by Davis, Alexa
“I have a little boy about to come in for his shots, Jago Lee he’s called. It says in his notes that he’s very nervous about needles, and considering I’m a new face, I figured that wouldn’t help much, so I was wondering if you could come in the room with me? It shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”
“Well, I am a new face, too, but I’ll give it a shot.” My heart thundered in my chest as the next question fell past my lips. I already knew the answer to it, but I figured it might give me a little more insight. “Is Matthew not here? The kids know him very well.”
She bustled off and I followed closely behind her, not wanting to miss her answer. This was something that I could casually ask once without looking suspicious, but if I had to ask it again, Mary might suspect that something is up, and that my interest is something other than purely professional.
“I think he’s sick,” she called back to me. “I’m pretty sure he called in earlier this morning to have all of his appointments rescheduled.”
Matthew wasn't sick – that much I was certain of. That man seemed to have the immune system of an ox, which must have helped him working around the sick. When we were in school, he was never the one that caught anything; he managed to avoid all the viruses, all the bugs, all the colds... It used to drive me insane, especially as I seemed to be a magnet for things. It had gotten better as I got older, but I was still nowhere near as strong as he was.
Either he was avoiding me, or the money had made him depressed.
When I went in to his office to speak to him about everything, I didn’t even thank him for the roofing contractor, who was doing an amazing job of fixing up our house, because I hadn’t wanted to talk about his winnings unless he wanted to.
Now I was starting to see that might have been a mistake, a missed opportunity to help him out. Would it be totally weird if I went to him after work to try and sort things out, or would that be an intrusion on his personal space?
There it was again, the frustration at never knowing what the right thing to do was. It was helping me to see that not everything was black and white, that not everything was one person’s fault, and that made me needier for him than ever.
As we walked out into the waiting room, I found a young boy cowering on his mother’s lap, leaning into her chest as if he was about to face torture – and to some kids, shots really seemed that way.
“Hello there, Jago,” I knelt and grinned at him. I had a lot of experience with difficult children because, often, speech therapy wasn't very popular. Anything that took a child out of their comfort zone didn’t seem to go down well. “How are you feeling?”
“Don't wanna,” he insisted, pouting out his lip, moving closer to his mom, who didn’t seem to know what to do. She clearly wanted to hug him tighter, but she also needed him to get his shot, so she didn’t want to baby him too much.
I chuckled lightly, already knowing that this was going to be one stubborn little boy, and there was only one thing to help with that: a reward. Yes, offering the child sweets was bribery, and maybe not the best idea in the opinions of some, but a lot of the time it was the only way to get things done. Food was key, and as long as we only offered things that were sugar free, I didn’t see the harm.
“Okay,” I nodded, smiling at him. “I understand, you don't want to come with me. But I do think that’s a shame.” He sat up a little, becoming intrigued with what I was going to tell him. This was going to be easy, and even more so when I spotted the soldiers dotted over his shoes. “I really need a big, brave soldier to come with me. I have a very important mission that I need completed...and as soon as it’s done, there’s a sucker as a reward.”
“What... What’s the mission?” he couldn't resist asking, leaning in closer to me, proving that I had him now.
“I need help fighting off the big, red dragon who is hiding in Nurse Peters’ office,” I told him in an excitable tone of voice. “ But there is a catch. Whoever is going to help me defeat him needs to have a tiny dot made on their arm. It stings a little, but it’ll protect the soldier from the fiery breath.”
“I’ll do it,” he gasped. “I want to fight a dragon!”
With that, I grinned, took his hand, and led him into the patient room. While we waited, I told him about all the awful deeds that the dragon had done, while the shot was administered, I held his hand and told him to be brave so that he could fight off the dragon’s breath, and once it was done, we played around for a while, acting out killing the monster.
Once he was worn out, and sitting with his reward, his mother grabbed my hand gratefully. “That was amazing,” she said, and happiness laced her tone as she spoke. “I’ve never seen him so calm. Normally, he cries before, during, and for hours afterwards. I can’t believe how well that went. This clinic really is amazing; you really do go the extra mile.”
That comment warmed me up, and helped me to forget about all the drama with Matthew for a just a little bit. It was nice to help and to be appreciated for that – it made all the difference in the world.
*****
I spent the rest of the day with my own patients, and thankfully because of what happened with Jago, I felt like I could throw myself into it a lot more. I became more confident in my abilities, able to focus on what needed to be done, so by the time the office closing hours came around, I felt an odd sense of satisfaction.
However, as everyone else started to pack away their belongings, wanting to go home, all my good feelings simply ebbed away. Much as my day had been productive, I still hadn’t managed to come up with any way to help Matthew. I wanted to do something for him, even if he wasn't currently taking to me, and it was endlessly frustrating that I hadn’t managed to come up with anything.
“Are you coming?” Mary asked me. “Or did you want to lock up?”
“I still have some paperwork to do. I’ll lock up in a little while.” I just wasn't quite ready to go home yet; I still felt like I needed to come up with the perfect solution. Plus, I really did have a lot to do, so I could always get around to that at some point.
Once the office was empty, I found myself wandering from room to room, trying to find that motivation once more. I was sure that I’d be all right once I got started; I just needed to get into the right frame of mind. Simply because I missed him so damn much, I even found myself wandering into Matthew’s office, just to get a feel for him, and that was where the solution came to me.
His office was a real mess – not dirty or anything, he just had stuff everywhere, which I could tidy up and organize for him. Sure, it wasn't much, it would only be a tiny gesture that wouldn’t go too far, but at least then I would feel like I’d done something . I just needed to be productive, even for a second, and this was a great way to do that.
I started off by tossing out his food wrappings and endless notes that clearly didn’t mean anything before moving on to his filing system. Paperwork was an undesirable part of the medical profession, one that was essential, but most of us were too busy to waste too much time putting it away properly. I painstakingly sorted it all out into the relevant files, even color-coding it to make his life that much easier when he returned.
If he was going through a hard time, the last thing he needed was to come back to a mess. Hopefully, this would go some way towards lightening his load.
I got to the point where I couldn't cope any longer without a stapler, and I already knew that my own was clean out of staples, so I tugged open his top drawer, hoping that he would have one there. What I found instead stopped my heart dead in my chest.
It was the picture, the one of us from the high school yearbook. I was on his back, he was carrying me down the hall, and we were both laughing at something ridiculous. It was that pure, carefree moment that defined the way we’d once been before the shit hit the fan.
Matthew stored that picture in his top desk drawer in a frame. This was something he cared about. I stroked the image for a second as another revelation swirled right through me.
We were important to one another, me and Matthew – we always had been.
The last time things got difficult, we gave up on one another and went on to live or separate lives. This time, we were being faced with a situation that left us in a similar place, only this time, I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to stand back and let Matthew slip away. I was going to go to him, to fight for him, no matter what it took.
I glanced out of the window, noticing the pouring rain, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was going to go to him, and make everything right again, whatever it took.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Matthew
Tuesday
I felt a lot better after the fishing trip; it helped me to put things in perspective, so the first thing I did when I got back was to get onto the computer and to delete all those damn emails. I didn’t need any of that negativity in my life, not when I was so focused on moving forward.
Willy was right: this would blow over soon enough. I just needed to wait out the storm and not get swept away with the tide. When I thought about it like that, it was simple. I just needed an outside perspective to help me see that.
I spent the rest of the day getting my apartment all organized and working out how I wanted to spend the rest of my finances, clearing a whole bunch of room in my head. I felt so much better at the end of it, and I knew for a fact that tomorrow would be a much better day. I would be able to tackle anything now: I was sure of it.
Knock, knock.
At first the sound came so lightly that I assumed it was the wind. I paid it no attention, simply glancing out the window at the shitty weather.
Knock, knock.
Who the hell was at my home at this hour in this horrendous weather? It had to be Willy; I couldn't imagine anyone else coming to see me right then.
I swung the door open, expecting to rib the guy outside, but the person I found was a soaking wet, shivering, yet somehow stunning: Ashlee. Her dark hair was sticking to her face, her clothes were molded against her skin, her makeup was running down her cheeks, and she was still able to stop my heart. I simply stood there for a while, staring at her, wondering how it was possible for every other damn person on the planet to look like a bedraggled rat, yet Ashlee looked incredible.
Then I noticed her chattering teeth, and I snapped back into action.
“Ashlee, are you okay? What are you doing here?” Then, finally, I stepped to one side. “Come in.”
I walked her into the front room before handing her a towel. She still hadn’t said anything yet, and my mind was desperately running with curiosity. It seemed like something important had happened to drag her over here like that.
She quickly rubbed her hair dry a little, before handing me the item in her hand, which was something that I hadn’t realized she was holding before now. It was the photograph that I had in my work desk drawer, the one that I cut out from the high school yearbook as soon as I got my practice. I realized I didn’t give a shit about anyone I went to school with, I only cared about her, so I framed it and kept it as a reminder of what could have been.
“You kept it,” she practically whispered, staring up at me with the sparkly eyes. “You kept this picture of us.”
“Of course I did,” I told her, grinning as I looked down at it. “How could I not? Look at us. We were so happy, so carefree, so in love back then. Everything seemed so simple back then. It just seemed obvious that we were meant to be.”
I glanced up at her, not even caring that I was spilling my guts to her. It just felt so right. “I guess I love it so much because it was before . It reminds me of how different things could have been.”
“I’ve been thinking about that, too,” she admitted, stepping a little closer to me. “I keep thinking I shouldn’t have thrown in the towel in on us so quickly. I overreacted to something so silly, and I allowed that to destroy us. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d just stuck around and tried. Where would we be today?”
My heart fluttered at her words. That wasn't the statement of someone was only interested in me for the money. I couldn't believe that I’d ever thought that about her. Ashlee had always loved me, and vice versa. It was just the situation that had pushed us apart. We were too young and too grief stricken to know what to do.
“Maybe it’s time to stop worrying about what might have been different,” I told her with a smile playing on my lips. “Maybe it’s time to worry about what we could be now.”
At the astonished, but happy look that filled her expression, I knew that I’d finally said the right thing, so I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips up against hers. It was only for a moment, and it was far sweeter than it was passionate, but it got all my emotions stirred up all the same.
Ashlee felt right, she always had, and I couldn't help but think that if she felt right, she had to be. No one had ever managed to make me feel as good as her; there couldn't be anyone else.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” I asked her casually, internally praying she would say yes. When she nodded happily, I led her into the kitchen where I’d already started to make myself a chicken stew. Luckily, I’d put on too much, so there would be plenty to go around.
I started chopping up some vegetables to go into the meal, handing Ashlee some carrots, making a joke about her making herself useful along the way. We stood side by side, preparing a meal in as much harmony as an old married couple, and that felt amazing. I found that commitment wasn't scary at all when it came to Ashlee, and that I could quite happily be with her forever.
“Thank you,” she eventually muttered quietly, causing me to spin around to look at her. “For the roofer, I mean. I do appreciate it. Mom does, too.”
I smiled thinly at that, not wanting to tell her what had really gone down when it came to that. I had originally wanted to pay for the roof, and for some treatment for Peggy, but when I contacted her about it and pleaded with her, she told me it was too late. I insisted I was going to do it anyway, but she reasoned with me it was pointless trying to help someone who was beyond help. She said she would rather me help someone that needed it, and who could benefit from it. Peggy finished off by insisting she didn’t want to end her life with tubes in every orifice, and that I knew as well as she did that it wasn't going to work.
Logically, I knew she was right, but emotionally, I didn’t want to accept it.
I knew for a fact that I couldn't tell Ashlee any of that, not if I wanted her to not only enjoy our evening, but also to not stress her out for the remainder of her mother’s life. I didn’t want her to panic and to push Peggy into things, either, that wasn't fair on either of them.
Which reminded me...
“I’ll be back in a moment,” I smiled warmly at her. “Just...going to the bathroom.”
With that, I snuck into the other room and I hid the photograph of me and her father on the fishing boat. I didn’t want to have to tackle any difficult subjects that night, not when we had just got things back to a good position. We would deal with that later, after we were in a more solid place.
As we sat and ate dinner with a glass of nice wine, things slipped into a very comfortable place. We didn’t discuss anything difficult; instead, we talked about our happier times, as if we were inspired by the photograph taken from our high school yearbook. We talked about our past relationship, our old friends, and Ashlee even admitted to me that her date had been with Harry. If only she’d asked me, I could have told her that he’d become a total douche bag!
“Oh my God, do you remember the day we skipped school, just before the end of the year?” Ashlee laughed, sparking that memory inside of me. She never wanted to do anything bad, neither of us did, but that day just before we broke up forever, we decided to join some of the other kids on the peripherals of our friendship group by being bad.
“It was so not worth it,” I replied, chuckling, too. “We didn’t even do anything. We just hung out, growing increasingly bored as the day passed us by
.”
That was true, but now I could see that it was worth it, just for us to have that memory. There was such a rich, ingrained history between me and Ashlee, one that had built us up to where we were today, and I wouldn’t have changed any of it. Not even the bad stuff.
Sure, it sucked that we’d lost so many years, but maybe that was what we needed to make it work. Maybe if we’d stuck together then, we would have found a way to make it implode somehow.
“Was that nice?” I asked as I slipped the plates away once we’d both finished eating the nicest meal that I’d consumed in a very long time, although that could have been the company more than the food.
“Delicious,” she grinned. “You’re an amazing cook. Who would have known it?”
“You must be drunker than you look,” I teased, before taking the dishes into the kitchen for a quick scrub down. Now that things were tidy and organized, I wanted to keep them that way.
As I shoved the plates into hot water to soak, I suddenly noticed a presence behind me. At first, I sensed her, then I felt her breath on my neck. After only a few seconds, her arms snaked around my waist, causing a big grin to spread across my mouth – one that only got wider as those hands of her started to wander all over my body.
I gripped onto the side tightly as she began to massage me through my trousers, sending a crazy amount of desire tearing through my body. She was so fucking sexy, so amazing, and now she was coming on to me... I couldn't have resisted, even if I wanted to.
As I spun around to grab hold of her, before running kisses all over her face, I decided that this time we would be slower – we would take the time to really explore one another’s bodies. We’d only had sex twice before, once when we were too young to really appreciate it, and another when we were too desperate and needy for each other to wait. This time I would resist. I would be patient, and I would make this amazing.
