by Davis, Alexa
What she needed was to talk about something happy, something more upbeat, something to remember him by in a light-hearted way.
“Did your dad ever tell you about the first time that he took me fishing?” I asked her, a small smile playing on my lips. “When I dropped the fishing rod into the water, and he tripped over the bait bucket, spilling maggots everywhere?”
I never told Ashlee about it at the time because I was still at the stage of wanting to impress her. Back then, I only accepted the invitation to go fishing because I assumed that she would be there, too, but I found myself pleased when she didn’t come because it gave me the chance to find that strong, male role model that my life had been missing – a man I could talk to when things got rough.
“No,” she chuckled lightly, brushing the tears away from her eyes. “But after you’ve told me, I have to tell you the story of how he reacted when he very first found out about us.”
After that, we went on to exchange all our happiest memories about her dad. It was the sort of thing that we should have done right after he died, and maybe if we’d been older when it happened, I would have thought to do so. But in my young, stupid mind, I didn’t. In fact, I did the complete opposite.
I could tell that this was cathartic for her, that it was helping her to come to terms with things, and it made me realize just how important she was to me. I’d always know it, of course, it was obvious, but to have her sitting in front of me, allowing me to make her feel better, it hit me hard.
She needed me, and I wanted her to.
I wanted to be her shoulder to cry on, her rock to rely on when things got tough. I wanted to be the first person she thought of when she needed someone to talk to, and I hoped that through all of this, she would allow me to be that person.
“I’m always here for you,” I told her calmly, when we finally had a moment of silence. “You know that, right?”
She nodded tightly, clearly overcome by emotion, and I watched in horror as the tears trickled down her face once more. She was spending too much time trying to be strong, holding it all in, and it seemed like she’d finally gotten to a point where some things were beginning to spill over the edge.
I refused to hold back any longer, no longer wanting to second guess myself. That was the mistake that I’d made before. Ashlee needed me, and I wanted to be there, so I pulled her body closer to me, enveloping her in a hug.
“Is there anything I can do now?” I asked her quietly, practically whispering into her ear. “Is it your mom? Do you want me to come and see her?”
I knew that I was stepping into dangerous territory, but I was also sure that this was what she needed. She probably didn’t want me to ask because she didn’t want to step on any toes, and also because she didn’t want to hear any bad news, but I had no intention of giving her that. Deep down, she knew what was going to happen. I would just come with her and see if there was anything that I could do...anything that Peggy would allow me to do.
Ashlee was silent for a beat too long, causing my heart to race in my chest, but after a while she nodded against my chest, finally conceding to my request. “She’s sick,” she gulped, pulling back to look at me. “And, she keeps talking like it’s the end for her. I just don't know how to cope with that. It’s making it very difficult for me to look after her.”
I didn’t know how I would deal with that, either, but I had to be strong. I needed to do this, however emotional I got. I’d been a doctor for many years in a small town where I knew everyone; I should have been an expert in hiding my own emotions when it came to giving bad news, but that was the one thing that I hadn’t been able to master just yet and it didn’t seem to get any easier.
“Come on,” I held out my hands to her before pulling us both upright. “Let’s go and check on your mom now. I want to make sure that she’s okay.”
Just as Ashlee turned to walk away, I placed the flowers down on her father’s grave, like I’d been doing every week for the past ten years. Usually I stopped to have a chat with him, too, but I felt like I didn’t need to tonight; I felt like he’d probably seen enough.
I will look after her, I thought in my mind, not wanting to leave things completely unsaid. If she allows me to remain in her life, I’ll help her to get through anything. Okay, so the cancer beating her mother was going to be a tough one to begin with, but if it came to that, I wouldn’t run away again. I’d learnt that the hard way last time. I won’t let you down; I promise.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ashlee
Friday
I sat at my desk, trying my utmost to fill out some paperwork, but in all honesty, my head was all over the place. When Matthew came back to my place two nights ago, he prescribed Mom some pills that seemed to have her a little more peppy, but I couldn't help but get the impression that it was only going to be a temporary measure. Nothing seemed to be long term anymore, and that absolutely terrified me.
I’d tried to catch him all day yesterday, to ask him what his advice was for the future, but he’d been absolutely inundated, too busy to even eat, never mind talk, so in the end I’d left it well alone.
Things had calmed down a little today, but after a whole bunch of soul searching, I decided I would leave it. I felt like knowing the prognosis for sure wouldn’t help me now, it wouldn’t make me feel any better or any worse, so I should simply let things happen. I was acutely aware that if there was anything that could be done, Matthew would have done it, especially with his lottery win, so that spoke volumes.
What I needed to do was stop dwelling on it, to concentrate on each passing moment instead, but that was much easier said than done.
“Knock, knock,” came a familiar voice at the door. “Can I come in?”
“Mary, of course you can,” I smiled at her, realizing she was starting to become a good friend of mine. Especially considering she had a hot cup of coffee in her hands, which was exactly what I needed. “How are you?”
“Well, actually, I came to see how you are?” she asked, a little sheepishly. “I know that this is the last thing that you need right now...what with everything that you have going on.” I’d told her a little bit about my mom and her sickness, but I could already see that this was nothing to do with that. I sat up straighter in my seat, leaning in a little, intrigued to know more. “But I didn’t want you to find out from someone else.”
My heart pounded sickeningly in my chest; this absolutely had to be bad news, there was no way that it could be anything else. People just didn’t phrase statements like that unless there was going to be something awful to follow. “What is it?” I asked tentatively, unsure if I was going to want to know.
“Have you seen the local paper yet?” she spread it out across my desk in front of me, showing me a very unwelcome image of Terri in her underwear, under the title “ Dumped by Lottery Doctor .” The worst part was the fact that there was a massive news story attached. My eyes instantly fell across the highlighted sound bites, which made me feel sick to my stomach.
‘As soon as he got the money, he dumped me.’
‘His next victim is the speech therapist.’
‘He’s evil. Someone else should have won.’
My heart absolutely sunk as I read those words; it was a horrible portrayal of Matthew, and not a very nice one of me, either. Terri had made out that I was a little dimwitted, and under his spell, which of course couldn't have been further from the truth.
“I just thought I would let you know because you’re mentioned in it,” Mary smiled sincerely at me. “Now I have no idea what your relationship with Matthew is, but...”
“We’re together,” I confirmed, needing her to know that much. She’d been brave enough to bring the story to me; I felt like I owed her the truth. Especially as this could affect her, too; we didn’t know what the aftermath of this would be.
“And he was causally dating Terri, but none of it went down like she’s saying here.” Mary nodded slowly at me, giving me a look that sug
gested she wasn't entirely sure that I was doing the right thing.
“Look,” I sighed, figuring that I might as well tell her everything now. “Matthew and I were childhood sweethearts...best friends that became something more. We had a massive falling out because neither of us knew how to cope when my father suddenly passed away, and it tore us apart. I went to college in New York, where I lived for the past decade, and Matthew did his own thing.”
I could see that I was finally starting to get some understanding from her, which caused me to continue. “When I moved back here to look after Mom, I vowed to myself that I would keep away from him, but there’s just a magnetism between us that draws us back in repeatedly. Yes, I know that he’s been with other women, including Terri, but I wasn't here, neither of us thought that we would see one another again.”
“So, it really isn’t the money?” she gasped in surprise. “I mean, I didn’t think that you were like that, but one billion dollars... You can’t resist that, can you?”
I laughed, knowing that she meant well by that. “No, I liked him before, and I would still want to be with him even if he didn’t have the money.”
“So, is it love?” she asked in a hushed tone. I nodded rapidly to that, not wanting to tell other people before I told him, but the way that she squealed out in joy made me feel a little happier. At least she understood me now; at least there wouldn’t be any judgment. “Oh my goodness, that’s the most romantic love story that I’ve ever heard.”
“Well, I don't know about that!” I replied modestly. “It’s just my life.”
It was weird to think that someone could see my complex, heart-wrenching, confusing mess of a love life as a great love story, but I guessed that without clearly seeing or experiencing the messy bits, it could be seen as that. People always loved childhood sweethearts managing to overcome the odds to be together, and maybe once the people of this town got a reminder of that, Terri’s story would be completely forgotten, and our love for one another would only be seen as the good thing that it was.
I could hope anyway!
“Wow,” Mary gasped, sliding back in her seat a little further. “Well, today might be a bit of a rough one, but you know what people are like. Soon they will forget all about these nasty words, and they will be on to the next subject. Reading through the words, it’s clearly the passing judgment of a bitter ex, anyway. I doubt anyone will take it too seriously.”
“I hope you’re right,” I replied seriously, nodding along with her. “The last thing I want is my job to be affected. Especially as she states that the job was created just for me.” That bit stung painfully because I still really felt like it was the truth. I was good at my job, I knew that, but seeing those words written in black and white just left me feeling like a fraud all over again.
“Oh, ignore that!” Mary dismissed it quickly. “Everyone who has been to see you, loves you. None of them think that you’re just being given busy work. Don't let that get to you.”
Easier said than done, I thought to myself, gulping the emotion down, but I nodded anyway, not wanting to be seen as being negative. Not when I didn’t know how this thing was going to turn out just yet. Just get through this, I commanded myself. It might be fine. There’s no point in worrying over nothing – that’s exactly what Terri wants.
I couldn't let her win. I didn’t want her to defeat me, and that thought alone was enough to have me carrying on.
*****
After my little chat with Mary, I felt like I could be a little freer with my feelings.
If I’d learned anything from losing my dad and my mom getting sick, it was that life was far too short to be worrying about the opinions of others, anyway. Yes, there were questions fired at us from all directions, but I felt like we had an unspoken agreement as a team, and that it was us against the world. With that mentality, nothing felt impossible. In fact, it felt like the easiest thing in the whole world.
I was surprised to see how accepting people were being. There had been a little bit of negativity, but nothing like the wave I was expecting. It seemed like we had the support of others, which was unexpected, but incredible, too. It made the world feel like a brighter place.
It seemed like news had spread. I even received contact from the people in my old life to ask me about it. Somewhere along the line, it must have gone a little viral online because I’d received a text from Eileen ( ‘Oh my God, are you actually dating a billionaire?! How is that your life now! I thought that you would be missing us all... xxx’ ), and an email from my old boss Dan, just checking in to see if I was okay.
With the whole world knowing, it seemed pointless to try and hide things anymore. Especially if the bare bones of Terri’s story were true. Sure, I was angry at her for going about things in such a shitty fashion, but what she’d done was a favor for both of us. We could finally just be together, and that was amazing.
Matthew was flirty with me, and I was with him. It was great, transporting us back to the old days when everything was easy. Sure, the rest of the world around us was a complete and utter mess, but in our little bubble, everything was perfect.
That was exactly how I’d felt all the way through high school, and it was incredible to be back there once more...as if the last decade hadn’t even happened. I even felt much younger, much more like the carefree kid I’d once been. My troubles were still there, floating around in the back of my mind, but I could bypass them for now. Just for a short while.
Throughout the day, I found myself falling harder and harder for Matthew, even more so than before. I’d always known that I loved this man, that had never gone away for me, but confessing it aloud to Mary had shifted something within me, something powerful. I found myself able to look at Matthew more openly, to smile at him wider, to appreciate him even more deeply, and my heart swelled with that, almost to the point where I felt like it could burst free from my chest.
As I sat back for a second and watched him play with some of my younger patients, taking the time out of his day to spend some time with them, I got a clearer glimpse of the future we could have once more. He was so good with people, especially the kids, and I just knew that had to be a good sign.
After a while, he seemed to sense my eyes upon him, and he sent me a sweet smile, one that had my heart racing in my chest all over again. He was incredibly gorgeous, so much so that it made everything inside of me squirm. I loved him, so damn much, and I couldn't wait until the time was right for me to finally tell him.
“Lunch today?” he mouthed at me, to which I nodded happily.
He blew me a tiny kiss, so small that no one else could spot it, and that made everything inside of me intensify. Now we had our own language, too, a special way to communicate just the two of us. If that didn’t spell forever more, then I honestly didn’t know what did.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Matthew
Friday
The second I woke up to a whole bunch of emails linking me to Terri’s story – including one from her, being the classy person that she so clearly is – my heart sank. Not once did she mention that we were only a casual thing. She’d conducted her story in such a way that any retaliation I made would only serve to make me sound bitter and a little pathetic.
If there was one thing Terri was good at, it was using her brains in a very clever and manipulative way. If only I’d noticed that when we were seeing one another, I could have saved myself a whole load of hassle.
I expected to turn up to work to find protesters outside, people yelling abuse at me, and generally making my day a living hell, but what I found was something quite different.
Actually, it seemed like most people were acting totally normal around me. I did get the odd, nasty comment, but as I calmly explained my side of the story to them, they seemed to see that things weren’t as black and white as first assumed. Others even congratulated me on getting together with Ashlee, particularly those who knew our past. They were glad to see that we’d finally manage
d to make it back to one another.
There was a noticeable change in Ashlee, too. She seemed to be much happier around me, much more playful, much more like the old her. It seemed that the news getting out of us being an item was positive for her, and it was allowing her to be much freer with her feelings. As I asked her to go to lunch with me, and she happily agreed, and I felt on top of the world, like everything was finally coming together and that nothing could go wrong.
“Hi there, Miss May,” I smiled at my next patient, a younger, beautiful woman who I knew well, considering she worked at the bakery. She’d always made her interest in me obvious, but she’d always been too young and sweet for me...even in my darkest days. “How can I help you today?”
“Well, Doctor Turner,” she purred, leaning in closer to me. “I’ve had this terrible cough for a few days now. I think it might be a...chesty one.”
Okay, so this was obviously some attention-seeking lie, but I couldn't simply accuse her of that. I was going to have to check her out, regardless of what I thought about her ailment. “Right, let me just grab my stethoscope.”
I was already bumbling, heating up, and I hadn’t even started yet. What the hell was wrong with me? Not being big headed, but I was used to people flirting with me, why could I suddenly not cope? Was it because I felt sure that there was an ulterior motive, that the money had made me paranoid, or was it because of Ashlee? I just didn’t want any more attention.
As I went on to examine her back and chest for signs of any infection, she continued to talk to me in a breathy voice, one that was designed to turn me on. “You know, I would still like to take you out for a drink sometime,” she said, sticking her breasts out further. “I think it would be nice for us to hang out in a less...professional environment, don't you?”
