My little brother handled things much better than I did. Ryan is a classically trained and extremely talented musician. Since he was five years old, my mom would insist that he practice for an hour a day even if his friends were over at our house. His buddies would watch TV or play Nintendo until the hour was up. The amazing thing is that he was a very popular kid, maybe in part because he stood up for himself. His friends were listening to rock and rap while he was falling in love with classical music. He listened to the music he wanted to listen to, whether or not it was popular among his peers, and he really didn’t seem to be concerned whether they liked him more or less because of it. In the process, he was so popular. His friends even went to his classical music concerts. I was envious of him and his strength to be the person he truly was. I was impressed—and, of course, wondered why I hadn’t inherited the same friendship gene that he did.
Looking back, I wish I had been more courageous in school. I wish I had been more adventurous and had more experiences. I wish I had gone on more group dates. Instead of trying to fit in with students who apparently didn’t want me as part of their group, I should have been even more aggressive in looking for activities (like horseback riding) where I could meet people and make friends. I know high school kids who worked for charities after school or on weekends. Some made lifelong friends with other volunteers at Head Start programs. I missed out on a lot because I was so shy and so insecure.
Yet I’ve gained this wisdom over the years: The key is to have good friends, true friends, even if you don’t have very many of them. (Of course, this is what my mom always told me when I was crying after school; I didn’t believe her then, but, as usual, parents know what they’re talking about.) It may be enough to have just one close girlfriend you can relate to and talk to, and with whom you have things in common. You don’t need busloads of friends, especially those who spend too much of their time gossiping about others and doing their share of backstabbing. You also don’t need to compromise your values in an attempt to fit in, or say nasty things just to “belong.”
Stay true to yourself and who you really are at your inner core. You’ll be proud you took a stand and stuck to your values.
Who Am I?
As important as a few good friends can be, I’ve also made an effort to get a better sense of the person I really am. Particularly in an industry like show business, where so much of an individual’s supposed “worth” is based on superficial things—e.g., their beauty, not their brains…their thinness, not the kind of person they are inside—it’s important to recognize the trivialness of it all and not be overly influenced by it. Sure, it sounds like a cliché, but as I identify and make peace with my inner self, I’ve become a much happier person and deal more effectively with the problems in my life—from relationship issues to job conflicts to health concerns. As I’ve recognized what’s really important—and what’s not—I’m making better and more genuine life decisions.
Now, don’t get me wrong: My career is very important to me, and so I’ve learned to accept (and sometimes even embrace) most aspects of show business—the good, the bad, and the ugly. But as much as I love acting, it’s only one part of my life. I’ve learned not to take every disappointment to heart, because in this business, there can be a lot of them. I don’t let the setbacks overshadow all the good things in my life, including those that have nothing to do with the television industry. I have a happy home life. I spend as much time as possible with my family and friends. I ride horses. I ski. I’ve taken up golf. I’ve learned to play racquetball and basketball. And I never stop reading.
Finding your place in the world—and discovering the activities that make you a more well-rounded, more complete person—is a lifelong journey. Along the way, take advantage of every opportunity to bring quality to your day-to-day life.
By the way, I don’t think you’re ever too young (or too old!) to start this process. I remember when I was applying to colleges and was initially amazed that the Ivy League schools and other prestigious colleges were looking for students who were not only academic superstars, with a 4.0 GPA or better. They also wanted their incoming freshmen to have accumulated a lengthy list of extracurricular activities—sports, clubs, school plays, and musical performance. They wanted young people who had done charity work and made other important contributions to their community. Get the picture? In short, these colleges were seeking people who were well-rounded, with broad interests, even if they didn’t excel in every one of them.
I think there’s something to be learned from these college-admission criteria. No matter what your stage of life, open your eyes to everything the world has to offer. You might discover new interests along the way—some serious, some recreational, and some that may become lifelong pursuits.
I really enjoy basketball, for example. I play a little—I’ll talk about my participation in Jim Reynolds’ Charity Basketball Games a little later—but I’m also a huge fan of the sport, attend both L.A. Lakers and Clippers games, and I’m in a “fantasy basketball league” with several of my Days co-stars.
Be Flexible
Each week, I get many e-mails and letters from fans seeking my advice—not only about making it as an actress, but also about achieving virtually every other goal in their lives. I tell them how I’ve realized many of my own dreams—by focusing on the prize, working hard, making sacrifices—and being flexible. Yes, I’ve learned that unforeseen events can often derail the best-laid plans, at least temporarily; whether you’re an actress, a stockbroker, a stay-at-home mom, or a professional athlete, there will still be inevitable and unexpected twists and turns that can throw you offtrack. But if you’re ready and willing to roll with the punches, I think you’ll emerge as a stronger person.
For most of my life, I had always assumed that I’d go to college. In fact, the issue was never whether I’d go to college, but rather what college I’d choose. But then at sixteen, my life took an unexpected turn. I got this wonderful role on Days of Our Lives, and it changed everything and forced me to re-think my future. As I prepared to graduate from high school, I realized that college just wasn’t in the cards, at least not at the time. All those college applications I filled out were really for naught. It just wasn’t practical to think I could be both a full-time student and a full-time actress. There are only twenty-four hours in a day.
Yet I remember how difficult it was to let go of my dream of college, or more accurately, to put it on hold. I know what you’re thinking—“What, are you crazy? Dreaming of college when you’ve got a job like that?!!?!” Of course, I’m proud of what I’ve achieved as an actress. But at the same time, my parents have always emphasized the importance of an education. I grew up with a strong belief that a degree would be one of the most important tools I could give myself. That way, no matter what happened with my acting, I’d have something to “fall back on.” So while I’m certainly happy with my good fortune to spend more than ten fantastic years on Days, it was still hard to let go of what I had planned for my life for so long.
By the way, for a time, I actually did try to do both—show business and higher education. I actually began taking a few evening classes at UCLA. The executive producer of Days told me, “If you can find a way to make it work, give college a shot and we’ll try to help you out with the schedule.” And he did. The show’s producers helped in every way they could. But it was still impossible to find time for everything.
In my second quarter at UCLA, my economics professor provided the coup de grace to my college career. One day after class, he told me, “Look, if you’re ever late for class, don’t bother to show up at all!” He couldn’t have been more direct. At that point, I realized that I just couldn’t commit myself to college right then. Sometime in the future, maybe—but not then.
I still keep my mind active. As I mentioned, I read all the time, and read all kinds of things—from magazines (Vanity Fair, Entertainment Weekly, The New Yorker) to every type of book imaginable, including romance
novels, the classics (Jane Austen, Victor Hugo) and “chick-lit” (a la Bridget Jones’ Diary). I frequently check out what’s on the best-seller list, and I’m an easy mark for attractive displays at bookstores. I encourage others to read, too, and enjoy the challenge of taking someone who doesn’t like reading and finding a book for him that he can’t put down.
I was very fortunate that my own love of reading was nurtured as a kid. My aunt and uncle live in Connecticut, and growing up, I would visit them and my cousin every summer. As a preteenager, I began going to a small bookstore in their community, which was (and still is) owned by a wonderful woman named Diane, who would always recommend fabulous books for me to read. Each year, she’d ask me about the types of books I liked and what I’d been reading lately. She’d almost interview me about my reading interests. I’d leave her store with more than a dozen books that she “assigned” me to read in the next 12 months—some were light reading (fun but well-written), and others were serious fiction. I always read all of them, and when I returned the following summer, I’d give her a report on which books I liked and which I didn’t.
I’ve been back to Diane’s Books every year, and always leave with a new stack of reading. There’s no bookstore like Diane’s where I live, where the staff is so knowledgeable about books and that hasn’t been suffocated by the warehouse bookstores.
Let me also tell you about my book group. We’re all in the entertainment industry (Ari Zuker of Days is part of the group). Whenever all of us finish the book we’ve chosen to read, we meet, talk about it, and select the next book. Everyone comes with suggestions, and our new choice tends to fit into a different category than our last book—if we just finished reading a heavy or a sad story (The Lovely Bones, for example), we might shift to a Jane Green novel next time that’s more fun and lighthearted. Sometimes we meet at one of our homes; other times, we go out to dinner and discuss the book.
I also keep current on what’s going on in the world, and get most of my news on the Internet. But at least right now, college isn’t right for me. And I’m at peace with that decision.
The moral to the story? You can never predict how your life is going to unfold. I’ve made some tough choices, but they’re choices I can live with, and I’ve made them with as much thought and wisdom as possible.
A Memorable Afternoon
After I had joined the cast of Days, most of the kids in my high-school classes knew about my acting career, and some seemed fascinated by it. Although I still wasn’t winning any popularity contests at school, they’d sometimes ask me what it was like being on TV or what some of the other actors on the soap were like.
In my initial days on the show, my character Sami was being portrayed as a loving little sister and a “good girl”—before her eventual fall from grace. In one early episode, I had a scene with Carrie (played by Christie Clark), Sami’s older sister, where she was teaching me how to kiss a boy. Christie began kissing her hand, while showing me how to kiss my own hand so I’d be ready for the “real thing” once a boy finally entered my life. In some ways, it was a hilarious scene—but also rather embarrassing. I remember that Christie and I felt pretty stupid shooting the scene. But our embarrassment on the set was only beginning!
Three weeks after that episode was shot, I was in my history class at school, and the teacher brought out a TV and a VCR to show us a video on World War II. Well, the videotape malfunctioned, and the teacher announced that he’d walk over to the school library to get a different video. “I’ll be back in five or ten minutes,” he told us.
As soon as he left the classroom, one student boldly stood up and announced, “Hey, Days of Our Lives is on TV right now. Let’s watch Ali!”
Oh, no. But I thought, “What are the odds that I’ll be on today, right?”
Everyone cheered—everyone but me. They turned on the TV, and switched channels until they found Days. Within about a minute, I was on the screen. And guess what episode was airing that day? With the entire class watching, there I was, kissing my hand with as much passion as my fifteen-year-old character could muster.
So embarrassing!
While the whole class roared with laughter, I put my head in my hands, absolutely mortified. The class’s hysterics continued in waves for several minutes. I wanted to disappear.
It sounds like a scene out of a sitcom, doesn’t it? I wish it had been.
Chapter 5
Are you one of those people who turns on the TV set every afternoon, asking yourself, “What in the world will Sami Brady do today?”
If there’s one thing you can say about Sami, she’s certainly unpredictable. And let me tell you, it seems that everyone has an opinion about her. Whether you love her or hate her, you have plenty of company among the millions of Days of Our Lives viewers.
Can you believe some of the things Sami has done over the last ten-plus years? Her behavior is sometimes so outrageous that it’s taken me a long time to get used to playing a character who provokes so much audience venom, and yet at the same time so much sympathy for the messes she gets herself into. Poor Sami. Sure, you have to admire her spunk and her commitment to what she believes in (whatever that may be at the moment!), and even her need for support and yearning to be loved. But let’s admit it, there are also times when you simply want to wring her neck—as tightly as possible.
When I first joined the show in 1993, I just wasn’t prepared for how crazy my character would become, and how she would evolve in so many ways—from how she behaved to how she dressed. How good is your own memory about the teenage Sami? Do you remember those Gap long-sleeved tees and vests I wore, day after day, on the show (a rather monotonous fashion statement, don’t ya’ think?)? And don’t forget Sami’s very, very long blonde hair down to the waistline that (mercifully) is a bit shorter these days (down to the middle of the back). Bryan Dattilo (who plays Lucas) teases me constantly about how I used to bee-bop around like Jan Brady, with my hair bouncing back and forth.
By the way, whenever I’ve cut or colored my hair, I’ve always consulted with the producers of Days in advance. A few years ago, I wanted to do something different, and decided to dye my hair red (yes, red!) just for fun. I asked the producers, and got their OK; they even said they’d write it into the script. One of them told me, “Sami’s the kind of girl who’d do anything—you can count on her to throw you a curveball!” In fact, they’ve encouraged me to try different styles and colors with my hair, figuring that these kinds of changes will be right in sync with Sami’s unpredictable character.
Looking Back
As you might know, Sami was named after her aunt, Samantha Evans (the twin sister of her mom, Marlena). If you’re a longtime fan of the show, you’re aware that Sami is a kindred spirit of the woman whose name she shares; Samantha was a wannabe actress who was a ruthless hell-raiser in her own right, driven by jealousy and addicted to pills. Here’s just one example of her behavior: Taking sibling rivalry to a new level, Samantha stole Marlena’s blank prescription pads (and checkbook) and drugged her sister. Then, while impersonating Marlena, she got her sister committed to Bayview Sanitarium and a series of shock treatments. (By the way, Deidre Hall’s real twin sister, Andrea, played Samantha; after a few years on the show, Andrea’s character was murdered by the Salem Strangler, a serial killer who preyed on women in the town—but that’s a whole other story!)
As you can see, Sami Brady—as the namesake of Samantha Evans—had quite a reputation to live up to. And, of course, Sami hasn’t let us down! Early on, Soap Opera Digest described her as a “trouble-maker in training.” Sami may have started out with girl-next-door goodness, but she has used her own brand of insanity to create plenty of chaos in Salem, again and again. She has fought her way through bulimia, been raped, and given birth to a baby out of wedlock. She has schemed to win the attention of one guy after another, shot one of them, and used drugs to lure another into bed. The list goes on and on.
If you’re like me and
find Sami absolutely fascinating, much of the credit should go to the writers of Days, who created and carefully crafted Sami’s character from the start. Sami has had a background and a history that has helped explain the reasons and the motivation for her behavior, including how and why she evolved into the irresistible villain that she quickly became. Jim Reilly, who is back as our head writer, created the “adult Sami,” based on everything that has happened to her in the past.
Along the way, I’ve never tired of getting into Sami’s skin and seeing what makes her tick. In fact, as each new script has arrived, just reading about her antics has kept me pretty entertained! Face it, you’ve probably never been bored watching Sami, either.
A Little Days History
From the start, it was Days’ unique stories and characters that attracted viewers and kept them hooked. There were some incredible and truly mind-boggling story lines that preceded Sami’s emergence on the show, and paved the way for the character that I’d eventually play. Of course, there are plenty of soap operas on daytime TV that you might consider as competition for Days of Our Lives. But from its beginnings in 1965, Days was a cutting-edge soap that took risks and went in directions where others feared to tread. Unlike most soaps, which were set in big cities, Days called the rural Midwest its home, and America’s heartland has never been the same.
Open the television history books, and you’ll find that some critics singled out Days for assuming the lead in taking afternoon TV into the sexual revolution. According to Time magazine, it was the “most daring drama” on daytime television. There were story lines that dealt with sex in ways that might have left some viewers uncomfortable and squirming—but still kept them coming back for more. No exceptions. So many of the episodes were surprising, upsetting, and titillating, and people have watched by the millions. Executive producer Ken Corday once said that you’re only as good as your last episode, and Days has always kept viewers coming back.
All The Days Of My Life (so Far) Page 6
