The doorbell caused Eva to jump a little in surprise. She wasn’t expecting anyone and hoped it wasn’t a salesman. In the mood she was in, she was bound to order a new set of encyclopedias. Eva got up and padded to the door. She opened the door to find Dr. Hannah Koch beaming at her. Eva’s therapist was in her late fifties, almost as tall as Eva, and had long silver hair which framed an oval face. Her amber colored eyes were hidden behind clear octagonal framed glasses. Hannah was a psychiatrist helping those who had survived the concentration camps, such as herself, adjust to freedom, and cope with their lives after they were set free. She had gained Eva’s trust despite her hatred and mistrust in doctors. It was with her help that Eva fought the effects of the aversion treatments she had been subjected to.
“Hannah!” Eva exclaimed and hugged her and ushered her into the lounge room, where they took a seat.
“I’m surprised you’re home.”
“You are?”
“Yes. I was going to put this note under your door and hopefully see you afterwards,” Hannah said as she held up the note. “I passed Mrs. Jenkins in the hallway and she told me you were home.”
“Mrs. Jenkins would have made a good Gestapo officer.” Eva chuckled. She smiled at Hannah and stopped for a moment before she got an attack of the giggles.
“You seem to be enjoying that joke, although I don’t think it’s that funny.”
“Guess what happened this morning.”
Hannah pursed her lips for a moment and looked up at the ceiling. “You had some porridge?”
Eva stared at Hannah and involuntarily shuddered. “Oh, god, no. It was much better than that.” She got up from her seat. “Excuse my rudeness; let me get you a cup of tea.”
“That would be lovely,” Hannah replied and followed Eva into the kitchen. “You seem to be in a very good mood.”
Eva put the kettle on the stove and turned to Hannah. “I did it, Hannah, I did it.”
“You did it? What did you do?” Hannah leaned against the kitchen bench top. Eva gazed back at her knowing Hannah was just being her normal self and being patient.
“I made love to Zoe.” Eva said proudly as she rocked back and forth on her heels. A laugh bubbled out and she couldn’t help the euphoric feeling from enveloping her whole body.
Doctor Hannah smiled and opened her arms. Eva embraced the woman and held her for a moment. “So you made love to her and you felt no pain?”
Eva nodded vigorously. “No pain. Nothing.”
“That was a bold move, Evy and I’m proud of you.”
“I tested myself out first by making love to her in my mind that you suggested. I was having a bath and fantasizing about Zoe. I was waiting for the pain to hit but nothing happened.” Eva related as they watched the kettle boil.
“Zoe would have waited for you until you were ready.”
Eva shook her head. “That wasn’t fair on her. It’s been two years since that kiss in Larissa. I think that’s a long time to wait for anyone.”
“Is that why you did it?”
“Partly.” Eva nodded. “I also felt like it was like a millstone around my neck. I just wanted it off,” she quietly explained as she poured the hot water in the teapot.
“Did you enjoy yourself?”
Eva’s answer was a shy smile. She got two teacups and faced Hannah, who was smiling at her. “I’ve never been happier.”
“No pain?”
Eva shook her head. “I was nervous, but when I held Zoe in my arms and made love to her everything just fell into place.”
“Is your back was fine?”
Eva nodded. “Oh, yeah,” Eva responded quickly and tried to hide the smile but decided she didn’t want to. “My back is just great. Everything is great.”
Hannah’s gentle laugh filled the kitchen. “So it seems that making love to Zoe is a good way to relieve your back aches.”
“It relieved a lot more than that,” Eva mumbled under her breath and then giggled. She offered Hannah a cup of tea. They looked at each other and laughed. They took their tea into the lounge room and sat down on the sofa.
“Zoe is young and I’m sure she was a little—“
“Um...” Eva stopped before she took a sip of her tea. She smiled wickedly and shook her head. “No, Zoe is not shy. Trust me she’s not shy at all,” she added as she felt her flush infused her face. Eva cleared her throat.
“I see you have a good memory of the event,” Doctor Hannah teased as she took the cup of tea. “This is a huge step and you’ve worked hard at it. Now we have to move forward—“
“I couldn’t have done it without you but before we move on, can I savor this before we descend into the darkness again?”
Hannah’s eyes gentled as she gazed at Eva. “We will take it slowly. You did the hard work. I just offered you the support. It’s been a long road, but we said ‘slowly slowly.’”
“It was going snail pace slow.”
“I know, but look at what happened in Egypt when you didn’t listen.”
Eva shuddered at the mention of that disastrous evening. “I know I should have listened, but I wanted to make love to Zoe. She had been so patient with me.”
“Zoe was willing to be patient with you. She wanted you to get better, and I think Zoe would be willing to wait for a very long time if it meant you were safe.”
Eva nodded slowly. “I know, but I wasn’t patient.”
“My father was an avid reader, and he often quoted the authors he loved. He had one quote that I used to see hanging on the wall in his practice. It was from Leo Tolstoy. It said ‘The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.’ You needed patience and time to get through this. That was the only way.”
“With your help. I thank God every day that Zoe found you.”
“She told me that story, but I don’t remember those two women as being my patients, which is very surprising. However it came about, what matters the most is that we are sitting here in your home and you are giddy at what you have accomplished.” Hannah tapped Eva’s knee. “You did it.”
“I did.”
“When you are ready to begin the next phase, we will begin. Everything needs to be slowly slowly.”
“I fear what will come next because I know where you are going to take me.”
“Yes but you feared what would happen if you were intimate with Zoe. You worked hard at that and now look at what you’ve accomplished. Everything in its own time.” Hannah patiently explained as she gazed at Eva. “At times I thought you were never going to talk about Aiden, but that too required patience and time.”
“Alright, more work to be done.”
“Are you home today because Zoe has finally convinced you to quit the job?”
“No, I’m not quitting. I've been put on the night shift. Did she tell you that she came to the factory?”
“She did. She was extremely upset by it and wanted me to try and convince you to stop.”
“Is that why you are here? Are you here to convince me to stop?”
“No,” Hannah replied. “I’m not here to convince you to quit. I’m here to offer an alternative, because we both know that the job is not suitable for you, especially with your back. Zoe told me about the heavy lifting.”
“She said she was going to be mentioning it to you.”
“You know she’s worried about you.”
Eva sighed and looked down at her cup. “I know, but it’s the only job I could get.”
“I may have a solution to this problem.”
“Oh?” Eva tilted her head a little and regarded Hannah. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been doing a little research.” Hannah reached down into her handbag and produced a piece of paper. “The Immigration Department posted this for migrants with language skills.”
“Oh.” Eva took the leaflet. “It’s for interpreters.”
“Yes. They are looking for migrants who are fluent in Italian, German, and Greek, but who also have a good grasp of English
. When I saw this, I thought of you.”
“I can speak those languages.”
“I know.” Hannah nodded. “That’s why I thought of you. It won’t be the back breaking work you do now, Zoe will be happy, and more importantly, you will be happy.”
”I like the idea, but I can’t go to the interviews. It’s my first day doing the night shift.”
“What if we go now? The interviews have started today and going on all week, and all you have to lose is a few hours of sleep.”
Eva blinked and then stared at the paper in front of her. “Why not?” She got up to get dressed.
***
A solitary fan whirled around in a futile attempt to cool the room, which was packed with people eager to join the Interpreter Division. Eva watched the fan blades go round and round while she tried to calm the butterflies quivering inside her stomach. She hated interviews. The hard wooden chairs felt as though they had been manufactured for schoolchildren rather than adults.
“These are certainly uncomfortable,” Hannah groused, shifting in her chair. “Does your back hurt? I know mine does. I can’t find a comfortable position.”
“It’s all right,” Eva replied as evenly as possible, not wanting to give too much of her discomfort away.
Hannah kept quiet until Eva shifted again. “It’s times like these you remember far too quickly what happened.”
“I can never forget, even if I wanted to.” Eva whispered. “Even if I try, all I have to do is see myself in the mirror and the reminders are there.”
”Miss Eva Muller?” a middle-aged man asked aloud.
“Yes,” she replied softly. She sighed in relief when she got out of the uncomfortable chair and followed the interviewer into the room.
***
The interviews had gone on for some time. By the time Eva had filled out the myriad forms required, the process had become an exercise in patience, a commodity she was beginning to exhaust. Finally, her labors were over and she sat patiently in the waiting room. There were only a handful of candidates who had fulfilled all the necessary criteria, and they were also waiting. Eva spent her time flicking through a dog-eared copy of Women’s Weekly that was on a table.
“Well, congratulations ladies,” the tall bespectacled middle-aged man announced. “You are all successful candidates. Now everyone has filled out their forms, which is good. From here you will go for a medical examination before you join the Public Service.” He glanced down at his clipboard and looked back up, light flashing on the lenses of his spectacles. “After that, you will be told where you will be assigned.”
Eva glanced at Hannah, who shrugged. Everyone trooped out of the office and headed across the road to another building, where they were treated to more waiting on more uncomfortable chairs. Eventually, Eva completed her physicals, and they left the Interpreter Division.
“How did it go?” Hannah asked while they crossed the road to catch the bus back to the apartment.
“It went well. The doctor asked me a few questions about my back. He prodded it a bit. He said my duties didn’t involve lifting or anything that would aggravate my back problem, so he didn’t see it as a cause for rejecting my application.”
“That’s good — isn’t it?” Hannah asked.
“Oh, that’s very good! I don’t mind not lifting heavy boxes or working night shifts,” Eva replied with a chuckle. “Zoe is going to be overjoyed that I’m quitting the factory.”
They hurried towards the bus and quickly arrived back at Eva’s apartment.
Eva held the door open as Hannah preceded her inside. She put her bag down before turning to Hannah, who had gone into the kitchen and got a glass of water.
Hannah pulled a bottle of aspirin from her handbag, opened it, and shook out two pills into her palm. “Now I want you to take these,” she said. “Those hard chairs gave me a backache, so I can’t imagine what you’re feeling like.”
“No. I don’t want them.”
Hannah starred at Eva for a long moment. “Eva, taking aspirin for your back pain is not—“
“No, I don’t want to take any drugs. I’m going to be fine once I lay down and let it pass.”
“I’m returning you to Zoe with a backache; she might be a little miffed that I didn’t take care of you.”
“My back problem is a constant worry to Zoe and she will understand why I didn’t take the drugs.”
Hannah didn’t take the matter further and chose to drop the subject. “Did they tell you where you’ll be working?”
“George Street Immigration Center. They have enough Greek translators, but they don’t have many for Italian and German.”
“Excellent!
They sat down on the sofa, and Hannah looked at Eva for a moment. “How old were you when your mother passed away?”
Eva looked down and fidgeted with the now empty glass. “You’re going to ruin my good day.”
“We don’t have to discuss it, if you don’t want but the last time we talked I got the sense you wanted to talk about her.”
“I miss her so much. She died three months before my nineteenth birthday. The 9th of November, 1938,” she said quietly. Her mother’s death had signaled the start of the darkest period in her life, one she had never believed she would survive. “I came home to find that she had been killed by the Brownshirts because they thought she was Jewish.”
“I wasn’t caught up in that frightful night. I was away, but the stories were horrible.” Hannah touched Eva’s wrist.
Eva grimaced and kept her head down, staring at the glass. “I participated in it,” she mumbled. She was quite sure the revelation would sicken Hannah, who would not be so quick to like her anymore. She was still disgusted with herself for taking part in Germany’s night of shame and the start of a nightmare for many European Jews.
“You still hate yourself.” Hannah took Eva’s hands and held them tight in her grasp. “How did you participate?” she asked. “What did you do?”
Eva avoided Hannah’s gaze. “I went with my friends and we burned down a synagogue,” she whispered.
“You didn’t...?” Hannah left the question hanging.
Eva glanced up, unshed tears burning her eyes. “I did nothing to save the rabbi or the synagogue.”
“We all do things that in hindsight would seem to be extremely wrong, but you have to think of what you were like when you were eighteen, and not look at the past through the eyes of a twenty-six-year-old. The woman I see before me is gentle, kind, and loving. I don’t think that eighteen-year-old Eva would have been any different. But she was doing what her peers wanted her to do.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“No, it doesn’t make it right, but at the time it was. Why didn’t you participate?”
Eva took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She reached out for the cigarettes that were lying on the coffee table beside her. Hannah waited for Eva to light her cigarette.
“Greta asked me to.”
“Greta was your first lover?”
“Yes.” Eva nodded as she took a drag of her cigarette. “It was also the night Greta told me she was getting married.”
“That must have hurt.”
Eva gazed down at the floor. “I felt betrayed.”
“You felt betrayed because she was leaving you to marry a man. I think most people would feel betrayed by that. You chose to go out and be with her. Was Greta older than you?”
“Yes. She was five years older than me, and a fervent Nazi.”
”So that’s why you were out that night. Not because you wanted to inflict pain, but because your lover told you to. She was leaving and you wanted to see her for the last time,” Hannah reasoned.
“If I had not gone to meet up with Greta, my mother would still be alive,” Eva said quietly, staring at the flokati rug under her feet.
“Eva, look at me for a moment.” Hannah lifted Eva’s chin, and brushed the wetness from her cheeks. “If you had been in the house, you would ha
ve lost your life too. I don’t think your being at home would have stopped whoever killed your mother.”
“I’m sorry,” Eva said. She took out a handkerchief, wiped her eyes, and blew her nose. “I haven’t talked about my mother in a long time.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Hannah replied. She put her arm around Eva. “You’re not responsible for your mother’s death.”
“My stepfather thought so,” Eva whispered.
“That man was a heartless brute.”
“I used to think he beat me because he was terrified of losing me, but it wasn’t that,” Eva said. “He didn’t care that I was out that night, but he found out that same night that I was a lesbian. It didn’t sit well with him that a German officer would have a deviant for a daughter. Some things were unforgivable in his eyes.”
“There are things in this world that are unforgivable, but being a lesbian is not one of them.”
“He thought so.”
“It doesn’t make it right. What he and your uncle did to you was unforgivable—no one should be tortured for something they can’t control. Did you choose to be a lesbian?”
“No.”
”You don’t have any control, and I know how much you love to be in control, whether you are lesbian or you have blue eyes or your height. Eva, you are not a deviant.”
Eva smiled grimly and wiped away an errant tear. “Not many people think like you do.”
“Yes, you are right. People think homosexuals have an illness, we both know that, but you love Zoe and you travelled to the other side of the world to make her happy. You provide for her. You were even willing to work in a factory to support her. There is absolutely nothing wrong in that. Nor do I think you have an illness.”
Eva smiled. “Zoe was my saving grace. She saved my life.”
“Zoe said the same thing when she came to see me. She begged me to help you and added that you saved her life.” Hannah gently brushed her fingertips through Eva’s bangs. “You two make quite a team.”
“We are.”
“It’s not often I have a couple who have no secrets, but you two share everything.”
Where Shadows Linger (Intertwined Souls Series Book 2) Page 11
