“You okay, princess?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I’m so far from okay.”
I take a timid step in her direction. “I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t believe this. You have a nephew?”
I nod, a smile crossing my lips. Trent is the only good thing to come out of this mess. “We have a nephew. He’s amazing, Darce, you’re going to love him. Our little peanut has a cousin.”
Her expression softens and a smile lifts the corner of her mouth. I know part of her longs for a big family with kids running around together.
I take another step toward her.
“Stop,” she whispers. “I have questions. I need to know what the hell just happened, without you close. I can’t think straight when you’re close.”
As satisfying as that comment might be, I still feel fear. She’s clearly overheard mine and Jacob’s entire conversation, which means she knows I’ve kept something from her. She’s a smart woman, it won’t take much for her to figure it out. I want her to know, but I’m shit scared of the consequences.
“You were there the night I met Jacob? The dress up night… you were there?” She frowns.
I nod. “I was.”
“I need to know what you two were talking about. How did Jacob take me from you, Ryan?”
Fuck, this isn’t how I wanted to do this. I wanted to tell her under different circumstances. She looks so tired, so stressed, and I’m sure this is only going to add to it, but I’ve got no choice now. All I can do is be honest with her and hope she understands.
“It wasn’t Jacob you met at the bar. It was me.”
Her hand flies up to cover her mouth, her beautiful big eyes widening as the words hang in the air between us.
“How? What?” she whispers.
“We thought it would be funny to dress up together. One of us was meant to be Clark Kent and the other one Superman. But Jacob didn’t listen, and we both turned up as Superman. Identical twins… identical costumes… I’m sure you can put the pieces together.”
“Oh my god.”
“We talked for what felt like hours, do you remember that?”
“Of course I remember,” she breathes. “I spent years chasing the connection I felt with Jacob on that first night.”
My heart is beating so fast she can probably hear it. “You never found it?”
“Not until the night of the wedding when you came to the hotel room. It was you I needed. That’s why there was always something missing with him.”
I’m elated and terrified in the same moment. These are words I’ve longed to hear, but I’m scared shitless about how she’s going to handle this dropped bomb.
“Do you remember I went to the bathroom right after we nearly kissed… and when I came back, you were gone. I spent weeks trying to find out who you were. Then I turned up to family dinner that Sunday, and boom. There you were. With him.”
“I asked him about that first night, you know. He didn’t remember anything much. Said he was too drunk. I filled in the blanks for him. How stupid am I?”
I shake my head. “He remembered. He knew what he was doing when he took you from me. And you’re not stupid. How could you have known?”
Her eyes fill with tears again. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her tone is pained, the betrayal she feels is right there, front and centre. It hits me square in the chest, like she’s swung a sledgehammer at me.
“I wanted to, Darce, but what was I meant to do? You were so happy. He was happy. I didn’t want to be the one that ruined that. I just wanted to see you smile, and that night at dinner… the way you looked at him… all you did was smile.”
She goes to reply, but I’m not done.
“So I pulled away. I made changes in my life – I chased my passions. I became my own man, and I convinced myself that this way, when I met someone who made me feel the way you did, I’d never be mistaken for Jacob again.”
“Ryan,” she whispers, my words hurting her. “It would have been different if I’d known.”
“But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore. Not where I go, what I do, or who I meet… I can never find what I’m looking for because there’s only one you, Darcy. I just want you.”
“Imagine how different your life might be if you’d just told me five years ago that it was you!”
“That’s the thing, princess, that’s the only thing I’m thankful for in this whole mess. That man was never me. This is me, the real me. I’m living a life I love and that’s because of you. I love my life now – all that’s missing from it is you.”
“You didn’t like your life before?”
I shake my head. “I feel like my life only truly started when I met you. Meeting you made me the man I am today.”
This is all too much for her, I can see how overwhelmed she is; her head is practically spinning.
“I want to hold you so bad.”
I want her in my arms more than words can describe, but I won’t make a move unless she tells me it’s okay.
She covers her face with her hands and groans. “This is why Rebel hates me, isn’t it? Because I was too dumb to see something so obvious. She can’t stand me because I hurt you all these years.”
All the pieces are clicking together for her.
“She doesn’t hate you.”
“She hates me.”
“I really don’t think this is the most pressing matter right now.”
Her eyes flash up to meet mine. “No, you’re right. That would probably be the fact that the man I was meant to marry is a cheating bastard with a secret child, or the fact that the man I’m completely head over heels in love with has kept a secret from me for years on end.”
I swallow deeply, my throat thick.
“I’m so sorry, Darcy. I know I should have told you.”
“Of course you should have told me. If not five years ago, then at the very least, on the night of my wedding.”
“You were already going through so much… you couldn’t handle any more.” I know it’s not entirely true. Sure, it was part of it, but I know how strong this woman is. She could have handled it. I was being selfish.
“That’s not for you to decide,” she replies, her voice rising an octave. She takes a step backwards, and I can physically feel the change in distance.
“Darcy.” It’s a plea. Don’t do this.
“I don’t know what to say to you right now. There’s so many lies. I need some time. I need some space.”
I suck in a breath, my lungs failing to get enough oxygen.
She can’t leave.
I don’t want her to leave.
But as I watch her turn and slowly walk from the room, I know I need to respect her wishes, no matter how much it kills me. It’s lucky for me that Rebel dropped me off, I can barely see straight, let alone drive safely. But unluckily for her, she’s about to get called to come and pick up the pieces, yet again.
29
Darcy
“Holy. Fucking. Shit.”
“I know.” I sigh.
“Holyfuckingshit.” She repeats it so quickly that the words run into one another.
“I know.” I roll my eyes.
I know it’s a shock, I get it. Obviously, but I’m getting a little bit over the dramatic reaction from Steph. She’s done nothing but curse and make ridiculous facials for the past twenty minutes.
“You know, if I knew all you could offer was to drop a bunch of f-bombs and give absolutely no constructive advice, I wouldn’t have bothered making you come home from work.”
“Oh, take a day off, this is insane, I need to process. This is my process.”
I can’t help but laugh at her, however exasperating it might be for me. She’s not entirely wrong. I did just dump a hell of a lot on both her and Freya, but still. I need them to give me something helpful.
Freya has barely said a word, she’s just been sitting next to me, holding my hand in silent support. I actually don’t know what’s
worse, her complete lack of reaction, or Steph’s over-the-top one.
I called a taxi from the Steele Industries offices, went straight back to Jacob’s apartment, packed my shit and left – for good. I even left the taxi running outside so it could take me straight to Freya’s and out of that five-star hell hole.
The look of relief on Freya’s face when I knocked on the door, bag in hand, is something I’ll never forget.
I knew I’d been worrying my best friends, and rightfully so, but it probably hadn’t sunk in just how concerned they really were for me. I can’t even imagine watching either of them go through something like this, knowing there’s nothing I could do to help.
“I can’t believe he has a kid.” That’s Freya. Finally.
“I know,” I whisper. “I got the impression he has nothing to do with him. He didn’t even know how old he was… What kind of man can know he has a son out there and want nothing to do with him?”
“A prick like Jacob,” Steph replies, flopping down next to me and casually laying a hand on my belly. “You’re huge, by the way.”
I shake my head in amusement. “Gee thanks.”
She rolls her eyes dramatically. “You know what I mean. I’d put my money on this kid popping out early. There’s no way you’re going to last another four weeks.”
I’ve been thinking the same thing. The size of my bump, my level of discomfort and the twinges I’ve been feeling in my back these past few days all indicate that I’m likely to go into labour early, but I’m hardly an expert on the matter, so I could be completely wrong.
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” I murmur.
The thought of going into labour and having this baby without Ryan by my side makes me feel like my throat is closing up, but I can’t be around him right now. Not until I figure this all out.
“What did Ryan say when you left?”
I nibble on my bottom lip as I think about it. The expression on his face has been doing a loop through my brain ever since I turned and walked away from him. He looked broken, but he respected me enough to allow me to do what I needed to do.
That’s the difference between Ryan and Jacob – one of the many differences at that.
Well, that’s what I thought to be true. Now I’m not so sure. My whole life feels like a lie.
“Nothing,” I reply. “He just let me go.”
“Huh,” Steph muses. “Can I just point out a silver lining here for a second?”
“Shoot.”
“At least you know with one hundred percent certainty that your kid’s dad isn’t that absolute prick… like don’t get me wrong, he’s a total nob for getting his balls snipped and not telling you, but the world doesn’t need any more Jacob Steeles, ya know? It’s a real positive.”
“Preach,” I reply.
“I’m sure the stripper and the secret kid would have been enough bargaining power to get him to leave you alone, but you always would have wondered which one was the father of your baby. I’m glad you don’t have that worry.”
I’m glad too. The idea that Jacob fathered this child, as unlikely as that might be, still kept me awake at night far too many times. She’s right. I probably would have always wondered.
“You know what you should do?”
“Dare I ask?” I mutter.
“You should blackmail Jake for millions and then disappear to Mexico and get yourself a toy boy.”
A giggle slips through my lips.
“For fuck’s sake, Steph, don’t make me knock some sense into you.” Freya shakes her head in disbelief.
Steph erupts into laughter. “Oh please, you couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat.”
“That’s a lie and you know it. I’ve been taking those combat classes at the gym.”
“Yeah, for two whole weeks. I’m shaking over here,” Steph teases.
I feel tears welling in my eyes.
“Now look what you’ve done,” Freya scolds Steph as a drop of moisture rolls down my cheek.
I shake my head. “They’re happy tears. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you both so much.”
Freya gives me a small smile, the banter with Steph forgotten, and rests her head on my shoulder. Steph does the same on the other side, and finally I feel some of the stress leave my tense body.
These girls are such a rock-solid support fixture in my life, I don’t know how I got so lucky.
We sit there like that for a long time. Them comforting, me thinking. All of us, together.
“You love him,” Freya says after a long period of silence in which my tears have run dry.
I don’t have to ask who’s she’s talking about; we all know it’s Ryan, not Jacob. It was never about Jacob. It hasn’t been about Jacob for a long time now.
Sure, I’m hurt by his actions, he betrayed me back then when he should have been loyal, but he doesn’t have any bearing on my life anymore. I’m free of him. He can’t hurt me because there’s nothing left there – I don’t love him anymore.
My heart is held by a completely different man.
Looking at the two of them side by side today, I can’t believe I ever mistook one for the other. They’re so different. Ryan’s eyes, his expression, his energy is soft and warm… Jacob’s is harsh and indifferent. Ryan looks at the world with wonder – Jacob looks at it with critical eyes. They might have been born identical, but they’re virtually strangers now.
“I love him,” I confirm.
And apparently, he’s loved me for years.
“You need to let him in, D. He loves you. He never meant to hurt you.”
I know this. I know he never set out to cause me pain, but the unfortunate reality is that he has. I know he must have been hurting himself, seeing me with Jacob after the night we shared, but he could have said something. He should have said something.
That night… that was something else. I’ve never felt a connection so instant, so intense, that quickly. He felt like home within a space of minutes.
Five years ago:
He’s standing so close to me, my head is spinning – it could be the drinks, but I doubt it. I’ve been drunk more times than I can count, and it’s never felt like this.
He lowers his head a fraction, gauging my reaction to his proximity.
I tilt my chin up towards him, welcoming him closer.
I’ve been waiting all night for him to kiss me.
We’ve talked and talked – about everything and nothing, it’s so effortless with him, it seems too good to be true.
God, I want him to kiss me.
His lip curves up at the corner as though he can read the thoughts going through my head and is amused by them.
He’s so handsome… that kind of gorgeous you only see on social media through a heavy filter. But there’s no filter here.
“You alright, Barbie?” he murmurs as he winds his hand around the back of my neck and into my hair.
I nod.
My breath hitches as he bumps his nose against mine.
He smells like whiskey and deliciousness.
He’s so close, I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face, but he’s not close enough, not yet.
His tongue darts out to moisten his lips and my belly flips.
He leans in… and someone yelling “wooooo! Bear pong!” crashes into us.
I hear him chuckle as he steadies me. The moment is lost, but I can’t be too mad about it. I know damn well we’ll get another one – I’m not going to let this one get away.
“I need the bathroom,” he tells me, his eyes looking over every inch of my face before meeting my gaze. “Wait right here, okay?”
“Where would I possibly go?” I tease.
He runs his thumb down my cheek, gives me one last, longing look and then heads for the bathroom.
Less than five minutes later he was taking my hand and dragging me out the door behind him.
Only now I know it wasn’t him at all. It was Jacob.
“Not that
I don’t appreciate the fact that you’re eating again, but you haven’t done anything but eat in two days, D. I think it might be time to put down the ice cream and go get your man.”
She’s right, I know she’s right. I miss Ryan like crazy and knowing that I’m free to see him whenever I want, but we’re still not together, is driving me mad, but the reality is that I’m scared. Terrified even.
Every time I open my heart to someone, I get hurt, and that scares me.
“I know. I’m being a baby.”
She reaches out and takes the tub of ice cream from my hands. I scowl at her but give it up. She’s right, I’ve made up for two months of barely eating by stuffing my face for two days straight. I feel sick.
“You’re not a baby, you’re afraid, and that’s fair enough. You’re allowed to be pissed, you can yell at him, cry… do whatever you want… but just do something, please, for the love of God, do something other than sit on my couch like a sack of shit.”
I giggle at her exasperated tone. “Tell me how you really feel.”
She huffs out a laugh. “Look, I love you, D, but you and I both know you’re not going to let this ruin what you have with him, so just get on with it. You’re having a baby together… Ryan will be going stir crazy without you. Put the poor man out of his misery.”
I hate the thought of him hurt or upset. I also hate the thought of my life without him.
We belong together, I know we do. We just need to sort out these minor details and we’ll make it. I know we can make it.
“Okay.” I nod. “I’ll go and talk to him.
“Finally, she sees the light.” She reaches up to the sky dramatically. “Let’s go, I’ll drive you myself before you can change your mind.”
I flip her off and then extend my hand to her to help me off the couch. I’m not about to turn down a ride.
My belly tightens uncomfortably as she gently helps me up – I rub at it until the feeling eases.
I can feel my not-so-little peanut squirming around. “Not much room left in there, huh, baby,” I muse.
I go and check my reflection in the mirror, making sure my outfit looks alright, even though there’s only so much you can wear when you’re the size of a house, but I want to look as good as I can when I see Ryan again.
The First Rule: A Standalone Second Chance Romance Page 20
