I fight back another round of tears. I don’t know how to explain my impending fear to them. And I have no right to feel this way. Our arrangement was only meant to last for three months. It’s going to get cut far too short.
I can’t stop this train wreck, nor can I alter the path laid out before me. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe the pain of my grandfather’s death will consume me and keep my mind off my other loss. The loss of three living men who have changed my life forever.
Maybe another month with my masters would have made it that much harder to leave them in the fall. I’ll never know. But I already know I won’t be the same.
Chapter 45
Abby
I slide from bed the next morning and quietly shower, dress, and leave the room before either man moves. This is rare. They’re usually awake and staring at me when I open my eyes. It works out perfectly because this morning I need to run a few errands and pull myself together without them hovering.
Geraldine is already in the kitchen when I enter. She offers to cook me something, but I beg her off. I want to escape the house before Levi and Beck can stop me. I kiss Geraldine on the cheek. “I think Beck and Levi are still sleeping. I haven’t heard any noise upstairs yet,” I tell her, hoping she won’t head up there and find them both in my bed.
She cups my cheek and smiles. “Don’t you worry. I’ll be quiet down here. They’re probably exhausted. When they come down, I’ll fix them breakfast.”
“Thank you.” I grab the keys to my car from the little key closet next to the back door. “I need to run a few errands,” I inform her.
“Of course, dear. Take your time. Your car is right where it always is. Joseph has driven it around the block at least once a week to make sure it’s still in good condition.”
I pause to stare at her profile, feeling lucky in the face of so much sadness. Geraldine and Joseph love me as if they were blood relatives. I will have them to help me through my pain. Even when Levi and Beck return to Seattle.
Geraldine turns her head toward me, her brow furrowed. “You okay, dear?”
“Yes.” I smile at her and then slip out the back door.
I breathe easily as soon as I pull out of the garage and onto the road. There’s something I need to do. Even though I’m in total crisis mode, I haven’t had a single opportunity to take care of this task before right now. I want it out of the way and over with before the day gets under way.
Ten minutes later, I pull into the pharmacy parking lot, exit the car, and beeline for the feminine hygiene aisle. I’ve never purchased a pregnancy test before, but surely they’re all the same. It’s far-fetched to think I could be pregnant, but I can’t stop worrying about the possibility lately. I just need to know. I grab the first one and head for the checkout, gaze down, trying not to draw attention to myself.
In less than two minutes, I’m back in my car, aiming for my favorite pastry shop. I stuff the pregnancy test in my purse, enter the busy store, and head for the bathroom. The test is my priority. After I ensure my concerns are unfounded, then I’ll get a large box of pastries and return to the house. No one will ever know I left for any other reason than to fulfill a craving.
I slide into a stall, suddenly nervous. This is ridiculous. I can’t be pregnant. I know this. But confirmation will ease my mind. My fingers are shaking as I rip open the package. I’m glad no one else is in the bathroom.
I quickly follow the instructions, peeing on the stick, and then wait. I spend the three long minutes reading the folded paper to ensure I understand what the results mean. One line—not pregnant. Two lines—pregnant.
Finally, I look.
One line.
The breath I’ve been holding whooshes from my lungs. Thank you, God. I stuff all the parts into the small box they came from and stick it in the trash. Done. Relieved. Moving on.
Just as I suspected. I’m sure I’ve simply missed a period like I often do. After all, there was spotting. Just not much of it. It happens. We’ve used condoms. I’m not pregnant.
I head for the counter, select a dozen random pastries, and I’m back in my car heading home in no time. I have a funeral to plan. I have no idea where to even begin, but at least I won’t spend every minute also worrying about my uterus. I can check that off the stressful to-do list.
Chapter 46
Abby
The following morning, I nearly jump out of my skin when I step out of my bathroom after my shower, wearing nothing but a towel, to find someone in my bedroom. I’m not surprised, however, that it’s Sabine. I knew she would nail me down alone eventually.
I stop short and put a hand over my chest. She’s sitting in my window seat, feet up on the sill, head leaning back against a stack of pillows. Casually. As if she does this every day. And there was a time when she did sit like that often. But not since I returned two nights ago. “You scared me,” I say.
She rolls her eyes and turns her body forward, dropping her feet onto the floor. “Only because you were expecting me to be someone else.”
I freeze for a moment, gulping. Finally, I furrow my brow and force myself to continue toward my closet, not meeting her gaze. “What are you talking about?”
She chuckles. “Right. So, that’s how you want to play this?”
“Play what?” I ask, from inside the closet, heart pounding. I stare at my row of clothes, seeing nothing. How the hell could she possibly suspect anything about my bosses? I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
This conversation was bound to happen eventually. I knew I couldn’t keep things from Sabine. For one, she’s far too astute. For two, she’s my best friend. And finally, she’s been around more than anyone, enough to see my interactions with Levi and Beck.
The three of us have played it cool when we aren’t in my room, but not cool enough to fool Sabine. That would have been ice cold, and we don’t have that level of aloofness in us.
I step back out of the closet slowly and meet Sabine’s gaze, trying to decide how much I want to tell her, how much she can handle.
She’s on her feet now, hands on her hips. She nods toward the bed. “First of all, don’t even try to convince me you slept alone in that bed last night. I’ve had quite a few sleepovers with you over the years, and never once did you tear the bed apart like that so that the sheets were untucked and the comforter was on the floor.”
I wince as I glance at the evidence of my sleeping arrangements. I feel a twinge of guilt too because I had sex last night. Twice. My grandfather’s body is not in the ground yet, and I’ve been fucking two men when all my thoughts should be on my mourning.
It’s not like I haven’t felt the weight of my loss. I have. The night we arrived, Levi and Beck did nothing but hold me all night as I tossed and turned and occasionally cried. Yesterday, the two of them were my rocks, making the majority of the arrangements for the funeral while I wandered through the house like a zombie. But last night, after Joseph and Geraldine left the main house, my men surrounded me with their intensity and made love to me. Slowly. It was exactly what I needed to feel grounded and alive.
Sabine continues before I can even respond. “I was here for two hours yesterday. You think I didn’t see the way those two hunks stare at you? They worship the ground you walk on. I’m not surprised. You’re worth it. I’ve been telling you that for years. I knew one day when the right person came along, you would fall hard and be treated like a princess.”
I can’t speak. Emotions flood me at her kind words.
She shoves away from the windowsill and continues speaking as she saunters toward me. “I was worried yesterday. Concerned because I could see both Levi and Beck are into you. Oh sure, they try to hide it. And maybe they have other people fooled, but not me. I was afraid you were caught in some sort of triangle, both men waiting for you to choose one of them.”
I swallow as she sizes me up and down.
“It was a little creepy. But now, today, I’ve decided I have it wrong. They aren’t vying
for your attention. They have it. Both of them. Don’t they?” She stops in front of me and meets my gaze.
I lick my lips, still uncertain how to respond.
She jerks her head toward the mauve armchair in the corner of my room. “Not sure what you were doing in the closet since you’ve already set out your clothes. Or did you?” She leans closer. “When I got here, Levi was in this room and Beck was walking down the hallway. I shooed them both downstairs and shut the door, by the way. Time to talk, Abby.” She cocks her head to one side and plants her hands on her hips.
I blow out a breath and sigh. “Not sure what you want me to say. You seem to have it all figured out.” I ease around her, heading for the clothes on the chair. She’s pinned the situation so accurately that she even nailed the fact that I didn’t pick out this outfit. Levi probably did. He didn’t want me to have to worry or think about anything for a few days.
He did a good job too. The navy summer dress and gold sandals are perfect for meeting with the minister this morning.
Sabine begins to make my bed, tugging the comforter out of the way and then straightening the sheet. “You’re my best friend, and I like to think I’m yours.”
“You are. You know you are.”
“Then why did you avoid me for almost two months, acting like you were too busy to take my calls? Why didn’t you just tell me you’d met someone?”
I drape my towel over the arm of the chair and pick up my panties. Sabine has seen me naked dozens of times. We don’t have secrets.
She looks my direction and gasps. “You shaved?” Her gaze is on my pussy. Shit. Her expression turns to a grin and she dramatically drags the back of her hand across her forehead. “I think I’m going to swoon.” She circles the bed to my side and drops her ass onto the edge of the mattress, arms crossed, face no longer filled with mirth. Serious expression in place. “Talk.”
I take a deep breath as I step into my panties and then grab the matching black lace bra.
She narrows her eyes. “I’m not even going to ask when and where you acquired such sexy lingerie.”
I glare at her. “You going to let me speak?”
She purses her lips, nodding.
“Fine. Yes, I’ve had an eventful summer.”
“Ya think?” She blurts out.
I cock my head and stare at her.
“Sorry. Keep going.” She purses her lips again.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” I continue as I pull my dress over my head and lower onto the chair to grab my sandals. “If I had met a guy in his twenties and gone on a few dates, or even slept with him, it would have been easy to call you and giggle and share. But this…was so much more than that. I didn’t know what to say or how you would respond.”
“By so much more I assume you mean that the age in question is closer to forty, and the guy in question is really two men.”
I wince. There’s no reason to hold back now. “Three actually,” I mutter.
Her eyes widen and she leans forward. “Three? Who the hell is the third?” She lowers her voice, glancing at the door. “Do Levi and Beck know this?”
I smirk. “Yes. They know. It’s their silent partner, Julius. They all live together in Julius’s mansion.”
“Oh. My. God. You’ve spent the last two months sleeping with three older men, and you didn’t tell me?”
I look down at my lap. “I didn’t want you to think I’d lost my mind. I’m still not even sure myself if that’s not the case.”
“Abby. Look at me.”
I lift my gaze. “I know you better than anyone. I would never think you’d lost your mind. Stop it. I wish I could say I was worried, and maybe I should be, but at the same time, you look happy. In spite of the fact that your grandfather just died and your internship got interrupted and you have a million things on your plate, I watched the way you looked at Levi and Beck yesterday. They’ve put a smile on your face. You’re glowing this morning.” She jumps up from the bed and points at it. “Not surprising considering how messed up the sheets are,” she teases.
My face heats. “Can we maybe not discuss my sex life?”
She spins around, shaking her head. “Oh, fuck that. We are so totally discussing your sex life. Suddenly it’s far more interesting than mine, and you have far more experience than I have. I have questions. But for now, I just want to know what you plan to do next?”
I sigh. “No idea. It’s a mess. It doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to go back to Seattle. I have too many loose ends to wrap up here. Also, Beck and Levi canceled all their appointments to come here with me. They can’t stay forever. Besides, there’s no way I would ever let anyone in my grandfather’s circle know I was dating an older man, let alone three. You can imagine the scandal. So, that’s out of the question. Sure, they’re being cool about it now. So far. But eventually, their patience is going to wane on this public dance we’re engaged in. I don’t get the impression Beck, Levi, or even Julius give a single shit what anyone else thinks about their lifestyle.” I haven’t even mentioned the dominance to Sabine. She’s going to freak when I add that part.
Sabine leans her butt against the bed once more. Her expression is serious. “Are you in love with them?”
I shake my head. “No. Of course not. I don’t have time for that. I’m starting law school in a month. I won’t have time for men. Not even one. Let alone three.”
She lifts a brow. “You sure about that? It’s not something you can control.”
“Love? Of course, I can. Besides, we had an agreement. Three months. Nothing more. The three of them never train a woman for more than three months. They don’t have any interest in keeping me past the summer either.”
Sabine is leaning forward again. Mouth hanging open. “Train? Abby. What. The. Absolute. Fuck.”
I wince, my face flushing further again. I dug that hole deep. Great.
She rubs her temple with two fingers. “Shit. They’re Doms. You’ve been submitting to them.” She glances at my clothes. “They did set that outfit out for you.”
These are statements. Not questions. So, I say nothing.
“My head is spinning from all this information. It just keeps getting better.”
I draw in a deep breath and release it, pushing off the chair and entering my attached bathroom. I need to put makeup on and fix my hair. I can’t spend the entire morning explaining myself to Sabine. I’m not even sure how she’s going to react to this new information. At least she’s far more worldly than me and obviously knows the terms for what I’ve been doing. That helps.
She follows me into the bathroom and jumps up onto the counter to lean against the mirror while I apply makeup. We’ve done this before too. It’s comfortable. The conversation is not, however. I’m nervous. If I don’t calm down, I’m going to stab my eye with my mascara wand.
“So…” she begins, “you’ve been, like, submitting to them? They choose your clothes and all?”
“Something like that.”
She leans into me, blocking my view of the mirror. “Abby. Jesus. This is intense.”
“Yeah.” I sit back. “I know. And I don’t have all the answers, so stop asking the hard questions. All I know is that it felt good. I enjoyed it. They treat me like a princess. I’ve had better sex than most people have in a lifetime, and I don’t even have anything to compare it to. I’m probably ruined for all other men, and I’ll never find anything that resembles what this summer has been like for me.”
She nods.
“On top of that, my grandfather died. So now my plate is too full to face the consequences of my actions.”
“What consequences, hon?”
“The fact that Levi and Beck will leave here any day, and it will be over.”
“They don’t look like they’re planning on leaving anytime soon.”
“Well, they have jobs. Adult jobs. I’m some girl who came into their lives unexpectedly and shook things up. They have to go back to their regular lives. I have to g
o to school. On the opposite side of the country, mind you.”
“I heard Levi telling Joseph about local prospects to open a second location.”
“Yeah, he’s just saying that to explain why the hell the two of them are here with me.”
“That may be, but they are here. That’s something. And they worship you. That’s obvious.”
I sigh for the millionth time. “Yeah. They like me. I’m aware of that. They feel more for me than they normally permit themselves to feel. I get that too. But this story doesn’t have a happily ever after because it was born in secret. Life isn’t that perfect.”
“It could, you know.”
I shake my head. “Nope. There’s no path that leads to happily ever after here. For one thing, there’s a third man involved. And he’s not here. It’s not the same without him. I almost feel like…like we’re cheating on him.” I shudder. That’s the best way to describe it. Julius plays a role in our foursome, a role that is void right now. He’s sort of the director or something. I can’t even work it out in my own head, let alone explain it to someone else.
“Have you talked to him? Have you talked to any of them?”
“Of course. We keep communication wide open.” At least we did. In the beginning. Before things got weird and feelings got involved.
“About this though. About your feelings?”
I pick up my mascara and open it. “It’s complicated.”
“That’s the understatement of the year.”
Silence hangs in the air while I put on eye shadow.
Sabine takes a deep breath and blows it out. When I glance at her, I find her staring at me, her brows drawn together. “I have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.”
I face her more fully. “What?”
“I busted into your room for a reason this morning, and the messy bed wasn’t my only clue that you were sleeping with someone.”
Teaching Abby (Surrender Book 2) Page 23
