by Davis, Alexa
“I would love to go on a date with you,” dream Olivia murmured into my ear. “In fact, I want to be your girlfriend, if you’ll have me.”
“Of course.” As she said something so blatant, I decided that it had to be another thing that wasn’t real, so I delved in deeper. “Come here.”
She climbed onto the bed with me and kissed me hard and fast. As our lips moved in unison, her hand trailed down my body, and she dipped into my underwear. Having already felt her hand on my cock for real, it was much easier to bring that fantasy to life.
But then her mouth moved downwards, and I could feel us moving into another brand new territory. My erection stood at attention, and I waited for the warm wet heat of her mouth to slip around it.
“Buddy?” Urgh , that voice sounded far too much like Lark’s to my liking. All the sexual thrill ebbed from my body as I turned my head. “Are you calling out? Do you need anything?”
Yes, Olivia. I need her in here making that dream come true. I need you to be somewhere else entirely. I need her plump lips all over me, her soft skin brushing against mine, her hands sending me to heaven and back…
“No,” I grunted in reply. “Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty
Olivia
Tuesday
“Are you sure you feel okay, sweetie?” I asked Meghan for what felt like the hundredth time. I pressed my hand against her forehead, but there didn’t seem to be any sign of fever there. “You don’t feel sick at all?”
It was reckless of me to have Meg around Zack when he was so sick. I didn’t think about it at the time; it was only now that I feared the possible consequences of such a stupid action. This was just the sort of thing that would have my father shaking his head in a disappointed way at me – and he’d be right. This was the sort of things that mothers were supposed just to know not to do. Sometimes I felt like I just guessed at this whole parenting thing, and it was safe to say that I didn’t always get it right.
“I told you, I’m fine, Mommy.” Meghan rolled her eyes at me. “I and Drea are going to the park today; I’ll be fine.”
“You’re not just saying that you’re well because you want to go to the park, are you? Because you could always go another day. I don’t want you to think…”
“Mom, I’m fine,” she whined. “Get off me.”
In the end, I forced myself to pull back, but that was only because I heard Drea knocking on the door. If I hadn’t just had a day off work, I would take this one to be sure, but I didn’t want to push too far where Ms. Simms was concerned. She had done more than enough for me.
“Hi, Drea,” I wearily said as I opened the door. “I hope you’re okay?”
“Are you?” She gave me a concerned look. “You don’t look so good?”
At first that sent me into a tailspin. Had I been so concerned about Meghan that I hadn’t noticed myself getting sick? But no, as I pressed my hand against my head there wasn’t any sign of a temperature there at all. “I’m fine, just worried about Meghan. She’s been around someone ill...”
“Zack!” she piped up rapidly, making me cringe inside. “He had the flu.”
“Yes, and I’m just worried that she might have caught it.” I said that last part so fast I almost tripped over my words. All to avoid a few awkward questions about Zack. It was silly, really. I just couldn’t help needing to keep him all to myself for the time being. “Could you just keep an extra eye on her today and give me a call if she starts to look ill?”
“Of course I will.” Drea didn’t look worried by my remarks at all. “I always keep a strict eye on her, but if there are any signs at all, I’ll let you know right away.”
“Thank you.” I bit down on my bottom lip as if I was trying to keep something inside. There wasn’t really anything that I needed to say; I just didn’t like the idea of leaving Meg like that. “Well, I suppose I better go. I don’t want to be late for my first appointment.”
“Have a good day!” Drea smiled.
“Bye, Mommy. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I snuck my arms around Meghan and kissed her forehead in what seemed like a loving gesture, but was also for me to check her temperature once more. Still no sign.
As I forced myself out the front door, I glanced towards Zack’s door with more ice cold guilt racing through my system.
He was doing much better now, and he still had Lark for company, but I felt bad leaving him, too. I had tried to warn him that it might take his body slightly longer to recover than anyone else because it was already dealing with so much pain from the injury in his leg, but he didn’t really acknowledge that. I guess he was still stuck on not wanting to appear weak, even now after all that we’d been through together.
Anyway, much as I wanted to, I couldn’t loiter around the apartment all day long. I had to get to work. People were depending on me, and I wanted to help them, too. Tiana was due to see me today, and I really wanted to see how she was getting on. It was nice to start becoming important to these people, and I didn’t want to let them down.
***
What is wrong with me? I tapped my fingers on my desk as frustration coursed through my veins. I was supposed to be reading through the file of a brand new patient that was about to come my way, but I kept drifting off. I continued to daydream about Zack all the time, driving me crazy. All I wanted was to work, but his unexpected words circled my brain.
“We might as well already be dating. You keep turning up in my bedroom, so why not?”
Yes, he was clearly out of it when he – very unromantically – asked me out on a date, but the words kept replaying in my mind anyway. Shockingly, it seemed like he really wanted to take things to the next level. Sneaking into a man’s apartment for sex on occasion didn’t usually turn into a relationship…as far as I knew anyway. I wasn’t sure why this time should be any different.
Okay, so Zack wasn’t really like other men. He had layers and layers that needed to be peeled away in time, but that didn’t make him so much better.
This was the exact reason I was supposed to be staying away from men: to avoid confusion and distraction like this.
When I first fell pregnant with Meghan, all I cared about was Ben. He was the only man that I’d ever loved, and I couldn’t see anyone but him. When it became obvious that he wasn’t going to help, I couldn’t shake off the obsession with him. Rationally, I knew that he wasn’t worth my time or effort, but that didn’t do anything to switch my emotions off. Finally, I started to emerge from the heartache, and I actually began to feel better about myself…just for him to have another child with someone else. Of course by that point, the hurt was more for Meghan than myself, but still, he caused me pain.
When I moved to New York for my fresh start, I wanted to do it by myself. I didn’t want to get entangled with anyone… Yet here I was, doing just that. Getting myself all tied up in knots about a man whose feelings I didn’t understand one bit.
It’s all because of Meghan; I tried my best to convince myself. I just don’t want her to get hurt, that’s all.
I was going to have to distance myself from Zack, to be just a friend to him. I knew I kept saying it to him, but I really would have to make the last time we were together the last time ever. Even if I would miss his tongue, his lips, his chest…all of him, actually. I just had to – it was the right thing to do.
“Are you okay, Olivia?” Ms. Simms’ voice suddenly shook me from my reverie. “You look a little lost.”
“Erm, yes, just reading.” I bristled as I felt a heat creeping up my neck. “Learning more about Pippa Smart, who will be coming to me next week.”
I wasn’t sure if she brought it, but she didn’t question me any further. “Okay. Well, we’re having a staff party on Friday night. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner it completely slipped my mind. It’s something that we do every year, just as a bit of team building. Working alone with patients most of the time means that sometimes it’s h
ard to get to know other members of staff.”
She was right about that one – I hadn’t really met any of the other therapists. “It would be great if you could come? The company higher-ups will be there, and there may even be some patients invited.” She knotted her eyebrows together, looking very confused. “I’m not totally sure; I haven’t checked the guest list. Anyway, do you think you’ll be there?”
“Of course.” I felt touched by the invite. Hopefully, Drea would be alright for an extra shift with Meghan… “That sounds great, thank you so much for inviting me.”
“You’re doing well here,” Ms. Simms reassured me kindly. “It’s good to have you around. I hope you’re here for a long time to come.”
She was a good person to have on my side , I decided as she walked away, and if she wanted me at her party, I would find a way to be there. After all, I wanted to be at the company for a long time to come, too. There was nothing better to a single mom than having a reliable income.
***
I let out a deep sigh as I flicked my eyes over all the clothing in my wardrobe. Nothing looked right! What the hell was I going to wear to some office party when I didn’t have anything nice? Should I look fancy, should I go casually? I hated that I felt out of my depth with this and it was only made worse by the fact that I didn’t really have anyone to ask for advice. This was why I needed work friends; this was why I needed this damn party to be a success.
What the…
All of a sudden my eyes fell on something at the back of the wardrobe, something that I must have stuffed there in a hurry when I was trying my hardest to get everything unpacked for the move. It was shiny enough to catch my eye. As I pulled it closer, a bright smile played on my lips.
Of course! How could I have forgotten?
In high school, before I gained the freedom of college, before I even laid eyes on Ben before my happy little accident started to grow in my stomach, I had a whole other life. One that now felt very distant, but now it had all come screaming back. I fell back into the teenage version of myself for just a moment while I recalled what my life once looked like.
I used to be such a good volleyball player that I actually won awards for it, medals and even a trophy which had to be about somewhere. My skills made me really popular with the jocks, and I was even voted the most likely to succeed in sports at school. People actually assumed that I was so good at the game that I would actually make a career out of it.
How crazy, considering how my life had turned out now. It was the total opposite. I was a single mother with a career that helped sports injuries. A very unglamorous life indeed.
I pulled out the selection of medals that I had, and I took them into the kitchen to lay them out on the table. Not only was I enjoying the moment of reminiscing about the person I could be without my broken heart, but I also felt excited to show Meghan that her mother once had some worth. She would probably use the medals for dress up or something, but I’d like to tell her all the same.
See? I did well by myself; I don’t need a man! I certainly didn’t need to be obsessing over some guy from across the hall that I didn’t really know. I just needed to focus on me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Zack
Wednesday
I hopped a little awkwardly from foot to foot while I waited for Olivia to answer the door. My fever had well and truly run its course, but the determination was still there running through me, and I wanted to take action while the bravery was there, too. I asked Olivia out on a date for a reason: I wanted her to be mine, and I’d be damned if I let the moment pass me by.
At least... I was pretty sure that I asked her out on a date. If that was all a crazed dream, then this was about to be very embarrassing! Still, it was what I wanted either way, so it was best to just go with it.
“Oh.” Olivia swung the door open, looking utterly adorable in a pair of sweatpants, a blue faded tee shirt, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had the appearance of someone who was on a mission. “Zack... What are you doing here?”
My smile faded a bit. We were friends now, weren’t we? Couldn’t I come to visit once in a while? She turned up to my place whenever she wanted to, without being invited. Not that I was complaining about that, of course. “I came to say hello.”
“Oh, right, okay...”
Olivia’s words trailed off as I pushed past her to get inside. I didn’t want to give her the chance to blow me off now, not when I’d worked up the courage to come and speak with her. “I’m feeling much better, by the way.”
“Yes, of course.” She slapped her palm against her forehead. “I didn’t forget that you were sick, I’ve just been crazy busy. I’m glad you’re much better, it was a bit of a worry there.”
“All thanks to the expert help,” I teased. “Thank you very much for that, by the way.”
“Oh well, it was no trouble. Lark needed help; he was a mess. Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone so dramatic.”
There was a question in her eyes, something I could tell that she wanted to ask, but it seemed she couldn’t find the words. I wanted to pursue this, particularly because I had a feeling it was something that Lark might have said, but I didn’t want to get distracted and derailed. If I chatted about something different, then the fire in my belly might die, leaving me still without any answers.
“So, you didn’t answer my question,” I started cryptically. “I asked you a question, and you kind of ignored it. I guess I’m here to find out why that might be.”
“Huh?” She screwed up her nose in confusion, which only made me want to kiss her more. “What are you talking about? What question?”
“You’re really going to make me say it aloud?” I shook my head and chuckled quietly. “Again? Okay, well here it goes. I asked you to go out on a date with me, and you didn’t say anything.”
Her cheeks tinged pink as a flush filled her whole body. I hoped that I was affecting her in that way for all the right reasons. It would be killer to learn that she didn’t actually want me for more than an odd screw here and there. It’d make random meetings in the hallway very awkward.
Maybe I’d finally have to take Lark up on his advice and move.
“I... I thought you were hallucinating...” she stuttered. “I thought that you were just saying things because you had the flu. I guess I thought you were delusional, which is why I didn’t answer you.” She stared piercingly into my eyes. “It isn’t the sort of thing that you ask someone when you have a fever, is it?”
I shivered lightly under her intense gaze. Was she serious about this or was it just a way to blow me off kindly? I could’ve backed down to keep my pride, but this felt much more than dignity. I needed an answer, and I had to get it now. I wouldn’t be able to sleep again if I didn’t.
“Why the hell wouldn’t you think I was serious?” I bit out, maybe a bit too angrily. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, you did have a temperature of one hundred and three point five. That was my first clue.”
“No.” I gave her a look back that was just as fierce. “I was deadly serious. I’m tired of you showing up for random sex whenever you feel like it. I want something real; I want the whole deal. Next time we sleep together, I want you to stay with me afterward?”
“Next time?” She cocked her head as though I was crazy, but I knew we could both feel the burning chemistry between us. It sizzled like eggs in a pan; it was absolutely undeniable. “Who says there’s going to be a next time?”
I laughed loudly. “We both know that there’s going to be a next time!”
“You... You don’t even know me.” I could tell that she was searching for excuses now, but I felt certain that was out of fear rather than anything else. “I’m basically a stranger to you.”
“I know you well enough.” I placed my hand on her hip and gently rubbed my thumb up and down. But in a desperate attempt to keep me away from her, Olivia shook my hand off.
“You’re a f
antastic physical therapist, you’re a wonderful mom who would do anything for her child, and I also know that you’re a perfect match for me...sexually.” There went that blush again. Damn, she was gorgeous when she felt flushed . “I dare you to disagree with me.”
I put my hand back on her waist, and this time, she left it where it was. “Tell me that you don’t feel this chemistry, tell me that it doesn’t intrigue you and that you don’t want to know more about it, let me know that you aren’t interested in seeing where this could lead us… You tell me that, and I’ll back right off.”
“It takes more than just chemistry to make something work.” She pouted out her lips and folded her arms across her chest. “You can’t just tell me that everything will be okay because we have great sex. Life isn’t like that.”
I stepped backward to give her some breathing space, and I spotted a glimpse of regret in her eyes as I did. I smirked – but secretly and to myself. I didn’t want to piss her off while we were having such an intimate, serious conversation. I just knew that wouldn’t go down well.
“I understand that,” I replied gravely. “I know that it takes more to make something work. I’m not denying that at all, I’m simply asking for a chance. Let me take you out on a date. Let me get to know you better. Let us have the wonderful sex without you running away like a scared chicken afterward. Let’s really try and build something here.”
I scanned my eyes over her apartment desperately trying to find something that would help highlight my point. A glint of silver caught my eye, over on the dining room table, so I walked towards it without even really thinking.
“What are you...?” Olivia asked. “Wait, where are you going?”
I picked up what appeared to be a medal and rolled it between my fingers. She used to be a volleyball champion, probably in high school, but it explained the lean, athletic body. For a moment, I imagined her on a volleyball pitch, hitting the ball around with a group of friends, all while laughing and smiling. It was a beautiful image.
