by Jacob Chance
“Have the two of you talked things out yet?”
“What’s there to talk out? He got caught.”
“How do you know those pictures mean exactly what you think? Isn’t there a chance that things might not be as they seem?”
“They looked pretty damn clear to me.”
“Hear Trevor out. What can it hurt?”
“Dad, can we not talk about this anymore? You’re making me angry and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret later.”
“Sure. We can talk about it another time.” He winks.
I roll my eyes. “You’re a riot.”
The rest of the shift passes without incident. I lean my forehead on the cool glass of the door as I flip the lock and turn the sign to ‘Closed’. The cold temperature against my skin feels soothing. I’ve got a headache from frowning every time I look in Trevor’s direction. Or hear his voice. Or see him. Or smell his familiar manly scent. Ugh, it feels like he’s everywhere I turn and I want to scream with frustration and anger. I want to poke him in his broad chest and ask him why he did this. How could he hurt me, the person he professed to love so much?
I find myself growing more upset as we do the end of the shift tasks we need to complete before we leave. It’s too difficult to be around him under these circumstances. My head hates him for what he did, but my heart is another story. Why can’t my heart catch up?
Scrubbing furiously at the countertop with a cloth and cleaning spray, I throw my weight into it, determined to remove any flicker of residue there might be. It’s a good outlet for my anger and when I’m finished my fatigued arm muscles ache. Setting the cloth and spray down on the sparkling granite, I turn around and jump when I find Trevor there.
“What the hell?”
He chuckles, “Sorry, Red. I didn’t want to scare you. I just want a minute to talk to you.”
“What about me? What about what I want? Doesn’t that matter?”
“Of course it does. You’re the most important person to me.” He steps closer, his large frame caging me against the back counter. I want to punch him in the nose and kiss him at the same time.
I’m an idiot. Kiss him? What the hell’s wrong with me? How can I want his lips anywhere near mine? My traitorous thoughts enrage me and my heart races inside my chest driving my fury higher.
“Spare me the spiel about how much you love me. You aren’t worth the heartache I’m dealing with.” I poke my finger into his chest just like I’ve imagined. “You’re a selfish, spoiled asshole who doesn’t care about anyone else. You can’t see past your own needs.” A muscle in his cheek tics and his nostrils flare. I don’t give him a chance to reply. “I was a fool for falling in love with you. I let you convince me you were different. The only difference is you pretended to love me instead of just using me for sex. The charade is over. Go back to your easy piece of ass and leave me alone. Now get out of my way, my ride is here.”
His jaw is rigid as he steps back and lets me pass. I shut off the lights and hold the door open until he walks through. Locking up, I shove the keys in my pocket and head toward the Uber waiting at the curb.
“You’re going to regret not hearing me out, Red. I just hope it won’t be too late.” His voice rings out as my fingers grip the door handle of the back door of the car. Regret not giving him a chance to persuade me with lies? I don’t think so.
3 days later
Why do I have to share a class with Trevor? Ugh. I can’t believe I’m about to walk in and have all eyes on me. I wanted to be early so I could sneak into my seat with few or no witnesses, but of course I’m later than ever.
I skipped this class last Wednesday, so this is the first time I’ve seen these people since they dropped the bombshell on me one week ago. While my emotions still lie in ruin, my physical appearance doesn’t reflect that state. I took extra time with my appearance, wearing my hair down and I even put some makeup on. Which is why I’m running late. But at least I look good.
Keeping my chin up, I walk into the classroom as if I have all the confidence in the world. In reality I’m afraid I might toss my cookies at any moment, or trip on the way to my chair.
Trevor’s not in his usual seat next to mine. My gaze roams around to see if I can spot him anywhere else. Sure enough, he’s sitting with Clancy in the back with a gaggle of girls around him. What a fucking surprise. Our eyes meet, a torrent of emotions flicker through his in an instant.
I settle at my desk and prepare for Professor Gordon to begin. I force myself to focus on the less than inspiring lecture she delivers, and not on all the eyes that I can feel locked on me. The whispers died down after class began, but I know they’ll pick right up again once we’re let out. As determined as I am to pay attention to the professor, it’s only a short amount of time before my thoughts begin to wander.
I’m never taking an early Monday class again. I should still be asleep, lost in dreamland where I can escape Trevor.
Who am I kidding? He’s been starring in the leading role every night. No matter what the subject matter of my dreams are, I wake up feeling like there’s a massive hole in my chest. My heart has been sucked inward by the mammoth sinkhole of our relationship.
When there’s less than a minute until class lets out, I rise from my seat and hurry to the door. Once I’m in the hallway, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and speed walk down the tile floors until I’m safely outside. I pause on the stairs and close my eyes. I made it through class without showing how wrecked I am. A sense of pride infuses me. Maybe it can fill up some of the cracks in my heart caused by Trevor.
I jog down the stairs and pause when I see Owen standing there. His hands are tucked in the front pockets of his jeans.
“Hey. How are you doing?” he questions.
I continue forward closing the distance between us. “I’m peachy.” My sarcasm is knife sharp and it shouldn’t be directed at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be rude to you.”
He smiles. “No worries. Do you have to get to class?”
“No, I’m heading back to my dorm.”
“Can I walk with you?”
I shrug. “Sure.” What’s this about?
He doesn’t speak for the first couple of minutes. We just maneuver around the thick city crowd that always seems to be on these sidewalks no matter the time of day.
“I saw the blog post.” I nod. “I was with Trevor when he found out about it. We had just finished practice and Nolan confronted him in the locker room.”
Nolan did that for me? Trevor’s one of the team captains. He could’ve gotten in big trouble for standing up to him.
“The reason why I’m telling you this is because I know Trevor didn’t do anything with Sandy. He wouldn’t lie to me. We own our shit with each other and never candy coat it. He was genuinely surprised when he saw the blog post.”
“Yeah, I bet. Surprised he got caught.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. He worked late and Sandy was there working too.”
“Worked? He doesn’t work anywhere but the cafe.”
“I’m not going to go into that part, you guys can talk about it. I want you to hear me out.” I nod agreeing to let him continue. “When it came time for Trevor to leave work she was drunk off her ass and high on pills. He had to give her a ride home and she could barely walk once they got there. He helped her to her room and then immediately left. I know he’s not lying because I was in my room when he came home. And Zeke was also already home so don’t come back at me that it could’ve been him.”
“That doesn’t prove he and Sandy didn’t have sex. It just proves he didn’t sleep over.”
“Grace, I want you to think about the Trevor you’ve gotten to know and love. Do you think he’d do something to risk your relationship?”
“I didn’t think so, but now I’m not sure.”
“He’s in love with you. I’ve never seen him as happy as he’s been since you came into his life. There’s a lot going on with Trevor you don’
t know about. He was planning on telling you this week, but everything blew up in his face before he had the opportunity.”
“Is he sick?” My stomach sinks at the thought.
“No, he’s fine. But he’s got a lot that he’s juggling and he didn’t want to burden you with. Maybe you should at least hear him out before you decide he’s guilty.”
I’m not sure what to do. Owen is his best friend. Would he lie for him? Probably. But if Trevor did cheat and he got caught, why would he want to be with me anymore? He could go back to his no strings sex and not have to put any effort in.
“I know the pictures seem convincing, but if you look at them again, without assuming he’s guilty, you’ll notice he’s holding her up. Take another look and try to be objective as if it’s not your boyfriend.”
Ex-boyfriend, I’m tempted to retort just to be contrary, but Owen doesn’t deserve my bitterness.
“Look, I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’ll think about what you told me. This last week has been really difficult and I’m doing my best to move past it.”
We come to a stop in front of my building. “Do you really want to move past Trevor? You guys are great together. You belong with each other.”
“I thought so too, but everything’s changed. You can’t fight change Owen, you have to adjust and accept it.”
“But what if everything I told you is true, Grace? Are you really willing to throw away what could be the love of your life because of some dumb blog post?”
What if he’s right and I’m making a huge mistake?
Chapter Thirty
Grace
Two weeks later
If I had to sum up the last two weeks of my life in three words or less, I’d choose, sad, contemplative, and awkward. I’m still heartbroken that Trevor and I are through. I thought it would get easier with time, but so far that’s not proving to be true.
I’ve done more thinking and soul searching than I ever imagined. And I’m still as messed up as ever. It hasn’t really brought me the insight I was hoping for. I wanted a booming voice, heard only by me, to let me know I’m doing the right thing. So far there’s no booming anything.
Working with Trevor and not speaking to each other is the peak of awkwardness. I try not to look at him at all. But sometimes our eyes will accidentally meet and for a split second the walls drop, revealing how much he misses me. And he can clearly see how much I wish things were different. We’ll stare at each other longingly until something breaks the spell between us and we both snap our eyes in another direction, pretending it never happened.
“Earth to Grace.” Amelia waves her hand in front of my face. “You were a million miles away.”
“No, not that far. I was thinking about how hard it’s been to work with Trevor without speaking to him.”
“Do you want to talk to him?” Amelia asks.
“Yes and no. I don’t want to because I’m still angry, but for the sake of work, it would be a lot easier if we could converse politely.”
“I don’t know what Trevor’s been like with you, but he’s a mess. He almost got in a fight at practice the other day and then again at the game. He went after a player on the other team. Coach threatened to strip his captain’s status.”
“Why is he so fired up?”
“Owen told me that both times someone said something negative about you.”
“He’s defending me? If he didn’t care enough not to fuck around, why would he feel the need to defend me?”
“You still believe he cheated?” Amelia quirks a brow.
“You don’t?”
“I don’t know. I’m not in your situation so it’s hard to say, but even Owen told you it wasn’t true.”
“Yes, and they’re best friends. Bros before hos, isn’t that how it goes?”
“I don’t think Owen would lie to you for Trevor. He might downplay a situation, or exaggerate one to work in Trevor’s favor, but outright lying to someone for him? I don’t see it, and Owen and I have gotten to know each other pretty well through work.”
“Can we talk about something else? It would be great if I could forget about Trevor Lincoln for more than a few minutes at a time.”
“What about you and Zeke? Operation keep your distance is almost over. What are you going to do when it is?” Leah’s eyes sparkle excitedly.
“I’m going to kiss him, strip him naked, and spend a week straight with him.” Amelia smiles. “What’s going on with you and Clancy? You haven’t mentioned him lately.”
“I don’t know. He runs hot one minute and cold the next. I don’t want to play games. I think I’ll just focus on school and maybe someone else will catch my interest.”
“Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt.” Our eyes all sweep to Sandy standing beside our table. She clasps her hands together, fidgeting uncomfortably. “Um, Grace, I was wondering if I could have a word with you?”
Leah scowls. “Whatever you have to say to her can be said in front of us.”
“Oh… uh… I just wanted to talk to you about what happened a few weeks ago.”
I hold up my hand. “I don’t need the gory details.”
“I need to explain what happened. You don’t know the whole story.”
What the hell? I might as well get the info straight from the source. I nod for her to continue.
“I went to work at the Chestnut Country Club for the first time. I was bartending at an event from eight to midnight. While I was working I was doing shots in between customers. I lost track of how many I’d done by the end of the event. I also took a Valium that a friend had given me. I’d been really stressed out and she told me it would calm me down.”
“Did she also tell you to never mix pills with alcohol? You’re lucky you didn’t end up in the hospital,” Amelia scolds.
“I know, and if it wasn’t for Trevor I might have. He made me eat and he drove me home. I could barely walk into my building and he helped me all the way to my door. Once I was inside, I layed down on my bed and he told me he was leaving. I don’t remember anything after that. I think I immediately passed out.”
“Did he ask you to tell me this?” I have to know.
“No. He doesn’t have any clue that I’m telling you. I wanted you to know because I feel bad about the blog post. If I hadn’t been messed up that night there’d be no story and you guys would still be together and happy. Trevor could’ve sold me out and talked trash about me, but he didn’t. He’s a great guy and you shouldn’t let him go so easily. There are a lot of girls who’d like to be in your position.”
“Including you?” Leah chimes in.
“Yes, including me. I’m not ashamed to admit it. But none of that matters, because he doesn’t want anyone else. He’s in love with you, Grace. Anyone who’s seen you guys together can tell. You probably won’t find many who are happy about it either.”
Leah points at Sandy. “No doubt.”
“I won’t take up any more of your time. I just wanted you to hear me out and I appreciate that you did. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
“Thanks for the information,” I call out to her back. She raises her hand in a slight wave as she strolls toward the exit. I’m not sure what to make of her story. Is she covering for him? Or was she saying what really happened?
“Well that was interesting,” Amelia states.
My fingertip traces around the rim of my coffee cup. “Do you think she’s telling the truth?”
Amelia leans forward resting her elbows on the table. “What would be the purpose of her lying? What would she gain out of it?”
“I can’t think of anything, but why come forward now?”
“It might have something to do with how unhinged Trevor’s been behaving. Owen’s afraid he’s going to do something that will get him kicked off the football team.”
“Oh God. What should I do? I’m so confused.”
“Do you still love him?” Leah cuts to the heart of the matter.
“Of course
I do. Love doesn’t disappear in a few weeks. Real love lasts forever.”
“So what you’re saying is you’re going to love him forever?”
“Yep.”
“Then why not be with him? If you’re going to love him anyway, you might as well forgive him, or at the least hear the poor guy out.” Sometimes Leah provides such amazing clarity when I need it most. And this is one of those times.
“You’re absolutely right. I’m being short sighted about this. If he didn’t do anything wrong I’m doing us both a disservice by not listening to him. And if he did cheat, we can possibly work it out. It would be really difficult to get past all that, but I love him so much.”
“Just for the record, I don’t think he cheated.” Amelia shakes her head.
Leah agrees, “I don’t think so either.”
Rising to my feet, I sling my backpack over my shoulder. “I guess I need to talk to Trevor.”
“Go get your man.” Leah shoves me toward the door.
I peer over my shoulder at her. “Okay, I’m going.”
Once I’m outside on the sidewalk, I pause for a moment to get my bearings. Where to first? I head in the direction of Trevor’s apartment which is only one block away.
Before I realize it, I’m knocking on his door. I’m nervous, but the excitement of seeing him is outweighing everything else.
The door opens revealing Owen. “Hi.” I smile. “Is Trevor around?”
Owen crosses his arms over his chest and leans a shoulder against the door jamb. “No, he’s not. Why are you looking for him?” His expression is stern and standoffish. I’ve never seen him this way.
“I wanted to talk to him about everything that happened. I’m ready to hear him out.”
“Well isn’t that big of you. Where have you been for the last three weeks when he wanted to tell you all about it? You shut him out and refused to listen. You’ve been pretending he doesn’t exist. Do you have any idea how much that destroyed him?”
Hearing how hard he’s been taking our breakup is painful. I don’t want to be the cause of his pain any longer.
