by Cethan Leahy
‘I would heed this advice, except you don’t have a gut.’
Adam looked back at the photo, really looked at it and finally ‘Liked’ it. He wrote underneath it, Crazy gig, huh?
‘I’m merely concerned for your mental health.’
‘Thanks, pal,’ he said, giving me a thumbs up, which I believe was sarcastic. The cheek!
A moment later, she liked his comment. At which he smiled.
‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ I warned. ‘From what I’ve seen, people will like anything.’
It would only be a matter of time before he’d be foolish and decide to make a move.
‘You know, I might ask her if she wants to do something together,’ he said about ten seconds later, waiting for my approval, which he was not going to receive.
‘That’s a terrible idea. She’ll say no and you’ll be embarrassed. Then the two of you won’t be comfortable hanging out and you’ll have to leave the group. No one will want to be your friend any more.’
Adam wasn’t listening. More of the neglect I was talking about!
Instead of heeding my advice, he bounced off his bed and strolled out the door. He sent a text asking who was around and, wouldn’t ya know it, Aoife was about. He walked to town in a heedless stride, his head full of ideas. He found her sitting outside O’Briens with a near empty bottle of Coke. He waved but she didn’t notice him. He walked up to her, but with a less confident step. With any luck, his fear would stop this.
‘Aoife?’
‘No response. I’d say abandon this,’ I said.
Nervously, he tapped her on the shoulder. She turned with some surprise, smiled and took off her headphones.
‘Oh, hey, Adam!’ she said with a wave, even though he was literally centimetres away from her.
‘Oh, hi. I … Can I ask you something?’
‘Bail. Bail. Bail,’ I said.
‘Sure.’
He brushed his hair away from his forehead.
‘Oi! Harry!’ said a fellow passing by.
After the hospital, he had grown his fringe out in an attempt to hide his self-inflicted scar. Unfortunately this had the inexplicable side effect of random people calling him ‘Harry’. Perhaps he looked like a friend of theirs.
‘Ah … what are you listening to?’ Adam said, already red with embarrassment.
‘Have a listen.’
Adam put the headphones on and I hovered closer so I could hear it too. As you may have guessed, I don’t like being left out of things. Aoife pressed play and the headphones filled with several layers of unlistenable static and noise. It was so loud I could hear it. From Adam’s face, I could tell it was hurting his eardrums. Not for the first time I was glad I lacked physical eardrums to rupture.
‘Pretty good, right?’ said Aoife with perplexing enthusiasm. ‘It’s by Djevelen Katt. They’re are a Norwegian Death Metal band. Their lead singer died in a sword fight with the bassist. It was all over the Internet for a while there. Hang on, I’ll play something else.’
Aoife watched expectantly as Adam struggled with the music. He didn’t want to disappoint her, so he pretended it was in some way listenable, which was a mistake, as this only encouraged her and she decided to play him something else. The music switched to a slightly more melodic piece, where the dense noises were interrupted every so often by the sound of a man screaming.
‘That’s Skumle Sko. You can tell it’s one of their later ones since it’s a bit more pop-y.’
Adam signalled for the next one. The music now changed to a cacophonous crash of notes and fragments of a woman singing.
‘WHO’S THIS?’
‘It’s …’ Aoife checked her screen, ‘a Katy Perry track. Linda gave it to me but the file got corrupted by my computer, but I liked it this way so I kept it.’
Adam pulled off the headphones. ‘That was … something.’
‘Did you like it?’
‘If you go out with her, you’ll have to pretend to like this music all the time,’ I said.
‘Yeah, no, not really.’
‘SIGH! Not everyone can have as great taste in music as me,’ she said. Blast, why couldn’t she have been offended?
‘Heh heh, this is true. Would you …’
This follow-up was mercifully interrupted by Douglas, who stormed towards them. He had a fury in his eyes, as if he’d had to listen to Aoife’s playlist for more than twenty minutes.
Douglas had a flare for entrances. Even in broad daylight he was capable of sudden appearances, as if teleported from a far-off planet made of angst. He pointed at them. ‘You two, have you seen that traitor?’
‘Hey, Douglas,’ said the two in unison. ‘Who?’
‘Who? Barry, of course. We have a gig next week and he has pulled out, with some feeble excuse. I’m broadcasting it now! Barry Lynch is out of The Spoken Mystics!’
‘The who?’
‘We decided to go in a new direction after our first gig. The time was right, at least it was before he abandoned me. Now, it’s just me and Sinead, and we have nothing to talk about. She’s always on about PlayStation games. She knows I’m from an Xbox family. It’s impossible to deal with her.’
‘Why can’t he play?’ said Adam.
‘Oh, something stupid. His sister is getting married or something. Can either of you drum?’
‘No. My dad has a drum machine if that helps,’ said Adam. ‘He was in a Blur tribute band when he was younger.’
‘I don’t know what a blur is, but it will have to do. Alas, I knew technology would overtake the human element of the band, I just never dreamed … Well, we’ll have to rename the band again,’ said Douglas as he wandered away.
This distraction gone, Adam tried again.
‘Anyway I was thinking–’
‘Hi,’ said a familiar black and red jumper. Beep beep. Barry checked his phone and his face became terse.
‘Did you tell Douglas to replace me with a drum machine?’
Adam was beginning to sweat. ‘Well … Congratulations to your sister.’
‘Eh, what about her?’
‘She’s getting married?’
‘That’d be weird. She’s about eight years old.’
‘Aren’t you going to her wedding on Saturday?’
‘Oh! No, I just told Douglas that because I have to play in my cousin’s band on Saturday. I didn’t want to but she’s blackmailing me.’
‘How?’
‘She saw me clean up some paint with the good towels and bin them after.’
‘Busted.’
‘Busted indeed. You charlatan!’ shouted Douglas, who jumped out from seemingly nowhere. ‘Not only do you betray me by joining a different band, but you lie to me about your sister getting married. The most sacred vow between two people!’
‘In my defence, you did meet her. You knew she was way younger than me!’
‘Barry, it has been a while since I last saw her and time makes fools of us all. Besides your word means nothing. It’s too late. Adam has already promised me a robotic replacement.’
‘Wait, I still have to ask my dad if you can use it,’ said Adam.
‘And I’m far superior to a drum machine.’
‘We shall see. Adam, bring us to your house and I’ll judge if Barry is truly the equal of this mechanised musician.’
‘What’s going on?’ said Linda, just joining us.
‘We are all going to Adam’s house.’
‘Cool! I’ve never seen it.’
‘Wait, I … Sure. I just need to check if it’s okay.’
Adam was looking stressed as he rang his mother. ‘Hey, Mum. Would it be okay if I brought some friends home with me in a few minutes?’
‘Great! Do! I’d love to meet them,’ she said.
‘She’s okay about it, but only for a little bit,’ he said to everyone after hanging up the phone.
***
‘I like the gnome,’ said Linda.
‘Oh yeah, that’s my dad’s. He thinks t
hey’re funny. Ha!’ said Adam.
I wondered what he was so nervous about. Was it his friends meeting his family or his family meeting his friends? He opened the door and, despite what he may have hoped, his mother was there immediately.
‘Hello, Mrs Murphy!’ said everyone in a sweet chorus.
‘Hello! You must be Adam’s friends.’
‘You have a cool house,’ said Barry, admiring a tacky-looking vase.
‘Oh, well, you have a cool jumper.’
Barry beamed, vindicated in his decision to wear the same thing day in, day out. Everyone else rolled their eyes. After Adam introduced them all, they travelled up to his room, where Adam’s dad was directed to bring his drum machine.
‘Your room is a bit sparse,’ said Linda. ‘You should get a rug or something.’
‘I like it,’ said Aoife. ‘Very modern.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ said Adam.
‘There you go, lads,’ said Dad, bearing an electronic gift. Douglas brushed off the thin layer of dust and pressed one of the buttons. It created a steady beat.
‘Well, it’s already surpassed your shoddy timekeeping, Barry.’
‘Enjoy!’ said Dad, who stopped a moment before leaving to stealthily point at Aoife with a questioning face. Adam cringed hard. This was actually quite amusing.
‘Oh, I love this book,’ said Aoife, pointing at one of the ones he hadn’t read all of.
Adam was relieved she hadn’t seen his father’s not too subtle communication. ‘Oh, that one, me too.’
‘My favourite bit is the moment with the test.’
‘Me too. Man, it’s been so long since I read it.’
Adam was an inexpert liar. It was a bit embarrassing to watch really. You could almost hear his heartbeat speed up.
‘Oh, I can increase the tempo too!’ said Douglas, playing with the drum machine. ‘Wow, Barry, you have been rendered obsolete by the latest technology of the nineties.’
‘This is total BS.’
‘Shoot, I have to go,’ said Linda, noticing the time. ‘My mother is making me go shopping for “sensible shoes”.’
‘Me too. I need to practise with my new band member, Barry 1,’ said Douglas, hugging the drum machine and leaving the room.
‘Shouldn’t it be Barry 2?’ said Barry following him out to the hall.
‘It’s really more of a ranking.’
It was just Aoife and Adam (and me) in the room now. I willed Adam not to say anything. She smiled at him and he smiled back. His eyes looked around frantically for something to delay her.
‘Adam! Can you help your father in the garden? No worries if your friends are still here.’
‘Duty calls. I’ll see ya later,’ said Aoife.
‘Yeah, I’ll get on to you about that.’
‘About what?’
‘Later?’
‘Bye.’ She waved goodbye, a FRIENDS ONLY wave, I hoped, since their romance was something that was never going to happen.
He showed her to the door. After she popped her headphones back on and walked out the gate, he joined his father in the garden, who handed him a trowel.
‘Is it okay if Douglas borrows the drum machine?’
‘Well, since I saw him walk out the door with it already, I guess it had better be.’
‘Thanks.’
Adam began to dig.
‘She’s pretty,’ Dad said. Adam once again blushed.
***
Hey, want to see a movie?
Aoife, You, me, movie?
Yo, we should all meet next week, except maybe just you and me?
Like a lovesick fool, Adam was typing text messages that would never be sent. He kept writing them and hovering his thumb over the send button, but in the end, he deleted each one. His cowardice was quite amusing, I must say. He started again.
I LIKE YOU! WE SHOULD GO SEE A MOVIE
AND MAYBE KISS!
‘Sure you want to send that?’
‘Yes! No! I don’t know!’
He tossed the phone away. It landed on his bed with a soft thud. ‘I’d better not. I guess I don’t really know her and I’m only just making friends with that whole group.’
‘That’s true. Don’t want to make things weird.’
Adam took some deep breaths. It was settled for now.
Beep beep.
His eyes widened and he raced to the bed. It was a message from Aoife. He had accidentally sent the last text. The impact with the bed must have been hard enough to activate the send button on his touchscreen. He closed his eyes and picked up the phone.
That’s a great idea. The first one that is,
we’ll see about the second part. ;)
Want to see something tomorrow?
I kid you not, Adam did a little dance. He was very, very excited, so excited that he briefly forgot to answer back.
Yes
Beep beep.
That was some straight talking partner.
I assume from the briefness of your reply
that I will select the movie we see.
Sure.
Well I can see I shall be the more verbose on
this date. So I insist you pick a time and
place. Otherwise I will have DONE ALL THE
WORK HERE which is not terribly romantic.
Adam grinned to himself.
Maybe it’s romantic for me …
Oh God, this was horrifying. Beep beep.
Ah a victory for feminism! :P I notice that
you still haven’t stated a preferred time or place.
7ish? At the Omniplex?
Excellent. Mr Murphy I shall meet you at
The Pictuirlann at 6. :)
LOL
I would like to point out that at this moment Adam did not laugh out loud. He barely made a sound, simply smiling like a fool. Love makes liars out of us all apparently.
Beep beep.
I’m fairly confident that is the first time you
ever wrote LOL. I’m touched. See you then!
See you then!
He stared at the phone a little longer. ‘I should leave it there, right? No more messages?’
‘Yes! You said, “See you then.”’
‘I could have phrased it better …’
‘Go to bed.’
Adam went to bed and was too excited to sleep. Since he wasn’t in snoozeville, I wasn’t able to go for a walk. Instead I got to hang out and listen to him blab about Aoife.
I didn’t know why he was so excited. He still had to go on the date and maybe then she would realise that she didn’t like him. It could still all go wrong. This hadn’t occurred to him, so I suggested it in the hope he would calm down enough to fall asleep, but then he became too worried to fall asleep. This was not the desired effect but it was preferable to Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.
Twenty-Four
On their first date, Aoife lied. Instead of a cinema, she led him to a grey brick with a door.
‘What’s this?’ Adam said.
‘A cinema. Look at the sign.’
Written in faded red were the words ‘Pictiurlann Cinema’.
‘I come here to watch weird films. They show loads, especially horror ones.’
Underneath the sign was a cracked glass box, trapping a poster which featured a woman holding a typewriter while standing in the sea. She looked unhappy.
We walked in and there was a bearded gentleman sitting behind the desk, reading a book with no picture on the cover. He looked up and recognised Aoife. As they chatted in what turned out to be a surprisingly lengthy discussion about something that had been showing last week, Adam read the programme of upcoming movies on the wall. None of the names were familiar and many seemed to involve pale, black-haired women staring.
‘Hey, Adam, do you want a drink?’
‘Ah, Club Orange?’
‘That and I’ll have a cup of tea.’
The bearded fellow handed them the tickets and their drinks.
‘Oh, which
screen?’ said Adam.
‘Only the one,’ he said, pointing at a door where a cool woman wearing a floppy hat was standing. She ripped their tickets in half and sent them in.
I followed the couple into screen one (and only). We were the only ones there, save for a second bearded man in the back row. We sat and watched the film, Aoife and Adam together and me several seats back, because Adam kept glaring at me when I sat next to him. The film was strange and I’m not sure I liked it. Mostly the characters kept having loud arguments in French about a book.
I think the two of them were getting bored, too, as Aoife began whispering into Adam’s ear.
About midway through the film, the French woman has taken her Czech lover’s collection of books and begun to drop them in a river. The man runs up to her and grabs her wrist. The woman smiles for a moment and with her free hand, grabs his cheek, dragging it down to her face. She bites it and they proceed to press things together on the river bank, underneath a tree and then suddenly in a rotting cottage.
I looked back at the couple and saw them giggling. Aoife made an exaggerated yawning gesture and landed her arm on the back of Adam’s neck. They looked at each other and laughed out loud. They were shushed by the one other film-goer.
After the film they had a meal, at least as close to a meal as two teenagers with limited funds could afford: two burgers in Hamburger Inn. He had a chicken burger and she had a quarter-pounder with cheese. They shared chips.
‘So what did you think of the movie?’ said Adam.
‘Oh, it was very intellectual, so I enjoyed it as I’m very clever. If you didn’t like it, I understand. Those films aren’t for everyone,’ said Aoife, mock solemnly.
‘Oh, I really liked it. I really enjoyed how it was about … feelings and things. It really made me think … about things and, eh, feelings.’
They stared at each other, with fixed solemn expressions.
