by Isobel Chace
'I felt guilty at turning James out of his bed. He slept at my uncle's place, as I expect he told you?'
`Mmm.' Judith Drummond leaned forward in her chair. 'But that can't go on, Miss Lindsay, can it? James is a busy man and he hardly had any sleep at all in that terrible but of your uncle's. He asked me to have a word with you— it's so much easier for a woman to say these things, don't you think? The fact is that you can't stay on here, and I understand you have nowhere else to go?'
Annot's face darkened with anger. Had James really asked this woman to speak to her? She supposed he must have done, and she tried not to mind, failing as dismally as she had when she had tried to stop herself day-dreaming.
`You don't have to worry, Mrs Drummond. I'm going back to Nairobi today. I should have thought James would have told you, I certainly told him that that was what I intended to do. I'll get myself a room there, until I can get in touch with friends, or find myself a pied_a_tent while I'm here. I shall be pretty busy '
`Ah yes, that's another thing,' Mrs Drummond went on, her smile freezing on to her lips. 'Aren't you being just a wee bit inconsiderate, expecting James to go with you?'
`You'd better take that up with him,' Annot answered as calmly as she could. 'He told me in no uncertain terms not to argue with him when I tried to put him off from interfering in my affairs. Perhaps you'll have better luck, Mrs Drummond?' She smiled a brilliant smile herself. Yet she couldn't quite dislike Judith Drummond, there was too much of Dorcas in her for her to do that. And she envied her
her beautiful, even tan: she felt white and decidedly half-baked beside her.
`Call me Judith, won't you? Dorcas already calls you Annot, and I shall too. The thing is, Annot, that I don't think anyone can. find Jeremy after all this time. It's such a waste of time looking for him. I mean, if he were still alive, we would have had word by now. Not even in a country like Kenya can a live man disappear for ever. It isn't as though .he was important to anyone, so surely it's much better to leave well alone. Have a holiday out here by all means, but then go back to England and forget all about him!'
Annot plucked a blade of grass. 'He was important to me. He's important to my mother too, to all my family.'
'It's hard to imagine Jeremy having a family!' Judith sighed. 'I've always looked on him as some kind of tramp. You-mustn't be offended, my dear, but ever since I've known him the man hasn't even bothered to shave '
`Possibly because he wore a beard,' James said quietly. Neither of them had heard him coming towards them, nor could they guess how long he had been standing there listening to them. He had his hands in his pockets and was completely at his ease. The sight of him gave Annot's heart a shock of recognition, and she felt cold inside that he should have such an immediate and physical effect on her.
'If you could call it a beard!' Judith muttered darkly.
James looked from one to the other of them. 'Have you fixed Annot up at your place?' he asked Judith.
'I was just about to invite her, darling. You know how much I hate being hurried We were just having a little friendly gossip first. She's sad, poor girl, at the thought of her uncle's fate. Where's Dorcas gone now? James, do see if you can find her! Whatever you say about that dog, I'm still nervous of her getting too close to him James, please!'
James studied her through half-closed eyes. 'You're neurotic about all animals,' he said. 'I wonder why? And as Dorcas seems to be singularly unneurotic about them, if I were you I'd leave her alone to play with Sijui all she wants to. It's giving them both a great deal of pleasure.
'But he might be rabid!'
'Nonsense, my dear. Are you going to ask Annot to stay with you, or not?'
'Of course I am! You will, won't you, Annot? Whatever James says, I'd much rather know Dorcas was playing with you than with that beastly pet of Jeremy's!'
Annot swallowed down her amusement without daring to look at James. 'I think I'd rather go to Nairobi —'
James took his hands out of his pockets. He reached down and hauled Annot up on to her feet. 'Don't be daft!' he admonished her. 'Judith lives just down the road, which will be far more convenient all round! I'll deliver her to you, Judith, after tea. Meanwhile, would you and Dorcas care to stay on and have lunch with us?'
Dorcas hung out of the car so far that Annot had a moment's sharp anxiety for her safety. 'I wish Annot could bring Sijui with her when she comes!' her voice drifted back from the top of the drive. 'May she, Mama? Please, may she? I'll ring her up ...'
`Do you want to take him?' James asked Annot.
She grimaced. 'I'd better not, I don't think I'm the most welcome guest as it is.'
`Don't you believe it! Judith will far prefer to have you where she can keep an eye on you ! '
Annot opened her eyes wide. 'What do you mean?' she wondered.
James had the grace to look embarrassed. 'If you want to do something for me, Annot Lindsay, you could make a point of standing between me and Judith whenever she comes here.'
'Don't you like her? I thought you were—friendly—'
'I haven't made up my mind about her. She has her points, and she's made a fine job of living alone on that farm of hers—'
Annot remembered the possessive closeness with which Judith had sat beside James on the sofa after lunch. 'I'm not sure that there's much room between you,' she said.
James' eyes flew to her face, `I'd always move over for you,' he said slowly, `if you wanted me to!'
CHAPTER FOUR
ANNOT made a mad effort to recover her balance and not to show that he had embarrassed her. 'But this is so sudden, Mr Montgomery!'
He was not in the least disconcerted. 'Is it? It seems to me that if we're going to travel round Kenya together you should have some kind of protection from gossiping tongues. Why shouldn't we render that service to each other?'
lt's nonsensical!' she protested.
'Then it ought to appeal to you,' he confounded her. 'You-seem to me to have a decided partiality for nonsensical notions.'
'Oh, how can you say that? I'm usually very self-reliant!'
'Is that so?' If he wanted to make her feel ridiculous, he had certainly succeeded. But how did one protest without seeming to protest too much?
gather I haven't given you that impression?' she asked.
'I don't think you'd like it if I told you what my first impressions of you were. I'm not used to finding strange women in my bed.'
She ignored this. 'Anyway, what nonsensical notions have I had?'
'We-ell, how about the idea that you can easily manage a hot-air balloon with one hand, while you take photographs of animals with the other? You may be self-reliant, my dear, but you're not an octopus. You still only have two hands.'
'I know that!' She glared at him, a touch of mutiny in the depths of her dark eyes. 'Doesn't a man come with the balloon?' she demanded.
He shrugged. `Could be—if you can pay for his services.'
That was quite a point, she reflected. She didn't know how she was going to pay for any of the equipment she was going to need. But surely her uncle had made some arrangements that she could make use of as she was completing an assignment that was rightfully his. Perhaps he had already paid for the use of a balloon?
But when she voiced this possibility to James, he was more caustic than he had been before. 'Jeremy? Pay in advance for anything? My dear girl, you must be joking!'
She turned away from him, fondling Sijui's ears so that she wouldn't have to address her host directly.
'Jeremy may be a trifle—vague in his personal life, but he's very professional when it comes to anything to do with his work. I'd rather you didn't belittle him all the time!'
'Annot, must you be so touchy? You can defend him all you like to others, but if you're not more realistic to yourself, you're going to get hurt—and badly! Jeremy is a wastrel, and we both know it! He has a certain charm and sometimes a touch of genius in his photographs, but professional he is not! He doesn't know the meanin
g of the word!'
'He's always turned in his assignments on time before,' she argued.
He studied her face thoughtfully. 'How do you know?' he asked gently, so gently that she looked up at him before she thought and then wished she hadn't for the glint in his eyes took her breath away.
'I just know!' she claimed wildly.
'You know nothing about him, Annot. That's another reason why you're not going to be able to manage this by yourself.' He smiled slowly. 'Perhaps we need each other more than either of us know!'
The fight went out of her as she turned back to the dog who was nosing her, determined to have her attention for himself.
'What do you want me to do?' she asked. She was still tired after the flight, she told herself. That was the trouble! That was probably why this man was able to disturb her composure with such consummate ease too. There was no other reason she could think of why he should rake her emotions every time he spoke, turning her knees to water, and making her feel foolish and feminine and almost exultant that he should be taking her affairs into his tough, not particularly gentle hands, overriding her objections with a forcefulness that in other circumstances she would have been the first to deplore.
'You won't stay here?' he asked.
She shook her head. 'How can I?' she pleaded. 'You know I can't!'
'You could, if we thought up some good reason for it that people would believe.'
'What sort of reason?'
'That we were thinking of getting married.' He let the words drop into her stunned silence and mature slowly before he went on, 'As my fiancée you'd have a valid reason for staying in my house, and I for making this trip to search for Jeremy for you. Afterwards, we could do as we liked about it.'
Her head whirled on her shoulders and she hoped she wasn't going to faint. 'And what would Judith have to say to that?' she murmured, clutching at the first objection that occurred to her.
'That might be another advantage,' he said calmly.
She was immediately furiously angry. 'For whom? If she cares for you, how do you suppose she'd feel to see you pretending to be engaged to someone else? And all because you're too superior to make up your mind whether she would make a suitable wife for you or not! I know what my answer would be! When you finally came round to
thinking that perhaps you would marry me after all, I'd give you a thick ear for your pains!'
His obvious amusement at her display of temper added to the already strong temptation to give him a thick ear there and then. She controlled herself with difficulty, taking several deep breaths until she could face him more calmly.
'But would Judith?' he asked.
'Of course she would!' Annot declared violently.
'I think not,' James considered. 'If you want to know, I think she'd fall on my neck, however unflatteringly I made my proposal to her. There's not much love lost between us.'
'Then why should she want to marry you?'
'Women have other reasons besides the more obvious romantic ones for marriage as often as not. One isn't necessarily plighting undying love to one's partner by engaging oneself to marry him '
She didn't like to admit that his cynicism hurt her, cutting her feelings to the quick. 'What other reason besides loving you could Judith have?' she asked.
James raised his eyebrows. 'Don't you really know? She wants a man to relieve her of the necessity of having to earn a living for herself and Dorcas. She's made a good job of farming, but she doesn't intend to do it for a day longer than she has to! Nor does she particularly like being a widow. It restricts her social life, and she misses having a man permanently at her beck and call. There may be advantages in the kind of independence you pretend to want for yourself, but Judith would exchange them tomorrow for the security of marriage with someone like myself. At one blow, she'd have a suitable father for Dorcas, and the renewed approval of her family and friends. Her first husband came as a disappointment to them, and that isn't a mistake she intends to make again.'
She hid her face from him by the simple expedient of
giving in to Sijui's demands for a greater show of affection on her part.
`Would that be enough for you?' she asked as soon as she could sufficiently control her voice to form the question.
`That's what I'm hoping you'll give me time to find out,' he answered swiftly. 'Are you going to, Annot?'
`No,' she said shortly.
'Just no? Nothing more?'
`Nothing I can think of I'm going to find Jeremy myself. And I'm going to finish his assignment myself too!'
He stood over her and she felt a wave of panic rise within her. 'With my help?' he insisted at length.
`Yes,' she said, wishing that it didn't have to be so. `And in my way?'
'I exactly don't know. I like to have my own way too!' she .
He reached down for her wrists and pulled her up beside him, looping his hands together round her waist. Sijui uttered a yelp of indignation at being thus abandoned and, when nobody noticed his predicament, went off into the house in a huff, his displeasure written large in his stiff-legged walk.
`It's my way, or not at all,' James threatened, his hands increasing their pressure on the small of her back.
I won't stay here! I'm going, to Amboseli with you! You can't take the photos, can you?'
`Perhaps not, but you'll admit I have a point when I prefer you don't break your pretty neck for Jeremy's sake?'
His touch was an exquisite torture against her back. 'It's my neck!' she pointed out.
`But I'll take the risks, Annot. Is that understood?'
She opened her mouth to speak, but for some reason she
couldn't remember what it had been she was going to say. `Well, Annot?'
She was suddenly very conscious of his closeness. She nodded briefly and made to take a step away from him, but his hands prevented her, squeezing her closer still until she could feel the whole length of his body pressed tightly against hers. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her and knew a certain curiosity as to what her reaction would be. But then she remembered that he wouldn't mean anything by the caress, and her spirits sank, taking all the pleasure out of the taut moment for her.
'What are you trying to do? Seal the pact?' she asked him tartly. 'It's quite unnecessary, though I don't mind shaking hands on it if it'll make you feel better!'
He put up a hand to her face, tracing her lips with his finger. 'You talk too much,' he warned her. 'You're enough of a challenge to any man without verbally throwing down the gauntlet whenever you open your mouth. Are you going to help me with Judith?'
'No! I don't think you're being kind to her—'
'Kindness isn't what she wants from me. I thought we were agreed about that? A more interesting question is what you want.'
'Me?' She made a last attempt to escape his clasp, found that she couldn't, and rested her head against his shoulder with something very like relief. 'I don't want anything— certainly not if it comes without any kindness! I'd rather have kindness than anything else!'
He raised her chin with a masterful hand, his eyes glinting into hers. 'How little you know yourself, Annot Lindsay. I think you'd like a great deal more than kindness from me—'
She pulled away from him, breathing hard. 'Let me go!'
He did so with a suddenness that nearly lost her her balance, catching her up against him again in a grasp that threatened to bruise her ribs.
'I could kiss you now, my dear, and you wouldn't dis-
like it half as much as you think you would, but I won't— not now, when you have no means of defending yourself. But don't think I wouldn't like to! Let that be a lesson to you and don't push me too far! A little meekness is what's wanted from you! Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth—and, for all I know, everything else they want!'
' She found herself set free and had to curb her strong desire to run as fast and as far as she could away from him. 'There's nothing I want so badly that I'd for
go the pleasure of telling you what I think of you—'
'Annot, what more can I do? So far you've had your own way about everything! Can't you be content with that?'
'My way!' The injustice of that robbed her of the words she needed to rebut his arrogant assumption that she had had her own way in anything! 'Left alone—'
He bent his head towards her. 'Left alone, you'd be completely lost, my dear!' His eyes rested on her mouth for a long, bitter-sweet moment. 'Shall I leave you alone, Annot Lindsay?'
She wondered how she would manage without him? The thought of hiring a hot-air balloon by herself, and managing all the other details of the expedition, was not one that appealed to her. Then she thought again of Jeremy's shack and she shivered inwardly. She couldn't even be sure that Judith Drummond would give her a bed if James washed his hands of her.
'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I didn't mean to be ungrateful.' `And you can't manage without me?' he insisted.
'No.' Her lips tightened into a mutinous line. 'But I would
if I could! Let me tell you, it would be a great deal more
comfortable to go looking for Jeremy by myself! I may be grateful to you, but that doesn't mean I have to like you ! ' To her dismay he only smiled. 'It would be a mistake
to waste your energies disliking me, you'll never gain anything that way!'
'I don't know what you mean!'
James' smile broadened into laughter. 'Oh yes, you do!' His mouth met hers in a fleeting kiss which made her gasp. He laughed again and she felt the beginnings of an answering delight deep down within herself. She made no objection at all when he hooked her back into his arms and kissed her again, his lips lingering against the softness of hers. On the contrary, she felt bemused and a little lost when he lifted his head and released her again.
`Do you still not know?' he taunted her.
`A brief physical attraction doesn't mean anything—to either of us!' she insisted.
His eyes narrowed. 'Nothing at all,' he agreed with regrettable promptness. 'I'm glad you realise that.'
