“Is she going to be okay?” Beck asks, his voice high pitched.
“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know, but we need to stop the bleeding. They’ll get to the bottom of it in the ER.”
Beck nods.
I’m reluctant to let her go, but I release her into their care. In two seconds, I have on shoes. So does Beck. We rush behind the EMTs and watch them load her into the back of the ambulance.
I’m frozen as it pulls away.
“Let’s go,” Beck says as he grabs my arm. He’s holding up a key ring. “I found the keys to the SUV. I’ll pull it around to the front. You good?”
I meet his gaze. “No.”
He nods and leaves me standing there. I’m not. Not okay at all. He knows that. I’m not even able to breathe properly. My hands are shaking, and my arms and fingers are covered with blood. Abby’s blood.
Somehow Beck has more functioning brain cells, because in seconds, he’s backing down the driveway, waving me over.
I jog to the passenger side and jump in.
He hands me my phone. How the hell did he have the wherewithal to grab our phones? “Call Julius.”
Chapter 52
Master Beck
“How is she? What the fuck is going on?” Julius nearly shouts at me.
“Calm the fuck down,” I whisper into the phone. I’m in a noisy waiting room. We’ve been at the hospital for three hours. I’ve stepped out here to take this call from Julius so that I don’t disturb Abby.
“Don’t tell me to calm down,” he shouts. “I’m losing my mind, and the two of you haven’t given me an update in ten minutes.”
I blow out a breath, trying not to get impatient with Julius. If I were in his shoes, I would be just as frantic. On the flip side, I would never be in his shoes. His shoes should have been right here with us when we found her in a pool of her own blood in the bathroom.
I remind myself Julius is probably just as angry with himself as he is with the situation. “She’s stable. They’ve stopped the bleeding. They’re monitoring her.”
“Is she awake? Is she in pain? What happened?”
“No. They gave her a sedative to help her sleep. She was thrashing around when she woke up.” I cup my hand around the phone so that other patients and their families in the waiting room can’t hear me and keep my voice low. “It seems like she had a miscarriage. The headache, cramping, blood. They all point to that likelihood.”
“But… But… How? I mean how could she have been…”
I pull in a breath. I’ve asked myself this a hundred times. All I can do is repeat what the doctor has told us. “She wasn’t on birth control, Jules. We’ve been relying on condoms all this time. We’ve had a lot of sex. One of them broke or leaked or tore or something. It happens.”
He’s breathing heavily. “Fuck,” he shouts, making me flinch. “Why? Jesus. Fuck.” He’s screaming at no one. I let him rant. It’s all I can do. And he’s not saying anything I haven’t felt in the last few hours.
Abby was pregnant. With a baby that was one of ours. We’ll never know whose it was. I lower onto a cold, plastic, orange chair and rest my forehead on my palm, holding the phone with my other hand. Moments of silence hang between us. “Julius.”
“Yeah.” His voice is calmer.
“Jules, we need you here. Abby needs you here. Get on the next plane.”
“Okay.”
Chapter 53
Abby
“Beck.” I know my voice is sharp, but I need to get his attention.
He spins around and rushes toward me. “What? Can I get you something? Hot tea? Juice?”
“What you can do is stop pacing and relax. I’m fine. Go downstairs. You’re driving me crazy.”
He’s been pacing back and forth in my bedroom fretting since we got home. It’s like he thinks I’m going to die if he leaves the room or even glances away. I need him to leave me alone. Let me rest. Let me think.
He opens his mouth. I can see the protest on his face.
I glare at him.
He takes a deep breath and nods. “’Kay, but—”
“Beck,” I groan. “Get out of here. Stop hovering.” I’m holding back tears that I don’t want him to see. He’s making it difficult.
He backs up, not turning around. “I’ll check on you again in a bit.”
I pat my phone which is on the pillow next to me. “I’ll call you if I need you.”
He stands in the doorway for a moment, gripping the frame. “Abby, I—”
“Beck,” I shout. “Give me some fucking time alone.” I don’t think I’ve ever lifted my voice at any one of them before. It’s not like me. But I need to be alone. Now.
He drops his gaze and quietly shuts my door as he leaves.
I know he’s worried. Levi is too. They’ve been tag teaming me since they brought me home. They settled me on the couch in the library for the first hour, and finally brought me upstairs after I protested for the billionth time.
Now that I’m in my own bed, I get why they stalled. I realize now this room was a mess. They had to clean it up first. I feel bad. I don’t even know how horrible it was, but from the amount of blood on themselves and me, I’m betting it looked like a crime scene.
The nurse in the hospital cleaned me up and put me in a fresh gown, but I won’t feel fully human until I’ve had a shower. That’s not going to happen until tomorrow.
The sheets on my bed are fresh. Levi and Beck must have found them in the hall closet. The room is put back together. I can’t imagine what they’ve done to get the bathroom clean. I don’t see a shred of evidence that I nearly died in here twelve hours ago. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but I felt like I was dying. I wanted to die just to end the pain.
I close my eyes and try to breathe normally, though I can’t, and I don’t think I’ll ever breathe normally again. I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around what happened. One moment I was fine, the next moment I was violently ill.
And now…
Jesus, I was pregnant.
I place my hand over my stomach, and a tear leaks out to run down my cheek. I don’t know why I’m even sad. It’s like I’m mourning the loss of something I didn’t know existed, didn’t plan, and didn’t want.
Another tear escapes. I’ve been holding back my emotions for hours, not wanting to lose it in front of Beck and Levi. I had to beg them not to call Joseph and Geraldine back from the vacation they just started. I also had to threaten their lives if they called Sabine. They can call her later. Not now. I need to be alone. The hovering was making me crazy. Sabine will lose her shit when she finds out what happened and that I didn’t call her, but I can’t deal with anyone right now.
I roll gingerly onto my side and wince as I curl into a ball and let the tears fall. I don’t even bother to wipe them away. I don’t have the energy. My body aches all over. I still have a dull headache and cramps, but nothing like I had when I woke up. The pain meds they gave me at the hospital haven’t worn off.
A sob escapes and I bite my lip to ensure it’s the only one. I don’t trust Beck not to be standing outside my door listening for me. What is he thinking about all this? What is Levi thinking? I know they called Julius. Does Julius even care? I haven’t spoken to him since I left Seattle.
Another tear falls, this one is for Julius and that loss. I’ve lost a man and a baby this week. What about the other two? They’re so freaked out they probably wouldn’t touch me again in this lifetime.
No one planned on me getting pregnant. Least of all me. I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I go on the pill? Who relies on condoms for six weeks? Statistically speaking, considering how many times we’ve had sex, one of them was bound to break or slip. Hell, forget the condoms. There were many times when one of them teased me mercilessly with the tip of his cock before putting one on.
I don’t think Levi and Beck are mad, except maybe with themselves. They’ve been amazing. Not once did either of them seem pissed that I’d been pregnant, at least not f
rom what I could see after I woke up. There was at least an hour or two when they knew I’d miscarried before I knew it. Whatever they’d needed to do to process their emotions during that time, they handled it before I woke up.
Are they sad? Angry? Disappointed? Relieved?
Hell, I’m all of those things. They can be too.
We have so many things to talk about, but is it really necessary? Wouldn’t it be easier if they just went back to Seattle and we made a clean break? It’s not like this thing between us could have lasted more than another month anyway. Now is a good time to end it. Now while I’m recuperating and can’t even submit to them anyway.
As if I’ve submitted to anyone lately. I haven’t since we got to Cambridge. It’s like that side of us existed in a vacuum and as soon as we stepped over the threshold of Julius’s home, we were different people.
I don’t know why. I thought at first it was because we aren’t whole without Julius, but now I’m not sure. Maybe Beck and Levi have simply been nice to me because my grandfather died. Maybe they felt sorry for me and thought they should help me out while easing back a little at a time.
They’ve slept with me. They’ve made love to me too. But no one has dominated me. Not really.
I sob again. I can’t stop it. Now I’m sniffling. I miss them already, and I’ve simply cut them off in my mind. They’re right here in the house. At least two of them. They haven’t said a word about leaving me.
What if they aren’t even planning on leaving? Maybe they really do intend to look at properties in Cambridge to open a second location of Vanguard. But that’s nonsense. They have clients waiting for them in Seattle. Appointments they’ve canceled. For me. To be here with me. They could have put me on a plane in Seattle and said goodbye.
What if they hadn’t come with me? I might have died on the bathroom floor from blood loss. Geraldine would have found me the next morning. She would have had a stroke.
Thank God they were here. But for how long?
I curl in deeper, tears falling freely. I’m so tired. My body hurts. My head is pulsing. I have bruises where I landed on the floor. I feel like I’ve been beaten in a bad fight that I lost. On top of that, immeasurable sadness consumes me. I start shaking. Cold.
I’ve lost so much. My grandfather, Julius, my own child. When will I lose Beck and Levi? Tomorrow? The next day? Loneliness eats into me. I haven’t been alone like this for almost two months.
Now is the one time I really need someone, and I’ve pushed them away. Yelling at Beck to get out. Why did I have to be so mean? I need him.
I’m shivering uncontrollably. Sobbing into the pillow. Trying to stifle the sound. I don’t want either of them to know how profound this loss is to me. I was pregnant. There was a human in me. Not one I wanted, but it still hurts. Deeply.
So cold. There aren’t enough blankets. I’m used to being surrounded by body heat coming from at least two men. I pushed them away. I need them. I need all of them. I’ve never felt this level of sorrow before. It’s like it piled up and the mountain grew over several days. And the dam has broken.
I didn’t hear anyone enter the room, but suddenly the bed sinks next to me and arms come around me from behind, pulling me into a hard body. “Shh. Baby. I’m here.”
I suck in a breath. Julius. I don’t need to open my eyes to know it’s him. It’s his voice. His scent surrounds me. His soft hair tickles my neck as he kisses my cheek. He wraps his hands around mine and holds me so tight.
My tears continue, harder now. I’m soaking the pillow. I can’t stop. Maybe I’m imagining him and he’s not even here. I don’t want to know, so I don’t look.
He holds me forever while I cry, shifting both my hands between my breasts to one of his so he can use his free hand to stroke my arm and my thigh. Soothing me with his touch and his words. “I’ve got you… Shhh…” He kisses my cheek and forehead gently over and over. “I’m right here, baby. Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Finally, my breathing evens out and I let sleep pull me under. I still don’t know if I imagined Julius or not, but I don’t care. I will him to be next to me, so he is.
Chapter 54
Master Julius
She’s been asleep for hours. I haven’t let her go a single moment. Exhaustion claimed her. The door to her bedroom is open, the light from the hallway allowing me to see her features.
Her face is drawn up in pain—emotional or physical. I can’t be sure. Maybe both. Dry tears streak her face, but I don’t want to disturb her rest to wipe them away.
Levi and Beck have come in and out of the room dozens of times. Pacing. Checking on us. Biting their nails. Running their hands through their hair.
I don’t even know the full story because when I arrived, I raced past both of them to get to her, assuming she was sleeping but needing to be close. She was not sleeping. She was shuddering through the most horrifying sadness. I’ve never seen anyone as torn up as she was when I entered this room.
I knew she had kicked Beck out and told him she wanted to be alone, but I didn’t care. I had to see her. I had to touch her. Hold her.
She’s mine. I died a thousand deaths on the flight across the country, so restless with worry that the man next to me in first class probably wanted to throttle me. I couldn’t even know if she would be alive when I landed.
I was overreacting. I know that. But the way Beck and Levi described her condition scared the fuck out of me. I hate that I wasn’t here for her, but at the same time, I’m so glad I didn’t live through what they witnessed. My heart might have stopped. I could hear the fear in their voices. They were scared out of their minds.
Beck and Levi are both in the room right now. Beck is sitting on an armchair he’s dragged to the edge of the bed. Levi is pacing.
Abby squirms, moaning in pain.
I adjust my grip, loosening my hand over her tiny fists and giving her some space to stretch out as she rolls into me. “Julius?” she murmurs.
“Right here, baby.” I brush a lock of hair from her face as she blinks at me, squinting.
She pulls a hand free and lifts it to my face. “You’re here.”
“Yes, baby. Right here.” I cup her face.
She closes her eyes, her lips curving up a bit. Her face is still contorted, but not as badly. As she stretches out and rolls to her back, she winces.
“Where do you hurt, baby?”
“Everywhere,” she whispers. Her eyes come more fully open, and she gazes at me. New tears fall. She sobs a moment later.
My heart hurts as I lean into her side as close as I dare get without hurting her further. Beck leans in and clasps one of her hands in his. Levi sits on the edge of the bed next to her thigh. He sets his palm on her leg.
She glances at them and then back at me. More tears. She swipes at them. “Sorry,” she chokes out.
“God, sweetness. Nothing to be sorry about. You’ve been through a lot,” Levi says. He’s been crying too. I could see it in his face when I arrived. Beck too. Not surprising. Their emotions must be all over the map. I know mine are.
We lost a child. We nearly lost the woman who is most precious to us too.
“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” she chokes between sobs.
Beck leans closer. “You’re exhausted, angel. You’ve suffered several losses. And your hormones are all over the place. The doctor said it might take a few days for you to feel like yourself. Give it time.”
I set my head down on the pillow next to hers, my lips close to her ear. “I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry I wasn’t here. Sorry I haven’t called. Sorry you went through all this without me.”
She reaches for me, turns her face, cups my cheek, and forces a smile. “You’re here now.”
She’s right. I’m totally here now. I may never leave. I don’t give a single fuck how we work this out, but I’m going to fight for her. I prayed to a God I haven’t spoken to in many years for hours after Beck and Levi called me. I pleaded with H
im. Begged Him to give me a chance to make this right.
He listened. Now it’s my turn to listen. I’ve been a dick. I have no idea why I thought I could deny my feelings for Abby and go on with my life. It didn’t work. I’ve been a mess from the moment she left my house days ago. It was too quiet. Nothing was right. I couldn’t think or work or concentrate on anything. All I could do was stare out the window and think about her. How she smiles and laughs. How she kneels in front of us and lowers her head. How her sweet body comes alive when we stroke her skin. How she burns breakfast but can edit hours of video and turn it into a three-minute masterpiece.
I was a fool. She’s not Theresa. She’s Abigail Wise.
She is mine.
Ours.
I glance at Levi and then Beck when she closes her eyes again.
I don’t need to ask them how they feel. It’s written on their faces. I heard it in their voices. We’re all in this.
Our situation is a hot mess that I can’t imagine resolving, but we will. Because we have to.
I close my eyes, my mind wandering to the same place it has all day. I keep picturing Abby with a baby in her arms. She’s smiling and cooing at the infant. The baby is giggling. The baby is ours. All of ours. I don’t care who fathers our child as long as we have one.
I can’t shake the visual. I want to make it true.
I don’t even know if Abby wants kids. We’ve never discussed it. And how the hell would we raise a child in a home with three fathers? I don’t have that figured out either. But we’ll work it out.
We have time. Years. Abby has law school. So many logistics to figure out. I’m suddenly so tired that I let myself sleep as soon as I hear her breathing even out.
Teaching Abby (Surrender Book 2) Page 26
