by Karen Carr
“Just the opposite,” Shah says. “They refuse to kill.”
“You saw the Regulator’s army,” Priyanka says. “You heard the Hunter. Those armed guards are here to enforce the rules. No one can refuse to kill unless they want to die and then their tokens just go to someone else. It’s hopeless.”
Mateo sits forward on the couch, leaning into Priyanka.
“The Hunter told me they exist,” Mateo says, pressing his thumb on her knee. “Those who refuse to kill. The Regulators find some of them. Some escape. You’ve heard the stories. Kids disappear. The Regulators want you to think they’ve gone to Control. What if they haven’t?”
“Mateo, what if it’s true?” Vanessa says in a dreamy voice. “We won’t have to duel to the death. We can just run away.”
“But where would we go?” Aisha asks.
I think about telling them what I know, what Burke told me about my mother, but I decide to remain silent. I don’t want to involve my family any more than they are already involved.
Suddenly, the door opens and Demi walks in followed by Burke. Her face is puffy from tears. In one bound, Shah is up and scooping Demi into his arms. Vanessa, Mateo, and I jump to our feet at the same time.
“I couldn’t stop her,” Burke says.
Demi turns toward me. “I had to see you to tell you I am sorry. I had to see all of you.” Her voice is strong and confident. “I’m not going home without letting you I’ll be back. I want to finish training. I want to find out who did this to my brother and take him or her out by myself. My sister and Matthew. They can’t help. They have the wrong colored tokens.”
“I know who did it,” I say.
“So will my father,” Demi says. “We’ll know all of their names soon enough and then we’ll go after them one by one.”
“But Demi, you can only kill one of them,” Vanessa says.
“All of you can help me,” Demi says.
“I’ll help you,” Shah says.
Slowly, one by one, everyone agrees to help Demi, myself included.
“War is on,” Demi says.
Burke tells us that camp will be closed for a week. We will get a week off but then will have to report back to Kill School. We all crawl up back into our bunks to try to get some sleep.
The morning comes faster than I expect. Burke wakes me by opening my curtains. He squeezes my hand and rests his eyes on mine for a long time. For a moment, I forget everything that has happened. I am at Burke’s frozen lake, skating with him in the rays of the rising sun.
“You know I care about you,” Burke says. “Probably too much.”
My lower lip trembles. “I care about you, too, Burke.”
Burke leans forward and touches the spot where my neck and shoulder meet. His eyes are bright and glossy.
“You have to be strong,” he says. “For Demi and the others. Especially your mother.” His fingers trail up my neck and rest behind my ear. “Especially for me.”
My hands feel moist. I part my lips.
“You have to stay safe,” I whisper.
“I will,” Burke says. “Vladimir and I are going to leave after the last student is gone. We won’t be back until camp is open again.”
“You’ll stay far away from…”
Burke moves his thumb to my lower lip.
“I’ll stay far away from everyone,” Burke says. “It’s just going to be Vladimir and me and the birds and snow foxes. Maybe we’ll see some seals and reindeer.”
“Stop it,” I say. “You’re making me jealous.”
When someone snickers from the boy’s side, Burke pulls away.
“I don’t want you to miss breakfast,” he says. “So get up and go shower.”
Burke goes down the line of bunks to wake up the rest of the campers. I swing my legs over the side of my bunk and sit at the edge. I’m too tired to move any farther. My body is sore. My nerves are fragile. Sound hurts my ears. Lights hurt my eyes. I can’t wait to go home to cuddle in my own bed.
Demi opens her curtains and slides her feet over the edge of her bunk. To my surprise, she smiles at me. The way her lips curl up and her eyebrows raise remind me of Jack. She resembles her brother so much that I flinch, as if I’m reliving the bullet entering Jack’s body as if it enters my own.
Demi blinks a few times and then turns away from me.
“I’m going to have to see my dad later,” she says as she stares across the cabin. “They’ll be plenty of time for crying then.”
I can tell she’s trying hard to remain composed. I am, too.
Shah enters the cabin with a towel around his neck and wet hair.
“Ready?” he asks Demi.
“Sure,” Demi says. She jumps from her bunk with her shower bag in her hand. “Shah’s going to guard the door while I shower.”
“I wish I had a Shah,” I mumble.
Demi stops with a kind look in her eyes.
“You do,” she says.
Demi hugs my legs and stifles a sob. I glance over at Burke who is packing up the books in his bunk. He is my Shah.
I slide down the bunk, and almost end up on Vanessa’s head as she emerges from hers. We walk to the showers together with Mateo. Erwin steps in front of our path, but he ignores us and follows Tane and Mal across the field toward campus. I don’t like that those three are together.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
After I shower, I put on my own clothes. My white shirt. My mom’s vest. I smell her all around me. I put my pocketknife and switchblade in the vest pocket. I take the pine needle and the glass shooter that Vanessa gave me and carefully place it in the other pocket. I take the bracelet with my token out and fix it to my wrist. I am ready to go home.
All twenty campers assemble in the common room before we head to the dining hall together. Seeing everyone in his or her home clothes and out of uniform makes reality sink in. We are going home.
Demi looks beautiful in her red dress, a stark contrast next to Shah’s dirty shirt and well-worn jeans. Vanessa, once again in her fancy turquoise dress, looks embarrassed. Mateo wears a cardigan with a skinny tie and loose fitting black pants.
Burke winds between the campers. He’s wearing a beautiful wool sweater with a wide decorative circle surrounding the neck. A knit hat with earflaps and a pompom on the top hides his blond hair. He looks adorable and rugged at the same time.
Burke opens the door for us to exit.
“Ready or not, you are going home,” he says with a smile.
I wait for the rest of the kids to go out. I want to be the last one, so that I can walk over to the dining hall with Burke.
“After you,” Burke says.
I step onto the porch and survey the scene while Burke locks the cabin. The fires are mostly out. A building on campus still smokes. Guards are everywhere. In the sky. Patrolling the paths. Standing by the lake. Helicopters come and go overhead, most likely bringing in more guards and escorting the Regulators.
“Take this,” Burke says. He hands me the key to the cabin. “I have a spare.”
“”Why would I need this?” I look at the key in my hand. It’s an ancient metal one complete with a red-jeweled key ring.
“In case something happens.” Burke touches my bracelet with the token inside. “You’ll be safe in my extra room.”
Suddenly I’m scared that I will never see him again.
“Burke,” I say.
We move together at once. His arms wrap around my shoulders and he pulls me into his chest. The soft warmth of his sweater tickles my cheek. I wrap my arms around his waist and slide my hands into his back pockets.
“I want to kiss you,” Burke murmurs.
“As long as it’s not goodbye,” I say.
His lips touch mine in a gentle kiss. I feel his sweetness in my mouth. An ache comes over me, one that I have never felt before. It’s as if I have swallowed the sun and it’s beaming from inside my stomach.
“We have to go,” Burke whispers. He leaves my lips tender an
d warm.
Burke takes my hand and we descend the steps of the cabin together. He sticks his hands in his pockets and walks by my side deep in thought. I can’t imagine spending a week without him, not knowing if he’s safe.
“I want to go to with you,” I say. “In search of the lake.”
“I wish you could,” Burke says. He loops his fingers around mine. We are not far behind Demi, Shah, and the others. Shah has his arm across Demi’s back as if he’s holding her up.
“You are my Shah,” I say.
Burke smiles and laughs as we watch Demi and Shah ahead of us. Her steps are steady and strong. I get the feeling she will survive the death of her brother. I don’t know if I will.
“You are my Demi,” Burke says. He stops and pulls me toward him. “No, you are not,” he says. His free hand touches my cheek. “You are much more to me. You are my Aria.”
I feel a stinging in my eyes and look away.
“I can’t be without you for a week,” I say without looking at Burke. “I’ve grown used to your company.”
“We’ll get through it,” Burke says. “Your mother will keep you safe.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“Me?” Burke laughs. “Vladimir will keep me safe. I promise.”
We enter the dining hall and follow the rest of the kids to our spot at the table by the window. The hall is emptier than usual. I wonder where they’ve put the dead. Is there a morgue in Barstow’s science building? I remember that my slice teacher was missing from the auditorium.
“Burke, where’s Messier?” I ask. “Was he…” I can’t say the word killed.
“He’s with Jack,” Burke says.
I don’t ask him for details. I didn’t know Messier that well, but Burke did. His frozen expression and steady gait tell me that he’s trying to cover his pain. A few days ago, I would have thought him cold hearted, to react so meaninglessly to the death of a friend.
Now, I know him so much better. He’s hiding the pain, burying it deep inside his soul. The pain will become part of who he is. It will come out. In a few days, or a few weeks. Maybe when another student does something wrong, Burke will pummel his ribs like he did to Erwin.
Burke and I take the remaining two seats. Burke sits next to Demi and Shah and I am in between Vanessa and Priyanka. Breakfast is cold, cereal and an assortment of fruit, bread and jam and orange juice to drink. None of it looks appetizing. I can’t force myself to eat.
The conversation is glum. People are recollecting what they saw and guessing who died. No one mentions Jack’s name, but by the way that everyone glances at Demi, he’s on our minds. Even Erwin and his two cronies, Mal and Tane are subdued.
Vanessa pops a couple of grapes in her mouth.
“You think we’ll have to go to school during our week off?” she asks through chews.
“I hope not,” I say. “I can’t imagine facing all of our classmates.”
“I’m going to stay home,” Mateo says. “I don’t care what’s required.”
“Let’s meet up when we get back,” Vanessa says. “We can meet at Mateo’s house. It’s big and there’s a high wall around it.”
“It’s to keep us in,” Mateo says. “Not to keep others out. Although, it’s nice to have a wall nowadays.”
The conversation turns to our parents. Most of the kids are excited about their reunions. I’m scared to confront my mother. I have so many questions for her. I’m terrified of seeing Sebastian and even more terrified of not seeing him. I still don’t know if he’s dead. He could be held in a cell deep below Kill School.
I shut out visions of Sebastian chained to a wall and focus on my father. I need to be in my dad’s reassuring arms, to feel his genuine type of love. My father with his violin. I miss him the most.
After breakfast, Burke walks with us down the path toward the stadium. We reach the bridge that crosses the steaming gorge. Guards stand on either side of the bridge, checking everyone as they walk past. Once on the other side, we won’t be able to return for an entire week. I feel frantic, as if I’ve lost something or left someone behind.
“I can’t leave,” I say. “Not yet.”
Burke presses his hand into the small of my back.
“Go on,” he says. “I’ll stay with you until your parents arrive. Vladimir and I won’t leave until the last camper is gone.”
Burke walks to the front of our group and speaks to the guards blocking the bridge. I watch Burke talk. He’s relaxed, yet serious, bringing the guards in to our nightmare with a few choice words.
The guards wave us forward with words of concern and encouragement. One by one, we pass the guards onto the bridge. When it is my turn, the nearest guard examines my bruises, puts a hand on my shoulder, and tells me to be strong.
Another guard grabs my elbow and pulls me forward.
“We don’t have all day, muck-rake,” the guard says to the other guard. She looks at Burke. “One of yours?”
“One of mine,” Burke says. “And get your hands off her.”
“We have a lot of kids who want to go home,” the guard says as she releases my elbow. “There’s no time for feelings.”
The guard pushes me on the bridge and then reaches for Vanessa.
I step onto the bridge to a freezing cold gust of wind and a boiling blast of steam. The wind howls and whips around us in curling cyclones. Clouds cover the sky, hiding the sun, and a light mist hits our faces. We all huddle together as we walk across the bridge to the other side. Once again, we are a team, feeling the closeness of our bond through the pain of the weather and our experiences the night before.
I barely notice a group of kids standing in the middle of the bridge. When Erwin yells in anguish and rushes forward, I see that they are standing in a semi-circle around a girl. The girl is twirling in circles on the bungee jumping platform. If she’s not careful, she’ll fall off the edge.
“That’s Jane,” Vanessa says.
“She’s going to jump,” someone shouts.
Children watching Jane clog the bridge. A light rain and snow mixture begins to fall; splashing on Jane’s upraised face and open palms. She looks giddy and gleeful as she turns, faster and faster, in circles.
“Jane, come down,” Erwin shouts as he reaches for her. “You don’t have a cord.”
“I don’t need a cord,” Jane shouts back. “I’m going to fly.”
Erwin steps on the platform with wobbly legs. He extends his shaking arms toward Jane.
Jane moves closer to the edge. I hold my breath, willing her not to jump. Burke pushes forward to stand with the counselor from Jane’s cabin. They both try to negotiate her back down. Jane’s cabin is emerald. The same as Jack’s. She lost many cabin mates last night.
Vladimir rushes forward.
“Burke,” he shouts. “Get to the far lever.”
The wind whips Jane’s dark dress in the air and her hair in her face, making her teeter dangerously close to the edge. Some of the kids snicker at her pink underwear with dark red hearts. Erwin desperately grabs at Jane’s dress, to pull it down to the proper place, and to pull her away from the edge of the platform.
Burke pushes through the crowd to the other side of the platform.
“Remember me now,” Jane shouts as she glances at me.
She faces the gorge and swan dives off the platform.
My scream is lost in a sea of shrieks and howls. Startled black birds fly out from the gorge. A few dozen microdrones appear in the sky.
Vladimir and Burke pull two levers on either side of the platform.
With my heart in my throat, I rush to the edge and look down.
There, Jane lies in a giant net ten feet under the bridge. She is sobbing and giggling and rolling around. She is alive. The net encircles her like a fish. Water from the mist or sweat dampens my clothes as I watch Jane.
My heart settles down when I see the metal arms bring Jane back on the bridge. Erwin grasps for her as Burke, Vladimir and the other counse
lor frees her from the net. Once Jane is released, several guards come forward to escort her off the bridge. Erwin follows her and tries to get the guards to leave her alone.
Vanessa, Mateo, and I watch the guards push through the crowd, Erwin following at their heels.
Jane. Invisible Jane. We are immortal, but not invincible. Her skull would have been crushed on the rocks if the net hadn’t broken her fall. Death is so much more violent now than it used to be. No more chronic illness. No more drawn out deaths. Now, all death involves pain and most deaths involve bloodshed. The hopeless feeling in my stomach makes it hard to move forward.
The wind picks up and the rain and snow mixture gets heavier, turning more into snow than rain. I don’t mind. The burn of the cold snow on my exposed flesh reminds me I am alive. It takes a few minutes for the kids to start moving again. Soon, we are at the end of the bridge and checking out through another row of guards.
Finally, we leave the bridge. Swarms of people, having arrived from the Vactrain, cross the snow. Reporters and camera operators. Helicopters and throngs of parents. Two rows of guards separate the campers from the parents. Parents yell for their kids and wave when they see them. Guards shout them down and tell them to keep moving.
Burke keeps us together as we enter the stadium.
A guard instructs Burke to take us onto the stadium’s field and wait as a group for our parents. We stand in dozens of groups of twenty. Everyone is going home from first to fourth week students. No one will be graduating this week.
Parents filter into the field. Cries of gratitude and sobs of despair fill the air. I am sure some parents are finding out their children didn’t make it. Several adults wander over to us to collect their kids. Aisha and some of the other kids leave immediately. Priyanka runs toward her father.
Mr. Wassillie, wearing a multicolored hat and scarf, approaches us. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy. His left hand is wrapped in a bandage.
“Burke, there you are,” Mr. Wassillie says. He pats Burke on the shoulder with his bandaged hand. “Regulator Krish has been looking for you. Demi, Regulator Azarian waiting for you in his private box.”
Demi looks at Shah. “My father,” she says. Her eyes sparkle with tears as if hearing her father’s name opens up her wounds.
