by Davis, Alexa
I thought that all would be okay when I became a fully-qualified doctor. I was under the illusion that I would be making plenty of money and that I’d be able to easily put all my problems behind me, but again, my thoughts were wrong.
As soon as I started working, I found out that a lot of people didn’t have the insurance or money to pay for treatments, and I couldn't stand that. It made me angry, so I stopped charging the full amount to those who were struggling, pushing myself further into debt.
Now that I’d started that, I couldn't seem to stop. With every person, my heart kept growing bigger and bigger, and I kept giving and giving – even though I really couldn't afford it.
“Yeah, would be nice,” I said in a joking tone of voice. “I can’t imagine it.”
“Well, no one has claimed it yet – it could be you!” he laughed loudly. “Can you imagine it? You could spend the rest of your life travelling the world, getting to see what the rest of the world has to offer. It’s no good spending your entire life in Florence or even Oregon! There’s so much more out there.”
I didn’t know if this was supposed to be a dig or not, but it certainly felt like it.
I had chosen to spend my entire life in the town I grew up in, however small it was, apart from the time when I was in college. But I liked it. It was my home; it was the only place I truly felt comfortable and I didn’t want to go anywhere else. I didn’t feel like I needed to know what was out there in the rest of the world. I had everything I needed right where I had always been. I had my good job, my friends, my family, there were plenty of women that were keen to get in my pants... What more could I need?
Luckily, before I had time to answer that, Terri, the nurse, entered the room in a flurry of perfume and beauty. I sent her a sly, flirtatious smile as she handed me some paperwork, and I could instantly see that familiar spark floating behind her big, blue eyes. She was one of the hottest women I’d ever laid my eyes upon, and somehow, I’d gotten lucky enough to land a sweet friends-with-benefits deal with her.
“Thank you,” I muttered as she swung her long, blonde hair around. “I’ll see you after the appointment to discuss bloodwork, okay?”
That had slowly become our code over time, and from the way she nodded excitedly, I instantly knew it was game on. Before the day was out, I would be screwing Terri in the nearest, private place we could find. That was one of the best things about her: she was up for anything, anywhere. She might not have been a long-term type of deal, but she was a whole lot of fun.
“Wow.” Mr. Smith gazed at her as she swung her hips out of the room. “That is some woman! You are a lucky man getting to work with her all day, but I guess that’s just one of the perks of being a doctor.”
He laughed loudly at his own joke, and it took all that I had not to smirk at his remark. I couldn't let him know the truth about me and Terri; that needed to stay strictly a secret because if anyone found out about us, we could both be in serious trouble.
“I’m just in this to help people,” I told him with a mock seriousness to my tone. “I don't have time to be worrying about the nurses scurrying around here.” I put all my equipment down and stared him in the eyes. “Right, well, for now, I can’t see anything obvious, but we will go through all your test results and I will call you with them in the next couple of days, okay?”
“Thank you.” Mr. Smith smiled at me before standing up. “I appreciate it.”
We said a quick goodbye, during which time my mind was already onto the next thing. My lunch break was coming up, which meant I didn’t have any more appointments for a short while – except for the one I’d just made with Terri.
Even the thought of her – hot, sweaty, and with those heaving breasts bouncing against me – had my cock standing to attention. She really did make me so damn horny, and I couldn't wait to get my hands on her again.
I quickly found her standing next to the reception desk, talking to one of the women there, and I called her over to me. Normally, I would wait for her to have her conversation finished, but there was something needier about me than usual. I felt like if I didn’t have her right then, I might just die.
But as she walked towards me, she didn’t look quite as fired up as before. In fact, she appeared to be all business, which made my heart sink. I would just have to let her get whatever it was out of her system and do what I could to get her back in the mood – she was usually easy to rile up all over again.
“We have a new patient coming in tomorrow,” she told me in that rapid voice she always used when she discussed work with me. Sometimes it made her difficult to understand, which was just one of the many reasons why we could never become anything serious.
“Oh, yeah?” I asked, discretely grazing my hand along her side, trying to distract her from whatever she was about to say to me. “Okay, sure.”
“We’ll need to transfer the papers. I think she lived here once before... Peggy Baker. I don't know if you recognize that name?”
Peggy Baker.
My heart leapt into my throat at the mere mention of Peggy Baker, but I did what I could to keep it off my face. I was good at keeping my emotions inside, and that came into play right then. Peggy Baker was the mother of the one who got away. She knew me well, and I did her. Seeing her again was going to be incredibly awkward.
“Come with me,” I rasped to Terri, needing her more than ever. I needed to bury myself into her, to distract myself entirely. I couldn't keep thinking about Peggy and Ashlee... Not unless I wanted to drag up a whole range of emotions I was nowhere near ready to deal with.
I pulled her into the janitor’s closet and started kissing her furiously, trying to lose myself in the physical sensations. My mind was struggling now, flickering all over the place, and I needed to shut it the hell down.
Luckily for me, my lips had Terri right back in the mood again, and she panted happily, quickly dipping her hand into my trousers and underwear, pulling me free. I knew that she loved the feel of my cock, and that helped me to forget the rest of the world, if only for a second.
“You’re so big,” she groaned excitedly against my mouth, her breaths becoming raspy with desire. “Fuck, I need you.”
As she stroked me hard and fast, I tugged her breasts free from her uniform and wrapped my teeth lightly around her very familiar nipples, giving them a tug. She was keen on the pleasure, pain thing, and I was happy to indulge in that, too, if it kept her happy. To be honest, as long as I was getting the release I so desperately needed, I was keen to try anything.
She cried out far too loudly, considering we were supposed to be being quiet, and she threw her head back in ecstasy. In the heat of the moment, Terri pressed her back up against the cold wall behind her, practically begging me to take her there and then, which I was happy to do.
She liked it fast and furious – and that was exactly what I needed, so I quickly slammed myself into her and started fucking her so hard that we were practically shaking the whole damn building.
“Oh shit,” she yelled, clawing at my back, digging her nails in so deep that it felt like she could have been drawing blood. “Oh fuck, Matt, you feel fucking amazing.”
As the pleasure burst free from me, concluding our quickie in a fast and timely matter, I felt on top of the world. Was there any better feeling than no-strings-attached fantastic sex? It certainly didn’t feel like it to me. I thought this was the highest that life could get, and I didn’t understand why anyone would want anything more.
Chapter Two
Ashlee
Thursday
I loved my office, I really did. It was the one thing about New York that I truly adored. Sure, my apartment was okay and the city was nice enough, but it was really my office that did it for me.
It made me feel like I’d made it. It was a whole room to myself – one with massive, floor-to-ceiling windows that allowed me to enjoy the huge expanse of world stretched out in front of me. I could look out of that window and see the hundreds of people
walking below. I often lost myself in wondering what their lives were like, and that was something that I hadn’t ever wanted to give up.
When I moved to the city in a hurry, I hadn’t expected to land on my feet quite so quickly. But much to my surprise, the first job I applied for as a speech therapist turned out to be the one for me. I was hired on the spot at the interview, and that was where I’d stayed ever since.
To be honest, I thought I would always work at the same job for the rest of my life, but because of circumstances out of my control, I was having to leave it all behind – the job, the apartment, New York... But it was my office that I was going to miss the most. That and the friends I’d made working in it.
“Come with me,” my friend Eileen grinned at me, shrugging lightly. “Come on, you knew that it was going to happen. You knew the guys weren’t going to just let you leave without doing something for you; just act surprised, okay?”
I followed behind her with an odd fluttering occurring in my heart. No one knew the reason why I was leaving except for my boss, and I was certain that I’d have a million and one questions flying my way about it – questions I would have to keep batting off if I didn’t want to break down. There was no way I could tell these people what was going on with my life and still hold it together; it just wouldn’t happen.
To be fair, I’d managed to keep it to myself ever since I’d handed my notice in a few weeks before, so a couple more hours shouldn’t be too hard. People just couldn't understand why I was leaving behind a life that I seemed so happy in, and to be honest, I was struggling with it myself.
“Surprise!” they all yelled, bursting out from odd places in the canteen, and although I was expecting it, it did make me jump, so at least my reaction was somewhat real.
“Oh my God, guys,” I was already tearing up; this wasn't going well. “This is so nice.”
“We baked you a cake, too,” someone told me excitedly, and I made my way over to the table to spot a suspicious-looking cake that had clearly been created by someone who didn’t do it all the time and laughed loudly at the words written across it.
‘Gud luck! Wheel miss you!’
They were obviously making fun of our job, and that made me feel very happy. I was glad I’d made close enough friendships that they felt like they could tease me... I was just sad to have to leave it all behind.
“That’s great. Thank you so much, everyone.”
As I looked at all their faces in turn, I had to really force myself to remain strong. This didn’t have to be forever. I might have been moving back to Oregon, but that didn’t mean I couldn't come back and visit. I could come and see these people whenever I wanted, and it would be even better because we would all make an effort to really hang out and have a good time.
But even as I tried to convince myself of that, I knew it wouldn’t be the case.
I wasn't naive enough to not understand how things worked. People were always friends with their colleagues during the time that they worked together, but once that was over, the friendship would slowly die. You would quickly find that you never had anything in common with them except for your job, and over time, things would simply fizzle out...and that was when you remained in the same city. I was going to a whole new state. This really was the end of an era.
*****
I did my best to enjoy the small talk of the next hour, but I was already starting to feel a segregation, a sense that I no longer belonged. It wasn't purposeful, not by anyone, but things were already becoming different.
My mind wandered as some of the girls discussed a new patient coming their way in the following weeks, and I started to think about all that I still needed to do. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pack while I was still working; I spent far too long burning the candle at both ends to even attempt it, which was why I’d agreed to leave a few days earlier. I figured that having some time to do nothing but get organized would be good for me, but now that it was time, the prospect was almost overwhelming.
How the hell was I supposed to just up and move my entire life? I had everything there, all my belongings, and that was going to be a bitch to get right all the way across the country.
“Hey, Ashlee,” Eileen nudged me playfully. “Maybe you’ll find love in Oregon! Maybe that’s where all the good guys are these days; they certainly aren’t here!”
Of course, this brought about a conversation centered on all the bad dates that everyone had been on recently, which was just another chat I couldn't get involved in. When I first moved to the city with a broken heart, I had tried to get out there and to find someone new, but it quickly became clear that I was a lost cause, so I had given up. I stopped going on dates, but the thought of restarting that in Florence was even more terrifying than doing it in New York.
At least in New York I could remain anonymous; in Florence, most people would remember me, and the ones that didn’t would know my name soon enough. It was a fishing village where most people were born and didn’t leave. Maybe that would have been me if things had been different, but of course, I’d moved away without any intention of coming back.
The emotion suddenly became too much for me and I needed a moment alone, so I stood up sharply and made my way to the bathroom, hoping to be able to get a break, but before I could get there, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Oh, I’m...” I started, but as I spotted my boss Dan standing in front of me, I allowed the façade to slide just a little bit. He was the only one who knew the truth about why I was leaving, so I no longer needed to act like everything was okay.
When I got the news that my mother was sick and I made the decision to go and be with her, despite the fact that she was returning to the place where I thought I would never end up again, I had to tell him. Dan was an amazing and understanding man, so I knew he would be a good listening ear, but it was more than that. I felt like I owed him the truth about why I was turning my back on such an amazing job.
“Can you come into my office for a second?” he asked with concern in his eyes. “I just want a little word before you leave us forever.”
I followed closely behind him, glad to be able to have a moment alone to say goodbye to him, even if it did mean that I would have to delve into the emotions I was doing my best to keep at bay.
I sat in the seat on the other side of Dan’s desk, like I had done a million times before, knowing it was going to be my last time.
“I just want to check how you are,” he started inquisitively, giving me a look that suggested he wanted to see deep into my soul to work out what the hell was going on with me. Well, he would have a job with that one; I wasn't even sure myself. “And to see what’s going on with your mom.”
“Well, we don’t know any more than last time. She’s just about to see a new doctor, so I’m sure she’ll have more information for me soon.” I sighed sadly, allowing my head to fall a little bit. “But I’m sure it’ll all be fine... After all, she’s put up with me for twenty-eight years. She won’t let a little bit of cancer defeat her.”
I sent Dan a weak smile, but he clearly wasn't falling for it. “Okay, just know that I’m always here for you if you want to talk, and that there will always be a job for you here if you need it.”
“Thank you,” I replied appreciatively, leaning forward in my seat. “I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me and that’s great lovely of you to say.” I didn’t know how much of it was the truth, but it was nice to hear all the same. It made feel an internal sense of gratitude, especially when I thought of how it could have turned out when I came to the city.
I could have ended up jobless, homeless, and having to return there with my tail between my legs. At least now things were different. I was successful, stronger, and over it all. I could go back now with my head held high and my heart intact.
He could have gone by now, anyway. I had purposely not learned anything about his life, so he could have been anywhere else in the damn world. I just had to hope that he was because
if I saw him again, I might end up reverting to the young girl I was all those years ago.
“How is it going to be back in your home town?” Dan asked curiously. “Will it be good or really weird?”
I pushed my chair back and stood up, ready to leave. This was not a conversation that I felt comfortable having, but I also didn’t want to blow Dan off, either, not when he was being so caring. After a moment of silence, I replied, instantly noticing a coldness to my tone.
“Some places are better left a memory.”
And Florence, Oregon was one of those places, but I was going to have to push that aside for now for my mother’s sake. Some things were more important than some stupid, ancient history that no longer affected me.
At one point, it had bothered me for every damn second of every day, but that time of my life was over. Now I knew I could tackle it. Sure, it was going to be a little difficult going in, but as soon as that initial awfulness was over, everything would be okay.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you soon,” I smiled at him. “Or... Well, I’ll speak to you soon, anyway.”
With that statement, I walked out of his office to say goodbye to everyone else. The time had come to leave my colleagues behind and to bid farewell to my office, too...and I already knew that was going to be the most difficult goodbye of them all.
Chapter Three
Matthew
Thursday After Work
The only good thing about the day was that my best friend Willy was coming back from a three-day fishing trip. I always missed having him around when he went away not only because he had great banter, but he was also a good guy, too – the sort I could go to with any problem I had.
Despite that, I didn’t want to tell him about this one.
The news that Peggy Baker was coming back to town had haunted me all day. I wasn’t sure that I wanted someone else’s opinion on the matter at the moment, not until I’d had the time to adjust to it properly myself. Of course, it didn’t mean that I would be bumping into Ashlee anytime soon, but it was a strong link to her – and a link was something I hadn’t experienced for a very long time.
