I was silent, needing a second to absorb what he just said. "Did you just call me a slut?!" I snapped.
Pix hopped onto the opposite counter, onto the stool, and ran towards me. Once he reached my feet, he hid behind me. I didn't blame him, noticing the slight tremor beneath my feet.
"Sia. I didn't mean it that way."
"You meant what you said!" I railed.
"Sia."
"You think just because Liam's my mate, I'll just abandon you. Just like that! I just started dating Liam. Like shit, Alexander, we just came back from the resort yesterday which was the first time ANYONE had taken me out on a date. An actual date where they didn't concentrate on how sexy I was or how to get in my pants! Liam doesn't love me because of what I am! He loves me for WHO I am. The girl who busts her ass to get right here. The girl who has her own insecurities and flaws. I should be over the moon and be able to come to the bar, drink and talk to my best friend about how, for the first time in my life, I think I can actually trust someone with my fucked up past who is in love with me."
"Then what about me?" Alexander whispered.
"You can't even tell me what this is, Alexander! Are we together, am I a side chick? Am I a friend with benefits? What. Are. We?!" I argued. He was silent, and I had to take a few calming breaths to hold back my tears.
"I care dearly for you, Alexander. I always have, and if it came down to me having to choose who to love, you would have been my first," I whispered. He lifted his golden eyes to lock onto mine, and they widened as my tears began to fall.
"You know everything, Alexander. You know...you know about the torture, the pain I endured...everything. You, out of everyone in this world, should know me well enough to realize I'd never abandon you. But I can't keep doing this." My voice cracked, and I shook my head.
"Sia, don't run away."
"Run away? No. I'm not running away, Alexander. I'm leaving, and you can decide what you want. Friendship or a real relationship, because I can't do both. I can't keep juggling my heart like this. I won't continue to play this anxiety game because I can't do it and you know it."
I turned around and noticed Pix's sad eyes as he glanced between Alexander and me. I gave him a sad smile and knelt down. "Hey, it's okay. You choose whoever you want to stay with. You can still come to the office or my place. Okay?" I hummed, as I fought to stay composed. I need to go. Need to go now.
I rose back up, hoping I hid the desperation in my eyes to leave this place and get as far away as I could. I peered over my shoulder. Alexander just stood there looking like he didn't know what to do, and it was enough to let me give up entirely.
If he really loved me, wouldn't he have fought harder? He's just standing there. Is he really going to let me go? Let me leave and not even try to stop me?
He lowered his head at my gaze and whispered, "Get home safe."
I bit my lip and clenched my fists that trembled so violently I was on the verge of breaking something. Anything.
We both flinched at the loud sound of shattered glass, and I glanced over to the counter where the stack of glasses once was. Now there were only remnants of shattered glass on the counter and all over the floor. Fuck me...
"I'll pay for that. Just leave the bill on the kitchen island," I mumbled and went out the door. I wouldn't wait for him to say anything, knowing it wouldn't change the pain I was experiencing. Commitment. That's all I ask for. Why is it so hard? Why can't he give me a straight answer? Does he really not like me? Does he just want to be friends?
I walked down the empty street trying to calm down. I felt a drop of water from the sky and I mentally groaned. Please don't rain, please don't rain. Please don-
Thunder boomed in the sky and water began to fall harshly to the ground. Really? Why can't my powers work on the damn environment?!
I walked as fast as I could down the street and ended up going into an alley that had a little spot near a staircase that appeared dry. Once I reached it I sighed, looking down at my drenched blue jeans and white top that stuck to my body like a glove, revealing every ab line I had as well as the red lace bra I wore underneath.
"Great. Just fucking great," I grumbled, pulling out my phone from my pocket. I clicked the contact button, my finger hovering over Liam's name, but I couldn't move it any further.
"No man will commit to you. They're all the same. You are nothing but a weapon that they'll use for their own pleasures and then leave you in the dirt like garbage. That's why we never give them a chance to make us vulnerable. Accept what you are, Anastasia. No man will ever stick by a succubus like you."
"Fuck!" I cursed, gripping the phone so tightly the screen cracked. Shit. shit. shit.
I took a deep breath as I pressed my back against the brick wall. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I shut my eyes tightly.
Mother is wrong. Men aren't all bad. Not everyone is like my father. I can trust...I can trust Liam...right? Yes. He won't leave me...but didn't I say the same with Alexander? No. I can't let my mother win. Nope. She's wrong. Succubi like me can love. We don't need to be used and abused. We don't only need to be power hungry. We can do good. We can commit to someone wholeheartedly. If I can't trust in my own morals, how can I move forward? I'll always be stuck...I can't be trapped and live a life like my mom.
I slowly sat on the ground as sobs escaped me, my hands cradling the phone in my hand. I stared at Liam's name for minutes, trying so desperately to press the button. I need help. I can't...I can't. I don't want to be alone. No...or Mom will return. She'll drag me back into that dark room and make sure I learn my lesson. She'll make sure I can never trust anyone again.
"Meow."
I blinked, slowly turning my head to see Pix's little body that was soaked thanks to the rain. "Pix?" I whispered. Why?
"Meow!" Pix ran up to my left side before he fuzzed up his fur and shivered. He looked at me as he sat down and even though his body trembled, those bright blue eyes were filled with happiness.
"Pix...why? Alexander’s your friend. You can't leave him. I don't own you remember?" I didn't want to accept it. To acknowledge how a little cat who I'd occasionally given love to over the years could still be faithful to me. A part of me felt bad that Alexander was now alone, but I wouldn't deny the joy it brought my troubled heart as I tried to not panic.
"Meow." Pix huffed and jumped onto my knees and began to look at my phone. He reached out and pressed the screen, and the phone began to dial Liam. I didn't know how to react when he picked up on the first ring.
"Sia?" I heard his concerned voice, and a loud echo of thunder roared through the sky, causing me to flinch. I huddled with Pix who cuddled up into my chest as I tried to make myself as small as possible.
I had the phone pressed to my ear and wanted to say something, but what could I say?
"Sia, what's wrong? Aren't you at the bar with Alexander? Why does it sound like you’re outside?"
"Liam," I whispered, and I muffled a sob as I pressed my face against my knees.
"Meow," Pix's quietly stated, and I felt him snuggle against my neck.
"Sia, what's wrong? Where are you? Are you crying?" Liam asked in a panic.
"I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I...fuck, fuck, fuck," I cried, unable to stop the sobs that escaped me. "He can't choose. He can't decide what he wants, and he thinks I'm just going to be taken away and leave him behind and I just snapped. I didn't mean it. I didn't...Liam." I wept uncontrollably as the rain continued to beat down on the cold wet floor.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't lose anyone else. Mother told me. She told me I'd never find anyone who'd stay. I should have listened. I worked so hard...so fucking hard, but for once. Just for once I'm finally happy. I'm happy with you, and I thought he'd be okay with it. I thought he'd share like you. Why can't he decide? I care about him, Liam. I don't want to let go, but he didn't even fight. He let me walk away, and I can't...I can't..." I couldn't finish as I completely broke down.
My words didn't even make sense a
nymore as I held Pix who was doing his best to comfort me by cuddling against my neck and purring. It was better than acknowledging what had just happened. I'd rather sit here and wail to the world than have to face Alexander now. He couldn't tell me he cared for me, so what made me think he'd change his mind now? If he needed to see this shattered side of me to clean up the broken pieces and admit he did care, it only proved that his love or compassion was sympathy for my pitiful life.
"Sia."
I lifted my head up to see bright golden eyes that reminded me of Alexander, but I knew even with my blurry vision that it was Brian standing there in the rain, out of breath.
My lip trembled as more tears pooled in my eyes. "Alexander doesn't...he doesn't..." I couldn't say it. Brian gave me a conflicted expression that alternated between hurt and anger. He moved to where I was curled up and knelt down on my right side.
"It's going to be okay. You don't need to say it," he whispered.
"He knew everything. Every bad thing!" I cried as if I needed to justify why this was a big deal. "I opened myself to him. I told him what I wouldn't tell anyone...but he can't commit! He can't fucking tell me if he likes me or not? Friends or lovers? Using Liam and even you as a damn excuse! He just proves that Mother was right! Men can never commit! Men will always abandon you!" I snapped.
The sadness within me was harbored by the succubus half of me. The heartache of being loved simply for your appearance but never truly being seen and acknowledged. Now the vampire side of me was angry because we deserved better.
I might not have known much about vampires, but I bet they would be straightforward like Liam was. Brian didn't even know me well enough and here he was.
"Sia, we won't abandon you," Brian declared.
"You don't even know me! Even Liam doesn't know 10% of the shit I've been through. The torture...whips...chains...the starvation and PAIN I went through to be this! All this world cares about is power. Everyone cares about how they see you with their eyes alone. No one gives a flying fuck about the person inside. The soul housed in this stupid body that has done nothing but bring me pain! Whenever I think I'm happy, something happens, and I have to work even harder to regain the happiness I strived so damn hard to obtain in the first place! Why? Why is it so hard to just be honest or be true to someone? If Alexander loved me even a bit, why couldn't...why can't he just tell me he doesn't want me?" I whispered the last part and gave Brian a desperate look.
He reached out without hesitation and placed his hand on my cheek. "I don't know why, because I'm not Alexander, but I’ve known my brother my whole life and once he loves, it’s wholeheartedly. As for me...sometimes I'm an ass or try not to say what I really want to say, but if I'm interested in something or someone, it takes me a while to know if I really want to take the next step. Not because I'm not sure that I'll love them, but exactly the reason why you're upset. I want to enter something knowing I'm committed to it and can deliver 100% of me."
He closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again, the gold in them returning to hazelnut brown. "My brother won't abandon you, Sia. He's almost here...and I won't abandon you either," he admitted.
"Why did you come here?" I whispered.
"I was...concerned. I dropped Pix off and Liam said he was going to drop you off to talk to Alexander. I could tell he was in a pissy mood, but I didn't expect it to go south," Brian confessed. He glanced at the broken phone in my hand and sighed, reaching out to pull it away.
I hadn't realized Liam was still on the line, but Brian didn't hang up. He just stared at the phone for a moment before he checked my hand.
"You have to be careful," he mumbled. I glanced at my hand, only now noticing the blood that was dripping onto my jeans.
Pix poked his head out from where I was and began to whimper as he lifted his sad eyes at me. "It's fine...doesn't hurt."
"Just because your heart hurts right now, doesn't mean you should abuse the rest of your body. The pain will linger when your heart is numb," he said softly. His words made me wonder about if he'd dealt with something like this before.
Brian pulled out something from his leather jacket, revealing a white silk handkerchief with gold trim. He wrapped my hand with it, making sure to be very gentle so it wouldn't hurt.
It was weird to see Brian's compassionate side, especially when I'd mentally pictured him to only be strict and have a hard exterior.
"Why?"
He looked up from the knotted bandage wrap he made with the handkerchief to meet my tired eyes. "First Liam, now you? Why are you helping me? I'm not your mate. Werewolves are supposed to hate our kind."
"So you're a vampire." Brian gave me a small grin and continued. "Doesn't matter what race you are or if you aren't my mate. Sometimes the universe just brings people together for the purpose of helping one another. Maybe you think the world doesn't see you, Anastasia...but I see you. I only needed one encounter to see a dedicated, funny, and somewhat pain in the ass person you are. A person my brother loves dearly. We don't need to be lovers for me to help you, and I never want you thinking we're kind to you for some benefit. We won't become like the many shifters who care about power and fame. I know for certain my brother and I won't lose our compassion and motivation to bring change to this city, and hopefully across the world of shifters."
I watched as he gave me a wide smile that lit his face up to show the other side of him I'd only seen hints of in the last 48 hours. "It's scary to trust people with your vulnerabilities and secrets, but it's sometimes a chance we have to take to realize who will truly accept who we are, both inside and out."
Brian reached out his hand. "Can you at least trust me to get you to my brother? He's here but can't bring the car into the alley."
I looked at his hand and caught Pix moving from his snuggled spot into Brian's palm. "Meow!" He beamed happily, and Brian shook his head. "Not you, Pix. You're ruining the moment here," he grumbled, and I smiled as the remainder of my tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Is it okay to trust you?"
"I have no problem with it. When you feel comfortable enough and need someone to talk to, I'm also here. I may have a few enemies here and there, but I don't bite. Well…unless you piss me off, which happens a lot, but you're in the safe zone."
"Even when I froze you for five hours?"
"It wasn't that bad aside from this one watching me the entire time," Brian sniffed, looking at Pix who was staring at me intently. I smiled and took a deep breath. He's definitely like his brother. Their parents, regardless of their differences in race, raised them well.
"You're not so bad," I admitted.
"When I'm not working, ya. I'm pretty awesome."
"Now you're just getting cocky," I grumbled.
"Trust me, Anastasia. My brother and I won't let you down."
"Meow!" Pix agreed. He rubbed his face with his paw before he yawned and curled up in Brian's hand.
"Really?" Brian sighed.
I giggled, and Brian lifted his free hand to present it to me. I didn't let him waste any more words as I placed my bandaged hand into his. He helped me up as we rose and after he snuggled Pix against his chest, we both ran through the rain and out the alley.
Liam and Nick stood in front of a van, a large umbrella in each of their hands. Liam's eyes lit up as relief blossomed on his face to see both of us. Brian let me go once he walked me up to Liam and he and Nick moved to enter the car, leaving me and Liam under his umbrella.
He took a long look at me before he pulled me against his warm body. "Everything will work out. Let's go home, okay?" he murmured into my hair as he held me close. I pulled back to stare into his eyes, and he leaned down to kiss me.
"I'll never abandon you, Sia. I swear it," he vowed. I knew down to my very soul that he'd stick to his word, and it helped warm my numb heart.
I guess one person's loss could be another's treasure.
"Your brother is a...ah COCKDINKLE CATCUS! Trust him my ass!" I crossed my arms and leaned ba
ck into the leather seats.
Nick and Liam snickered before they burst into uncontrollable laughter. "What the hell is a cockdinkle cactus, Sia baby?" Liam asked in between laughs.
"Ms. Hollister, you really have the best sense of humor so early in the morning." Nick chuckled.
"I'm serious! And I don't know what it is. He's just a cock. A tiny one that no one wants, and I'd poke his cock with a cactus!" I fumed, and both men in the car laughed even harder.
"Fuck, my stomach hurts. This is priceless," Liam sighed and wiped his eyes.
I pouted my lips and looked out the window, waiting for the two of them to stop their laughing fits.
Two weeks had passed since Alexander and I had our fight. Instead of taking me home that night, we stayed at Liam's flat that was close to his office.
The maid already had a hot bath ready for me and insisted I relax while she collected my drenched clothes to put in the washer.
Pix wouldn't settle until I was in his sight, which lead to Liam blow drying him in the washroom where he could watch me happily. Liam ended up staying with Pix and me, keeping me company as I quietly sat in the bath. I soaked for a long time before Liam encouraged me to get out so I didn't turn into a prune, but he stayed up with me and allowed me to explain everything that had happened.
* * *
"I screwed up, Liam. I bet he hates me now," I whispered.
"You didn't screw up," Liam murmured, wrapping me in a fuzzy white towel. "Give him some space and let him think about what he wants. Maybe he's dealing with something that he can't reveal to you yet?"
"He always tells me when he has issues with his family or work-related problems. I feel like I'm losing my best friend, and I don't know what to do. I know he's lonely. I get it...I really do. Yet, I don't know how I can solve the problem. How do I make him realize I'll be there? I just want to know where I stand in whatever we are. Friends? Lovers? It's just really frustrating," I admitted.
SEDUCE MY HEART (Bloody Desires Book 2) Page 6
