by Bo Reid
I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, that feeling of being watched. When I turn my head and look down the hallway, I spy the faintest glimpse of dark brown hair, before she disappears back into her room. Closing the door once more, shutting me out.
Chapter 32: Palm Tree
Kasen
Hartley has been off for five straight days. Before the doctor left, she told me that Hartley would be okay, she just needed to rest. Hartley asked for her breast pump and has been holed up in her room for almost a week, not even emerging to nurse Brooks. She just pumps milk and I get it. I don’t mind taking care of the little guy, not even a little bit, but dude misses his mom.
And so, do I.
I’m in the kitchen making coffee on the sixth day of Hartley’s hibernation when she finally emerges from her bedroom.
“Morning My Hart, feeling better?” I ask her, and she just shrugs.
“I guess so.”
I grab another coffee mug and go to pour her a cup,
“I’m good Kase,” she says, and I look at her in shock, no coffee?
“I would like to take a little trip, an overnighter. Just one night. Sol can watch Brooks; I want to show you something. It’s a bit of a drive, we’d have to leave early in the morning, and we wouldn’t get there till dark. But it would be fun. We could take the van,” she says while slathering cream cheese on a bagel.
“Uh okay, that sounds good. When do you want to leave?” I ask.
“Tomorrow morning, early. We can pack today and Sol can stay the night here, so we can leave early. There’s plenty of pumped milk in the freezer for Brooks.”
“Are you sure you’re up for a trip like that so soon? You’ve been hibernating for almost a week, and before that, we were gone on a week-long hike.”
I watch as she takes a bite of her bagel, makes a face at it like it personally wronged her and sets it back on the counter.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Plus, I already asked Sol, he’ll be over tonight for dinner. Will you watch Brooks? I’m going to go make sure the van is set up. It should have everything already; we should be able to just pack our food and personal items.”
I agree to watch Brooks, and text Sol asking him if he thinks going on this trip is a good idea. He apparently thinks it’s a great idea, and he’s happy to come over and hang out with Brooks. Something doesn’t feel right about any of this, but I’m not sure what it is. It’s just one of those off feelings.
I take Brooks out to the barn where Hartley is getting the van dialed in. I’ve seen it in here before but didn’t realize it’s like a mini house on wheels. There is a small kitchen area with a sink and storage for pots and pans, a small double burner stove, and a pull-out camp stove in the back for outdoor grilling. There’s even a pull-out awning on the side.
It has a bed in the back, curtains, lots of storage, even vinyl floors that look like hardwood. The bed can transform into a couch with a table in the middle for eating, and a hose and water tank for an outdoor shower.
“Did you do all this?” I ask Hartley, and she startles, not realizing I was here.
“Yeah, I started it in high school. And I took it across the country after graduation,” she says.
“I didn’t have all this stuff when I first started, it was pretty bare bones when I left here on my first trip. But I learned a lot on the move and kept stopping and adjusting, adding additions. I would stop at hardware stores, or home goods places. I brought my tools with me, and by the end of my trip, this is what I came home with. Dad and Sol were shocked to see all the changes I made while on the road.” She stops to look at the van, almost like she’s replaying a memory.
“I think that’s the proudest my dad ever was of me. He was always proud of us, but I think he really was proud of who I was becoming at that moment. He didn’t care much for GPA, college placements, or country club bullshit. But you should have seen him telling all his stuffy old school friends-who still think the only place for a woman is in the kitchen-about his teenage daughter that went on a six-month trip across the country. Lived in a van, alone. Hiking, and backpacking, and jumping off waterfalls. About how I used tools to build the interior of the van, all by myself. The looks he got were priceless,” she laughs to herself.
“I think every time he told someone something, he would add in more details, ‘did you know she ate at truck stops?’ The horror on their uptight faces, pretty sure dad lived for those moments.”
She looks so happy thinking of her dad and her trip. I put my arm around her, and she leans into my side. God how I have missed holding her.
“Where did you go on your trip?” I ask her, wanting to hear more things that make her smile like that.
“I drove down the coast and into Nevada, Utah, New Mexico, Colorado, Arizona. I spent a week hiking The Grand Canyon, Arches Park, Bryce Canyon, Zyon, Needles. Over to Texas for a bit. I was in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. I got to go on a fishing boat in Maine and catch lobster. I was sort of all over the place. I tried to do as much as I could in the time I had. If I found a place I really loved I would stay a little longer, sometimes I was able to pick up a job in a restaurant, or on a fishing boat. I even did tours at some of the national parks so I could justify staying longer.”
“You worked on your trip?” I ask. I guess I assumed she would have had money to pay for the expenses. She laughs a little.
“Yeah, not because I had to. I mean, dad made sure I had way more money than I actually needed before I left, didn’t want me to break down somewhere and not be able to afford repairs on the van or something. But I wanted to work. I wanted to try to pay for most of my own way, and I did. If I hadn’t done so many upgrades to the van, I would have paid for that trip one hundred percent on my own,” she says, and I kiss the top of her head.
“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” I tell her, and I mean that.
Later that night after dinner Sol, Hartley, and Brooks hole up in her home office for an hour, while I go to the barn to work out. Hartley makes sure Sol has plenty of frozen milk for Brooks and packs her extra breast pump in the van, along with our clothes and food. We’re only going to be gone for about 24-hours, a short trip. Hartley hasn’t told me where we’re going or why.
I get to spend the night holding My Hart in my arms again. I’ve missed being this close to her for the last few days. I never want to be apart from her like that again. Her being so close, yet not being able to have her was torture. Not something I ever want to have to repeat.
Chapter 33: Green Roses
Hartley
“You want to explain what the fuck is really going on with you?” Sol starts in as soon as the doors to my office close.
“I don’t mind you taking time off, especially if you’re sick. But not once since we started Wild Hart have you taken more than two days off in a row, and you would still be working at home going over emails and shit. You don’t text me back, you don’t answer calls. I have Kasen updating me that you haven’t left your fucking room”
“SOL!” I yell a little louder than I should, startling Brooks.
“Sol just stop. I’m sorry okay? It’s just…” I pause and take a deep breath
“I’m pregnant, okay. And that was a fucking bomb after coming back from the hike. I didn’t know how to deal, so I didn’t. Instead, I just hid out okay?” Sol finally takes a seat.
“Have you told Kasen?” he asks quietly, and I just shake my head.
“That’s why you’re going on this trip,” he states, he doesn’t have to ask.
“You know he isn’t going to leave when you tell him, right? You get that this is it for him? You’re everything to him, Hart. Every-fucking-thing.” I bite my lip to hold back the stream of tears threatening to break through.
“You don’t know that he won’t leave Sol. This is so sudden; I couldn’t even blame him if he didn’t want this.” Sol shakes his head.
“Damn it, Hartley Rae, you are so fucking stubborn. You never want to ask for help. You never wan
t to need anything. You never want someone to think they’re tied to you for any reason. I don’t know why you’re like this, but it's fucking bullshit and I’m done.”
“What do you mean done? You can’t be done being my brother,” I say.
“No Hart, I mean I’m done with your attitude about people. Yes, we have money, big whoop. Yes, we’re successful business owners, again big whoop. But you know what else we are?” I just stare at him.
“We’re kind people. You have the biggest heart, you always take care of people, and never expect or want anything in return. You gave Ace a job when no one else would. You gave Brantley a Jeep and paid his moms utilities. You testified to the parole board for Kasen and gave him a job and a place to live. Money doesn’t make you anything except more of what you already are, and you Hartley Rae are good. Through and through. And people love you. Kasen loves you.”
Chapter 34: White Roses
Kasen
When the alarm goes off at three thirty in the morning we get up. I make the coffee which again Hartley doesn’t want. We load into the van at four on the dot, and Hartley and I gave a sleeping Brooks kisses. I drive first with Hartley punching an address into the built-in GPS system that looks like the middle of nowhere and we take off.
When we switch, we’re about halfway through the sixteen-hour drive. Hartley says the drive is well worth the destination. But when we finally park it’s already dark and I can’t really see much of anything. There is a drop off just beyond where we parked and I can hear water running below us, but can’t see anything.
Hartley makes us dinner in the van, and we sit at the table and eat together. I keep my eye on Hartley, the way she doesn’t put avocado on her burger. Or garlic over her baked fries.
We drove in silence most of the way here just holding hands. It wasn’t that comfortable silence we have always had. It feels like there is a weight hanging in the air. Or a heavy fog, something ominous. There was no joking while making dinner, Hartley didn’t steal any of my food. In fact, she hardly touched her dinner. Everything just feels wrong.
This whole trip feels wrong, like my Hartley isn’t even here with me. It’s like we came back from our hike and she hasn’t been herself since. I just can't figure out why, and I don’t know how to help her.
I clean up our dinner dishes while Hartley turns the table into a bed. I watch as she pulls the pillows and blankets from the cabinet and makes the bed just as I hear rain start to fall outside. Hartley turns on the radio, and Rainin’ You by Brad Paisley plays softly through the speakers in the van.
I turn down the lights and walk up behind Hartley. I’m much too tall for standing in here, but that just gives me an excuse to duck my head low. Wrapping my arms around Hartley, I gently pull her close to my chest.
I rest my chin on her shoulder, and she leans back into me. This is the closest we’ve been for a week. I hold her close as we sway back and forth to the slow tune. Hartley rests her hands on mine and tilts her head to the side as I place soft kisses along her neck.
She turns in my arms and places a soft kiss on my lips. She takes a step back towards the bed and pulls me along with her. I lay her down and settle my weight between her thighs, kissing her neck, and along her collar bones. She runs her hands down my chest and pulls the hem of my shirt up. I reach for her shirt, and she sits up slightly so I can pull it over her head, discarding it on the floor.
She lays back down and I kiss her, sweeping my tongue over her mouth as she parts her lips for me. I run a hand down her body, grabbing her hips gently and pushing against her core. I can feel her heat even through the layers separating us. She reaches between us and runs her hand down the length of my cock, and I bite back a moan.
Running my fingers along the top of her sweatpants, she bucks her hips up. I pull her pants off and lose mine before settling back between her legs. I start to kiss down her body, but she stops me.
“I just want you right now Kasen,” she says grabbing my hard cock and placing me at her entrance. I cup her face with my hands and study her for a moment.
“Hart are you okay? Are we okay?” I ask her.
“Yes. I just need you, Kasen, please,” she says and raises her hips, taking in just the tip of my cock.
I lean down and kiss her as I slowly sink into her. That’s how we spend the next hour, slowly kissing, and running our hands over each other’s bodies while I gently make love to her. That’s what it feels like, love between us.
This isn’t sex, this isn’t fucking, this is what making love is. I never thought it would feel different, but there is no doubt what’s between us.
When we finally stop, I hold My Hart in my arms. We fall asleep like that, naked with her close to me. I hope I never have to let her go; this is all I want.
Hartley.
Brooks.
Us. Together. A family.
Chapter 35: Lily
Kasen
When I wake up the back doors of the van are open and the sun is rising, painting the canyon with shades of red, orange, and yellow. Hartley is laying on her stomach, leaning on her elbows at the foot of the bed watching the sunrise.
She’s wearing my t-shirt and nothing else. I reach out and run my hand up her calf, resting on the back of her thigh just under her perfect ass.
She turns her head slightly and I smile at her, she doesn’t say anything, just looks back at the view. Sitting up I take a good look at where we are.
We’re parked on top of a lookout with a large body of water below us, the cliffs around us are rocky, and covered in green grass. There’s a waterfall feeding into the stream below us on the other side of the canyon. The way the wind blows, I can smell the mix of fresh air, water, and green grass.
“This is beautiful My Hart,” I tell her and lean down to kiss her shoulder.
Still, she doesn’t say anything, just stares out at the view for several long moments.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispers so low I almost miss the words. Sliding out of the back of the van I stand in front of her, so she has to look at me.
“Come again?” I ask. She pulls herself up to sit cross legged on the bed so we’re almost eye to eye.
“I’m pregnant,” she says again, and I just stare at her trying to wrap my head around what she’s telling me.
Pregnant. Pregnant with my child.
A baby. We’re going to have a baby.
“How long?” I ask her, and she shrugs.
“I don’t know for sure; it could have been any time since the Gala, but if I had to guess I’d say at between six and eight weeks.”
“You weren’t sick,” I say, and it comes out a little harsher than I intend it to.
It’s not a question, she wasn’t sick. She’s been pregnant and that was morning sickness. She has known for at least a week. It all makes sense.
No coffee. Sore breasts. Moody as fuck. Not eating her favorite foods like avocados or garlic. She shakes her head no.
“You have known for a week and you’re just now telling me?” I ask her, and she looks down.
I turn around and walk to the edge of the cliff looking out at the view, at this place that is so clearly special to her. Why did she bring me here to tell me this? I turn back to look at her and she is watching me.
“Why are we here Hartley?” I ask as my mind starts to slowly piece everything together.
“Why did we take this trip, and last night. That feels an awful lot like a goodbye fuck,” I spit, more venom and ice coating my words then I should allow.
At the time it felt like love, and now it feels almost tainted.
“Because if you’re going to leave, I wanted one more good night with you, regardless of how selfish that is,” she says and when she looks up, she isn’t looking at me. She’s looking through me, towards the view, with unshed tears in her eyes that she stubbornly refuses to let fall. Still refusing to need me.
Leave? Why the fuck would I leave?
I march over to her and gently but fi
rmly cup her face and force her to look at me.
“Why the fuck would I leave if you’re having my child?” I ask. I need to know if she’s saying this cause it’s what she wants.
“We haven’t been together for very long, we never talked about something like this. I don’t know if you would even want kids. This is moving up a timeline that I’m not even sure we had. I won’t get rid of the baby Kasen. I won’t choose, but I also won’t hold this over your head. I didn’t do this on purpose, my birth control failed. It happens. But I won’t make you stay. You’re welcome to leave if that’s what you want, I’ll be fine on my own,” she says and I shake my head, wanting to shake some sense into her own head.
How can she think I’d ever leave?
“I’m not leaving,” I tell her. She opens her mouth to argue, or to keep telling me I’m not trapped. I know that.
“No, My Hart stop. I’m not leaving. No, we didn’t talk about this, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t what I want. I want you, and Brooks, and a family. With you. I never want to be without you. This last week when you were fucking hiding out because you were worried I’d leave. Worried about something that wasn’t even an issue. It was the worst week of my fucking life Hart. Worst. Fucking. Week. And I went through a trial where I was convicted for a murder I didn’t commit, but you being away from me? That was fucking worse. You and Brooks, and this new baby,” I say and rest one hand on her flat belly.
“This is my whole world, and I’d be lost without it. Please don’t make me leave,” I say, resting my forehead against hers, pleading with my eyes. I don’t want to leave.
“Please My Hart, don’t push me away. This is more than I ever dreamed possible in my life. And it’s what I want more than anything.” She kisses me.
