by Anna Collins
“I really can’t believe that you have come into my life, Lucy. I’ve been looking for something for a long time and I thought that I was just going to have to go through the motions one after the other. Girls have come and gone in my life and only one has been able to stand next to me in life. She was my guiding light, but maybe I’ve found another,” He said as he stayed buried within me and not moving a single solitary inch.
I ran my hands down over his clammy skin. I enjoyed the way that he shuddered and made an involuntary gasp of approval by how my fingers raked over his nipples. He jerked within me. I was waiting for the lightning strike and the perfect night, but I had no idea that I had taken the biggest step of my life by coming here.
I had no idea what I was waiting for, but reaching that top of the mountain was going to come by his hand. I think that he finally made me see that I only had one life to live.
I was afraid of falling, but with him, it was more like I had to fall. I had no idea what I was getting in for. I was aiming to make this moment last for as long as possible. Everybody had a choice to make. This was my leap of faith. It was a risk and one that could end up making me heartbroken, but it was a risk that I was willing to take.
He was giving it his all and his strokes were deep, but they soon became more of a pounding drum. I felt his loins press up against me. We had this skin to skin contact like electricity flowing between us.
I knew that I shouldn’t be proud of what I was doing. I was stretching my limits until I was close to my breaking point. It was like my body was this elastic band and pulling too tight would snap it all together. He had a way of pulling taut, but not going too far. It was definitely a thin thread and one that he was pulling at carefully.
We really didn’t care that Angelica was there and she was pretty much forgotten. We caught up in our own love affair and the way that we looked at each other made me believe that he was craving a different kind of love. We were the rulers our own hearts and it was up to us to decide who we were going to give it to.
“I’ve just about had it… I think that you know that and I think that you’re about to find out that I am more than you can handle,” I said as my body worked towards the common goal of giving me that release that I was looking for.
I was my own pioneer and rules meant nothing when it came to matters of the heart. There was no mistaken the way that I felt about him. I’d yet to hear that one word that would make all the difference.
“I love…” I thought for sure that he was going to say the words “…the way that you move against me and the way that you touch me is more than I can ever ask for,” He said as he pushed up against me and made me yearn for the feeling of his own climax breaking free of its prison. That wasn’t the first time that he had come that close to admitting his feelings.
We were wild things. I turned to see that Angelica had vacated her spot. I looked around the room sparingly, but there was no sign of her anywhere. That first climax was only the beginning.
“I’m cumming…fucking again… AHHHHH,” I moaned with my face contorted into a mask of ecstasy that could not be contained. Denying the inevitable was a foolish act. He must’ve known that his time was near.
“Lucy, I’ve changed my mind about you. You may have been naïve and a little blind to your own wanton lust, but I think that you’re finally blossoming… Oh god… I can’t stop it,” He said, as he drove his hips down on top of me.
He was moving quite quickly and I think that I had him wrapped around my little finger. I had learned from somewhere how to manipulate those inner muscles. I was using that knowledge to turn him into a husk of his former self. His seed splashed against my womb. I could feel every single one of his spurts firing off. He drove his teeth into my shoulder and that added combination of pain and pleasure was an addiction that I yearned to have more of.
He lay on top of me with his weight against the pillows of my breasts. My hair was matted with perspiration and I could hear him breathing into my ear like that of a man that had done a marathon. I held his head to my body and let him bask in the afterglow of what we had done together. This was nothing like I had expected and I had a feeling that Angelica had other things in mind besides a little naughty attire.
I looked at the clock and noticed that we had been hot and heavy for the past 2 hours. It was a slow and agonizing performance that left us wanting to duplicate that experience over again. I ran my fingers through his hair, touching on the nape of his neck and scratching lightly to hear him purr like a kitten.
“I think that you would have liked Lily. You two would’ve been fast friends. You have a lot more in common than I gave you credit for,” He said in a soft whisper that I could only hear.
I wondered if he truly knew what it meant to me for him to say her name. He probably thought that in passing he had already done it, but to me, this first time was something that gave him license to let go.
“She must’ve been very special to you,” I had to be careful and I didn’t want to spook him into thinking that he had given any secrets away.
“Your hot overwhelming gravity pulled me towards you until we were colliding like two fallen stars. We were frozen here in time and I don’t think that anything could have separated us, besides a crowbar and a cold shower,” He said with the candle of our love now extinguished for the evening.
What if I were to stay here forever? Could I even fathom a life with a man that had these unusual mood swings? I really didn’t know how to answer those questions, but I still had a few more days to figure things out. It wasn’t going to be easy to leave this place behind. The money was important at one time, but now it was secondary to losing my heart. He could’ve easily made me beg for it on my hands and knees. I just wanted to be where he was and to get a brief little taste of what he had to offer. I believed that our love was a symphony and he was strumming the chords of my heart to find just the right melody that suited both of us.
I didn’t want him to leave me hanging and I may have been a little insecure, but I was starting to get a newfound confidence. If he really wanted to win my heart, then he was doing a remarkable job of it. I had no idea what it would take to make him finally say those three words, but I was going to do everything in my power to make it happen. I had sympathy for his plight and for his loss, but that had been a long time and it was holding him back from finding something new and exciting.
“Tonight didn’t go exactly as I thought it would. You were this force and I was powerless to resist you. That’s not something that happens readily and maybe I need to reassess our arrangement,” He said as he got up and grabbed his clothes on the way to the door.
The door closed behind him and I was left with the sinking feeling that he may have found himself feeling too much and now was trying to pull back.
Chapter 22
I had no idea what his next move was going to be. I could only hope that I was ready. I didn’t want to go and I didn’t want to stay. I had no idea what I wanted.
I found him alone on the deck doing these insane yoga poses that reminded me of sexual positions that were found in the Kama Sutra.
I had not heard from Angelica.
I didn’t hesitate, stripping down right there at the door and then strolling out into the morning sun. I took my position beside him and mimicked his every movement down to the minute detail.
“Angelica has left the island, but she promises to make a return engagement before you leave. She tells me that she has business to conduct, but I think that we may have gone a little overboard last night. You see, she holds a torch for me and I don’t feel the same way for her. I’ve tried to tell her again and again that she just doesn’t do it for me, but I did my best to be polite about it,” He said as he looked between his legs in my direction.
I didn’t want to tell him that I was secretly happy that she had left us alone. I kept my emotions to myself. He thought of me as a work in progress, but I think I knew that he was exactly like me in that regard
. He needed a soft touch and not a slap across the face to make him see that life went on.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I really do like her and maybe when she comes back, we can revisit what happened last night,” I said without even a trace of sarcasm in my voice.
“I think it best that she has gone. I need time to concentrate on my work. I think today, we will take a moment to smell the roses. I want you amongst nature, where I can see your beauty flourish amongst the environment that will hold you in a warm embrace,” He said as he clapped his hands.
I followed him into the house to another meal that had me giving compliments to the chef. It wasn’t the same fare and, this time, he had made chicken and waffles. It brought to mind those times that I had lived for about a year in the south. I got this feeling that maybe this was not a coincidence. Devlin had a way of uncovering things that should’ve been left alone.
“I don’t know about this idea of yours to go out into the wild completely naked. I’m just starting to get comfortable doing it in your studio and out on the beach. That’s a far cry from standing completely still while the mosquitoes are eating me alive,” I said with a forkful of waffle going into my mouth.
“You should feel honored that I want to do this with you. There’s only been one other that I’ve taken out there amongst the other animals. You’re a star that fades one moment and then shines brightly the next. Don’t disappear on me. Don’t stop the momentum. I might do this to myself to starve for my art, but you do it for another reason,” He said as he picked up his plate and took it over to the sink.
I still wasn’t sure about this, but that didn’t stop him from dragging me away from the comfort of the estate. I didn’t exactly go out completely naked at the first. I had a robe on and a pair of flip flops that really weren’t made for trekking into the wild.
“Lucy, I think I fell in love with this place the moment that I came across it. It seemed so simple back then. I think that there was a bad influence in my life, or maybe I just thought of her that way. The rest of the world might be black and white, but here we dream in color,” He said as we came to a clearing out of the woods.
We were on top of this cliff with the waves crashing down below. I think that we were meant to fall apart and then fall back together. It was a growing exercise and one that I was starting to come to terms with. I didn’t know if we stood a chance, but I remember thinking that maybe there was something that I could do to help him. I think it came from the fact that I had betrayed his trust by seeing those covered masterpieces.
“I hope that you can take the heat. The temperature around here gets up into the high digits,” He said as he stood in front of me waiting for me to disrobe.
“If I couldn’t stand the heat, I wouldn’t be in the metaphorical kitchen. I think I’m seeing how you work and I understand your process. It’s not easy. I’m sure that others in my place would walk away quickly without looking back,” I said as I dropped the robe and my dignity at the same time.
There was nobody around for miles. I was a little gun shy about love, but I was willing to try again for the right man. I hoped that Devlin could help me to find my way. I think that the only person that really knew where I had been in my head was Devlin.
He moved me into position at the edge of the cliff. I thought that was pretty damn risky, but apparently he was feeling like he needed something different today. I tried to move to a safer distance away from certain harm, but he was right there to give me a warning without saying anything at all.
“I don’t think that you know what you’re asking of me, Devlin. If I slip or lose my balance, I could tumble to my demise. I really don’t want my corpse to be found naked and vulnerable like that,” I said as I moved my feet back and forth to try to get something of a semblance of stability.
“I admit that is what I want to hear from you. Tell me what you’re feeling and I need to know. It will show me just what way to go in my work. I want to splash not only your face on this canvas, but I want to lay bare your emotions for everybody to see,” He said as he stood there with his brush in hand.
“I’m afraid that you’re going to allow me to die. I’m cold and I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Is that what you really want to hear? Is your art, so damn important that you think that there’s a need to make me do something that is against my better judgment?” I questioned him on his motives.
“There’s no reason to get defensive. I’m adding this new component so that I can get down to the heart of the matter. I am going to break you. I have to, so that I can show you the new Lucy up close and personal,” He said with an insanity that came from not taking his medication and using his art, as some sort of therapy.
This very strong gust pushed me closer to the edge. My arms flailed in the air like I was taking off like some helicopter. My heart was literally in my mouth and my eyes must the showed a kind of fear that could not be faked.
“My god…that’s perfect,” He exclaimed while putting me in dire need of rescue.
I was shivering and holding my position. It wasn’t easy and there were moments during those 3 hours that I wanted to cover up and walk away in disgust. I did love him, but I hated him at the same time. It was a hard thing to digest, especially since he had brought me all the way out here to shed my skin and become more of a natural woman.
I had been researching the Italian language so that I could try and pick up certain phrases that he was mumbling underneath his breath during these modeling sessions. I listened intently, cocking my head to the side to hear the words over the sound of the wind.
“I’m witnessing all your joys and your pains. Nothing matters, but the truth. Can’t you see that, Lucy? I want you to engage and learn,” He said with his arm moving and this smirk that came from knowing that he was finding that part of me that I had never shown anybody else.
“I think that you can agree that you have seen the many faces that I have put on for you and the world,” I said as I looked at him to see if I was going to get any kind of reaction. I was waking up to a new day and I was petrified that he was going to leave me.
“I’m finally starting to believe that you’re ready. You think that you are trapped in a world that you can’t get free of. I’m the only thing that can save you from yourself,” He said with the same wind blowing his hair in the breeze that was threatening to throw me down onto the rocks below.
I wasn’t sure how to answer what he said. He went back to his work and the things that he said underneath his breath started to make more sense. It was not just gibberish. To me, it sounded like some kind of mantra that he lived by.
“Life is about poisoning the soul and then finding that one person that will make you see that it’s all worth it. I’m not alone… I’m not alone and I never will be again. This is my way of immortalizing human emotions in a way that has never been seen before. I am the brushstroke of my own destiny,” he said with his hand on the canvas to make sure that it wasn’t going to blow away. This was not the same masterpiece. This was something different.
“I was going to ask you to give me one good reason why I should stand here and take this kind of abuse,” I said.
All this could go away in the blink of an eye. I would have myself to blame for letting it slip through my fingers. The way that he touched me last night gave me hope that the love that I had for him was shared in a more profound way. It had been a dizzying experience and one that I didn’t regret in any way. I might’ve been apprehensive to try certain things, but I was grateful for the chance to broaden my horizons.
“You’re doing this for a better life, Lucy. I don’t want you to look back when you’re old and gray and think of any regrets. You need to cast away your doubts and open your arms and embrace change,” He said as he came over and moved me into another position.
“I know that you have scars and maybe you don’t want to talk about him, but I don’t care anymore. Lily was important to you. You have held onto her memory in a very dest
ructive way. I saw what you did in your studio,” I said not quite realizing that I had blurted out something that probably should have stayed a secret between myself and Angelica.
“No… No… No… No… I don’t want to hear about this anymore. I’m not listening and I don’t need you to tell me how I’m supposed to feel,” He said as he stabbed at the canvas with the brush like some sort of knife. He picked up that canvas and tossed it over my head barely missing me by a couple of inches.
I turned to see his work get caught in an updraft. It carried on the wind for quite some time, before coming down a few 100 yards out in the ocean. I was stunned by his behavior, but I shouldn’t have been. His bipolar personality was prone to these kinds of outbursts.
