“You don’t want to go shoe shopping?” Hilary teased.
Seth grinned, gave a resounding “Noooo.”
Hilary gestured toward the window at the shiny black Ford F-150 that hadn’t moved since Eric had abandoned it in the driveway. “How about it? Just suppose you take that new truck out for a spin. What do you think?”
“Mom?”
Hilary grabbed the keys and pitched them in his direction. Seth caught the keys in midair. “Come on. You know you want to drive it.”
“But I didn’t think you wanted me to have it. I thought you were angry at Dad for that. And now you want me to drive it?” Seth held his palms toward Hilary. “You don’t mind?”
“Of course I mind,” Hilary told him. “Your dad comes in with his beautiful wife and great kids. The two of them can afford to buy you a truck for graduation, so they do it without consulting me. They make a big show in front of the whole school so everyone else will see how cool you are and how great they are and I’m left in the background. Of course I mind. I mind that I’m not the one who could afford to do it. Now go get your derriere in that thing. Stop feeling guilty about it for my sake and take it for a drive!”
Seth turned back. “Where should I go?”
“Well.” Hilary made a big production of trying to figure something out. “You could drop over by the hotel and spend time with your dad. You could thank them for your graduation gift. You could thank them for staying here when I’m sure Pam has a very busy work schedule waiting for her and they’re choosing to be with you instead.”
“I could do that.”
“I’m sure the hotel is boring, but there’s a Y over there on Sixth. Something tells me Ben would love to shoot hoops with the local kids. Or you know, there’s that waterslide at the pool.”
He didn’t move, which surprised Hilary.
“Well?” she asked. “What are you doing standing here?”
“Mom? Do you really want me to go spend time with her? With Pam?”
Would Hilary say this if she weren’t trying to shepherd him out the door? If she weren’t going to meet John Mulligan? Maybe not.
“I do.”
John Mulligan had asked Hilary to meet him in Wicker Park, which was a good way from their neighborhood but only three blocks from his law firm in trendy Bucktown. Hilary rode the L to the nearest stop, then walked the rest of the distance. It was a lovely block in which to window-shop; there were boutiques on both sides of the street. Sparrows skittered along the sidewalk. The sun reflected off the display in a store that sold nothing but silver ticking clocks.
Hilary arrived at the park and expected to spy John Mulligan straightaway. In her mind, he’d be wearing some sort of intriguing trench coat. She knew it was June, but sometimes imagination didn’t allow for the weather. Ever since she’d sent Seth on his way in the truck, she couldn’t help feeling lighthearted. By one more degree she’d been able to let go of her son, one more way she’d been fair. But a tinge of fear kept niggling at her. What had John not wanted to tell her over the phone?
When she opened the gate, it sang on its iron hinges and she realized the meeting wasn’t going the way she’d pictured at all. John had picked a place where they wouldn’t be so easily found. He’d picked a place they’d both be surrounded by people.
Shrieking toddlers padded across wet ground inside the water playground. Elderly men argued politics around a concrete table. A woman stooped over a community garden where the hydrangea blossoms were as big around as bowling balls.
The benches were occupied, but not one of them was occupied by John Mulligan. Hilary wandered a bit, growing more confused and a little angry, until she finally spotted him chatting with a troop of police officers taking a break, their bikes leaning against the Wicker Park fountain.
Hilary stood within eyesight for a while, watching, waiting for him to glance up and see her. Contrary to the picture she’d carried in her mind, the lawyer was jacketless, his blue shirtsleeves rolled to his elbows in homage to the sunlit day. His hair lifted in the breeze as he laughed at a joke one of the officers made. And Hilary couldn’t help feeling somewhat relieved at John’s demeanor. His news for her couldn’t be too dire or maybe he wouldn’t be quite so casual. But Hilary saw it when he glanced in her direction. “Oh, there you are!” he said, and right away, as he excused himself from his buddies and approached her, she was worried again because his eyes filled with compassion when he saw her. “Sorry. You caught me catching up with friends. Those lucky precinct buggers out on bikes in this weather. Of course they’ll also be out in January, but we won’t talk about that.” He looked a little longingly back at them.
“What do we need to talk about, John?”
“Why don’t you come with me over here?” John touched Hilary’s shoulder and guided her to the table that had been recently abandoned by the political analysts. They’d left crumbs. John had to shoo away a pigeon before he could stake their claim.
“John? What is this about?”
He didn’t answer right away. “You took the L?” he asked instead.
“Yes.”
“I’ll drive you home, okay? You won’t want to be out in public after —” He stopped himself.
Hilary’s eyes shot to his. “After what, John? What did I come here for you to tell me?” But maybe she didn’t need to ask. Maybe that was when she already knew.
“Laura’s gone, Hilary. They lost her this morning.”
That’s when Hilary understood why she had to come alone and why Seth couldn’t know where she was going and why John wanted them to meet in a public place, so she wouldn’t scream and disrupt things in his office.
It was so warm in the park. Bees hummed among the roses. Children were romping in the fountain.
Somewhere inside the cavern of her mind, she heard John Mulligan telling her that Laura’s family had asked the hospital not to release information yet because they needed the privacy to grieve. From Hilary’s remote, solitary place she heard that the sheriff’s office had already been in touch with Mulligan’s firm, that the state had responded, that the stakes were now considerably higher, that the DA was considering filing charges against Seth for involuntary manslaughter. And then, somewhere, echoing as if in a cave, Hilary heard the lawyer’s voice saying how Laura’s death actually occurred in the wee hours of the morning, that this much had been helpful, that the timing of the string of events had bought them some time.
“Manslaughter.” Hilary had seen that term a thousand times in newspapers, heard it on the news. But had she looked at that word? Felt it in her mouth? “Manslaughter.” Just saying the word made her mouth taste like blood.
John had to physically help Hilary stand and escort her to his vehicle. A few days ago, Hilary had made the decision to be steady and strong if something like this ever happened. Seth needed her to be steady. She buckled herself in the front seat of the lawyer’s Escalade before the questions started to flow. “How do I tell him?” She was thinking, John’s a lawyer. He’s gone through years of schooling and he’s passed the bar exam, probably had to study for it two or three times, so he ought to know how to word things better than I do. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You’re the one who knows Seth better than anyone, Hilary,” John said. “This is going to be tough news for him to swallow. And I don’t know the best way.”
When they turned the corner to the house, Hilary was terrified that Seth was already going to be back, that the new truck would be nosed up against the garage and the television would be on. But, thank goodness, the driveway was still empty and the house was still locked. John hurried around the front of the SUV, and when he opened the door for her and she climbed out he asked, “Do you want me to stay with you, Hilary? Do you want me to be here with you when you tell him?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“I’ll need to see you both in my office as soon as possible. Phone me as soon as the two of you are able and I’ll rearrange my schedule.
We have some regrouping to do.”
Hilary was halfway to the door before she thought to glance back and thank John for the way he’d chosen to convey this news, the way he’d chosen to support her. He’d driven her all this way so she wouldn’t have to face people until she was ready. He’d chosen a place with police officers on bicycles and groups of young people reading on the grass. He’d picked a place with so much life to tell her that Laura had died.
Hilary heard Seth coming home a good three minutes before he hit the front screen. Hip-hop blared from his truck. She could name the song before he rounded the corner five houses down.
On any normal day she’d meet him in the front yard and tell him in no uncertain terms that he had to turn down his sound system. That he’d better have respect for the Smiths and the Hendersons and the Hartmans; they didn’t want to listen to his music selections.
But today wasn’t any normal day. Hilary stood at the sink with her head raised, waiting. She knew what Seth was doing out there. He was fiddling with the sound system, adjusting the rearview mirrors for the umpteenth time, making a complete inspection of the truck’s paint job to make sure there weren’t any nicks.
And then, here he came, bounding into the kitchen with a broad grin on his face, anxious to recount the adventures of his truck’s maiden voyage. “Oh, Mom. It was so great. You should have seen me on the interstate. I was blowing people away.”
Outside, Hilary could hear the sparrows chortling in the trees as if they were mocking. Somewhere in the distance, a dog was barking. “And I took Dad out and he showed me how to get it in four-wheel drive when the weather’s bad.”
“Seth.” She shook water off her hands and reached for the tea towel. “I need you to sit down, buddy. There’s something we need to talk about.”
As if Seth knew her biggest fear, he set his smartphone on the counter beside her, right where she could see it if it started to ring. He was still so excited about driving his new graduation gift, he hadn’t even heard what Hilary had said. And then Hilary realized there was more to it. It was obvious he had had a great time with Eric, Pam, and the kids.
“You should have seen us at the Y,” he was telling her. “Ben jumped off the high-diving board. It took him forever to get brave enough, but then I waited for him on the ladder and he did it!”
“Seth.”
“Lily’s the cutest thing. She got out and she was so cold that she was shivering and her lips were all blue and I made up this game called towel monster and started chasing her around with her towel and then she wasn’t cold anymore.”
“Honey, we have to talk.”
But Seth was bursting with more news, too. “Mom, you won’t believe what I found out. I have something to tell you first.”
Hilary saw a man jogging past, not a neighbor or anyone she knew, just someone from a few blocks away who was out for an early-afternoon run. All she wanted to do, at that moment, was throw open the window and shout, Wait! Wait for me! She wanted to run away from this, from what she had to tell Seth.
“Lily and Ben told me. Did Pam and Dad tell you they’re having another baby?”
“What?”
“You know. Pam’s pregnant again.”
With everything else on her mind this news shouldn’t have fazed her. But here in this place, on this day, under these circumstances, it had the opposite effect. Hilary felt ashamed, but this piece of information, small as it might be, was the very thing that finally pushed her over the edge. The news reduced her to tears. She couldn’t bear it. Oh, Father. Please. Nothing more. Seth was watching her, thinking he knew why she was crying. “Mom. I know you don’t want me to like her.”
She couldn’t give Seth the news about Laura now that her composure had crumpled. She had to find a tissue and mop up her face. Now.
“Mom. I know you and Pam don’t get along. But I want those guys to be a part of my life. I have a brother and a sister.”
Hilary yanked a good number of tissues from the box in the bathroom. She was so distraught that she went through the whole handful before she could even think about speaking again.
“If I don’t let them be a part of me, I’ll feel like I’m pushing half of my life away.”
“But I’m the other half,” Hilary choked out. She held her hand to her chest. “Make sure you don’t lose me.”
“But with you, Mom, I always feel like I have to choose between one life or the other,” he said. “Now, what were you going to tell me when I came in?”
If she only had to tell him about the new charge that might be filed against him, this wouldn’t be so difficult. But it was the news about Laura that would devastate him. She couldn’t tell him Laura was gone. Not now. Not this way. She’d failed Seth in so many ways and maybe she was wrong, maybe she was failing him again by doing this, but she couldn’t break the news to him this way.
Hilary shook her head. “It’ll keep. I’ll tell you later.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Seth didn’t even push her. He was on to the next thing. He headed into the den to find the remote and turn on the television.
Just as he did, Seth’s phone, still beside Hilary on the counter, gave out a short ping. It wasn’t a call coming in, which launched his cell into about a dozen different gyrations and a bar or two of a hip-hop song. The short sound meant he had a text message coming in.
Hilary checked the screen. It didn’t give any hints, but she’d bet it was Emily.
Oh, Father. I’m not going to be able to protect Seth much longer.
Help me know what to say to him. Help me know when the time is right.
Hilary slipped his phone off the kitchen counter into her pocket. Once it was inside her apron, she found the right button and powered it off.
Seth was flipping through the TV channels in the other room. Hilary was suddenly terrified that he’d happen across some news station that was reporting the story. What if the news had already been leaked to the media? What if he skimmed past a channel and saw Laura’s face?
To Hilary’s relief, he paused on a channel that was broadcasting baseball. There was a St. Louis game on, and the announcer made some comment about the White Sox playing in an hour.
Which gave Hilary the idea she’d been searching for.
“Hey,” she said. “The White Sox play this afternoon. You want to go? Just you and me?”
The TV remote paused in midair. “Nah. You’re kidding. No way we could still get tickets this late.”
“I’ll bet we can,” she said.
“No way we could make it all the way to the South Side in that length of time.”
“Well. We could try.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“We’ll never know if we don’t give it a try, will we?”
Seth was considering it. She could tell by the way he was staring off into nothing with that half smile on his face.
“But Mom,” he asked, “why?”
“Don’t ask me a question like that! Aren’t I allowed to do anything spontaneous anymore? Aren’t I allowed to just treat you to something when I get in the mood?”
He shrugged.
“Go get your glove.” Hilary hooked the apron over the pantry door, and when she did she was well aware of the dangling weight, the phone she’d hidden in the pocket. She removed Seth’s phone from the apron and slipped it into her waiting purse. “Come on. What do you say?”
Chapter 22
They were only a few minutes late by the time they got to New Comiskey Park, which made it easy to find a parking lot that still had a few spaces. Luckily, the throng of fans along 35th Street and Shields Avenue had dispersed, everyone had already gone inside, and so they didn’t have to wait long at the ticket window.
It was still the top of the first against the Phillies and Bobby Jenks was pitching. Thanks to the afternoon schedule and Hilary’s willingness to fling around the credit card, she and Seth managed to snag two pretty decent seats. They were in l
eft field just past third base, prime foul-ball territory. The guy sitting beside them was keeping the stats on his smartphone.
Seth watched the game with his hat brim pulled low to shade his eyes. The hot-dog vendor climbed up and down the aisles, clanging the lid to his steamer. “Hey.” Seth elbowed Hilary in the ribs. “You want one, Mom? I’m buying.”
Hilary couldn’t eat, not with everything on her mind, but Seth was already signaling for the vendor before she could stop him. By the time the exchange was finished and everyone had helped pass the little packets of condiments down the row, Hilary was juggling two buns-with-wieners wrapped in foil and Seth was trying to find places for three more.
“Seth.” Hilary was shaking her head at him. “Really.”
“It’s okay if you can’t eat any, Mom. I can take care of all five.”
“Oh.” Which, in spite of the weight in Hilary’s heart, made her smile. Of course. What had she been worried about?
If they made something in a packet to put on a hot dog, Seth used it. It took him the entire third inning to apply those onions, the pickle relish, and ketchup and mustard. On the field, Vizquel had singled to right, the next player had singled to left (which moved Vizquel to second), and Hilary would have given anything to be able to enjoy the game with her son and not have this anguish hanging over the two of them. Seth was totally involved with the play on the field as Konerko struck out swinging and the next player hit a fly ball out to center. Hilary was so grateful for the moment, for this day, for the seats at a baseball game, for Seth’s moments of being carefree and happy.
Ramirez hit a homer to center and the crowd went crazy. The lady in front of them gave Hilary a high five and Seth jabbed his fist in the air as three runs went up on the scoreboard just like that. Everything was delirium. Everyone was happy and wanting to share it with them. The bittersweet of it didn’t escape Hilary. They were celebrating with total strangers while the people they knew were hurting, ready to condemn. Seth and Hilary looked at each other for an instant, shook their heads, and Seth swept his mom into a giant bear hug.
His Other Wife Page 18
