by Davis, Alexa
As I sat by her grave, I recalled how we first met, feeling the warmth of that moment filling me up.
I had been at the local bar, having a few pints with a friend, and I saw her standing across the bar, waiting to order a drink. It was like a light was shining on her, making her stand out from everyone else, and I knew in that moment that my life would never be the same again. There was just something about her, that small, red-haired, fiery beauty, that drew me in, and I knew at once she had a grip on my heart that would never let go.
As she turned to face me and our eyes connected, a rush of love just flew between us, and we were drawn to one another like magnets. We moved nearer and talked all night long, exchanging numbers as soon as last call was announced, already making plans to see one another again. Shelley had only just moved to town, so she was glad to have someone show her around, and I was more than happy to be that guide for her.
On our first official date, we shared our first kiss, and I knew then that she would be the woman that I went on to marry. Of course, I didn’t propose until we’d been dating for much longer because I didn’t want to freak her out. I felt like I was the luckiest man alive when she said yes. It was all during the period where I was starting to make my money, but neither of us cared about that. We were just happy to be together, no matter what.
When she passed, and I lost my mind, she would have been ashamed of me. I lost myself in drunkenness and one-night stands for a while, just wanting to feel something, but I hoped that now she would see I was trying. Of course, I wasn’t there, but I was making an effort, and I hoped that would be enough.
I miss you, I thought as I laid the flowers down on her headstone. I miss you so much. But for the first time, being at her grave felt a little therapeutic, like it was exactly what I needed. I started to feel like it was something I should do a little more often, just to get some of my emotions off my chest. I will always love you, Shelley, but I do hope to move on at some point in my life. I don’t want to be stuck in this pit of misery forever.
If only I could find the right person to make that happen.
Chapter Eight
June – Friday
Instead of stressing myself out with yet another unsuccessful day of work, I decided to help Hailey out at the Hangout because two of her staff members had called in sick and she was struggling to cope alone. I felt that it might be good for me to spend some time in a completely different environment, to get my head out of the stress that I was currently in. I hoped I would come out of the day with a brand-new perspective on things.
The only problem was the day was much harder than I’d been expecting. I thought I would be stuck on the reception desk to organize people’s appointments, but it really wasn’t that simple. There was a lot more to it than that. The kids needed constant attention, and often because I was the first port of call, they came to me for that. I became something of a semi-counselor myself, which was an area that I had no expertise whatsoever. I had no previous experience with children, and that left me overwhelmed and out of my depth.
Just as it got to the point where I was really about to panic, Hailey came and grabbed me from the desk to have lunch with her in her office. It was only then that I allowed the panic to consume me, and I really struggled to get it together, just for a few seconds.
“What’s wrong?” Hailey asked me in shock. “Is it really that bad out there?”
“I just…” I gasped, trying to grasp hold of my thoughts to form them in a coherent manner. “I just don’t know how to speak to these kids, and they keep telling me all of their problems. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say, and I’m scared of undoing all your hard work by giving some stupid advice.”
“Relax!” she laughed, rubbing my back in a comforting gesture. “I highly doubt that some stranger at the reception desk is going to undo all the work done by medically trained professionals now, do you?” When she worded it like that, it did seem a bit crazy, like I was overreacting.
“A lot of these kids just don’t get any attention from anywhere, except for the negative focus they get when they act out, which is why we’ve created such a listening environment here.” She didn’t need to tell me that she was speaking from experience; I already knew that. Looking back, it was obvious that she would have focused better in school if she’d been given some positive attention.
“They don’t want your advice necessarily; they just need you to listen. It’s obvious just from looking at you that you’ve had none of the problems that these kids have, all they really want you to do is hear them out.”
“Okay,” I nodded, starting to feel myself calm down. “Okay, listen; I can do that.”
“Honestly,” she continued before handing me some food. “They are good kids, they just need a boost of confidence. And don’t worry, they probably will play you up a bit because you aren’t a permanent member of staff, but I know for a fact that you can do it. I wouldn’t have begged you to cover otherwise.”
That did make me feel a lot better, Hailey took her business very seriously, so I knew what she was saying was right. “Anyway, I need to hear more about how your story is coming along anyway. Your big break.”
“Urgh, don’t call it that,” I groaned, remembering my epic failure. “It isn’t going anywhere at the moment.”
“Why not? What’s happened?”
“Well, I went over there like you suggested, but I didn’t actually speak to him because I freaked out.” I recalled the moment that I saw him there, looking absolutely gorgeous in the field, and how that confused everything in my mind. “I saw him, and he wasn’t anything like I was expecting, and…” I glanced at her, biting on my lip as I tried to decide whether or not to spill this part. “And, he was so hot, I just about lost my mind.”
“Really?” The excitement that formed in Hailey’s eyes made me instantly regret my decision. She always jumped on the chance to get me a life outside of my career, and I suddenly realized that this was exactly the sort of thing she would love. She wanted me to be with someone to prove to me just how right she was about Baz, and I’d just given her a whole load of ammo. “Oh my God, that’s so exciting. You have to speak to him.”
“Well, it isn’t that simple,” I jumped in quickly, needing her to know the full story. “You see, when I was doing some research on him, I learned that he lost his wife a few years back to cancer.”
“Oh, yeah…” she trailed off thoughtfully. “That is bad. But you still have to find a way to write the story, right?”
“I do,” I nodded sadly. “I have to do it in the right way; it still could be the big break that I need…or at least a step in the right direction. It’s just going to be harder than I first thought it would be.”
“I think you might need to just go for it,” she told me seriously. “I know that it’s scary, but I’m sure you can do it. I mean, you have everything at your disposal, you just need to trust in yourself.”
When we returned to work, Hailey took me off the front desk and sent me into a room with a young girl for some one-on-one time. I was anxious about that idea, but considering she seemed to be about four years old, I felt like I could tackle it. She wouldn’t be asking me any of the very difficult questions that the teenagers were, so I should be able to cope.
“This is Ali,” Hailey told me quietly as I looked down on the sweet, little thing. She had dark ringlets and green eyes, making her actually seem adorable. I might not have had any experience with children at all, but she didn’t seem too bad. “She’s four, and her parents were killed last year in a traffic accident. She doesn’t talk much because she’s really shy, but it would be great if you could just hang out with her for a bit.”
“And do what?”
“Just help her with her puzzle, talk, see if she’s okay.” When I gave her a look, she shrugged her shoulders and convinced me quickly. “It’s either that or get back to reception…”
“I’ll do it; I’ll do it,” I held up my hands i
n a defeated gesture, and went to sit at the table, accepting my brand new challenge.
***
By the time the end of the day rolled around, Ali and I were the absolute best of friends, shocking everyone – most of all me. It took me a long while to get her to open up, but with a little bit of coaxing and a whole lot of jigsaw puzzles, I actually had her smiling and playing with me. Despite myself, I felt my cold veneer when it came to children cracking, and my chest swelled with pride and love for the girl.
“Will you be back again next week?” Ali asked me as the lady from the orphanage came to pick her up. “I want to play with you again.”
“I will do my best,” I smiled at her, before pulling her in for a hug. “I have had a lovely day with you, Ali, so thank you for that.”
“Wow,” Hailey gasped as Ali was taken away. “That was incredible. I have never seen anyone have such an instant rapport before, especially with Ali. She doesn’t open up to anyone. Even I have had trouble with her. You should definitely come back if you get the chance.”
“You know what? I will,” I told her quite seriously. “Today has made me see things very differently. I think I’ll start volunteering here whenever I get the chance.”
“What are you going to do now? Did you want to stay here a little longer?”
I glanced at my watch, wanting to take my positive feeling of the day that little bit further. “I think that I might just have the time to go and see Roy again now. I’m sort of on a roll, and I want to keep going while I can.”
“Good, you should,” Hailey smiled. “And, let me know how it goes with the sexy cowboy, will you?”
As I drove the car along the road towards Roy’s ranch, my heart beat very quickly with anticipation. I had the very strong feeling that this was going to be much better last time, and that this might actually get me somewhere. I was determined I would at least meet him this time, which would be a huge step up – one that I would have to be proud of.
But as I got nearer to the road where Roy lived, I found myself thinking only about how good looking he was, instead. It was going to be really difficult to not get distracted by his incredible looks when I spoke to him.
Don’t be so insensitive, I scolded myself. This is a broken man, one who doesn’t even want to speak to you, never mind anything else, and all you can think about is how hot he is…
I was so stuck in my mind, that I wasn’t really focusing too clearly on the road, so by the time I tugged myself from my thoughts, it didn’t take me long to notice that I was in the wrong lane.
“Shit,” I muttered to myself in shock. “Fucking hell.” But as I tried to move back to my side of the road, I became blinded by headlights headed in my direction, which made me swing the steering wheel much too harshly.
“No, fuck!” I screamed as the car went far too much towards the left, and I felt the car tumble wildly off the road and into a ditch.
As the car shook and trembled, an overwhelming sense of dizziness overcame me. Sickness swirled within my stomach, and at one point I might have even hit my head because everything definitely hurt.
What have I done? I kept thinking, over and over to myself. How did that happen?
But I already knew the answer to that. I was lost in thought, not concentrating on what I was doing, and now I was paying the price for that. If I had destroyed my car, then I would be in real trouble because I definitely didn’t earn enough to replace it!
But there were more pressing issues at hand, including the truck I had almost hit. What if the driver of that car crashed, too, and whoever was inside it got really hurt? Not only would I never be able to forgive myself, but I could potentially end up in a lot of trouble with the law. After all, the accident was my fault – there was no shying away from that.
I glanced my eyes upwards, slowly moving towards the window in anxious anticipation, having no idea what I was going to find, and I quickly spotted a pair of dark-green eyes staring back at me.
“I… I’m sorry,” I started to stammer pointlessly through the closed window. Whoever it was wouldn’t be able to hear me, but that didn’t stop me. “I didn’t mean…”
But then the fog cleared, and I started to see the rest of my victim’s face, a face that I knew well, one that I really didn’t want to be having this sort of accident with.
Holy shit… Roy Larkin… What the hell am I going to do now?
Chapter Nine
Roy – Friday
I had no idea what to think as I stared through the car window at the beautiful woman on the side of the road. As her car hurtled towards me and almost crashed into me, an anger burst out of me and I jumped out ready to do some yelling… But now, looking at her, it all just melted away.
She was beautiful, absolutely breathtaking in a way that I hadn't seen for years. It was clear she was younger than me, probably in her mid-twenties, and she had an innocence about her, one that instantly drew me in. As she glanced up at me, her wavy, sandy-colored hair tumbling down her back and her warm, brown eyes drawing me in, I felt my heart skip a beat. Her round face, her incredible cheekbones, her sweet expression… She was gorgeous, and I didn’t actually know what to say for a moment.
That was until a single tear fell down her cheek. That snapped me into action.
“Are you okay?” I mouthed to her through the window. She looked a little stunned, but not like she had sustained too many injuries, which was good. “Do you need anything?”
She took in a few deep breaths, as if she was trying to prepare herself for facing me, and eventually she moved to step out of the car, revealing the full force of her loveliness to me. I couldn’t even remember that we’d almost been in an accident as my eyes scanned up and down her body, drinking in every single inch of her. She was wearing tight-fitted jeans and a cute yellow tee shirt, which complimented her body shape well. I honestly hadn't felt that way for such a long time, and it was making me feel a little crazy.
“Are you all right?” I repeated for her to hear me. “Did you get hurt?”
“I… I’m okay,” she nodded, stammering over her words a little bit. “I mean, my pride is bruised, but that’s about it.”
Her answer was filled with such a wry humor that it actually made me chuckle, despite the strangeness of the situation. “Well, I mean apart from your car being stuck, you look good…erm, unhurt.” Damn it, what the hell is wrong with me? To try and disguise the blush threatening to encase my body, I changed the subject quickly. “I have a tractor up at the ranch; I can go and get it to tow your car if you like.”
“Oh no, don’t worry,” she replied in a hurry, humiliation shining through. I got the distinct impression that she was utterly mortified by this accident, more than she really should have been. I really wanted to help her with that. “I’ll just call someone…”
“Oh, come on,” I teased, smiling playfully at her. “Who is going to come out at this time of the evening in Florence? You know as well as I do that everyone stops working at three p.m. on a Friday. Let me just go and get the tractor, and I’ll have you out of this ditch in no time.”
“Okay,” she finally conceded, letting out a shaky breath. “And, I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry; it could have happened to anyone.”
As I raced back up the incline towards my barn to get the vehicle, I couldn’t seem to stop the smile from spreading across my cheeks. There was something about that sweet, little thing that made me feel…different. She was adorable, and I found myself wanting to know more. For the first time in a very long time, I actually wanted to open up and to let her in. I knew getting to know her would mean allowing her to see the side of me that I usually kept hidden away, and surprisingly, that wasn’t terrifying.
What is going on with me? I tried to scold myself, but I couldn’t seem to get angry. In fact, as I kicked off my expensive shoes and tugged my old farm boots on, I finally felt a little more myself, and I would rather face her that way. This side of me, in this suit, it
just felt weird.
Urgh , I really needed to stop reading so much into things, this girl could be anyone in the world. She could be someone just passing through, someone with a husband, someone who wasn’t looking to open up to anyone, yet I was getting way ahead of myself.
Just get her car out of that ditch and send her on her way. Life is much safer that way.
As I pulled the tractor back out to where her car was crashed, I felt my insides melt all over again at the mere sight of her. She was just so lovely, so cute, it made me want to hold onto her and never let her go. It seemed, in a weird way, like she was some kind of sign from Shelley, an agreement from beyond the grave that maybe it was time to move on.
“I’m Roy, by the way,” I called out as I jumped down from the tractor in a way that I hoped was impressive. “I didn’t introduce myself before.”
“I’m June,” she nodded, sending me a little smile. “And, thank you, I really do appreciate this,”
I hooked the chains up to the car and pulled it out from the ditch in a quick, expert way. What June didn’t know, and what I wouldn’t tell her, was that when I first learned to drive, I spent more time pulling my car out of stupid places than anything else. I was immature and reckless, and I had acres of land to play about on. What young man wouldn’t embrace that and do some stupid stuff?
“Wow, thank you,” she gasped in surprise. “That was quick.” I wanted to say something, anything , but for some reason, my brain seemed to just shut off, leaving us standing there in a really awkward silence for a few moments. “Right, I better get my car going,” she finally announced. “Thank you…and sorry again.”
I felt disappointed in myself as she slid into the driver’s seat of her car, knowing I was allowing an amazing opportunity to slip through my fingers. It wasn’t every day that a gorgeous, heart-stopping beauty crashed her car near my house, giving me a moment alone with her, but I couldn’t seem to find a way to get myself to ask her out on a date. I really wanted to. There was a loud, screaming voice in my brain begging me to just ask her out for a drink, but I just couldn’t seem to get my mouth to form the words.
