by Ker Dukey
I hadn’t really ever considered how attractive Buzz was, although I feared his soul was far more hideous than his looks. From what I’d heard my father say about Buzz and Tats, I know they’d had a difficult childhood. Bullseye had taken them both on as though they were his own, but the bitterness that lives in this world had entered their bloodstream and soured their souls. However, I had a feeling it was more than the weight of life that had broken both the brothers in a horrible way.
Finally, he moves back, and I release a long, relieved breath. Slumping down beside me, he rests his face in his hands and sobs. The sound of his distraught weeping has me slipping an arm around his shoulder to comfort him. If I’m honest, it’s a little surreal. He’s brought me here to use me as goods for an exchange, yet I can’t help but feel for him. I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel if someone had killed my brothers, even as much of an ass Brenner is, he is still my brother.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper when he buries his face in the crook of my neck and allows the misery liberty. It takes a lot for a man, especially a biker, to be so open with his emotions, and although I sense this is a little of the drugs he’s taken that is allowing their bid for freedom, I know he needs to do this to undertake the sequence grief dictates.
I’m not even sure he knows exactly who he’s using as a crutch right now, if my comfort helps him, then I’ll give him as much as he needs. Buzz wouldn’t ever do this if he was in his right mind. Granted, both brothers were a little ominous, and although I was wary around them, I wasn’t ever frightened in their presence, just fearful of what they were capable of from the stories I’d heard whispered amongst the brothers and club women.
“Your brother has started a war he can’t win.” His voice is cold, a viciousness in the tone that is a vast contrast to the gentle way he is leaning on me for support.
My body stiffens when I grasp the underlying warning, and, just in case I didn’t catch his threat, he spells it out for me.
“I will kill him, Rhi.” The way he shortens my name makes me want to laugh and strike out at him at the same time. In one breath he vows he’s going to kill my brother, but the way he tells me that is as though we’re BFFs.
“You know I can’t let you do that, Buzz.”
Evidently expecting that promise from me, he chuckles and nods. “And you think your brother will have the same conviction with you?”
He moves out of my comforting embrace and stares at me with a questioning look, his brows elevated and a smug smirk on his face. “If Brenner loved you, he would have already offered himself up for you.”
Shock renders me stupid, and I frown.
He laughs louder. “Oh yeah, your wonderful brother, the brother who testifies to love you so much already knows I have you.” He spreads an arm out, gesturing to the empty room. “You see him? Huh, do you?”
“I don’t understand.”
For a split-second Buzz’s expression changes from smugness to sadness, although whether that sorrow is for me or something else, I’m not entirely sure.
“I sent him a text a few hours ago. I know it’s been delivered. Yet, nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing from him. That’s how much you mean to him, Rhiannon. Nothing!”
My insides twist with hurt. How could Brenner just leave me? Hand me over to the sharks to save himself from getting bitten?
“I’m sure there’s a reason why…”
His laugh is mocking, and I know he thinks I’m stupid, blind to who my brother really is. Yet, I see the other side of Brenner. The hurt boy that has never gotten over the death of his mother. The little boy who grew up in a world full of violence and hatred. I know that molds life into a warped, distorted cast that we can do nothing to restructure, as much as we try to.
Still, that knowledge does nothing to ease the pain I feel from Brenner’s selfishness. Images of the girl jabbing the glass into her neck bleed into my view. My heart begins to slow, thinking that maybe my dad is dead and it’s all because of Brenner. I’m sitting here thinking that I can’t let Buzz kill him, but he may not even be alive. He betrayed the club, killed brothers and maybe their Prez, our father. Slade will kill him before Buzz even has a chance. And then what happens to me? Will he take my life as second best?
“Come.”
I blink up at Buzz. I hadn’t even realized he’d moved from beside me. He is stood, peering down at me with an outstretched hand.
Gingerly I place my palm against his. His fingers close around mine, and he pulls me up.
My eyes widen when he leads me towards the stairs. The state of the rundown house he’s holding me in is exposed. The wooden staircase that leads to the upstairs has a few steps missing, the precarious way he leads me up making me hold tightly to his hand and the remaining piece of the handrail that has managed to withstand any deterioration. It’s so dark I can scarcely see where I’m stepping and I’m thankful when we reach the top. Although, that relief is short-lived when he guides me down a small narrow corridor. There’s a whole section of flooring missing to the right-hand side, and I squeal when a shadow to my right scurries through a hole in the wall.
“Sorry it’s not the Ritz,” Buzz offers shamefully. “But it’s home, and the brothers won’t find us here.”
He finally opens a door, and the toilet that sits broken and lopsided makes my bladder restrict in horror, the pee that was pooling, so desperate for release, now rushing to hide in the furthest corner.
Shaking my head firmly, I take a step back. “I can’t go on that!”
“It’s either on that or in the corner.” He points to a dark corner of the room. It already looks as though someone else has been using it as a dump site for their own toilet needs.
“Oh God.”
“I’ll be right here,” he encourages.
I’m a little confused by his behavior. One moment he’s harsh and cruel, and the next he’s apologizing for the atrocious conditions.
“Buzz, please,” I try, “Just take me home.”
He shakes his head vehemently and thrusts his finger back into the decrepit bathroom. “Either piss or don’t. Either way, you ain’t leaving, Rhiannon. I can’t let you.”
My mouth dries – I wish my bladder would follow. However, when I feel the twinge again, I brace myself and step inside the tiny cubicle.
Panic takes over when I go to close the door and blackness shrouds me.
“Here.” Buzz offers me a flashlight and pulls the door to, holding it closed but not entirely shutting it.
Why is it when someone is listening, it’s the longest, loudest wee in history? Mortification has me grimacing the length of my relief, I take comfort that I don’t need to do ‘the other’.
It gets worse when I go to pull the flush that’s fixed to the back, and it comes away in my hand.
“Don’t worry about, it, Rhi,” Buzz reassures me when I open the door and hold up the flusher handle with a cringe. Then, sighing, he lowers his eyes.
“Yeah, I think I may need to find us alternative digs. This shit isn’t on you, and if I have to drag you into it, the least I can do is make it as comfortable as possible for you.”
There’s the confusion again. I can’t make him out. I want to scream at him, strike out at him, I hate the tiny little bubble of pity I have for him that makes this all so much more baffling. He’s hurting, that much is obvious, and I can’t help but be angry at him for doing this to me. Except, there’s also a fury simmering in my belly at my own brother. It’s hard to know who to be mad at right now.
Buzz, or my brother. My own brother, who knows how to make this all right, he’s sacrificed me for his own safety. Don’t get me wrong, I hate Buzz for what he’s doing to me, yet I understand why. That makes it hard to understand my own feelings over this whole stupid predicament. There are so many emotions rolling over me that my body doesn’t know whether to cry, to scream, to laugh or to fucking curl up in a corner and rock itself into insanity until all this is over. One thing I know I’m sick of being used
against my family, the club.
Oh God, Slade. Brenner has always brought trouble and pain to Slade.
I’m not sure he will ever recover from our brother’s betrayals.
My thoughts drift to Scorch, and the knot in my stomach tightens.
He will be going out of his mind and won’t be able to hide it from Tank, or Slade.
He likes to pretend that this spark between us won’t ignite and burn long and bright but I know we will be together, I know it in my soul.
I’ve known since I was a little girl, before I even knew what love and soulmates were. There’s always been this pull, this thread tethering us. I remember when I was thirteen that it hit me that this was more than kid infatuation; I was going to marry this man.
5 Years Ago
I hate having to attend cookouts, the atmosphere should be a light, fun one but all the old ladies cluck around like mother hens, and their kids run around being little douchebags.
The clubwomen walk around on glass and the brothers look scared and guilty. It would be funny if it weren’t sad. I feel older than my thirteen years, and coming to family gatherings like this make me miss not having a mom. I remember my mom being loving but her image is blurry in my mind. So many faces come in and out of my life since her death that she has become a combination of memories and made up pieces of things I want her to be.
My stomach cramps and I think back to what I could have eaten to make me have such a bad stomach for the last couple of days but draw a blank. All I know is I won’t be eating any of the food dished up here.
I track the yard for Brenner and spy him and the Grim Brothers using a stick to lift up Stormy’s wife’s dress. Rolling my eyes, I check my watch for the hundredth time. My girlfriends would die if they saw me now. They have no clue who my father is, and he likes it they never find out. He says I can’t be judged that way and have a real education. Not that I care what other people think. I am who I am, I’m not ashamed of being a biker brat.
“Hey, Princess.” Gears grins at me and takes the empty deckchair Kiwi vacated when my dad summoned her.
I slip my sunglasses back into place and smile. “Hi.”
He has a hipster vibe about him and always makes an effort to come over to say hi when I come to the club.
Like a thundercloud looming, Brenner is kicking at Gears’ feet within seconds of him sitting down.
“What the fuck you doing, old man.”
“You needing an ass whooping boy,” Gears growls.
“You can try, Johnny Depp wannabe.”
Gears jumps up, and Brenner laughs, standing his ground. He’s thirteen and already too big for his boots.
“If you were anyone else’s kid I’d put you over my knee.” Gear sneers.
“Yeah, bet you’d love that. Fucking pervert.” Brenner mocks making the Grim Brothers chuckle. I don’t know why they call them that, they’re barely older than Brenner and me, but already have a reputation around here. One of them has their eyes are on me, watching for a reaction before he tries to sit in the seat Gears just got up from.
Brenner grabs his collar. “Not likely.” He shakes his head then points to me. “Go get some more clothes on.”
I tip my glasses to the end of my nose and look down at the one-piece and shorts I’m wearing. “I’m dressed fine.” I defend.
“You want these perverts staring at your tits?”
My mouth drops open. I barely have boobs, they’re a small B cup, really an A cup but Kiwi was the one who took me bra shopping. She said I needed room for stuffing when I was ready. Whatever that means.
“Brenner.” Someone barks. My heart flutters rapidly in my chest when I see Scorch coming over to us.
“Your old man wants you.” He tells Brenner, who huffs out an annoyed breath.
“Keep your eye on Rhi for me,” he tells the brothers, but as soon as he’s out of sight, Scorch offers me his hand. “Frost said I can take you home if you want, he’s going to be here until around ten.”
Oh, God, I do not want to be here until ten. I reach up and take his hand. My stomach summersaults as his palm caresses mine.
I call a bye over my shoulder to the brothers and let Scorch lead me through the clubhouse and out of the exit.
Holding my breath, I pray he leads me over to his bike he doesn’t. He takes me over to his truck, opening the door for me. I climb in but the step is high and he has to push my butt to get me in.
A blush creeps up my neck and warms my cheeks.
“Princess.” He almost whispers behind me. It’s so gentle and I question if I even heard him. I turn to look at him and he’s pulling his shirt over his head. My eyes widen, and my heart tapdances along my ribcage.
He hands me the shirt. “Tuck that in the back of your jean shorts.”
My eyes are glued to his naked torso. He has a tattoo of flames up his abs, and I feel like they’re really on fire and setting me alight. My cheeks are burning.
“Why?” I ask, and he smiles shy and innocent.
“You just had a little accident.” He shrugs and moves around the car.
I think if I sat in something and he just doesn’t want it on his leather.
Wishing I’d checked before I sat down, I cringe at the thought of what it could be, those brothers are disgusting.
“How’s school?” He asks starting the truck up and taking off.
“Fine.” I shrug.
“You still dancing?” He smiles fondly over at me, and I open the window to get some fresh air. Anyone else sat there shirtless would make me feel uncomfortable but not him, not since I was seven years old and he held me at my mother’s funeral when I wept.
“I haven’t danced since I was nine.” I raise a brow, and he looks between me and the road.
“Really?”
I tuck a strand of my dark hair behind my ear and look out at the trees blowing gently in the summer breeze. “It was a tough schedule, and I kept missing classes. They don’t like that.” I muse. This happened with most things I did after school because my father was good at running his club but not his household.
“You know if you ever need rides or someone to come places with you, you can call me.” He tells me, and my chest squeezes. I fixate on his face and trace his sprinkling of summer freckles over his nose.
“Thank’s, Scorch, but you do enough as it is.”
He scoffs and l can’t look away from his brown eyes when he turns them on me. He gulps and looks back at the road. “You’re my best friend’s kid sister, my Prez’s daughter. It comes with the job.”
Silence fills the truck, and he reaches over and turns the radio on. He smiles over at me when an old Bon Jovi song is being played. He breaks out into song something about a steel horse, and I grin despite myself, he has a good set of lungs on him.
We pull up at the house, he gets out and comes around to my door, opening it for me. I jump out, causing his shirt to fall from the back of my shorts. I bend to pick it up and see a blood stain. My head swims, and my insides churn.
Is that mine?
I try to look behind me and mortification swarms me. “I’m bleeding,” I breathe, more to me but he hears me.
“It happens to all women.” He shakes his head and smiles like it’s no big freaking deal that I’ve bled all over his shirt and myself.
I must look like a freak because he nudges my shoulder with his fist. “Princess, it’s just a period. It’s natural. Stop panicking.”
Oh, my God.
He then frowns at me. “You’ve had your period before right?”
I’m going to die right here on this spot. If the ground would cave in now, absorbing me with it that would be great.
I scrunch his shirt up and take off running up to the house, grateful both my brothers are at the club so I’ll be here alone. I fumble with the key, and when the door opens, I dive through it and up the stairs to my room.
I’ve never had a period before and don’t have products to deal with this problem. Strip
ping off, I run a bath and slip beneath the hot water. Opening my cell phone up, I think about who I could call. Kiwi was busy with dad, she may be finished now.
I try her number, but it goes to answer machine after the sixth ring. I leave a message asking her to call me and then place my cell on the side of the bath. This is the worst day ever.
My skin wrinkles from being in the tub too long and I’ve already added hot water twice.
I jump out and grab a towel and dry myself off. What am I going to do?
Underwear, I could use toilet tissue until Kiwi calls back. Going back into my room, I pull out some clothes and turn to lay them on the bed when I see an array of female products laid out on the bed with a note and a box of chocolates.
Hey, Princess,
Didn’t know which ones you’d need as I’ve only ever bought these for my mamma and her girls ;) so just got you some of everything and you can figure that shit out.
Don’t ever be embarrassed by your body and the wonder of how it works, it’s a beautiful, natural part of being a woman.
I got you some chocolate; apparently, you burn extra calories. My mamma told me that too, but that could just be her excuse to indulge.
Call me if you need anything. And Princess, keep the shirt.
Scorch (Eddy)
Eddy, Scorch. He always had my attention, but he just won my heart.
6
Slade/Frost
“Where the fuck is the cunt?”
The Prez is angry. Fuck, I’m angry. Furious. Brenner has managed to go AWOL. For the first time ever, he has actually accomplished something on his own. And, surprisingly, he’s done it well. Not one Lilith brother or any brother from surrounding MCs has seen Brenner for days.
Rhi has been missing for over five days now. Brenner has been gone just as long. And Avery is climbing the walls with my persistent need to keep her safe and close.
It’s all going tits up, and there’s nothing I can do to remedy the wrongs. My priority is Rhiannon. She’s my little sister, and God only knows what the fuck Buzz is doing to her. She’s the club Princess, and Buzz has always respected her for that. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try and seek his revenge for his brother’s death through her. To him, it’s a sibling for a sibling. He used coke more times than I got fucking drunk, and the white stuff only made him more paranoid than he already was. He’d always been one that struggled with life, and this would just make it all the harder for him. He only managed to keep breathing because his brother did. And now… well, fuck only knew.
