by Davis, Alexa
“Boss, I really don’t think that you should be here,” he told me cautiously, moving backwards behind his desk. “With all the heat on you at the moment, it doesn’t exactly look good for the company, and now that I—”
I could tell that he was about to say “I own the business,” but he managed to stop himself just in time, thankfully…I might have had to hit him for that one. Everything was still mine at the moment, and that was possibly the way that it was going to stay.
“Who was that guy?” I asked Lewis simply. I saw him as family, as the younger brother that I never had, so I wanted to treat him as such and be straightforward with him. But he didn’t answer; he just gave me a look as if he didn’t quite understand what I was saying. “The guy, the one on my property. Who was he?”
“I… I don’t… I don’t know…” He blinked far too rapidly and started physically shaking under the pressure of it all.
“Don’t lie to me,” I told him seriously, needing him to understand that I already got it, so there was no point in holding anything back anymore. “Just tell me who he was. I know that you know, and I also know that you’re aware of what happened to him, so why don’t you cut the crap and just tell me.”
Guilt was written all over Lewis’ face, and it had conflicting emotions racing right through me. On the one hand, I was pissed as hell, mad that he could throw everything that I’d done for him back in my face, but on the other…I couldn’t stop that innate desire to continue helping him, despite everything. Lewis had potential, but deep-seated problems too. I wanted more than anything to continue what I’d started and to really sort him out.
“I… I…”
“Just tell me already,” I pumped my fists in temper. “I can’t stand this. Fuck!”
His face crumbled, and I could see the façade finally slipping away. I was right, and that was shining through, and I’d never felt worse for following my intuitions and them being right. “I… I started gambling again.”
As those words left his mouth, I felt my heart sink. I felt sick to my stomach as the truth hit me like a smack in the face. I thought that I’d been changing Lewis, crafting him into a better person, bringing him to the best of his potential, but all along, nothing had changed. His addiction still had a grip on him.
“I didn’t mean to; I didn’t even really realize that it was happening until it was too late.”
He fell to his chair as if shock was consuming him, but I wasn’t about to let it slide. “Then what happened?” I asked with a coldness to my tone. “Carry on.”
“Well, I started off small, but things just escalated. In the same way that they did last time. By the time I realized what was happening, I had no control over it.”
“Why didn’t you just come to me?” I asked, exasperated. “You know I would have helped you again.”
He looked up at me, tears shining in his eyes. “I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me. You did so much for me, and I couldn’t let you down. I just couldn’t, not again… I turned to loan sharks.”
I was so frustrated that I wanted to scream. He knew I would have paid things off for him, making things better before they got out of hand. “I had to dip into company funds to pay them off, and I thought that you would never find out because you were signing things over to me.”
“So, you were just going to run my company into the ground?” I snapped back angrily. “As soon as you got hold of it, that would be the end of it?”
“No, no, I thought I’d be able to bring things back. I thought I would be able to sort it out. I thought that I still had things under control. That was until the investigator started poking around.”
“Investigator… I’m going to assume that’s the man who ended up dead on my property.” Lewis didn’t answer, which told me all that I needed to know. “So, how the fuck did that happen?”
“He kept poking around here, trying to find out more about me and what I could afford, and I guess that led him to you… I don’t know,” he shook his head, losing himself in the terrible memory, the one that he would have to live with forever.
“I saw his car coming up this way, and I followed him. Well, I followed him all the way from the office, actually, and I thought that if he came up here, we would be able to hash it out properly. To just talk about things with no one else around, so we could say what needed to be said. I was going to tell him that soon the company would be mine, so they would get their money soon enough, all they had to do was be patient…”
“But it didn’t quite work out like that, did it?” I asked him sternly.
“No, he… Well, it got a little crazy and he ended up pulling a knife on me. I tried to grab it, to take it from him so that he couldn’t hurt me, but… You know the rest.”
He held out his hands to me, as if that explained everything, which caused everything inside of me to boil over. My mind raced like crazy as I tried my best to decide what the hell to do, and before I knew it, my body was reacting for me. I didn’t even consider the implications of my actions. I just swung my arm backwards and connected my fist with his jaw. In that moment, I could have continued, I could have beat him to a pulp for being so stupid and so selfish. How could he think that it was okay to wreck everything that I’d worked my whole life for? And why the fuck could he not just keep away from gambling.
I glanced down where his body had hit the ground; he was cowering, shaking like a little child. “Please… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean for you to get involved with this. It was an accident, honest… Don’t tell anyone…”
But his damn excuses didn’t mean anything to me. I needed to get the fuck away from him before I did something really stupid. “Where’s Tank?” I hissed at him instead.
“He’s tied up out back. Roy, please…” But I couldn’t wait around to hear any more of his excuses, so I turned on my heels and left, needing to get my dog.
“Gary,” I said into my phone as I walked. “Sorry, can you come back to get me? I need to get away from here.”
“I’ll be right there.”
As I sat outside the office, waiting to be picked up and petting my beloved dog, I tried my best to decide what to do. On the one hand, I really wanted to head right to the police station, to tell them the truth and to put an end to this completely, but on the other, I didn’t feel like I could.
I didn’t want to see Lewis rot away in jail for the rest of his life; no matter that he’d done, it didn’t seem right. It wasn’t entirely his fault – the addiction was to blame mostly, and it felt like such a waste to see his life fall away, and all for nothing. He had so much potential, so much to offer the world, and he was throwing it all away. Maybe jail would be the best thing for him, the shock that he needed. But would he survive getting locked away for so long?
What did I follow? My head or my heart? This was going to be the most difficult choice that I would have to face in my whole damn life, and I wasn’t sure where to even begin with it. All I knew for sure was that I couldn’t do it here, not with Lewis so close.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
June – Tuesday
As I flung my arm across the bed, expecting to feel Roy still there besides me, it was a real shock to discover that he was gone. I knew that he was a much earlier riser than me, but last time he woke me up. What was different about this time?
“Roy?” I called out loudly, knowing that my voice would carry through the whole apartment. I was pretty sure that even if he was in the shower, he would be able to hear me. “Roy, are you there?” But all I got was a resounding silence as a reply.
I stood up and padded through my home regardless, just wanting to be sure, but he was nowhere to be seen. I had known the second that I woke up without him by my side, that he was gone. I grabbed my phone and called him desperately, needing to know where he was, but he didn’t answer, leaving me a confused mess. Yesterday, he wanted to stay with me, he needed to be by my side. Now, he was just gone. It didn’t feel right.
I felt fidgety, lik
e I couldn’t sit still again, that I couldn’t remain here by myself, so I knew that I needed to get out. I had the option of going to the office, which I really didn’t want or even need to do, or heading out to the Hangout, which was rapidly becoming my favorite place. I just needed to be around Hailey and the kids until I heard something from Roy. I’d drive myself insane otherwise.
I had the quickest shower known to man before tossing on the first clothes I could find and jumping in my car. I needed a shoulder to cry on, I needed to get out of my head, and the sooner I achieved that, the better.
As soon as I walked through the door of the Hangout and spotted Hailey in the reception area, tears started to stream down my face. It was almost as if a cork had been holding them in the entire time I was by myself, and now that I had my friend with me, I could set them free.
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” she exclaimed, racing to my side and wrapping her arms tightly around me. “June, what is going on?”
When I couldn’t find the words to tell her in front of everyone else, she led me outside into the courtyard area where we could be alone. For a while, she just hugged me while I wept, but as soon as the tears started to subside and I managed to get my breath back, she asked me the same question once more.
“June, tell me what’s happening; it isn’t like you to get so upset. I’m racking my brains here, trying to work out what’s the matter, but I’m not coming up with anything.”
“I… Oh God, well, it all started yesterday,” I sighed deeply, allowing the horrifying memories to flood my mind once more. “I was at work, and Mike called us into the office, to tell us about some breaking news. Roy Larkin, arrested for murder.”
“What the fuck?” she squealed in shock. “Are you serious?”
“Haven’t you heard all about it? I’m sure it must be on the local news?” But she simply shook her head at that one. I knew that Hailey was often far too busy to keep up to date on what was going on in the world, so I wasn’t offended. “Well, he was arrested and held in jail. I guess they found some dead guy on his land or something, and they suspected that he killed him…”
“And, did he?” she had to ask. She gripped on to my arms as she said those words, staring at me with utter sympathy, like I’d fallen for the charms of a killer.
“No, he couldn’t have because he was with me.”
“Well, that’s a good thing, right? I mean, at least you know that he’s innocent, and you can help him to prove that.”
“But I didn’t,” I exclaimed, finally getting to the root of the issue. “I didn’t say anything because I was so scared of losing my job. I figured if my boss found out that I was sleeping with the guy I was supposed to be interviewing, then I would lose my job. I thought no one would ever want to hire me again.”
“Well, that’s reasonable,” she told me, shrugging her shoulders. “You have worked damn hard to get to where you are.”
“No, it isn’t. How can you even say that? I was going to put my career before his life. If they’d decided that he might well have done it, he could have got locked away and it would have all been my fault.”
The words were simply tumbling out of my mouth now, probably making very little sense. I just needed to get out all that was trapped inside of me. “What sort of person would that make me? I mean, have I always been this selfish? Have I always put myself before others?”
“I wouldn’t say selfish,” Hailey answered me in the most diplomatic way possible. “But you have always been very determined. I assumed that you would always put your career first, before anyone else, but it seems like this time, you haven’t.”
“What are you talking about?” I threw my hands above my head in frustration. “I did.”
“No, maybe not; you are considering Roy’s feelings and future now. That’s progress for you.”
I didn’t even know how to respond to that, mostly because it felt like a backhanded compliment, so I said nothing. I just allowed my head to hang low in sadness. Hailey had gone some way to making me feel a little better, but I wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to fully shake off this guilt.
All of a sudden, I felt a little tug on my shirt, which caused me to glance down in shock. I thought that we were alone out here, but it seemed like someone had snuck through the cracks.
“Ali,” I forced a smile on my face when I saw her, not wanting her to sense any of the sadness that I was experiencing inside. “How are you, sweetheart?”
“I saw you crying,” she told me quietly. “So, I brought you this.” She handed me a raggedy, old bear with a missing eye and grubby old blue sweats. “It’s Billy. Billy the Bear always makes me feel better and protects me when I feel sad. I want you to have him.”
I felt my heart melt at that, as I held the bear up to my chest to hug him tight. “I can’t believe that you would do that for me, Ali; you are too sweet.” I didn’t want to take her bear from her, but I knew that she would be more offended if I didn’t. “Thank you so much.”
I pulled her up onto my lap and hugged her tightly, feeling a rush of love washing over me. In one split second, a kind moment with Ali had made me feel better than anything else ever could.
“So, will you keep him?” she pulled back to look into my eyes. “You promise?”
“I promise,” I smile kindly at her. “And, thank you again.”
In that moment, I really felt like I knew exactly what I had to do to finally feel free of all these bad emotions inside. It was so obvious that I couldn’t believe I hadn't worked it out before.
At that moment, almost as if he could sense that I was thinking about him again, my phone started to ring and Roy’s name was plastered across the screen. “Oh my God, it’s him,” I told Hailey excitedly. “He’s finally calling me back.”
She took Ali inside while I answered, leaving me alone with the first person that I’d ever considered putting first in my life – a thought that was thrilling and terrifying in equal measures.
“Roy, are you okay?” I asked instantly. “What’s going on? Where are you?”
“Can I come back to your place again tonight?” he asked, without answering a single one of my questions. “Please? And can Tank come, too?”
“Of course… Of course you can. Roy, what’s happening?” I could tell by his tone of voice that something intense had happened, and I had a horrible feeling that it was related to his business partner, the guy he’d trained up, the one he assumed had murdered that guy. The last thing I wanted was for him to get into any more trouble over that damn death.
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “I’ll tell you all about it when I see you.”
“Okay, I’m headed back now. I’ll see you shortly.”
I had no idea what would happen when I saw Roy, but I was incredibly excited to see him again. I wanted to hold him in my arms, to know that he was safe, to hear what was going on with him. It was all of this not knowing that drove me insane. I had no idea where he’d been all day, never mind whether or not he was hurt. There were stories circulating about him in all of the news bulletins, I didn’t even need to buy a paper to know that much, and that left me scared for his safety.
“Hailey, I need to go,” I smiled at my friend. “But thank you for taking the time out to listen to me. I really do appreciate it.” Then I leaned down to look into Ali’s eyes. “And you have been especially helpful to me, little one, so thank you so much for that.”
As I threw my arms around her, I actually felt bad for her parents. Sure, they probably hadn't meant to die, although I didn’t know the full story of that, but they were gone, and they would never get to know this amazing girl. They wouldn’t be able to see her grow up, to witness the wonderful lovely adult that I was sure she would become. She was already so much more caring than any other child I’d spent time with, although admittedly that wasn’t many.
“Billy will keep you safe.”
“I promise you that I will be back to see you soon, okay,” I pulled back to smile
at her. “In fact, you’ll start to see me so much that you’ll end up getting sick of me.”
“I don’t think so!” Ali grinned. “I like seeing you; you’re lots of fun.”
As I stood up to face Hailey, she had that look of bewilderment on her face again, as if she couldn’t quite believe the bond that I’d formed with Ali. “Incredible,” she shook her head, grinning at me. “Now don’t you forget that I am only on the other end of the phone; you call me if you need anything at all. I’m always here.”
“Thank you, Hailey, I really do appreciate that.”
I hugged her close, grateful to have such an awesome friend in my life. If I really had been so pigheaded with such a one-track mind, then I was glad that she’d stuck by my side. It was likely that she’d suffered in my desire to get ahead, too, such as her constant ignored requests for me to write about the kids at the Hangout.
Well, not anymore. I would be different now. I would learn from this experience, from this guilt, and I would be better in the future. I wouldn’t allow myself to get in a situation where culpability could consume me again.
But for now, I had to concentrate on getting back to Roy, on finding out what was going on with him. He needed me again, and I would do whatever I could to be there for him.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Roy – Tuesday
My mind was still spinning when I got to June’s house. I knew I should probably keep everything a secret, even from her, but I desperately needed an outsider’s perspective, someone to tell me what I should do. I felt utterly confused about all the choices that lay ahead of me, and I needed someone to help me see that it was all going to be okay.
As I knocked on her door, my heart racing with indecision, she swung the door open quickly, as if she’d been standing behind it, just waiting for me to arrive.
“Are you okay?” she gasped, stepping aside to let me in. “You look terrible. Did something happen? Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do for you?
