by Jonah Black
The two of us float downstream beneath the stars and from the shore we can hear the distant sounds of civilization, but we have no interest in ever going back to those bastards. Our hope is that we will wash up on the shores of a new nation together and live in the nude which we won’t be ashamed of and we will eat the fruit from the trees. We will sit around the fire, and Sophie will play the mandolin and I will sing and we’ll watch the smoke rise up to heaven.
Our children will form a new nation here, and in time they will come to believe that a federal form of government is the best way to serve the needs of the people. In 1780 they will form the second constitutional convention and draw up a document outlining the structure of the new federal government and its three parts: 1) executive, 2) legislative, 3) judiciary. The document will be amended on occasion and the first ten amendments to the Constitution will collectively be known as the Bill of
Okay, now I’m back after a very unpleasant moment. Miss Tenuda asked a question that no one knew the answer to, so she asked me to answer it because I’ve had all this stuff before. Except I didn’t hear her because I was writing the little story above and she kept calling on me and I must have been pretty far out of it because I didn’t hear her and she came all the way over to my desk and stood behind me reading what I was writing until finally I snapped out of it because Rosa turned around and looked at me again.
Then Miss Tenuda picks me up and spins me around and around over her head. And then she slams me down on the mat and the referees are blowing their whistles and the crowd is booing. But Miss Tenuda cannot be stopped and now she is pulling back my arms with some moves that are not sanctioned by the WWF.
“Jonah, I’d like to talk to you after class,” she said.
So now I’m sitting here waiting for class to end so she can yell at me.
The funny thing is, when she asked me to stay after class, it didn’t sound all that threatening. It sounded like she really wanted to talk to me.
(Still Oct. 5, 4:15 P.M.)
I’m just about to head over to First Amendment for work but I wanted to write about my meeting with Miss Tenuda, which went really well.
Okay. After class everybody else cleared out of the room and she walked over to my desk and sat down in front of me.
“Listen, Miss Tenuda,” I said. “I’m sorry I was daydreaming in class. But you know I studied all this last year.”
“It’s all right, Jonah. But I would appreciate it if you’d at least pretend to pay attention. It’s rude of you to totally ignore what I’m saying.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“You don’t have to apologize, Jonah. Actually, I want to talk to you about something else.”
“About what?”
“Well, Dr. Chamberlin and I have been discussing your situation.”
It was amazing! The first confirmed evidence that Dr. Chamberlin actually exists. I was imagining Miss Tenuda talking to the principal, sitting on the couch in the faculty lounge, smoking cigarettes, looking up at the ceiling, and saying, “Dr. Chamberlin? It’s about this Jonah Black. . . .” And there is Dr. Chamberlin, who has a head five times the size of a normal human. It’s got bulging veins that twitch. No wonder Dr. Chamberlin doesn’t let anyone see him. It’d be too much of a shock.
“Yes,” Miss Tenuda said. “We think it was a bit harsh for Masthead to have expelled you. It seems like a waste of your intelligence for you to be sitting here in eleventh grade all over again.”
I sat up. I couldn’t believe it. “You mean I can be a senior?”
“Not so fast. We can’t just jump you up a grade now that the school year’s begun. We need you to help us make the case to Mrs. Perella.”
“Mrs. Perella?” I said. “But I mean—Dr. Chamberlin’s the principal. Can’t he just tell her what to do?”
Miss Tenuda smiled at me, like, it’s clear you don’t understand how the administration works. I guess even Dr. Chamberlin is afraid of Mrs. Perella.
“What do I have to do? I’ll do anything,” I said.
“I need you to get straight As this marking period. In all your subjects. Including German. Miss von Esse thinks that will be a particular challenge for you,” Miss Tenuda said. “Do you think you can do it?”
“I think so,” I said, although getting straight As wasn’t going to be easy even if I did have all these classes last year.
“If you can get straight As, I think we can get Mrs. Perella to let you back in the senior class after the first marking period.”
“Yes!” I said. “I’ll definitely do it!” I couldn’t believe it. Maybe there actually is a God.
She stood up. “And you’ll pay attention in class?” Miss Tenuda said. “I can’t give you an A if you’re off in your own little world.”
I rush forward and tackle her at the knees. Then I spin her around over my head and slap her down on the mat in a full body slam. The referees raise my hand in the air and the bell rings and everybody cheers!
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll pay attention.”
“I don’t want to see you writing a little story about, um . . .” she stammered. “Other members of the class.”
“I promise.”
I headed for the door. I could feel Miss Tenuda watching me. “You know, Jonah,” she called after me. “If you become a senior, and leave this class . . .”
I stopped and turned around. “Yes?”
“Well. I’m going to miss you,” she said.
She comes over to where I’m standing and hands me a towel. She makes a muscle with her bicep that is thicker than my thigh. There’s oil dripping off it. I take the towel from her sweaty hand and wipe my face with it.
“I’ll miss you, too,” I said.
About the Author
Jonah Black grew up in Pompano Beach, Florida. He attended boarding school in Pennsylvania until recently when, under shrouded circumstances, he was kicked out, and has since been picking up the pieces of his shattered life. His favorite pastimes include hanging out with his best friends, Thorne and Posie, checking out the Florida chicks, daydreaming about the Florida chicks, and writing in his journal. Jonah is not as modest as he first appears. He really is a stud.
Credits
Cover Photograph from Tony Stone
Design by Russell Gordon
Cover © 2001 by HarperCollinsPublishers, Inc.
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