be a regular kid. Look, I’m fine. Really. This project is helping me. It’s getting me back into the woods. I need to have something to focus on right now. Please don’t take me off this project.”

  A voice pipes up from the back of the room. “No one’s taking anyone off the project. What’s going on?” Katie is speaking as she and Porter walk down the aisle. She sits next to me like we’re in school together and looks around. “Where is everyone?”

  Agent Sweeney drops his writing utensil. “I sent them all home. They were a little shaken.”

  Porter shoves his hands into his pants pockets. “Why would you do that? We have data to enter into the system.”

  Agent Sweeney cuts in, “I just don’t know if the kids are prepared to see this kind of thing. Watching wolves play is one thing. Finding them dead is another.”

  Katie speaks up before Porter can answer. “Aren’t we overreacting here? I mean, animals die.” She folds her arms. “We’ve got a lot riding on this study, Agent. We can’t cancel the research because a wolf dies. This happens in the wild. It’s part of the process.” She studies me. “I think these kids realize that. Don’t you, Grace?”

  I try to ignore Agent Sweeney’s looks and nod. “Yes.”

  She smiles at me. “I think men underestimate us girls.”

  “They do.” I smile. Finally someone who gets it.

  She faces me and crosses her legs. “None of us should speak for you. You’re a strong girl, so you tell me, how do you feel? If you want off the project, we can replace you with another student who might be more equipped to deal with this sort of thing.”

  I don’t want Katie thinking I’m weak. If she can deal with the hassles of conservation every day, I can deal with a project. “I’m equipped. Trust me.”

  Katie looks between Agent Sweeney and me. “Then why are we discussing this? If Grace wants to be involved, why stop her? She’s not a baby, and she’s probably the best person we have." She winks at me. “Boys and all.”

  Agent Sweeney interjects. “As much as Grace wants to be involved… she has been through a lot lately, and I’m a little worried about her.”

  Katie comes to my defense. “Well, I don’t think we should talk about her like she’s not here.” She rests her chin on her hand. “It’s your call, Grace, and don’t feel pressured either way. No one will hold a decision against you. But I think it’s your decision to make.”

  Any nervousness I might have felt morphs to anger. I stand up. “Thank you, Agent Sweeney, I can handle it. I want to do this project. I need to do it.”

  Katie nods. “Good. Then that settles it. We’ll continue the research and Grace remains on the team. We will reevaluate as the project continues. Sound good, Agent?”

  Agent Sweeney studies me. “Whatever you say, Katie.”

  She claps. “Good. We just need to figure out how we proceed.”

  Porter spreads out a map on the desk. “I say we start out first thing in the morning. The pack has been tracked to this location. Wyn’s team can start here and head north.” I wince when he says Wyn’s team. “And Seth’s team can head due east to scout out the other pack.”

  He glances out the window at the steady stream of flurries. “We want to cover as much ground as we can before the weather turns against us.”

  * * *

  After we’re done discussing the plan, I leave before Agent Sweeney can corner me again. As soon as I’m outside, I head to the parking lot where I parked my bike. I need to get home before Birdee sends out an APB. The sidewalk is slippery, and the snow is coming down heavier. If it freezes tonight, there’s no way Luci will be able to make to drag herself into town in the morning. Antique motorcycles and winter weather don’t mix. I just hope I can get home.

  As I turn the corner, my hackles rise when I see a figure standing against the wall. Wyn steps into the light. He changed and somehow is even more underdressed for the weather in a corduroy jacket with the hood
ie pulled up over his head.

  “You alright?” he says.

  I grip my chest. “Jesus, Wyn, you scared the crap out of me.” I continue through the parking lot toward my motorcycle. “What are you doing here?”

  He jogs after me. “I was worried about you. What happened in there?”

  I zip my white coat and pull the fake fur hood up to block the wind from my face. “That’s none of your business. Why aren’t you with Skyler? Doesn’t she need comforting from her traumatic day in the woods?”

  As he catches up to me, his feet slip on the slushy ice, but he manages to skate until he steadies himself. I can’t help but smile under my hood, kinda wishing he’d bust a move in the wet snow. It would be total justice for the way he’s treated me.

  He tilts his head like a puppy wanting to play. “I take it you’re still mad at me?”

  I poke him hard in the chest. “Me? Mad? You’re kidding, right? You don’t talk to me for three friggin’ months, and now I’m the mad one?”

  I stomp through the slush, my hiking boots thumping along the pavement. He grabs my arm to stop me, causing me to slip. We both slide along the ground and hold on to each other until we get our footing.

  He looks directly at me. “Look, I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry?” I can’t help but soften at the sad expression on his face. “That’s it? Now we’re all better? You’re acting like you accidentally pushed me down, and I skinned my knee.”

  He swipes a wet piece of hair off my face. “Fine. Will it make you feel better if I said I was a total jerk and you’re the Goddess of Nature?”

  I refuse to smile and fold my arms across my chest. “A jerk for what? Oh, you mean for turning your back on me like everyone else in this crappy town has? Or for not being there when I needed you most?”

  My voice chokes, and my eyes water. I hope he thinks it’s because snow is drifting into them, and not because everything I’ve held in is about to come pouring out on my best friend.

  “Fine. I was a jerk. About everything. I was mad and hurt, but it’s not like you’re innocent, you know. You lied to me. Way too many times. All I wanted to do was help you, and you played me.”

  I hang my head, knowing he’s right. “I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want to hurt you or get you hurt. And in case you didn’t notice, it wasn’t the best of times for me. I was confused and not in a great place.”

  His gloved hands grasp mine. “After hearing about you and that other guy, then losing Carl, I got lost too. I’m only human.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “That’s still up for debate.”

  He cups my face. “I’m serious. No joking. I took all my stuff out on you, and I’m so sorry.” He pauses. “You didn’t deserve all I dished out, and I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most. Especially about your dad. Your poor dad. I’m sorry, Grace.”

  Without warning, the tears that I wanted to attribute to snowflakes dribble down my cheeks. He wipes one away with his glove.

  “I let you down. I wasn’t there for you, and I suck.”

  I sniff so my nose doesn’t run. Not cute. “Maybe we both suck a little. I’m sorry, too. I should have trusted you. I just wasn’t thinking. I was only focused on one thing. Finding Dad.”

  Images of that day come trickling in, and all the emotions surge back like a rolling tide. It’s as if I’m back in that cave reliving my father’s death all over again.

  I whisper, “God, I miss him.”

  Wyn reaches out and touches my shoulder. “Can I hug you, or will you try to beat me up?”

  I laugh through a cry. “Try to? You wish.”

  He pulls me to him and says he’s sorry over and over. I bury my face in his jacket, and I smell the mixed scent of his cologne and shower gel. He kisses the top of my head. “You forgive me?’

  I mumble a yes and pull back. “But if you turn your back on me again, I’ll have to kick your ass.”

  “What’s new?” He winks and motions with his head. “So tell me, what happened back there with Sweeney?”

  I shrug. “Nothing much. Agent Sweeney thinks I should drop off the team.”

  “You can’t do that. It’s the only reason I joined.”

  I frown. “Seriously? I was wondering why you did it. You’ve never volunteered for anything. Especially if it included the outdoors.”

  He sighs. “When you volunteered, the thought of you hiking around those woods again was too much. Mad or not, I couldn’t let you go out there alone. I did that once and look what happened. I almost lost you. If something happened, I’d never forgive myself for not speaking up.”

  “So you wanted to babysit me?”

  “Not babysit. Protect.”

  My frown flips into a smile, and I laugh. “Protect? You? Be serious. So then, why did Skyler join? Is she protecting me, too?”

  He hops in place a little from the cold seeping into his crappy outerwear. “I think she was protecting me. I had no clue she’d ever volunteer for this. Honestly, it didn’t even cross my mind when I raised my hand. The girl hates to be outside. Even more than I do.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, she’s miserable.” I smile, and he holds out his hand to me. “Speaking of which, can we get out of this weather? It’s freezing.”

  “I gotta get home. Birdee’s going to be worried.”

  He drops his head to one side and looks injured. “That’s why we have cell phones in these hills. Call her. I’ll drive you and Luci home. After we get some hot chocolate and catch up.” He holds out his hand.

  I slap my hand into it. “You drive a hard bargain, Wynford. Only if you’re buying.”

  Just like that, Wyn and I are friends again, and that’s how I know it’s a real friendship.

  Even when we haven’t spoken in months, after only five minutes, one apology, and a couple of bad jokes, it’s as if we’ve never been apart.

  Survival Skill #9

  You must constantly evaluate your situation. Move with a level head and

  a good idea of what’s necessary to get through.

  Later that night, Birdee and I sit in the living room watching TV.

  She’s knitting a pillow cover complete with different birds, while I pretend to focus on reading Hatchet for the third time. It was my dad’s favorite book when he was little, and for some reason, every time I read it, I feel close to him again.

  “Why do you like to knit?” I ask as my eyes follow her movement.

  “Keeps my hands busy.” She holds up her artwork and shuts one eye. “Does anything seem off to you?”

  I watch her contorted expression as she inspects every thread. “With you, or the pillow?”

  She tosses a different pillow at my head but not before I duck. “Be very careful, Chicken. Or payback is –”

  Before she can finish, Petey squawks from his perch. “Hell-o.”

  We both laugh, and I lean over to point at a colorful bird. “So what’s the real story with that bird?” I ask, watching her needle weave in and out of the yarn, creating straight rows.

  She holds up the cover and picks at a showing loop. She tucks it in. “Extinct. Well, in the wild anyway. The other day was the first time I’ve ever seen one.”

  “They’re cute. Tropical.”

  She weaves the ends to prevent it from unraveling. “Yes. It’s the only parrot that’s indigenous to our country.”

  “What happened to them?”

  “Thought you’d never ask.” Birdee gets up and slides a bird book off the shelf. She flips through it until she finds the page she’s looking for and then hands me the open book.

  “You know the drill. Same problems everywhere. Deforestation. People shooting them. They’re very colorful, so easy targets, I guess.” She holds up another page. “Even used the feathers in fashion.”

  I grab the book and stare at the antique picture of a lady wearing a hat adorned with red and yellow feathers. “That’s just sad.”

  “They’re very loyal birds. Probably led to
its demise. They’d go back for an injured flock member, and that made it easy for farmers to kill whole flocks. Plus, they were thought to be monogamous. So if one died, chances are, so did the mate.”

  “Aw.” I flip the page and study the pictures. “But why would farmers kill them?”

  She sits back down and goes back to her knitting. I can’t help but notice one thing. The more Birdee concentrates, the more she sticks out her tongue to one side. Just like Dad. “They considered them pests because they ruined farmlands. And they have a very noticeable stress call – a loud, shrilling noise. It’s a warning signal that something’s wrong. Can’t miss it.”

  I pull up an mp3 file on my laptop and play a sound bite. The noise shrills through the room. Petey imitates the bird call behind me and I cover my ears. “Man that is much louder up close and personal.”

  “They say you can hear it a couple miles away.” Then she points to the TV. “Wait, I want to hear this.” She hunts around for the remote in the cushions and turns up the volume.

  The newscaster speaks evenly with planned inflection. “As our viewers know, a few months ago, the City of Asheville declared a ban on all commercial building within the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Though land had been allocated and surveyed, they wanted to put a halt to developing. A team of environmentalists working with the USFWS is trying to introduce endangered animals back into the wild.”

  The reporter pauses as a prerecorded clip begins to play. “In addition to the Red Wolf Conservation effort, there have even been reports of rare birds living in the area that was originally designated for commercial building.”

  A picture of a Carolina Parakeet pops up.

  I look at Birdee. “You reported it?”

  She nods once. “My avian-lover’s duty. If they can catch it, they might be able to bring it back into the wild.”

  “Doesn’t it need a mate for that?” I look at Petey.

  “Don’t look at me.” Petey says.

  Birdee laughs as the clip plays out. When it’s over, a perky lady dressed in bright yellow interjects more information, “One concern for locals is eBuild’s scheduled groundbreaking after the holidays on their largest development to date. Of course, the company stands to lose millions if the land is protected. Our own district conservationist heading up the wolf efforts is in the middle of the fight.”