by Umm Zakiyyah
No, Tamika considered. Perhaps she could not be like Dee.
Chapter Nine
Tamika spent the remainder of the week trying to write the song that she and Dee would sing at the formal, putting her religious struggles in the back of her mind for the time being. It was refreshing to focus on something else, as it brought her peace. She was now able to function in her classes without her mind drifting to the state of her soul. Every moment that she was not studying was now spent thinking of lyrics for the duet.
It was difficult to decide what to sing about. There were so many possibilities. She did not want the typical love song. She liked originality. That a major producer would be there to hear the song made Tamika all the more nervous and determined to be unique. But she could not deny her excitement about the opportunity. She could possibly be taking the first step toward a dream she had wanted to realize since she was a child.
Inside, Tamika burned with a desire to prove everyone wrong, especially her mother and other family. She wanted to show them, yes, she could make it big without being exploited, as her mother assumed every female singer was.
If it were not for her religion presentation and paper assignment, Tamika could have put the topic of religion out of her mind completely. Although much of her research was complete since she had read several books and taken ample notes, there was still the visit to the Muslim place of worship she had to report on. This was a major part of her assignment. But she did not have to think much about that either. She had already arranged the visit that week with Dee, who had told Tamika that she could take her to the Muslim mosque on Friday to witness the gathering called Jumuah. Dee had explained that it was similar to the Christian’s weekly sermon on Sunday in that the gathering was obligatory upon the Muslims (at least the men) to attend. Tamika was grateful for the kind gesture. It alleviated a lot of stress.
Tamika now felt extremely comfortable with Dee. They had grown closer since she agreed to write the songs for the formal. Dee often practiced the songs with Tamika, and while practicing, Dee would ask Tamika if she was singing them properly. Dee also would go to a studio to rehearse Tamika’s songs in order to have another person hear them and comment, a person who Dee said loved the songs very much. Often while rehearsing, Dee and Tamika would talk about other things, such as life, how it would be as a professional singer, and what their families would think after they made it. Of course, the latter was something Dee was less inclined to discuss than Tamika, but Dee began to open up somewhat as she felt more comfortable with Tamika. The two began to spend much of their free time together, if not laughing and talking, just studying in silence and enjoying each other’s company.
Thursday night after Tamika finished studying, she sat on the couch writing more lyrics to the duet when Dee had come in. Dee’s face was apologetic, and she appeared to be in a hurry. She immediately walked over to Tamika, whose face expressed puzzlement.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine, but,” Dee replied, sighing. She sucked her teeth. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take you tomorrow.”
Tamika’s heart sank. She needed to go to the mosque. The visit was the last major part of her paper that she had to do. And she needed to do it right away, because the due date was not too far away. March was less than a week away, and most students were almost finished with theirs. Many of them did not even have to do their presentation until late April, whereas Tamika was one of the first students to present during the month.
“You’re joking,” Tamika hoped, staring at Dee.
“I’m sorry,” Dee apologized again, “but when I told you I’d take you I completely forgot about my lab practical tomorrow afternoon, and it won’t end until like five o’clock.”
“Five o’clock?” Tamika repeated in disappointment. “When do they finish at the mosque?”
“Two thirty at the latest.”
She frowned, trying to figure out what to do.
“Is next week too late?”
“Um,” she considered it. “Not really,” she said slowly, thinking at the same time, “but I wanted to be working on my paper by then. ‘Cause if I keep procrastinating, then —”
“Don’t worry, then,” Dee told her, waving her hand. “I asked Aminah if she could take you if you needed to go tomorrow.”
Inside, Tamika groaned. She did not want to ride with Aminah.
“She goes home every weekend, and there’s a mosque not too far from where she lives.”
“But how will I get home?” Tamika wondered. “She usually doesn’t come back until Sunday.”
“I can pick you up after the practical,” Dee offered.
“Then you won’t be there before six,” Tamika concluded, displeased.
“I know,” Dee apologized. “But Aminah says you can wait at her house.”
“At her house?” Tamika did not like the idea.
“Don’t worry, her family’s really nice.”
That was beside the point. She sighed, shrugging. “Whatever.”
“My family may be there too,” Dee told her. “They’re always at Aminah’s.”
What did Tamika care? She didn’t know Dee’s family either. “Okay,” she agreed with a sigh. “That’s fine.”
“It won’t be that bad,” Dee assured her. “You can even ask them a lot of questions for your paper if you want.” She added, smiling, “They love talking about Islam.”
“I’ll just see how it goes.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized again.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal,” Tamika comforted but unconvinced of her own words.
“Thanks.”
“No,” she disagreed politely, “thank you for arranging this for me. And you can tell Aminah to just let me know when I need to be ready.”
“Okay. But if you get to talk to her first, tell her, because I’m about to go study again.”
“No problem.”
“Thanks.” A moment later, Dee was out the door, hurrying down the hall to study for her practical. The apartment grew silent, and Tamika found herself dreading tomorrow. Her mind drifted to what she would do during the long ride with Aminah. What would they talk about? Would they sit there quietly the entire time, occasionally discussing the weather? Perhaps she should think of some more questions for her paper to pass time, especially if she was going to be stuck at Aminah’s house.
How did she get herself into such a predicament?
Friday morning Tamika went to her classes as usual, planning to meet Aminah at noon in the apartment, as they had agreed to do the night before. Between classes Tamika strolled through the campus, a contrast to her normal brisk walk. She wanted to take her time and enjoy the warm weather that had suddenly appeared. Just a few days before, it had been chilly outside. Georgia weather was strange like that, cold one day, hot another, but never too cold, even during the winter, unlike Wisconsin, whose frostbite winters lasted for several months into the new year.
The brightness of the sun pleased Tamika, and she smiled, its rays warming her neck and arms, over which her jacket lay after she had taken it off. Maybe today would not be so bad after all, Tamika pondered, as she was customarily in good spirits if the weather was nice. Even if she and Aminah found nothing to discuss, Tamika was certain that she would be content with merely staring out the window at the passing trees and grass.
After her classes were finished, which was just before noon (she had no lab that day, which usually extended well into the evening most times), she walked quickly across the campus. She was now unable to enjoy the weather, hoping that she would not make Aminah late. Tamika hated when she was doing someone a favor and the person disrupted her schedule in the process. It was one of her pet peeves. She had always felt that the person for whom the favor was being done had the responsibility to ascertain that she caused the other person no difficulties, even if she herself had to change her plans to meet the person’s needs.
She glanced at her wristwatch.
It was a minute after twelve. She walked faster, hoping, praying that Aminah was not agitated. When she finally reached their building, it was seven minutes after twelve. Hurrying, she unlocked a side door with her key and skipped the steps two at a time. She walked swiftly down the hall until she reached her room door. Sighing with relief, she unlocked it and opened it, trying to catch her breath at the same time.
Stunned, Tamika stood at the door of the apartment staring in disbelief.
“How are you?” he asked, smiling politely then looking to the ground, kicking nervously at the floor.
Tamika forced a smile to Sulayman as her heart sank. “Fine,” she mumbled, glancing away. What? He was coming too? Dee had not told her that! If she had known Aminah’s brother was coming, she would have waited until next week. And it would have been worth it.
“You ready?” Aminah inquired, suddenly appearing in the living room, dressed and ready to go, a bag over her shoulder, its straps pulling at her khimaar awkwardly.
“Yeah,” Tamika replied good-naturedly, concealing her true feelings. “I have everything,” she told her, patting her shoulder bag.
“Okay then,” Aminah said finally, looking at her brother. “You ready?”
He nodded, eyes on the floor in front of him. “Let’s go.”
Embarrassed, Tamika slowly followed the siblings out of the apartment. In the hall, she glanced cautiously about her, hoping no one would see her with them. She could only pray that she would not run into Makisha, who would never let her hear the end of it. Only God knew what Makisha would assume happened to her best friend. Makisha would probably think Tamika befriended Aminah and Sulayman, especially since she had been asking a lot of questions about Christianity. Makisha had already begun to talk to Tamika less since it had recently become the norm for Tamika and Dee to be together on campus. Makisha apparently thought Tamika’s friendship with Dee was somehow mutually exclusive with the one Tamika shared with her. This, Tamika did not entirely mind, because, deep inside, she enjoyed Makisha’s displeasure. It meant that her and Dee’s friendship was becoming known among the student body, which meant Tamika’s popularity was on the rise. However, being seen with Aminah and Sulayman would not only fail to contribute to her image, but it would take away from it, especially if Makisha had anything to do with it. Makisha would most certainly seize the opportunity to prove that Tamika was losing her mind.
Recently, although she spoke to Tamika less, Makisha had begun to telephone the apartment to see how Tamika was doing, asking her about her health and if she had gone to church lately. Tamika felt awkward, aware that Makisha felt obligated, now viewing Tamika as going astray. Makisha’s uncle had even called that week, asking Tamika how everything was and if she still had questions. She had brushed him off, assuring him that she was fine and that everything was now clear. Although Makisha’s uncle believed it, Makisha was not convinced. Her conversations with Tamika were more subtle warnings about the state of her soul than they were friendly exchanges. At times, Tamika wanted to turn the tables, warning Makisha about her soul, telling her that she was committing a sin by worshipping a man, but Tamika was not strong enough yet. She had not yet even become a Muslim. But she planned to. When? That was another story entirely.
“I’ll sit in the back,” Aminah told Sulayman after he unlocked the doors.
“No, it’s okay,” Tamika told her roommate, feeling awkward, knowing that Aminah was only offering to sit in the back to keep her company. “Go ahead and sit in the front. I’m fine.”
“I don’t mind.”
“It’s okay, truly,” she told her sincerely, not particularly excited about sitting next to Aminah in a car for forty minutes. “I like sitting in the back by myself.” At least, today she did.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“But thanks.”
After everyone climbed in the car and situated themselves with their seatbelts, Sulayman started the engine and pulled out of the school’s parking lot. Tamika stared out the side window from her seat, which was behind where Aminah sat on the passenger’s side. Staring out the window, Tamika was relieved that, with every hundred feet that were driven, they did not pass anyone she knew.
As Sulayman drove, making his way down the campus streets, Tamika’s eyes fell upon the campus buildings, now seemingly foreign structures erected for the elite. She did not belong here, she felt suddenly. The school buildings stood in their architectural perfection and carried an air of sophistication. The students who went in and out of them were the intelligent members of society, the future leaders. They belonged. They wanted to be there, and they had a purpose. What was Tamika’s? To please her mother? To get it over with? She doubted she would last very long. She was determined nonetheless, at least for the moment.
The first ten minutes of the drive were silent. Everyone was immersed in private thoughts. Aminah was the one who broke the silence. Turning slightly in her seat so that Tamika could hear her properly, she explained, “When we get there, the women will all be covered. And if you want,” she offered, “I can give you a scarf to wear on your head.”
“Do I have to wear it?” Tamika asked. She was already dressed in a long dress, which she had chosen specifically for the occasion because she knew Muslims had to cover modestly. She was not particularly thrilled with the idea of putting something on her head.
“No,” Aminah replied slowly, letting Tamika know that she probably should wear it, “but all the women will have it on, and you’ll, uh, kind of stand out if you don’t have one on.”
Tamika shrugged. Why not? she considered, entertaining the possibility that it could add to the experience, giving her something unique about which she could write in her term paper. “Okay, that’s fine.”
“It’ll start off with a two-part sermon,” Aminah explained, “and this will probably last no more than forty five minutes or so, and then everyone will pray.”
Tamika listened.
“You may want to just sit in the lobby near the door where you can see everything, unless you want to sit in the back.”
“Whatever’s best.” She did not care one way or the other.
“It’s up to you.”
“I guess I’ll just sit in the lobby.” She figured that would give her the most comfort, seeing as though she would be a stranger and not know the proper etiquette for the mosque, and she did not want to disrupt anything.
“I’ll show you where you can sit,” Aminah offered, “and afterwards, if you have any questions, feel free to ask anything.”
They were silent for a few minutes.
“Oh yeah,” Aminah remembered. “Are you still coming to my house afterwards?”
“I think so,” Tamika replied, inside groaning at the reminder. “That’s what Dee told me. Is that okay?” she asked, hoping she sounded as if she wanted to go.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure.”
“Oh, okay.”
The remainder of the drive was silent, strained, at least for Tamika, who was counting the minutes until they would arrive at the mosque. At least then she would have a moment to breathe, as she would be alone, at least for about an hour. She hated the feeling of suffocation she felt during the drive, trapped in the back seat of a vehicle in which Sulayman Ali was the driver and his sister next to him. It was almost humorous that Tamika was actually sitting there, but her disappointment and discomfort prevented her from laughing. She would have never imagined that there would ever come a day like this, when she was voluntarily in the same room, let alone car, with Sulayman. Her dislike for him had often been expressed to Makisha and others, including family members. It was not uncommon for Tamika to discuss with them the bold articles he would write that reeked of arrogance and self-righteousness. Presently, she wanted to get the day over with, all of it, hoping that it would pass more quickly than the car ride. The only thing that calmed her was the mental reminder that she was enduring this only for the sake
of her grade.
After what seemed like hours, they pulled into a large parking lot, which was filled with many cars. Other vehicles were pulling in and parking when they arrived. Women dressed similar to how Aminah dressed (some wearing face veils) and men dressed in Arab garb emerged from the cars. People of different races and ethnicities eagerly greeted each other, some shaking hands, others hugging.
Tamika felt as if she were in another country. She had never realized that such communities existed in America. She had heard of Muslims and had seen them on occasion, even in Milwaukee, but she never thought much about them, because they were not a significant part of her life. Her knowledge of them was limited to what her family shared, which was mostly stereotypes and mention of them going to Hell. But now she was actually in their midst, present at their most important gathering of the week. She had not even known they had any weekly sermons, her ignorance now rearing its ugly head. Before conducting the interview with Aminah, she did not even know what they believed really, aside from that they did not worship Christ.
She felt weird as she got out of the car, as if she did not belong, suddenly becoming aware of her appearance. Before leaving, she thought nothing of her short sleeves, but she now felt as if she were naked, her bare arms out in the open, exposed, a cruel announcement to all around her of her lacking belief, of her ignorance. She kept rubbing her arms, their bareness now disturbing her. She wished she had thought to at least wear a jacket.
“You want an abayah?”
“A what?” Tamika asked, unaware of what Aminah was talking about.
“An abayah,” Aminah repeated, tugging on her large dress.
“Uh,” Tamika considered it, realizing that her discomfort, if not improper dress, must have been obvious.
“Here,” Aminah offered, not waiting for a reply, opening the trunk with a key from her chain. Luckily, Sulayman left, waving to them and mumbling something to Aminah as he made his way to the building.
