by Romi Hart
To me, that’s erotic. That’s maddening attraction that you can barely understand, barely resist. I feel the same urge to open my clothes, my body to him that all the other women felt. Because you feel this connection, this heat, that’s wholly original. You’ve awoken something in him that’s brand new, never been touched. He loved many women…but he’s never been in love.
“What is love to you, Zander?”
“What is love to anybody? It’s a word we use when we WANT something from someone else.”
“Interesting perspective there.”
“Do you want the emotional answer? Love is something beautiful. Love is the energy of humankind, what makes our world spin. We have love among sex partners, love with friends, love with family, love with our coworkers, our business associates. Everyone loves. But then again, everyone wants to put special rules and terms and conditions on their one true love.”
“And do you, too?”
“Maybe I don’t want to think of love as a list of rules and demands. Maybe I like this ‘love’ thing better if it’s just free. No rules.”
“So you resent the rules? You’re a bad boy who hates being told what to do?”
“I DO everything people want me to do. The reason I’m the Devil is because I play that role that everyone secretly needs to exist. But everyone wants me to act a certain way. Why else do you think the press talks about me and gossips so maliciously about what I do in my spare time?”
“I want you to experience love, Zander. The corny, touchy-feely way everyone else has experienced it.”
“Well, who doesn’t want that?” he says with a halfhearted smile. “Everyone just needs everyone else to see the world from their perspective. Maybe that’s the kind of love we really do need more of in this world. Empathy.”
“See, you say something awesome like that and then you around and insult people who are trying to like you.”
“Hmm, you have a valid criticism. And by the way, is that what you do, Maya? Analyze people’s flaws and explain to them in great detail what they need to change to be likable?”
“Touché! But see, you just insulted me again, so double-touché to you.”
I laugh softly and then look upwards, thinking back to so many forgotten life lessons. The stuff I “learned” before I replaced it all with business acumen.
“My whole life I’ve only told people what they wanted to hear. My family. The media. Business people. And of course, the women. Most of the women I knew told me what they wanted. They made suggestions. For most of my teens and early twenties I played the grinning fool. The man who lived only to make women smile. Buy them things. Take them to Paris. Make love in an airplane because no stewardess would dare interrupt ME. They wanted a taste of power. I never knew what love tasted like.”
“I can let you taste me, Zander,” I tease. “Kind of salty.”
He laughs. “Don’t tempt me.”
“And so you resent me because I know the truth about you. That you’re a really neat guy and very sexy.”
“Oh, thank you.”
“But that I’m smart enough to realize this will only be for one night. And that I’ll never hear from you again. I’m okay with that, you’re okay with that. But there’s this strange awkward dynamic between us now, because you can’t accept that someone sees through you.”
“You want the truth?”
“Always. You’re not a liar, are you? That’s why I like you Zander. You tell people what they want to hear. But you don’t lie.”
“The truth is, I bribed Billy, your boyfriend, to stay away from you.”
I open my mouth in subdued shock, realizing the mystery of Billy’s disappearance has been solved. You asshole. That’s what I should say. Instead, I stay silent, thinking it over.
“I want to kiss you. I want to give you your Valentine’s Day present. But I won’t keep secrets from you.”
“You bribed him?” I snicker to myself. “How much?”
“Uhh…” He laughs. “Several, several, several dollar bills.”
“Uh huh. How much? No, really. I want to know how much I was worth to him.”
“Maybe it was just twenty bucks.”
“I doubt it.”
“The point is, he took the bribe. Love has a price…at least, most guys have a price. I think that’s the point here.”
“Hmmm.” I stare at him, feeling both angry and flattered at the same time. “And here I thought Billy’s love was incorruptible. But he sold me out for a bribe.”
“A grant. He’s a business man first, I knew that about him the moment I saw his stupid picture on a website.”
“You are the Devil. You know that?”
“Maybe. But that’s not what you’re thinking. You’re not outraged, nor offended. Definitely feeling something. So tell me how you feel.”
“I feel…aroused,” I say with a smirk.
“Do tell.”
“The idea that you met Billy and just clobbered him. Completely destroyed him and all without any violence or threats. All because he was your competition. You saw his weakness and you exploited it. That’s a very predatory thing to do.”
“And it turns you on?”
“Means you’re dangerous,” I say with a sexy head bob. “There’s something very sexy about a man who destroys the competition without breaking a sweat.”
“Big deal. Business is predatory. Life is predatory.”
“But see, it’s not about money. Because if Billy had just kicked your ass instead of taking the bribe, maybe he would have won.”
“But he didn’t. I’m a gambling man, I knew I was going to win. Or else I wouldn’t have risked it. You know, in bird life, the male hawk has to go out and kill and exploit other animals just to keep him and his mate alive. She also hunts, and in some cases two hawks will mate for life. They love each other and kill lesser birds and mammals. So maybe there is hope for all of us finding love.”
“But some birds are very non-monogamous. Pretty sure I read that somewhere.”
“Yes and some girls like to think they’re the victim when they’re actually the predator.”
“Oh?” I say, grinning. “What are you implying, Mister Troy?”
“That maybe we’re both attracted to each other for a good reason. Maybe we don’t get along so well with other people. Maybe we’re both heartless but we find solace in each other’s antisocial behavior.”
“Speak for yourself, Zander. I’m a nice girl.”
“Maybe that’s why I’m attracted you. Because you’re not a nice girl. And I’m not such a nice man. But together we actually form one decent human being.”
“Damn, dude, you’re really jumping ahead. Not even a ring on my finger and already talking about babies?”
He laughs. “That didn’t come out right.”
“Uh huh…”
“All I know, Maya, is that I don’t know what this is for sure. But neither do you. And all I feel in my heart is that I want you. I want you in my life somehow. I want to experience something with you. I want you, however you’ll have me. Your terms, your rules. We both want to see this experiment through and want to learn what THIS is.”
“That’s all very sweet, but…”
“But nothing. Someone has to carry the fire, isn’t that right?”
“What did you say?”
“That quote that you gave me. For some reason it stayed with me. I have to carry the fire. I remembered that and so I looked it up. Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.”
I open my eyes in surprise. “I can’t believe you looked it up.”
“I read the whole book. I figured there was some significance behind the line since you spoke it to me as some fading afterthought. I want to be nowhere else but inside your head. What better way to know your mind than to spend time with some of your favorite writers?”
“You really did that?”
“Yes.”
“Then explain it. Explain why I said that to you.”
He sigh
s.
“Busted! You didn’t even read it…”
“Well, in the book, the father and son talk about ‘carrying the fire’. I took this to mean he was teaching his son to be cautious but to stay hopeful, always believing there are still good people in the world. So when he dies, he tells his son to carry the fire. He said the fire was ‘inside you.’”
“And so what did it mean? Why did I say it, Zander?”
“Well, I know why you said it. Some convoluted reasoning you have about the world being a good place and I should find the hope in my life. Keep believing in people. Yada yada.”
I glare back at him. He didn’t get the point—
“But that wasn’t as interesting to me as what inspired you to say it. This is how you want people to see you. As an angel, as a messenger of the divine. You are the fire, Maya. You’re the hope, you’re the silver lining. You are what every man wants. The innocence, the voice of optimism. The unbridled, unquenchable spirit of womankind. You make life beautiful, people like you who remind us all what fun it is to have a soul.”
I giggle and hide my head. “I don’t give myself that much credit.”
“Did you want to be a writer?”
“Yes,” I admit shyly. “When I was in high school I wanted to change the world. Write something brilliant that would change people.”
“And have you given up? Did the cynicism and cold-hearted treachery of people like me slow you down?”
“Haven’t given up,” I reply. “Just…less concerned about others lately, more concerned about my own happiness.”
“What a strange hedonistic attitude I can’t possibly relate to.”
I laugh. “I loved that book, too. The writing was amazing. I told myself I want to write like that someday.”
“You can do anything you set your mind to do.”
“Yeah, well…maybe not. I just don’t seem to have the motivation anymore.”
“Maybe you just need to go home and find that inspiration.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I mean it. Go home, Maya. Go home.”
A curious thing to say, which makes me immediately suspect Mr. Troy is up to some chicanery.
“No, really. What?”
“Maybe it’s time you go home.”
He keeps taunting me with more esoteric sentences. Hiding something, but piquing my curiosity. A man of mystery, a man of riddles…and he knows just the way to torture me in ways I find amusing.
“Then I simply demand you take me home. So I can solve this riddle. I want to know what inspiration is waiting for me at home.”
“Let me guess,” I say with a smile as Zander leads me to my front door step, covering my eyes. “Two men? Is that the inspiration I need?”
“Of course not. What kind of perv do you think I am?”
He uncovers my eyes and lets me find a package sitting on my porch.
“What is it?” I scream. “Tell me!”
“Look and see. I bought it for you.”
“Got just the thing! Pocket knife.”
I smile and pull out my pocket knife, proving to be a survivalist till the very end.
“Sexy, a woman who knows her way around knives.”
“That’s right, so don’t piss me off or else I’ll cut you.”
“Not into bloodletting. At least, not on the first date.”
“Second date.”
“The first time was an actual date?”
“Yes and you blew it, Zander,” I say, right before grinning and letting him off the hook.
I tear the box open and behold something out of this world!
“Is this…what is…”
“Look at it.”
I stare at the light blue manual typewriter. The inscription reads Lettera 32 Olivetti. A collector’s item, no doubt.
“I knew you would not be so easily impressed by shameless displays of wealth, I knew I would have to outthink you and make this gift ABOUT something. Read what’s on the paper.”
I take the paper out and start reading aloud. “My darling, this is the same typewriter I used to write The Road so many years ago. My advice to you is that you do what my teacher once told to me. Don’t give up. Don’t lose the fire. There is nothing average or everyday about you. Some people are destined for greatness. Someday, I believe you will be great too. Because I know you will always believe in the goodness of people. That alone, is what makes people reach out for the stars.”
I smile exuberantly, clutching the typewriter as if it were my own child.
“You wrote that, didn’t you?” I ask, setting the typewriter down on the rocking chair.
“Maybe. Or maybe the author wrote it to a friend or a lover. Maybe it’s a mystery that will never be solved. What matters, though, is what you make of it.”
I can’t resist any longer! I grab him in a hug and don’t let go. “I love it!” I sing to him. “I can’t believe you remembered. I love it, it’s so awesomely sentimental. So unlike you…I just never imagined you would actually remember!”
“Really didn’t cost that much either,” he says with a cunning smile.
“Do you really, you know, believe in me?”
“Of course, Maya. Why do you think I follow you so loyally? I’m not attracted to you because I secretly crave normality. I’m falling for you because I know you’re like me. You’re capable of so much more. From the first time I saw you…well, the second time…” I laugh. “From then, after you so boldly got my attention, I knew this one was going to be something special. I felt electricity in the air. The making of a superstar. At first I thought I could you mold into somebody great. But the more I got to know you, the more I realized you already are magnificent. If only arrogant schmucks like me would listen to you once in a while. Humble ourselves…and listen to the wisdom of idealists.”
“And you do listen, don’t you?” I say, staring into his eyes and softly caressing his soul. My voice becomes soft and my body tenses in his presence. My heart melts and I feel myself leaning into him, tilting my head, desiring his essence.
“I want you to know that I resisted kissing you a dozen times tonight.”
“Mmm. Really?” I say with a smile, still feeling my heart flutter like a butterfly.
“Yes. But each time it felt too strategic, too clever. Now I want you to know, as I take you into my arms and kiss you, this time it feels right. Because I can hear your heartbeat. It’s aligned with mine.”
He takes me into his arms and puts his hand on my neck to feel my pulse. I smile back at him in surrendering, fawning love. I eye his lips hungrily, desiring his very soul, craving our essences to mingle. I take his hand so politely positioned on my neck and put it on my breast—letting him feel my heartbeat.
He takes his time, looking me in the eyes, then down at the lips he’s going to penetrate. He lets me have this moment, of expectation, of fruition. He smiles and I smile back at him. I beg him with my eyes. And finally, he takes me into his hands and kisses my lips like fire.
He sucks in my lips and I lose my breath just being in his presence. I want all of him, to feel everything he has inside. I hum softly as he kisses me for long juicy moments on end, never enough. Never enough. He’s waited so long to taste me and now he savors it.
I break the kiss reluctantly, patting his lips. “Come inside,” I mutter.
We laugh all the way to the bedroom, racing to the spot where I’m going to let him take me. Give him my flower. Give him my virgin sacrifice and let the Devil corrupt me however he wants to.
Ever since I fell for Zander I’ve been secretly dressing for him, carefully choosing the right clothes that make me feel resistant to his charms. I never quite knew when our romance would bloom or if it would, ever. But today he’s going to get the fantasy he’s always wanted. Because today he seduced me. And he’s earned seeing my secret dress code that I wore just for him, always thinking in the back of my mind, maybe this will be the day he undresses me.
I lay back on the bed
and lift my blouse off, showing him a cotton white bra, something cutesy and virginal, carefully selected just for him. Not too sexy, because he’s the sexy one. He wants to please me. Just natural. Real.
We kiss on the bed, already immersed in each other’s breath. I love the way he touches my chest, so eager to fondle my body, but so patient. He doesn’t want to rush things…he wants me to slow boil until the desire consumes me. He pulls my black pants off and sees the matching white panties I selected just for him. Wherever we were, whenever we decided…I wanted him to see me in white. Like the dirty version of a white wedding dress…so immaculately white, the stains of sex and bleeding would make it look so wicked.
I spread my legs for him and feel him reach over with his hand to feel my warm thighs. He teases me, tapping his fingers forward until he just barely grazes my pelvis, then switches to the other side, not giving me the satisfaction of a full stroke. He crawls on top of me and kisses me again, his warm lips pushing down gently until he begins tasting my neck.
I coo softly as he plants hot kisses all along my shoulders and upper chest.
“Yes…kiss me…”
“Kiss you where?” he says, lowering his lips down to my breasts, gently pushing them together. His soft, burning lips meander all over my cleavage, making my body tense.
“Right th-there…” I mumble, shutting my eyes as he pulls my bra cups out so he can see my nipples. I breathe deeply, my body shivering from the excitement of exposing myself to him. “Yeeesss…” I sing as he kisses my sensitive nipple, sending a shock through my body. He moves over and kisses the other one, as I cheer him on with little sighs.
“Take this off,” he whispers before lowering his face and kissing my stomach. Just as I sit up and reach around for my bra strap, he comes up to meet me, placing more greedy kisses all over my breasts, and tummy, and ribs…
Oh God, he turns me over on my side and sinks his mouth into my back, tickling my lower back with humid heat. I can only shudder as he kisses the small of my back while taking the bra off himself. He unhooks it and gives me a line of steamy smooches up and down all over my back down to my butt.
