“I know!”
When he sets me down he cups my face and rubs his thumbs across my cheeks. “You’re plenty enough for me. Sidney, I-“
“Don’t. Please, don’t.” The oven timer goes off and I’m saved from having to be so close to him. I felt like he was going to tell me he loves me. That’s what his eyes were saying. Stupid tears are running down my face again so I brush them away and get the bread and lasagna out of the oven.
While we’re eating Jack is trying to tell me not to keep us apart. That we’re good together. He’s been trying to figure out if he did something wrong or if I wasn’t interested anymore. He didn’t listen to a word I wrote in the letter. Rejection is hard. Even though it’s spelled out that it has nothing to do with you, you’re always going to find a way to blame yourself. I should know, my parents were cold people. I always thought it was me but now I know it was them.
“Jack, we’re not in the same place. There is so much you don’t even know about me.”
“Give me a chance to find out.”
I shut my eyes and shake my head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I have so much love for you but I’m not in love with you.”
“Ouch. That stings.”
“I’m sorry. It hurts me too. If I was able to deal with what happened to Sophia-” He cuts me off.
“About that, I saw you leaving the funeral home.”
Shit, shit, double shit. “Yeah?”
“I talked to the funeral director. Funny thing is I went to pay for a proper funeral for her to be laid to rest, come to find out someone already had. And I mean they picked out the best of everything. Even a headstone and to top that off a beautiful sitting bench in the cemetery with her name and an inscription. What made you do that?”
“The same reason you were going to do it.”
“Honey, do you have that kind of money now that you’re out of a job?”
“Yes. I still have some money from when my parents died. And I won all that money too.”
“You’ll come to me if you need anything?”
“Does that mean you’re not mad at me and you’ll still be my friend?”
“I wasn’t mad. Frustrated, hurt, confused, but not mad. I’ll always be your friend. It’s hard to think of not being wrapped around you in bed. Coming here, to a home, to see you after long shifts and shitty days at the hospital. Or all the great meals you make me. You’ve spoiled me, Sidney.”
Why do I have to be so fucked up? “I’ll miss it all too. I want you to know I’m not looking for someone else. I have an appointment to start seeing my therapist again.”
Oops. He’s cocked his head at me because I’ve never mentioned going to therapy before. Way to go Sid! “Did you start seeing someone after your parents passed away?”
I nod my head and get up from the stool to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I’m done with this conversation.
I sent the leftovers home with Jack. I told him about the car from Derik and how I’ll be learning to drive it. He didn’t like the idea but said he’s glad a professional is teaching me.
Epilogue
I had a blast in Texas every time I went, except the last. That was when I went for Derik’s funeral. There was a terrible accident the week after I got my NHRA license. He never got to see me compete but I swore I’d win every single time for him. I know he was watching and helping me because I won all but two of my races. I wasn’t racing at the tracks though, I was doing the illegal drags. After my second loss I took the car in and had everything redone so it could be an everyday driving car with a decent engine. She’s my baby. It’s what I have left of Derik. He wound up becoming a great friend. He was a very patient teacher that had me in stitches most of the time with his cockiness. I miss him.
Jack and I are back to our pre-dating selves. Tasha and I, of course, made up and I’ve come a long way with my therapy. She and Danny were worried about me for a while. I had the fuck it attitude toward everything after Derik passed. You know the kind, where it doesn’t matter what you do because we’re all going to die anyways? Yeah, I went through a couple of phases. Racing, partying and one night stands. Then that turned into no racing and a fuck buddy. Ten months later and I’m feeling like myself again. No more one night stands or fuck buddies. I want to meet a nice man and settle down. I’m not actively looking. I figure it’ll happen when it happens.
This was just my beforeplay.
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My Secret to Keep
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Chapter 1
June
SIDNEY
I'm sitting in my living room doing some work on my laptop when I hear the door open. I know it must be Danny because Tasha is still at work. They’re my neighbors and best friends. We don’t bother knocking anymore. As much as we run in and out of each other’s homes, it’s too much of a hassle.
"Hey Danny. What's up?" I say, turning around.
Damn. He has someone with him who is freaking gorgeous. I've never seen this guy before. I can't stop staring. He's about 6'2 with dirty blonde shortly cropped hair, sky blue eyes, a wide bright smile, strong jaw, broad shoulders and pretty lips. Yup, pretty lips because they are just that. They belong on a woman. I can tell he works out and keeps himself in shape. I also know I’m drooling. Wet t-shirt contest! Danny just chuckles. He knows what's going through my mind.
Danny introduces us. "Hey Sid. This is Sam. Sam, this is Sidney." He comes and gives me a big bear hug.
Sam gives me a mega smile and holds out his hand to shake. "Hi, Sidney. Nice to meet you."
I reach my hand out and take his. He has a nice, firm handshake. I like him already. “You too.”
"I can’t believe Danny’s never told me he had such a beautiful neighbor."
I smile at him. I know I’m blushing. I can feel it in my cheeks. "So how do you two know each other?"
"We went to high school together." They say at the same time.
We all laugh and I get a really good look at him. "Did you move away? I don't remember seeing you around." I already know the answer because if I would have seen him I wouldn't have forgotten. He's so good looking you can’t forget.
"Yeah, I joined the Air Force after college. I'm stationed in England right now."
I smile at him and think about him in a uniform, YUM! "I'm so rude, sorry. You guys want to sit and have something to drink?"
"No thanks. We just dropped by real quick to see if you wanted to come over tonight for a coming home party. He's here on leave for a couple weeks." Danny looks at his watch. "Tasha will be home in about an hour to start cooking. You should come over and visit with her while she gets everything ready."
He's not fooling me. "Visit huh? Not cook anything myself or bring some of the goodies I already made?"
His expression changes. His eyes plead and the corners of his mouth tip up slightly. "What did you make? Please tell me it's my favorite."
I feign innocence. "If you like chewy brownies with homemade peanut butter frosting, then yes."
Before I can get past the word brownies he’s heading to fridge to get them. I love to cook and bake. I made them for him anyways, he just got them sooner rather than later. Before I make it into the kitchen he has them out, open and cut into. “You have to share.”
He grumbles at me but shares them anyway, only because he doesn't know I made them for him. Otherwise he wouldn't share at all.
Sam acts like he hasn't had anything sweet to eat in ten years and dives into them right behind Danny. They praise my baking skills and I don't think I can smile any bigger.
When Danny’s done licking his fingers, he tells me, "Why don't you text Tasha and let her know you’ll come over to help and visit with her."
“Okay.” I walk with them to the door.
"Thanks, Sid. So we'll see you in about an hour then?"
"Yup, see ya then.” I look at Sam, “Nice meeting you, Sam."
He turns his head and grins at me. "You too, Sid
ney."
After they leave, I close the door. Shit, of all the days to sit around in my bummy house clothes with my hair piled on top of my head in a messy knot and no make-up on. I'm not one to wear much make-up to begin with. I live in Florida for god sakes. It would just melt off anyway.
I'm sure he was flirting a bit by the way he was looking at me. I didn't see a wedding ring. That doesn't mean anything nowadays though. If he's not married, he probably has a girlfriend.
I can tell he knows he's good looking by the way he carries himself. I hope he's not a dick. Really, dick or not, I'd still like to see him in uniform. God, I love a man in uniform. I'm not prejudice. It could be the delivery guy or a mechanic. As long as a man's sporting a uniform, I'm gawking. Mmm hmm.
I must need to get laid. It’s been a while now that I think about it.
I text Tash to see if she needs me to do anything before she gets home…and, of course, get the low down on Sam.
Me: DO NOT REPEAT! Is he married/girlfriend?
Tasha: I see you met Sam. Neither
Me: YES!! I'm helping you cook. What do you want me to do before you get here?
Tasha: Nothing. Be there in about 30.
Me: Okie Dokie. Love Ya!
Tasha: You too!
I think I'll run to the liquor store and pick up a few things. I'll get Sam a welcome home bottle of JW Blue Label. It'll be a 'thank you' for serving our country too. I change clothes quickly, put my sandals on, grab my purse and head out the door. I wonder if they've got everything they need yet.
I walk across the yard and go into Tash's house. I yell out, "Danny!"
Sam walks into the living room wearing only a pair of shorts. It looks like he just got out of the shower.
Damn, what a body and the tattoos. Just an extra helping of the yumminess he already has going on.
"He had to run over to his mom's. Did you need him or is it something I can help you with?"
"I...ah, I'm heading to the liquor store and was wondering if you guys needed anything."
"Well, if you don't mind, could I ride along? I'd like to get a few more things. I went to the store this afternoon but, with word getting out about me being home, I think I’d better get some more."
"I don't mind at all." Nope. Not. At. All.
"Let me finish getting dressed and we can head out."
"Okay. I'll go start the car and get the air going." I leave, go get my baby started and back her into the driveway from the garage.
I watch Sam's face as he walks through the yard. I love the look on people's faces when they see my car. I know girls shouldn't love their cars like I do, but I can't help it. She has so many great memories and is so beautiful.
My guess is Danny didn't mention my baby to him. Yup. I'm a proud mama.
The look on his face is priceless. He's stunned. He gets in and looks around the inside without saying a word. He’s rubbing the leather on the seat and a slow smile creeps across his lips.
"Let me tell you about my baby. She's a 1970 Chevelle LS6 with a 454 4 speed, and is about as bad ass as they come. I had her painted Cherry Candy Red with a high-gloss for depth. I want people to see her and feel like they could stick their hand in the paint. I also bought the softest leather I could find for the seats."
SAM
I'm impressed with this girl. She's beautiful. She has long dark brown hair, light blue eyes, and lips that are begging to be kissed. She’s maybe five foot three, thin like a runner, a decent rack, a great ass, and her face isn't painted all up. Plus her car is fucking awesome!
Something has to be seriously wrong with her. Why else is she single? She's beautiful, seems nice, speaks intelligently, and has a man’s wet dream of a car. I’d bet she is C.R.A.Z.Y. Danny has only said good things about her though.
"If I'm really, really nice will you let me drive back?" I ask her hoping to test out the speed.
"Not a chance in hell! Ask Danny. He's been begging for a year now. No way! Not happening. She's my baby. If something happens to her at the hands of someone else, I'd literally hurt someone."
"Okaaay." I’m a little shocked at how attached she is to this car.
We pull in the parking lot of the liquor store, get out and go in. She grabs a buggy so I walk along with her. She’s putting all sorts of stuff in the cart. Three cases of different kinds of beer. Vodka, tequila, gin, mixers and sodas.
“Damn girl! Please tell me you’re not going to drink all of that by yourself. Or are you having a party too?”
“No. Just a couple things I’ll drink but I needed to stock the house back up for when I have company.”
“Good. You had me scared for a minute.”
I grab a couple cases of beer and we head to the checkout. When we get to the counter the cashier says, “Hey, Cherry. How’re you doing?” Cherry?
She smiles at him and replies, “I’m good, Jim. Can I get a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, please?”
Damn! She must make some good money. I wonder what she does. She has an expensive home and vehicle. I know she’s single and lives alone.
I don’t have to wait long because a minute later I have my answer.
When Jim gets the bottle and starts ringing her up he asks, “Will you be at the strip…”
I shut down as soon as I hear the word strip. Yup. I knew it. She's a stripper. Fuck the luck.
There’s nothing wrong with strippers, just the crazy ones I’ve fucked, so I have sworn off fucking strippers all together. Damn it! Nope, no it doesn’t matter how put together she looks or is, I'm not going there EVER. AGAIN. She just got put in the friend zone.
When she's paid, I check out and we leave. I load everything in the trunk and we head back to the house.
I have to say I'm a bit disappointed. How could I not be? I know one thing, I'm going to throttle Danny. He never said anything about her profession. I ask him to introduce me to someone and this is what he does to me. I bet he’s laughing his fucking ass off. Bastard!
Sidney glances over at me on the drive and asks, "How long are you staying with Danny and Tasha?"
"The whole two weeks. I prefer to stay with friends. I love my parents but they're used to it being just the two of them. Sometimes they forget I'm home on leave and I do not want a repeat of what happened the last time I came home.” I shudder just having to say it. “I have cousins that I'm close with. They're like brothers to me but they all live together. With five of them, sometimes it's too much, even for me. You’ll meet them. They're all coming to the party tonight and you'll see exactly what I mean." I roll my eyes and grin.
She gives a light chuckle. "That bad, huh?"
I shrug my shoulders. She'll have to see for herself. I bet the tag team goes after her. That's what I call my twin cousins. They're fucking nuts. There aren’t many boundaries they won’t cross.
SIDNEY
When we pull up in the driveway, I notice Tasha is home. We take everything of Sam’s, and a few things I picked up for Tash and Danny, into their house. I give her a big hug then we start to put stuff in the coolers.
I love this girl. She's had a hard life because of the way her family is. They're a bunch of drunken assholes with men coming and going because of her needy mother. We're kind of the same in a way. She never became her mother and isn't a drunk like the rest of them. Just like I never became either of my parents.
"Okay girlie! What do you want me to do when we get all of this stuff put away?"
"Well, that depends. Do you want to slice and dice or mix and stir?" I hear the smile in her voice because she knows which one I’ll pick.
I stand up and look at her. "Duh, mix and stir of course," we both laugh.
“Okay ladies,” Sam interrupts. “I’m going to go take a nap unless you need my help with something else.”
Tasha tells him, “No. You go get rested up for your party, we’ve got everything else covered. Thanks, Sam.”
I smile and tell him, “Sweet dreams.” He nods and heads down the ha
ll.
I look over at Tash and she has an odd expression on her face. "Everything okay? You look a little off."
"Yeah, just a long work day.” I can tell she’s lying. Something is on her mind.
“Spill. What is it?”
“Okay, I know you want the scoop on Sam so here it is. He's a manwhore. I love him and he never promises anything more than a good time to the girls he’s with, but still. He's a nice guy and a good friend but I don't think you should get involved with him. Besides, he leaves to go back to England in a couple of weeks. I love you too much to see you get involved in something like that right now."
I stop dumping the ingredients into the bowl for the crab salad and sigh. "You don't have to worry about that. I don't think he's interested in me. He seemed to be flirting with me on our way to the store and then, on our way home, he was umm…different.” I start adding the stuff to the bowl again. “I don't know how to explain it, just different. Plus, you know I’m not looking for a fling. I mean, the man is gorgeous but I’ve been out of my booty call stage for a while now. Although, if I look at him long enough I’m sure I could be put right back in it."
She peeks her head around the fridge door and gives me the 'come on, really' look. "I'm sure he's just tired. Look, you're both adults. Just remember what I said about him. Okay?"
I nod. "So what all are we making?"
"I thought we could do some finger foods, the crab and some pasta salad. Danny said something about a barbeque on Sunday, so we'll do real food then. Can you make the salsa, dill dip and your baked sandwich?”
“Sure, but--”
“I bought a tube of bread dough for it, I knew you wouldn't have enough time to make your own.” She knows me too well. “While you make that, I'll chop and dice everything for the salsa. I think that will be enough. Also Danny is picking up the cake I ordered."
"WHAT?" I look at Tasha and her eyes are tightly shut with her shoulders scrunching up almost to her ears. Oh yeah, she realizes she fucked up. "I can't believe you ordered a cake! Why didn't you just ask me to make one? My cakes are the bomb! You know you can't buy that kind of love and flavor from a bakery."
BeForeplay Page 6
