I squeeze Cass’ ass in my palms and lift her in my arms as she wraps her long, ivory legs around my waist. In only a few seconds, we explode into a blur of roaming hands while I guide her to the solid pine table in the middle of the dining room. I tangle my fingers into her beautiful, curled, auburn hair and pull her mouth to mine.
In the heat of the moment, I run my tongue along the ridge of her plump lips, begging for entrance. Her lips sway open, and I moan against them, “I’m so lost in you.” I make her mouth my own, dragging my teeth over her bottom lip. I drag the zipper of her dress over her hips as she eagerly raises them in a hurry to get rid of her clothes while untucking my shirt and taking her time with each button.
“Me, too,” she murmurs, opening my shirt and then tossing it onto the hardwood floor. She undoes my belt and expresses a gleam of sin in her eyes, smiling deviously as she pulls the leather taut through her delicate fingers. In one swift movement, she stuffs her heels into the edge of my boxers and forces them down my legs, along with my slacks. A small snort bubbles out of her, and then she whacks my backside with the black leather, causing my body to push forward.
“It’s like that, huh?” I deviously smirk at her, completely turned on and tease her sweet spot with my tip, watching her bite her lower lip with bated breath. I use this distraction to steal the belt from her and lightly secure it around her wrists, restraining them above her head.
She gradually nods her head in agreement. The words, “I love you,” hardly pass through her teeth in a hiss of pleasure before I thrust forward and lose myself in her.
Waiting to Breathe
Blue Series Book Two
Chelle C. Craze
Prologue
“Please, forgive me. There isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t regret what I did.” He kneels before me as I tighten my fingers around the grip, and my courage grows to take his life.
Unintentionally, I laugh at his appeal. “Unfortunately, that’s what sets us apart. No one taught me forgiveness. You taught me to love, which is the same feeling I’ve learned to hate! It’s been burning deep within my soul until I’ve become a person I no longer recognize.” My hands tremble as I put the muzzle to his temple. “I hate this rage that drives me. It’s the reason I’ve survived this long. Knowing what you’re capable of makes me despise each breath you’re allowed to take.”
Tears fall from his eyes when I grasp the cold metal to load the bullet into the barrel. “It’s almost over,” I whisper and then release the slide from my fingertips. I’ve been waiting to breathe since the moment I found out what he did. I swallow a big gulp of air and let it out slowly as I close my eyes.
A familiar voice comes from behind me, and I instantly know it’s him. “Don’t give that sick bastard the satisfaction of winning. That’s what he wants.” His arms wrap around mine, and I can feel his breath against my neck as he breathes out heavily. “I’m here. You’re safe.” He takes the gun from my hands and blocks my view by stepping in front of me. My ears ring from the loudness of the shot, and I fall to my knees.
I hear a gasp. “What have I done?”
Chapter 1
Present
Dartanya
To most people, “forgetting” is merely a ten-letter word they use when trying to make something fade away from the memory, or at least that is what it is to me. A fragment of unwelcome information to stuff into some dark crevice of my mind. That definition didn’t change when Hunter Haynes let his true self show. Now, I find myself reliving the past every day and trying to forget everything.
Hunter and I started dating when we were both sixteen. We were blissfully happy for almost five years until all our happiness went up in flames all because of him. He didn’t do one particular thing that most men would to put us in this position. Hell, him cheating on me would have been easier for me to swallow than this. It all seems surreal. I wish I could pinch myself and wake up from this terrible nightmare. I want to think of him as dead. At least then I wouldn’t be sitting alone, blaming myself for being so blind and stupid. The thought of him makes me physically ill. I should hate him, but I can’t wrap my mind around all of this. I didn’t think he was capable of such evil. Even though he denies the whole thing, I know he is guilty.
My therapist suggested I write my feelings in a journal, something I hadn’t given much thought until recently. Usually, I just vent to Cass, my best friend, but this is something I have to deal with on my own, and then I’ll decide to tell her. I have to figure out how to live with decisions, no matter how horrible. The fact I have to keep this from her for any amount of time makes me despise him even more. Sure, he still texts me and tries to convince me that I’m delusional, but I know I’m not. He isn’t ever going to have a hold over me again.
The sound of Cass giggling lets me know she and Lucas are awake. I slam my diary shut and stuff it between the mattress and box spring of the bed. Lucas is Cass’ man, and what a fine man he is. I practically have to bite my tongue to keep it from falling out when he walks around shirtless in our apartment. I don’t think if I panted like a dog it would surprise either of them, though. They have been together for a while now, and frankly, I couldn’t be happier for them. Lucas wouldn’t leave me alone until I introduced him to her. He doesn’t know I secretly planted the thought into his thick skull. It is almost as if he knew the moment he saw her they were meant to be together. I’ve never seen either of them more alive than the way they are now.
“Eww, you all are disgusting!” Cass complains as her voice gets closer. I love messing with her head, so I wait until I know she’s about to open my door and fling it open myself.
“Morning, Cassie Baby!” I run straight at her within the small distance I have and tackle her to the floor.
As long as she and I have been friends, I would think she would treat me like Murphy’s Law, De Morgan, or whichever one of those pencil pushers who came up with “Whatever can happen will happen”. Yet, somehow, I can still shock her with my spontaneity. Her eyes widen as I straddle her and rub my hands together.
“I swear, Dar, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but if it involves spit…” She pauses, and I pull my tongue back into my mouth. “I suggest you stop while you’re ahead.” She tries to move her arms, but I pin them down with my legs. Her nose turns red, one of the first signs she is getting upset. Soon her cheeks do the same. She holds her breath, and I’m sure she’s counting in her head. She does this when she is about to lose her cool.
“Fine!” I throw my hands up into the air and climb off her. “I thought Lucas would have gotten that stick out of your ass by now,” I tease as she sticks out her tongue at me and brushes off her clothes. I look up to gauge Lucas’ reaction and notice he isn’t the only one sitting on the couch. “Uh…Hi…Nate, what are you doing here?” His lips purse together as he thinks, probably about us sneaking around last night. I’ve known him long enough to know when he’s thinking about sex. When he chews on the corner of his mouth, it’s a dead giveaway.
There is no mistaking that Nate and Lucas are brothers. They look so much alike. Both have brown eyes, dark brown hair, and rock hard bodies. However, Nate keeps his hair short, whereas Lucas’ hangs just below his chin, like mine. Although he doesn’t look older than his brother, Nate is the older of the Daniels’ brothers. He is twenty-five, four years older than I am, but age is just a number to me, especially when it comes to a sexy as hell guy like him. The way he carries himself would turn on any woman and probably has if she lives anywhere in the Tri-state area of West Virginia, Kentucky, and Ohio. He shamelessly flirts with all the female gender. I think he doesn’t even realize he is doing it sometimes.
We live in Bluewood, essentially the middle of Nowhere, West Virginia. If you blink, you’ll miss the entire thing. Yet, I can’t complain. I like living in a small town. Usually I do anyhow. I study culinary arts at Bluewood University. My dream of one day becoming a professional chef started with an Easy-Bake Oven.
I do
enjoy my classes, but winter break couldn’t have come at a better time. Everything that is going on with Hunter has my head spinning, and I’m second-guessing every choice I make. I just need a little bit of time to hit Pause on my life and get things into perspective. Maybe one day all these scattered thoughts will make sense, but I have a feeling today isn’t going to be that day. When I breathe in, it feels like stagnant air passing through my lungs, so I’ll hypothetically hold my breath, waiting to breathe.
“Abby, every time I come over here doesn’t mean I’m here to see you,” Nate may say that, but he always finds an excuse for us to be alone. He smirks. “I came to pry this guy away from all this pink shit before he starts painting his nails and wearing dresses.” He punches Lucas in the shoulder and then adjusts his belt buckle. I guess I must be getting a big ego. He really does seem to be genuine with wanting his brother’s company.
“What pink shit?” I walk into the living room to find out what he is talking about. The last time I checked there wasn’t an infestation of pink taking over any room in our apartment. Neither Cass nor I are big fans of the color.
“This female torture device.” Again, I repeat his words to question him. He picks up the pink egg off the table and removes the lid. “See?” He points out the grating end in my direction and grins, letting his dimple in his left cheek make an appearance. Cass takes it from him, returning the lid and snapping it into place. After rolling her eyes, she lays it onto the table and then sits on Lucas’ lap.
“That’s a foot buffer, you superstitious freak!” I grab my stomach in laughter and then bend to hold the wall for support. He carries around a pink rabbit’s foot I got him on his keychain, and I’ve seen him cross the street to prevent a black cat from crossing his path. The funniest thing I’ve seen him avoid is the change in his cup holder. He said there are too many pennies tails-up to gamble with, so when he takes sharp curves, they fly all over the car.
“Same difference.” He wipes his hands on his pants and wrinkles his nose in disgust. “Yeah, anyhow.” Once I quit laughing and take a seat, he waves me off. “Little Brother, you ready to get out of here? I think my balls are about to shrivel up from all the girlie hormones flying around in here.” He looks to Lucas, who is too busy talking with Cass to care what Nate has to say. Lucas and Cass are in their own world when they are around each other. Lucas brushes a strand of red hair behind her ear and smiles. “Lucas!” Nate elongates his name while grinding his teeth. Lucas glares at him over his shoulder and lowers his eyebrows.
“I heard you the first time, dick.” Cass silently laughs and shakes her head. Lucas kisses her on the cheek and sighs. “I’ll see you later, Cricket.” He brushes his knuckles along her ivory cheek. “Love you.” She holds his gaze and then squeezes him in a hug.
“Me, too.” She slides off his lap to the couch.
He stands and nods in my direction. “Dartanya.” I kiss my first two fingers and then make a peace sign with them, giving him the most platonic goodbye I can think of. “I’ll be downstairs.” He draws his eyebrows down at his brother and then closes the door behind him. Nate stands from the couch and stretches. He tips his ball cap at Cass and then awkwardly readjusts it while looking at me.
“See you later, Sweet Tits.” I roll my eyes and glare at him for using the word ‘tits.’ He knows I hate when a man uses body parts for a nickname. If he didn’t talk to every woman like that, I guarantee someone could guess we have something going on. A fact I want to keep secret, not wanting anyone making it into something it’s not. We have a no-strings agreement, a fine line between a relationship and friends with benefits. We are faithful to one another sexually, but if someone whom we think could be the real deal comes along, we would call off the whole thing. He is fun and all, but I could never imagine myself dating him again.
“See ya when I see ya, Adams.” He opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it. He runs his hand along his unshaven chin as he keeps his eyes on me. He waits until Cass isn’t looking, and then he holds his lower lip between his teeth and exhales heavily. This makes me regret not taking him up on his offer to stay at his place last night. I motion toward the door with a tilt of my head, telling him to leave before she catches his not-so-subtle gestures.
Nate is the type of guy who wants to let every other man know when something is his. It shocks me that he hasn’t peed on my shoes to mark his territory. However, I’m not his, despite how much he would like that. The agreement I have with him is my idea, not his. I’m not ready for anything more than what we have going on between us, whatever it is.
As soon as the door latches, Cass slides her finger up the bridge of her nose, pretending to push up a pair of glasses. “Mmm.” She looks at me and presses her lips into a thin line. “What was that look?”
I try to play innocent. “What look?” If anyone in this world can see through my bluff, it’s her. I have no clue how she could have seen him anyway. She’s probably just trying to pry me for any details she can. After securing my legs under my body, I turn my attention to her. “Really, Dar? I could see his reflection in the TV.” She taps her fingernails on the arm of the couch, making a clicking noise. “The lip-biting, sexually frustrated look Nate just gave you.”
She insists Lucas saw Nate and me ‘awfully cozy’ after their sister’s funeral, which isn’t completely true. I was only trying to be there for him, even though I didn’t know what the hell to do. I just held him and let his emotions seep from him in the form of tears. Their sister, Amelia, was terminally ill due to cancer, but she died from an aneurysm only a few months ago before the cancer could take her. “Cass, we were hugging. That’s all.” I make an “X” over my chest to tell her “cross my heart”.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Hey, who am I to stand in the way of love?” She beams as she flips through the channels. Love. She is smoking crack if that is what she thinks is going on between Nate and me. Some of the things Cass says now actually shocks me. “Or lust for that matter,” she adds without looking away from the television. That is more like it. I don’t know if I can ever love someone again. In fact, I’m pretty damn sure I can’t. I’ll probably die an old, bitter woman who owns fifteen cats.
Before meeting Lucas, Cass wasn’t such a sap, but together I think they could put a tall oak to shame. The amount of times they profess their love in one day would cause its leaves to wilt and fall to the ground in humiliation. They are good together, and I think they actually complete each other. I can’t help but feel a sense of pride, knowing I had something to do with them meeting. Hell, I had everything to do with it. I put the whole thing together. I only let Lucas think it was his idea for the two of them to meet. I knew Lucas was going out that day, so I deliberately took Cass to the mall. One day I might tell them if things keep going the way they are currently. It might be on their wedding day, who knows? I just hope they don’t rush things.
“Whatever!” I fling a sofa pillow at her as I get up off the couch and head to my room. “You really should get that head of yours checked,” I call over my shoulder as I walk toward my room. After shutting the door, I sit in front of my computer and turn on some music. The song “Young Lust” starts to play as the memories come rushing to my brain. The memories of the first time I met Nathan Daniels.
Acknowledgements
Thank you to all the wonderful readers who take this journey with me. It’s one hell of a ride, and I hope you enjoy all the loops and twists. My great uncle, with whom I used to have counting contests, inspired this novel. In my eyes, he was a genius and a little bit of cheat. He could count to one hundred in ten syllables, and at a young age, it astonished me. From ten simple syllables, Just Breathe was born. Of course, the storyline exhibits much more than this, and I was inspired by everything I have seen in my lifetime.
To my street team, Craze’s Lunatics: The Indie Ninja, Soul Sista, Goldie Love, My love, Eil, Sister, Callahan, Peanut, Cupcake, Miss Demeanor, Cherry Bomb, Ghost, Smalls, Billionaire aka Nerd, 3, All Sta
r, Queen of the Heartbreakers, Doc, Moosie Baby, Black Mamba, Nurse, Sis, Friend, Wifey, Lover, Jazz, Head Pimp, and SUUUUEEEE. I love and appreciate each of you. “We are all a bit batty and definitely a raven lunatic.”
To my lovely beta bowl: Amanda, Andrea, Antoinette, Jennifer, Louise, Carrie, Cashia, Crystal, Felicia, Heathah, Heather, Jennifer, Jess, Jessica, Kendra, Kimberly, Letha, Malinda, Michele, Miranda, Myra, Paige, Suzanne, and Meg. Thank you for the love and support you all have given me! Without you all, I couldn’t have completed this or many books to come.
Indies of the Round Table: Each of you is an amazing writer, and I feel privileged to have met you. Thank you for being a part of my indie family.
Jennifer Short Benson, you are one of the greatest people I have ever met, and I love you so much. You are such a blessing to the indie world and an even bigger one in my life. Thank you for the multiple questions and answers you have always provided. You truly inspire me, and I’m blessed to call you a friend.
Miranda Sue Johnson, I never dreamed I would meet someone who is as twisted as I am, but I’m glad I have. I stinking love your guts, 3. Do not ever forget that! We can always be weird together.
Evelyne Stone, you are my inspiration when my mind settles, and my thoughts run dry. The courage you exhibit on a daily basis is amazing! Thank you so much for all the help and feedback that went along with this book. I love you.
Michele Stratton, Soul Sista, you make me smile when I have bad thoughts. I find comfort in knowing you are as demented as I am.
Louise, you are such an amazing person with the biggest heart. Don’t let anyone put you down because you are freaking fabulous!
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