by Naomi West
Once again, he kicked himself for not just screwing Natalie. She’d promised no strings, and now here he was, facing a situation that could have many more strings. He could have made life easy on himself. Bang Natalie whenever he or she felt like it, keep his babysitter who’d been just fine, and not worry about any sort of expectations. Instead, he’d turned her down, fired her as a sitter, and now found himself attracted to a woman who might want far more than he was willing or able to give.
When her background check had come back from his buddy in the Kings, everything had been clear. She had no record of any sort but that didn’t mean she wasn’t hiding something. He walked in the door and heard her singing to Damian. Some lullaby he didn’t really know, but it sounded sweet. She looked up when he walked into the living room.
“Welcome home,” she said and smiled.
Damian held up his hands and let out a happy squeal.
“That’s right,” she said, “Uncle Hawk is home.”
Hawk took the baby from her and cradled him against his chest. “Hey, little man,” he said, and put his finger on Damian’s nose. The baby wiggled away and hiccupped.
Alexa stood and stretched. “Good day?”
“Wasn’t too bad. Got all the cars I wanted to get.”
“That’s good. And I got all the dirty diapers I wanted.”
Hawk chuckled. “I bet.”
“He’s a healthy baby, that’s for sure. Always so content and happy.”
“I’m sure that has a lot to do with you. You take good care of him.”
“So do you.”
“I was thinking,” he said. “Maybe tonight I could cook you dinner as kind of a thank you for all you’ve done. I can grill a pretty mean steak.”
“Is that so?” She tilted her head back and eyed him. “I think I might have to test you on that.”
“Anytime.” He smiled and handed Damian back to her. “If you wouldn’t mind.”
“Of course not.”
Alexa played with Damian for a while as he got things started. He’d already had the steaks in the refrigerator thawing for tonight. He had some fresh asparagus, too.
He went outside to the grill and started it up. The whole process of cleaning off the metal bars with the wire brush, feeling the grit come away under his pressure, then lighting the coals and watching them dance with flame for a while before turning red and glowing seemed to soothe him. Setting the steaks down and hearing that sizzle and pop as the fat hit the hot coals under. He’d grill steaks every night if the good ones weren’t so expensive.
As he started the asparagus in his vegetable griller, he watched Alexa with Damian through the window. He could watch her for hours playing with him and singing to him and rocking him. The baby just laughed and laughed when he was with her. She was something else. How was it she didn’t have kids of her own? Or a boyfriend or husband? These were things he wanted to find out tonight.
Most nights, she didn’t stay very long, and they didn’t get to talk much. This had been his plan when he knew he needed to find some things out: have a nice dinner, maybe bring out the wine to get her talking, and find out what her deal was. He still wondered if she was playing him somehow, but his feelings for her made him less suspicious all the time. That alone could be dangerous. Get in close, get the feelings going, then boom, hit you with whatever it is they were after. He’d seen it done to too many guys and something like that had happened to his brother.
When the asparagus was nearly done, he put the steaks on, watching carefully for the perfect moment to flip them. He took the food back inside where Alexa was setting the table with one hand while she held Damian on her other hip.
“That smells amazing,” she said.
“Just wait until you taste it.” He winked and dished the food out on the plates.
Alexa put Damian in his high chair and took a jar of baby food from the cabinet. “He should be good on formula for the day.” She put on his bib and fed him a spoonful before cutting into her own meat. “Wow, this looks perfect.”
He watched as she took her first bite, closing her eyes in enjoyment. “Like it?”
“Oh yes.”
“So, I passed the test?”
“Most definitely. Though, you might regret it.”
“How’s that?” He raised an eyebrow.
“If I know you can cook like this, I might want you to cook for me all the time.”
“I’d be happy to.”
Damian made a gurgle and slapped his palms on the tray of the high chair. Alexa fed him another few bites of his food before going back to hers. Hawk slid closer to the high chair and took over feeding him so she could eat.
“So, tell me,” he said. “You’re beautiful, smart, funny, caring, and clearly good with kids. How exactly do you not have a boyfriend? Or are you dating someone?”
“I’m not.” She set down her fork and took a sip of her wine. “I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t find the right one? I’ve had some boyfriends in the past. Nothing major. But what about you? I could ask the same thing. Good job, good looking, sacrificing your bachelorhood to take on your nephew. Women go nuts for that sort of thing.”
He turned back to her. “I don’t usually do relationships.”
“Why is that?”
“They’re complicated. And people always get hurt.”
“Not always,” she said. “What about the couples who end up getting married?”
“They still get hurt. It just takes longer and ends up being much more expensive.”
“So, you’re completely against marriage?”
“Not completely. It’s fine for other people.”
She laughed. “Right. Just not for you.”
“Do you blame me? Are your parents still together?”
“They are, actually. And pretty happy about it, I’d say. Yours aren’t?”
He shook his head. “Well, I guess they might be together wherever they are, I don’t know. They’re both dead.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”
He lifted one shoulder. “They weren’t exactly the best parents. My dad was barely around and when he was, it wasn’t good. My mom was a nightmare, too. I don’t see it as much of a loss.”
“Having bad parents has to be better than having no parents at all.”
“Not when they get in your way and try to mess up your life.”
“How would your parents mess up your life?”
“You must’ve had some really good parents to question that,” he said. “Picture someone always calling, always drunk, always yelling at you, guilting you into doing things for them. It’s a lot for a teen to deal with. She tried to make me work and give her the money, she tried to take me from my aunt and uncle, who were actually trying to give my brother and me a good life. My mother was everything a horrible mother could possibly be.”
“Wow.” She pushed a piece of asparagus around on her plate. “That does sound awful. I’m sorry. Your brother, though, is that Damian’s dad?”
“Yeah. My only sibling. He was killed when he was only a few months old.”
“And you took him in.”
“My aunt and uncle offered to, but I wanted to. It makes me feel like part of him is still here, still with me.”
She looked into his eyes for a long time. “How did he die?”
Hawk closed his eyes. He was not about to think that much about Hugh, let alone talk about him. “He was killed.”
“You said, but how?”
“Cold blooded murder. Shot in the head. It’s not something I really like to talk about. Or think about.”
“That’s understandable. Were you close? Before, I mean? Did you have a good relationship?”
“I guess. We lived together for a while. Took care of each other. I tried to look out for him. He didn’t always want my help. But we spent a lot of time together.”
He really needed to change the subject off parents and family. This was not at all the direction he wanted t
hings to go in, and he was not going to talk about this stuff with her. Or with anyone for that matter.
Though he had to admit that talking about Hugh did feel like something of a relief. He’d just told her things that he hadn’t tell anyone. He wouldn’t even talk with his aunt and uncle about this stuff. Yet Alexa just coaxed it right out of him. If her plan was to get him to open up, she was succeeding but he couldn’t keep going like this. He’d end up making himself look like a fool or getting himself into trouble.
Chapter 11
“So, I take it you do believe in marriage? You hope to get married one day, have kids, all of that?” Hawk asked.
So, he was changing the subject already. She took in a breath. “Sure. I think it’d be nice. If it doesn’t happen, though, it doesn’t. I have my career and a niece I can spoil. I won’t be devastated if I never get married, but it’s something I’d like to do one day.”
“You’re not the type to just sleep with someone for the fun of it?”
She laughed. “I’d say not, but that’s more likely due to the fact that the few lovers I’ve had weren’t exactly fun.”
“What does that mean?”
“It was just rather… underwhelming.”
He stared at her for a long while. What in the world could he be thinking? She couldn’t help thinking that if she slept with him, it would be far from underwhelming.
“That’s really a shame,” he said.
“I guess I don’t know any differently.”
“That makes it even worse. All those fools, not knowing what to do. You deserve better than that.”
Alexa felt her cheeks go hot. He said things like that, but then every time it seemed like he would kiss her he had pulled back. He turned away or walked away, and it left her thinking maybe she’d imagined it. Maybe he wasn’t interested in her like that, after all, and she was both thankful for his hesitancy and disappointed by it. Was there some reason he wasn’t making a move?
She’d decided days ago to stop trying not to feel anything for him. Hawk had turned out to be nothing like what she’d expected from watching the interview recording or from what she knew of his life. Someone with such a criminal record who stole cars, even legally, for a living and who was a member of an MC gang. But when she saw him with Damian, he was all warmth and caring.
She was sure he had a mean streak. Who didn’t? She’d seen some of that in the interview recording. He’d looked tired and sick of answering questions. He was also mourning and had gotten a little short and a little mad. She hadn’t known him enough to know that wasn’t his usual self. But now that she thought about it, and when she re-watched the video, it was clear that he was in distress at the time.
Even if her feelings toward him were growing warmer, her feelings about her investigation were not. She was increasingly frustrated with the lack of information she was able to find. His house was clean. She’s searched through everything multiple times now and still found nothing useful. Her investigation was growing as cold as the original case had. If she didn’t find out something new soon, she might have to face the facts. She might have to give up. And that would feel like she’d failed them both.
Getting to know Hawk and Damian had made her desire for the truth that much stronger, especially if Hawk was actually innocent. These were Hugh’s family members and they needed to know the truth. To find out who killed their brother and father and see him put to justice. It wasn’t fair to them to go on with some lame excuse for a resolution. Did Hawk even believe the gang story?
“I need to ask you something,” she said. This could be risky, but being careful wasn’t getting her anywhere.
“Okay.”
“You said your brother was killed. Who killed him?”
He sat back in his chair and took in a long breath. “I don’t know. The cops say it was a gang shooting.”
“Do you believe it?”
“Hugh was involved in a lot of bad things, but no gangs. Kinda seemed like an excuse to me, to be honest. I’m sure they did what they could, but I don’t think it was enough. I think they gave up.”
She wanted to tell him right then that she had done everything she could. And no, it wasn’t enough, but they wouldn’t let her do more. She wanted to plead with him to give her information so she could get a lead. Something, anything. But telling him any of that would reveal too much. And this was not the time for that.
“But you don’t have any idea who it might have been?” she asked.
“If I did, he’d be dead already.” Hawk set his jaw, but looked away.
She could see the anger in him. Proof maybe that he hadn’t done it, that he wasn’t involved. She hoped it was proof at least. She wanted it to be. “Did he have enemies?”
“What are you, a cop?” He said it sharply, but seemed to realize who he was talking to and softened his face. “I’m sorry, I just don’t like talking about it or thinking about it. I’m sure it was drug related. His girlfriend died of an overdose and he was all wrapped up in that world. But if I had any idea who it might be, I would have taken matters in to my own hands long ago.”
“I don’t want to upset you. I guess it’s just the PI in me coming out. I ask questions. Sometimes too many, but it’s my nature to have an investigative mindset.”
“Yeah? Maybe I should hire you to look into it then. Do the job the cops didn’t bother doing,” he joked.
She kept her face straight and didn’t react.
“Have you always been like this?” he asked. “Inquisitive? What made you want to be a PI of all things?”
This could get tricky. If he had any idea she’d been a cop, there was no way he’d continue to trust her. He’d be pissed that she had lied or hadn’t been forthcoming about her past. The truthful answer, obviously, was that she was doing this because she couldn’t stand how her boss on the force had forced her to abandon the case. And she’d gone into detective work because she always wanted to be Nancy Drew and never quite grew out of it. That was probably the best answer she could give.
“I read a lot when I was a kid,” she said. “Mystery books. They peaked my interest and that interest grew. When it came time to pick a major for college, it seemed like the most interesting thing to me. So, I went with it, and now here I am.”
“So, you read mysteries, went to college and slept with a few idiot guys, and now you do this. That’s your whole life.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I mean, I’ve had hobbies and friends and done other things. If you want to simplify it, though, go ahead.”
“Never got into any trouble with the law?”
She shook her head. “Not even a detention at school.”
He raised his eyebrows. “So, it’s like that.”
“It is. Good to the bone.”
“And pretty much my polar opposite.” He laughed. “I’m all bad.”
“No. You’re really not. You can try that tough guy act, but I see the real you.”
“You think so?”
She nodded slowly and looked over at Damian, who had fallen asleep in his high chair, fist covered in carrot paste. “I see you with him. A bad guy wouldn’t be like that. Believe me, I’ve seen my share. There are plenty of negligent parents out there. And you’re not one of them. That makes you good, whether you want to be or not.”
“But not quite good enough, perhaps.”
She pulled together her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“For someone like you. You need someone better, someone cleaner cut.”
She pulled her lip into her mouth. “I’ve had that. And like I said, it wasn’t anything worth remembering.”
His stare became more intense and it made her heart race. The way he looked at her made her feel like the most desired woman on the planet. She wanted to jump across the table right then and kiss him.
“And you think being with someone like me, a bad boy, would be worth remembering?”
She gave him a crooked smile. “There’s really only one way t
o find out.”
His eyes flared hot, and he was on his feet. She didn’t even have time to stand as he came around the table and put his hand at the back of her head, smashing his lips to hers. She kissed him back hard, rubbing her tongue along his as it moved in and out of her mouth.
He pulled her to her feet, still locked to her. With his free arm, he swept the dishes to the side and lifted her so she sat on the table, facing him.
“Alexa, I have been wanting you,” he whispered in her ear. “I can’t stand it anymore.”
