theMystery.doc
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Hazel:I am a live person : )
Visitor 3277:In that case May I have your name?
Hazel:Sure
Hazel:My name is Hazel and I am the Website Greeter for Round Table Company
Visitor 3277:Your name is not Hazel.
Hazel:I am prety sure that my name is Hazel : )
Hazel:You can see it written at the top of our dialog box as well!
Hazel:Yes, I am.
Visitor 3277:Would you be willing to submit to a test before we proceed?
Hazel:Pardon?
Visitor 3277:May I test you on American trivia before we get down to business?
Hazel:Sure, we can give that a try!
Visitor 3277:Excellent. Thank you very much.
Visitor 3277:Number one: Who is the president of the United States?
Hazel:You are welcome
Hazel:George W. Bush
Visitor 3277:Correct.
Visitor 3277:Number two: What is the capital of the United States?
Hazel:Great!
Hazel:Washington DC
Visitor 3277:I see you’ve done your homework.
Hazel:Proud to be American!
Hazel:If we are done withthe trivia test, can I have your name?
Visitor 3277:Number three: what is the Bible belt?
Visitor 3277:please do not search for the answers on the Internet
Hazel:I am not reseraching the answers over the web
Hazel:I just am not sure about the answer to this question.
Hazel:all I now is that it has something to do with Protestant fundamentalism
Visitor 3277:partial credit.
Visitor 3277:Number four: how many states comprise the United States?
Hazel:I am sorry, but if you don’t provide me your contact details and the nature of your expert need, I’ll have to close down our conversation.
Visitor 3277:Oh, i’m sorry. Please don’t close down our conversation. it’s just that i am not sure about this service. once i feel more comfortable i will give my info. but you never know who you’re dealing with on the web. forgive me, though. i don’t mean to waste your time. i’m really sorry. i hope you won’t hang up.
Hazel:Thats alright.
Hazel:I assure you that our Website Greeter Service is genuine and we will not give out or use your information for any other purpose.
Visitor 3277:well, i appreciate the assurance. It’s a real relief.
Hazel:Glad to hear that
Hazel:May I have your name?
Visitor 3277:Spencer Braddock.
Hazel:Nice to have you with us, Spencer.
Spencer Braddock:Thanks. It’s nice to be with you.
Hazel:May I have your emil address and phone number as well?
Spencer Braddock:You never did answer number four.
Hazel:50 states
Spencer Braddock:Correct. My number is 555 838 2626. I prefer to not be called. And I prefer not to give my email to you just yet.
Hazel:Thank you for providing your telephone number
Spencer Braddock:I feel as if I’m taking a risk.
Hazel:How do you suggest we get in touch with you, with the required information on Quantum Surgery Experts?
Hazel:I assure you once again that your contact information will not be shared with any 3rd parties or used for any purpose otherwise than stated.
Spencer Braddock:I am glad to hear that. I am more in need of private investigation services. the “quantum surgery” line was just a coded phrase to see if you were one of us.
Hazel:Pardon?
Spencer Braddock:I am glad to hear that. I am more in need of private investigation services. the “quantum surgery” line was just a coded phrase to see if you were one of us.
Hazel:I’m sorry but we don’t provide this sort of service. What we do is provide clients with “primary research,” i.e., we locate experts so that clients can engage these experts for paid consulation
Spencer Braddock:I refer you to earlier in the conversation. You stated: We provide clients access to experts in all fields. Our team (which includes lawyers, Ph.D.s, MBAs, and private investigators)
Hazel:Sure
Hazel:I apologize for my ignorance in this respect!
Hazel:Please tell me more about the type of private invstigator you are looking for?
Spencer Braddock:Hazel, you are not ignorant. Please don’t say that. You have already proved you know a lot--about the United States, for example.
Spencer Braddock:Number five: what is the “American Dream”?
Hazel:Thank you for the compliment, Spencer.
Hazel:but I thought we were done with the trivia
Spencer Braddock:It’s more of an essay question.
Hazel:The definition of a dream is relative
Hazel:It varies from person to person
Spencer Braddock:Interesting. But what is the “American” dream?
Hazel:To some its acquiring a house in suburbs with pretty white fences, filled with the laughter of kids and aroma of home baked cookies by the the lady of the house.
Spencer Braddock:That’s beautiful, Hazel.
Hazel:While to some other, it maybe getting oneself a caravan and going on the great road trip.
Spencer Braddock:That’s lovely.
Hazel:Thank you
Spencer Braddock:What part of the US did you say you were from?
Hazel:I am from Chicago.
Spencer Braddock:You are not from Chicago.
Hazel:Spencer, sine you are uncomfortable sharing the details of your case here over the web, I’d suggestt that get in touch with my colleague Mike in our Washington DC office, 202- , extension 1, m @roundtablecompany.com; to assist you further.
Spencer Braddock:The world is changing. I wish you luck.
Hazel:Thank you
Hazel:May I ask how you learned about Round Table Company?
Spencer Braddock:by accident
Hazel:Can you be just a little more descriptive please?
Spencer Braddock:I first came to the Round Table Company site one day while working on a book. I don’t remember how exactly I came to be here then. It was a long time ago. I think maybe I was researching King Arthur or Glastonbury or something. The next thing I know I’m on the Round Table site and a computerized female voice says WELCOME, and a box pops up asking me if I need help finding an expert.
Hazel:Thank you for the explaination, Spencer.
Hazel:Is there anything else I can help you with, today?
Spencer Braddock:I’d like to ask one last favor, but I’m not sure you’ll oblige me.
Hazel:We can give it a try
Spencer Braddock:Will you tell me your real name?
Hazel:Sure
Hazel:Its Hazel.
Hazel:I was named after my grandmother
Spencer Braddock:then will you tell me what the weather is like where you are right now?
Right Now for
Chicago, IL
40°F
Cloudy
Hazel:It seems to be cloudy but I am not really sure
Hazel:I am not sitting anywhere near the window
Spencer Braddock:Hazel, it’s one o’clock in the morning in Chicago.
Hazel:Yes, almost
Spencer Braddock:Good night.
Hazel:My watch says its 12:55 am
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Fishing at the falls was a highly organized enterprise. A salmon chief (called “See-pay,” or Chief of the Waters) launched the season by spearing the first salmon; decided when the general harvest could begin; supervised the placement of basket traps along the rocky shoreline, and oversaw the construction of fishing platforms that extended over the turbulent water. At the end of the day, he divided the catch.
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It is said that the salmon came in such numbers that there appeared to be continually one leaping mass arcing over the spray for months. There were millions of them, and only a few thousand sal
mon-eating Indians. Yet each year, before any fishing began, the chief’s main duty was to decide when enough fish had jumped up the falls to guarantee that they would return the next year. In other words, he was a conservationist. He understood man’s place in the great cosmic circle of life and all that. He knew that man had the capacity to change the nature of the world. In reality, he and his people could not effect such a large-scale transformation as the wiping out of a species—they didn’t have the numbers or the technology—but it’s food for thought that he used prudence as if they could. Just then the white man came. He set up camps at the mouth of the river. He developed technologies. He swept up the fish. Until the ones that made it back to the falls each year were only a few thousand in number. And then he built the Grand Coulee Dam. He did it to turn the water into power to run the engines of the cities of the West. The dam closed the river to the last of the salmon. Then the water rose higher, and flooded the plains, flooded the valleys and silenced the waters, flattened the waves. They named it Lake Roosevelt. And here I am washed up on its shores, on a fu-cking hot day lying half-naked on a towel, while down the beach little white trash kids splash around in the cold water screaming, as their parents and older brothers do figure eights on roaring jet skis, and the sounds of it all interact with my eardrums in a very strange way: Each note spins inside my head, echoing as the rate of spin increases before finally shattering by way of an explosion from the inside into thousands of miniature fragments of sound, which, dispersing, drift away evenly in all directions into the vacuum of space:* : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : *.* : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * :
I ask the girl if it sounds that way to her.
★
“Vacuum of space?” she says, from beneath her round-brimmed fisherman’s hat. “Hmmm… I think you may be coming down with something.”
★
I say, “I am See-Pay, Chief of the Waters. I have spent many moons walking the shores of this abominable lake, communing with the spirits of my ancestors. Now I am here to declare that for the crimes of his fathers, I will slay every white man who walks the earth.”
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“Good riddance. Do me a favor and start with those noisy a-holes on jet skis.”
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“I will spare not one of his children nor a single of his concubines. There will be no more white offspring at all, in fact.”
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“Super.”
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“He has polluted the waters.”
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“Very true.”
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“He has flooded the Spring of Life. He has diluted the waters with his foul artificial Rooseveltian lakewaters. Thus, the Spring of Life has been capped.”
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“Totally.”
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“And now a new hole has been broken open in the great below, from which will rise the Waters of Death. The Waters of Death will mix with the white man’s artificial waters and poison his supply.”
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“I like that, honey. Is that from your book?”
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“Beware, white drinkers of water. Beware of bottlers of waters. And distributors and retailers of bottled waters. Beware of waiters and waitresses who set upon tables glasses and pitchers of ice water. Beware of movie theater candy counter clerks and their tiny cups of complimentary drinking-fountain water. Hear my words, white man: your time is up. Every last one of you will soon be dead.”
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“Uh-huh. Are you sure you don’t want me to put some sunscreen on you, See-Pay? You’re looking pretty red.”
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What’s so bad about lead? Even small amounts can lead to brain damage,* : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : a safe hose starts to seem like a bargain.
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14 They had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat. 15 He enjoined them, “Watch out, guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.” 16 They concluded among themselves that it was because they had no bread. 17 When he became aware of this he said to them, “Why do you conclude that it is because you have no bread? Do you not yet understand or comprehend? Are your hearts hardened? 18 Do you have eyes and not see, ears and not hear? And do you not remember, 19 when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many wicker baskets full of fragments you picked up?” They answered him, “Twelve.” 20 “When I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many full baskets of fragments did you pick up?” They answered him, “Seven.” 21 He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”
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I could go on forever and still not have enough time to write all I want to write—or rather whisper hoarsely into Melissa’s ear all I want her to write down for me. My brain is
★
almost a mile long.
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It is taller than the Great Pyramid of Giza;
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all the pyramids at Giza could fit within its base.
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It is more than twice as tall as Niagara Falls.
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And why should I place my trust in Melissa? Just because she found her way into my room?
How do I know I’m not hallucinating? How do I know that she really is a cute little flower girl? Why do I assume that her motives are pure and that her spelling and penmanship are adequate? That she’ll be able to get my mess age a cross. Like everyone I have ever met—or everyone I think I have met—or everyone I may have met—or everyone of whom my brain has been instructed to believe there has been a meeting—I really don’t know her at all. All I have is faith. I have to believe that she is not a biomechanicalhumanandroid. I have to believe she does not mean me harm. For if I think that she means me harm, then I must release her. And if I release her, then I will have no link left to the world outside my bed. And if I have no link, then I have nothing connecting me to the human race. And then I am not human after all.
Are you a biomechanicalhumanandroid, Melissa?
>Shhhh… Honey, you know I’m not.
Are we going to win?
>Of course we are.
Am I the greatest pollutionist who ever lived?
>Well, you see, See-Pay—
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Is what I’m going through just part of The Show?
Is it all just part of The Show?
Well, how does it end, Melissa?
Where
O where
O where
will we be
then?
Where are we now?
Where should we begin?
★