“No law against being single if it makes you happy. If you love working as much as you do, fine. Some men get off on the rush of their work. But if it’s bugging you, maybe you like Kyler more than you think. It’s okay to want more,” Avery said.
Cody did want more, but was Kyler the one? “If he spends all his time on a charity, why should I quit here?”
“Would you want your boyfriend to be up there naked for all the gay men of Vegas and tourists to see?” Avery asked.
Cody looked up at the trio of naked men. All Male Nudes was what the big purple neon sign said on the side of the building. “It’s just looking.”
“Sure. Some men don’t care. Some men do. Kyler sounds like he does.” Avery stared at the stage.
Cody didn’t know what to say, but Avery was distracted. Following Avery’s gaze, Cody saw it. Ken was there strutting his stuff. The guy was in excellent shape for his age. When the routine ended and the performers switched, Avery seemed to shake free from the hypnosis.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know Kyler that well yet. It’s not like we’ve been friends for years or something.” Cody wanted to chat with Avery.
Avery smiled. “That’s good. Spend some time with him. Do you need to scale back here? Change to a bartender instead of a dancer? We’ve got an opening. Maybe Kyler needs to limit his volunteer time as well. Make time to be together. Once you’re too far into the relationship or friendship, it can be hard to change without upsetting the dynamic.”
“Maybe I should just let him be for a bit. Calm down.” Cody had to admit a night alone in his own bed might help him. Cuddling with Kyler had been great, but he had wanted more. Every time he was near the guy, he wanted sex and intimacy. No wonder Kyler thought he was just a horny stripper. If he missed Kyler tonight, Cody at least would know how he felt.
“Sex isn’t any good then?” Avery asked.
Cody laughed. “It’s better than good. It’s amazing. Damn. I want more than that but…”
“But maybe he doesn’t really know it yet.” Avery gave Cody that wise look. “I’d give it a day or two so you’re both calm, then lay it all out there. What you want. What he wants. Don’t lie or pull punches.”
“Scary,” Cody said.
“Yeah, well, love is. And you’re knee-deep in it.” Avery smiled.
Cody shook his head. “Too fast. Too weird.”
“That’s love. Comes out of nowhere. Makes no sense. That one person you can’t get over or get out of your head. Your heart and head won’t agree, but you’ll have to give in to what you want, or you’ll never be happy.” Avery turned to a waiter and got busy with another order.
A different waiter approached Cody, and he went to work filling drinks. Cody wanted to ask if Avery had ever had that sort of love. If he had let it go. Somehow, he knew that Avery would never answer those questions. He would never share his pain or mistakes the way he shared his wisdom.
Cody loaded up the tray, and the waiter walked off with a smile. Wiping off the bar, Cody looked over at Avery. There was no point talking about how he had tried to call and text Kyler after he had left. None of it mattered now. He did not want to end up alone because of pride or fear. If Kyler wasn’t the right one, Cody would find out. But if they didn’t try, he’d always wonder.
Chapter Seven
The week had been busy, and Kyler had not been able to deal with the crazy situation with Cody, even though the guy had called and left messages. As much as Kyler missed Cody, the time apart gave Kyler back his balance. His feelings were not going away, and finally, he’d found the perfect excuse to meet up with Cody without bringing up a real date. Kyler knew he wasn’t handling things well, necessarily, but lying wouldn’t make it better.
Of course, when Kyler arrived, Cody was up on stage in nothing but a smile. Kyler headed for the bar to wait out the show.
“Wasn’t sure I’d see you here again,” Avery said.
Kyler smiled. “I guess Cody is pissed.”
“I don’t know about that. But you two have some talking to do.” Avery dispensed a diet soda for Kyler.
“Thanks. I guess so. I just don’t know if it’s worth fighting over. If it’s real. Can I ask you something?” Kyler was feeling brave. What did he have to lose?
“No promise I’ll answer.” Avery always found something behind the bar to keep his hands busy.
“In your experience, does love happen fast?”
“Too fast sometimes. Yeah,” Avery said.
Kyler shrugged. “How do you know if it’s really real?”
“It’s always real if you feel it. Whether it works or not, that’s the question. It only works if both people try, and if they choose each other.”
“You make it sound easy.” Kyler liked that definition.
“No, it’s not easy. Even if you do your best, you’re only half of the equation. You can’t force someone to love you and compromise. It’s not always a problem where you can meet in the middle. Some things you give on all the way, and some things he’ll have to give up. That’s reality. Are you happier with him or without him?” Avery casually nodded toward the stage. “Only you can answer it.”
Kyler saw Cody, now clad in worn jeans, headed over and smiled. “Thanks, Avery. So Ken wasn’t worth it?”
The subtle stiffening of Avery’s posture told Kyler he’d hit the very wrong button.
“Sorry. I just guessed. I’ll go talk to Cody.” Kyler escaped the bar quickly, and Cody looked surprised.
“Is there somewhere we can talk?” Kyler asked.
“Sure. Let’s go in the storage room.” Cody opened a door.
The room had boxes of liquor stacked high.
“Thanks. I think I pissed off Avery asking about Ken.” Kyler frowned.
Cody shook his head. “I warned you.”
“I know. He was giving me good advice, though. He regrets something he lost.” Kyler sighed. “Anyway, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. I was dealing with stuff at work. Lots of overtime.”
“Not the shelter?” Cody asked.
“Not working there this week. I did get a call from Harry about you. He wanted to know if you would give a talk about safe sex to the teens. Since you are in the medical profession and gay, he was hoping the kids would listen better. If you can get some condom donations and maybe lube?” Kyler realized he sounded like he was only in it for more stuff. “I’m sorry. I really just meant to ask for your help, not stuff. Harry has a big sponsor who can contribute that stuff.”
“You do want me to do the talk, though?” Cody asked.
“Harry does. I should have him call you, but he thinks we’re dating. I think it’d be great if it was you. For the guys, at least. The girls probably won’t listen.” Kyler grinned. He wanted to keep Cody talking all day.
It felt so good just to be close to him again. To smell his skin and feel his heat. They weren’t that close physically, but the stock room was chilled.
“I can get a lesbian nurse to come and give the talk for the women. That’s not a big deal. Maybe a male nurse might be better than a paramedic?” Cody offered.
Kyler wasn’t going to push. “Whichever you think is best. Preferably younger people so the kids relate.”
“So Harry got his big contributor?” Cody asked.
“Yes, it came through this week, and he’s off and running. Going to hire a full-time nurse, counselor, and a few more staff members. Which means I can cut back on my time there. Maybe one evening a week. Your medical connections will help speed things up for the sex-ed talk, I’m sure.” Kyler moved in closer.
“Yeah, if you call the hospital public relations departments, it’s a long waiting list. Don’t they get health or sex-ed in school?” Cody asked.
Kyler nodded. “Whatever the state teaches, sure, but that’s not always inclusive of gay sex. The kids are afraid to ask questions. The shelter will work around your schedule and the nurse’s. Whenever you can make it.”
“Sounds good
.” Cody looked into Kyler’s eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch you this week. I couldn’t get out of work. I’d committed to the slots.”
Kyler nodded. “I know. You’ve got goals. Great ones. I admire that.”
“But life isn’t just about work or volunteering nonstop. If you can dial back, I think I can, too.” Cody smiled.
“No more stripping?” Kyler asked hopefully. He wanted to be able to take Cody home to meet his family and be a nice, middle-class couple without glitter and stripping. Cody deserved better than that. If Kyler could see it, why couldn’t Cody?
Cody frowned. “It bugs you that much?”
Kyler felt like a jealous jerk. “I know you’re not screwing around. We’re not even exactly sure what we are, but I know it’s not about other men. It’s just seeing them treating you like a toy or a piece of meat. You’re a lot more than a sexy hunk.”
“That’s a step in the right direction.” Cody leaned in and kissed Kyler. “But I do like the people here. I don’t want to lose Ken or Avery or Bev, for that matter. They’ve been good to me. Honest and well-meaning advice isn’t easy to find in Vegas. If I decided to stop stripping and bartend instead, they’d let me. Would that make you happier?”
“Yes, you said you liked bartending.” Kyler hugged Cody. “Maybe you could do that one or two nights a week? I can volunteer one night, and normally, the garage wants me to work late one night a week. They’re staying open until nine now. If we coordinate our schedules, we’ll have plenty of time for dates.”
“I meant to ask you out for a real one, but I wanted to do it in person,” Cody said.
“No.” Kyler jumped in. “I asked you but screwed it up. And I don’t need something fancy. Dinner out for Chinese and a movie. Free tomorrow night?”
Cody frowned. “I can be. I need to talk to Bev and Avery about changing to a bartending job. If you’re sure you want to keep dating or whatever we’re doing.”
Unable to find the words, Kyler kissed Cody hard. He knew what was real and somehow believed it would work out, but nothing seemed to get through. “I love you. I know, I know it’s too soon and stupid. But love is crazy, and I’m not going to run or freak out again. I’ll do my part and more. The jealous stuff is all because we haven’t done this in a normal way. I want a boyfriend.”
Cody grinned tightly and took a deep breath. “As long as I keep my clothes on?”
“I’d prefer if you only danced naked for me. Yeah.” Kyler exhaled slowly. “I might as well tell the whole truth and yes. I don’t want to hear about you filling for anyone or last minute substitute because a guy twisted or sprained something. I know it’s not fair to expect you to change, but you do seem to like bartending.”
Cody smiled. “I do. I like talking to Avery and not being pinched. But it’s my decision when I want to make any changes. That’s not up to you or a condition of dating.”
“I offer free car repairs for life, and I’ll bring my friends here on bar nights. Since we’re all paired off now, it doesn’t need to be sad gay singles nights. We can hang here while you’re tending the bar and enjoy the show.” Kyler didn’t mind Big D’s nearly as much when he imagined Cody behind the bar.
“You don’t have to fix my car. It’s a rust bucket. Love isn’t about how much money you have or how nice your things are versus mine. Love is about trust, and it’s not always equal or the way you want it to be. You are asking for huge changes, and you need to remember that customers might still slip me numbers even if I’m behind the bar. It’ll be much easier to say that I’m taken without blaring music overhead, but I don’t want you getting into any fights over me.”
“Damn, no. I won’t get into fights. I trust. I know I’m not a big hunk as you are. Or flirtatious and coy like some of the men here. I never fit in a nice box and maybe that wore on my confidence a bit. But I want a date night once a week, even if it’s just popcorn and movies at my place. I can cook. I just want a little special time that isn’t after work grabbing food.” Kyler shrugged.
“Do you even care what I want?” Cody folded his arms.
“Of course, I do. You don’t want a nice, middle-class life with date nights and a dog?” Kyler asked.
“I want a relationship where I’m an equal.” Cody moved in close. “I’m not dumb. I’m not your arm candy. I’ve been treated like that enough. I thought you were different because you did all this charity work. But you’re a snob looking down your nose at the guys on stage. My friends.”
Kyler felt the power shift, and panic set in. “No, I like Avery, and I respect that you’re willing to work hard. That’s paying your own way. But get real. I’ve been honest. Maybe blunt and harsh about it, but I’m not good at subtle. I’m a mechanic. I don’t look down at anyone. I work on people’s cars. I make good money, but people love to look down on those of us in service jobs. If a hose is busted, you pull it out and replace it. This is what it’ll cost. I tell it as I see it. The kids at the shelter appreciate it.”
“That doesn’t mean you get to dictate my life. Maybe I like stripping. The money and the tips. The attention. If I’m not cheating, what’s it to you?” Cody stuck a finger in Kyler’s chest.
Pushing Cody’s finger away, Kyler needed to diffuse fast. “I’m not going to let this fight turn physical. You’d beat the crap out of me. I don’t want to date a stripper. I want a guy I can take home and not have to explain to my mother. I want us to go out at night and have fun. I want to pool our salaries and make it that way instead of my boyfriend doing something degrading.”
“Who says it’s degrading? I’m not your responsibility. If I like it, tough shit for you. Then don’t date me.” Cody stormed toward the door.
“No, you don’t!” Kyler shouted.
“What? I don’t dare walk out on you?” Cody asked snidely.
“You don’t want to strip. I can see it in your eyes. I knew it from day one.” Kyler rubbed the back of his neck. “If working at the shelter has taught me anything, it’s how to tell when people are lying. Teenagers lie a lot. Some lie about their families, if they were abused. Some lie to themselves—they act tough when they need a hug. They act as if nothing hurts them when they’re in a damn shelter with no one coming to get them. I’m not a shrink, but I’m good at cutting through the crap. Teenagers appreciate it more. Someone cares enough to look them in the eye and really listen. I may not be any good, but I’m trying to help, and I get it. I don’t mind helping with real issues. I might not have the best people skills, but I don’t lie. You don’t want to get naked on a stage for money. Tell me I’m wrong.”
Cody’s eyes went cold, and he shook his head. “I’m not a fucking teenager.”
Kyler watched Cody leave and knew he’d ruined something great because he couldn’t be patient. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut. The only tiny bit of hope he had left was that Cody hadn’t told Kyler was he wrong. They both needed to cool and think.
* * * *
Parking at Kyler’s place, Cody took a deep breath. Kyler had invited him over, and they needed to talk. Cody had done a great job of trying to ice Kyler out for a week, but he had to give the guy credit. Despite Kyler’s pushy style, he had reduced his volunteer schedule in hopes of spending more time with Cody. He’d made friends with Cody’s friends at the strip club. Meanwhile, Cody had never even been to Kyler’s work.
Their styles were very different, but honesty was so rare and shocking that Cody had almost let a good relationship go because he was afraid of the truth. The only way to know how this would go was to head inside.
Cody made sure his car was locked and headed to the front door. He knocked and heard Kyler call. Cody tried the door, and it opened. He locked it behind him and felt more at home here than he had in his own place all week.
Kyler walked out to the living room. “Hi, thanks for coming.”
The scent of garlic wafted through the house. “What smells so good?”
“I’m just making some pasta. Thought we could have dinn
er. If you’re willing to hear me out.” Kyler smiled. “I’m sorry I pushed you. I treated you as if you needed my help or input. You don’t. I stand by what I said about stripping, though. I don’t think you really want to do it.” He took a breath. “I came from a family where we didn’t talk about anything. It was a whitewash sort of life until I came out. I’m a lot happier with honesty. It might not work for you. But I meant what I said. I love you, and you deserve to be happy.”
Smiling, Cody took a step closer. “That’s certainly better. You were a bit of a bully with your opinions. There is more than one right answer.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I need to learn to say nothing when I have nothing nice to say. But you can be brutally honest with me, too. That’s the good flip side of this.” Kyler looked at the ground as though waiting for the insults.
“You were pushy and out of line. But you also were out of your element and turned it into a great thing for that shelter. You care, which comes off as controlling and jealous at times.”
“I don’t want to control you. I want you to be real with me. I want the real you all the time.”
Cody laughed. “The real me drives a crap car and works two jobs. If you don’t want to run things in my life, why offer to fix my junker car?”
Kyler sighed. “I don’t care what you drive, I care that it’s safe and will get you there. I don’t give a damn about labels. I get a deal at work so I have a used Lexus. I can get you a deal if you want. Do I get any points for wanting you safe?”
Cody finally got the guy he’d fallen for. Kyler’s heart was in the right place, but deep down he wasn’t the alpha male he tried to pretend to be. He wanted to take care of people and make it better. The teenagers, the cars, and his friends.
Cody wrapped his arms around Kyler’s neck and kissed his forehead. “Lots of points. But you have to let me take care of you, too. And talk rather than proclaim the truth as you see it.”
“I can do that. I won’t be perfect, but I’m trying.” Kyler looked Cody in the eye. “So we can try this again?”
Hot for Charity Page 6
