by Lucia Franco
I broke the kiss, needing to breathe. "Kova," I said after drawing in much needed air.
My lips were swollen. His hungry mouth found my neck. I shivered as chills danced around my entire body. Kova clenched my hair and tugged it harder, exposing more flesh for his tongue to lick a wet trail to my ear. His teeth nipped my tender skin and I gasped before a sigh rolled off my lips.
"I've missed this," I whispered.
I rolled my hips in a smooth, slow wave against his hard body, silently begging for more. His hold on me tightened, and his cock teased the top of my pussy as I arched my hips back. I melted inside. I loved when he had control over us like this and still felt like an animal under my touch. Kova lifted his gaze to meet mine. His eyes gleamed. He peered at me in awe.
Kova studied my mouth. His palm cupped my jaw as his callused thumb dragged across my lower lip. I slipped my tongue out and wrapped it around his thumb. I drew it into my mouth and bit down. Kova’s nostrils flared. His body went rigid against mine. He pulled his thumb from my mouth, and my teeth cut into each crinkle of skin as he slipped out.
This intoxicating friction between us was too alluring, too dangerous. We hadn't been this close since the day we were ripped from each other. Now that we were alone, we were much more combustible than ever before.
"I wanted to do that the moment I saw you tonight in that red dress," he said, his voice raspy. "Kravisyata."
Why did my chest ache hearing those words?
His hand shook as he smoothed my hair behind my ear. One more glance into my eyes, then Kova stepped back from the wall and walked us over to the bed. He lowered me down. I sat on my knees and adjusted my linen cornflower blue shorts and white, flowery chemise.
"I didn't think you saw me until I walked up to you."
I lowered my eyes, not wanting to look at him, because the truth was, the way he’d acted toward me in that room made me feel invisible. Kova had treated me like a stranger, not someone I’d made a baby with.
Two fingers tipped my chin up until I was forced to meet his intense stare. He exhaled and I caught the faint scent of vodka on his breath. I wondered if he could hear how hard my heart was working right now.
Kova ran his tongue over his bottom lip, his front teeth dragging over the plumpness. "All I ever see is you. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of you. I knew the moment you walked into the room. I just did not expect to see you the way I did. And, honestly, what did you expect? I could not talk to you. I definitely could not have acted like we were more than coach and gymnast."
"That's why you ignored me? You didn't look my way once." I was still a little bothered over that. "I didn’t think you even thought about me. You acted like a stranger."
Kova snorted under his breath and backed away from the bed. He dragged his hands down his beautifully tormented face as he turned and gave me his back. My body instantly missed his warmth as he walked over to the round table in his room.
I climbed off the bed and stalked after him. He glanced at me and his expression shifted into a multitude of emotions. Right versus wrong. Want versus need. Sin and morals conflicted in the storm clouds of his eyes, and my brows furrowed. I didn’t like what I saw.
Kova reached for his glass and downed the rest of its contents. I watched his throat work the clear liquid, the slender muscles and veins contracting with each pull. The ice clinked together and Kova all but threw the glass back on the table.
"I'm right, aren't I? You did ignore me like a stranger." When he didn't answer, I pushed my next question through my teeth. "How do you manage to do a complete one-eighty in the span of a couple of hours? How do we go from being this close"—I crossed my middle finger over my index finger—"to this?" I separated my fingers into a peace sign. "Explain to me why you decided to put space between us, because that's what you did when you started this whole 'let us ignore Adrianna now that Olympics are over' campaign three point five seconds after it ended," I said, mocking his English. "You acted like you didn’t even know me."
I was getting myself worked up and I didn't want that. I wanted to remain in control of my emotions. Being this close to him yet feeling so far away completely blindsided me. I took a deep breath. Kova had ignored me, causing my past insecurities I’d fought so hard to ignore to come roaring back in full force. And he was lying about it.
"I did not ignore you, Adrianna," he said a little stilted.
I gawked. "Yes, you did. I don't understand why you acted like I was invisible when you suggested I come here to talk. Even now, I can see the look in your eyes when you look at me. You're not as impenetrable as you think you are. I see right through you, Kova."
Kova scowled, his gaze narrowing. "You do realize your father was in that room, yes?" He stepped closer and I felt his hot breath on my face. "You do realize that I went to jail because of us, yes?" I nodded, and he continued. "Then answer me this, why the hell would I put myself in jeopardy like that again, on top of being in another country? You cannot be serious right now, Adrianna. We had a role to play. I played mine and you did too. The Games are over. That is it."
Thirty-Nine
He was glaring at me.
I felt his words, but I didn't feel like they were coming from him. He wanted me to believe they were his, though.
It was disheartening the way he was acting toward me after our Olympic win. It wasn't an idiotic thing of me to ask him. We didn't pretend out there, there were no roles. My medals were just as much his as they were mine.
Tears climbed up the back of my eyes. I wish I didn't get so emotional. I shook my head and walked away for a second then turned back around to face him.
"If you're so worried about my father, then why did you want me to come tonight? Was it so you could tell me we're officially done working together and you have to act like you don't know me now? Is that the point you’re trying to make? Because guess what, Coach, I fucking got it."
His eyes blazed with fire. Still, he didn't say anything.
"You've been sending me mixed signals since you got out of jail. At first, I understood. Trials came and you showed me a glimpse of the old Kova. I thought everything was okay, but really you were just giving me this false sense of hope for us. You act like you don't know me and make me think you’ve changed your mind about us. Then in the next minute you rip me into your room and kiss me until you steal my breath and then feed me lies. You're back to being this cold, distant man that seems to want no part of me." I pause, my jaw quivering from the tears I was holding back. "Can't you see what this does to me?"
Kova cast his eyes away. He lifted his backwards hat and ran his fingers through his hair before he replaced it. I poured out my feelings to him and he didn't even do a double take.
"Nothing has changed, Adrianna."
"You're such a liar." Kova didn't flinch. He didn't even respond, and that told me everything I needed to know. My heart pumped faster. "Kova, you're scaring me. What's going on?"
Again, no response. He just looked down and avoided my gaze. My pulse rate increased. That bridge we’d worked so hard to build was collapsing plank after plank.
"I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake—" My heart clenched at the word. I looked at the floor and frowned. "This was a giant mistake. Everything was a mistake. I can't do this anymore." I started to feel a little frantic.
I stepped around Kova and headed for the door.
"Stay," he finally said.
I stopped immediately, wishing I was stronger when it came to him. I turned around and met his stare. He looked defeated.
"What am I doing here, Kova?" The last thing I wanted to do was fight, but I couldn’t keep it in. It wasn't healthy for me or us.
I wanted to be able to talk about the past, the present, and the future with him tonight since tonight was all we had for a little while. We didn't have to sign anything in blood, but we could at least talk a little bit so there wasn't a total break in our chain.
Feeling dejected, I asked, "Help me unde
rstand what is going on. I know we haven't seen each other in about a month, but the last two days you were my supportive coach and it made me think we were okay. But now with this feeling in my heart, it's like I don’t even know you."
"I was your coach because that is who I am supposed to be. I did what I had to do to help you get to the finish line. I was doing my job. I did not want to ruin your moment."
I frowned, not liking the bite in his tone. I moved closer to him. I studied Kova, but his eyes gave nothing away.
"So, you faked it? All those encouraging words, going as far as 'living with me,' they were just part of your job description?"
Kova ran his hands over his face and groaned. "No, I meant them, Adrianna, but I wish I did not."
I blinked rapidly. "How could you say that?”
He placed his hands on his hips and stared up at the ceiling for a brief moment. "I got arrested and almost charged with rape," he said after expelling a long sigh.
"I'm eighteen. It wouldn't have happened."
"Katja is still on my case. Your father… " He paused, and his eyes lowered to slits. "He still has the option to proceed with charges. There is a lot to be settled and it is far from finished. It is not so easy like you think to just jump right back to what we were."
"I knew it," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "I knew it," I said again with more conviction. Kova straightened his back and leveled a stare at me that fanned black smoke around my heart. "Keep going."
Kova’s gaze hardened. His lips pursed together. There were a lot of things I’d mentally prepared for on my journey to the Olympics; however, never had I anticipated the next words to fall from Kova’s beautiful lips.
"Adrianna, we cannot go on like this. I think it is best if we do not see each other until everything settles."
I reared back. The silence in the room was earsplitting. "You want time?"
He looked me in the eyes and flattened his lips in response.
My heart sank.
How could he think after something as catastrophic as what we went through that more time away from each other would benefit us? Time would ruin us. People didn't separate when things got tough. They came together and worked through their issues as a team. Their bond was unified with each challenging moment, not split down the center because there was a breach.
We are a team—I exhale, you inhale.
I had been so ridiculous.
My blood ran cold and my throat swelled. Kova had been putting distance between us. What I felt wasn't due to paranoia. It wasn't in my head. It was real. Really fucking real, and what he wanted.
I stared at him, unblinking.
My world crumpled before me.
My heart stopped beating.
All those things he had said to me that day in my condo, how he was going to leave Katja to be with me, how he wanted to live with me and my stupid fucking disease, he took it all back in the blink of an eye. All those miles we had crossed together to get where we were, they were swept away like it never happened.
Angry tears brimmed my eyelids. Kova's gaze softened and he took a step toward me. My hand flew to my chest and I clutched my throat. My brain was telling my body to breathe, but I was stuck in a state of panic. I couldn't focus enough to breathe.
He had sworn he wouldn’t hurt me again. He’d promised. Yet, he did.
Then it hit me.
This was why he’d wanted me to come to his room.
He wanted to break up with me.
I leaned toward him, my heart beating frantically. His gaze didn't waver from mine. He didn't back down. He didn't say anything either. Kova was slipping away. I looked at him with resentment that he wasn't fighting harder to be with me like I would for him. I wanted to let go of him completely and still reach for him because I couldn't not.
"Time. You want time?" I stated again, fighting the tears. "I literally don't have the time to give you. Do you understand that? I don't have all the time in the world like you do. I'm sick, Kova. I only have now." Jesus. The look on his face matched the gutted feeling inside my heart.
His shoulders sagged and he dropped his hands from his hips in defeat. He didn't want time and yet he told me he did. I shook my head. This back and forth wasn't something I was going to continue doing. I didn't have it in me. He could either have me now or he couldn't. I was only going to get sicker, not better. I didn’t have the kind of time he wanted.
I stood straight and exhaled a ragged breath. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I didn't want anyone to make me hurt anymore. And that started with my choices.
I shook my head and took a step back. "It's now or never with me."
"Ria," he said, his face fell. "Please…"
I put my hand up. "Don't. I know our relationship isn't normal. I’m aware of the major issues surrounding us, but that doesn't mean you can push me away because of them." My voice shook. "I know what my dad put you through and it disgusts me you had to go through that. I'm not being unsympathetic toward you or the legal issues you're facing, but was I stupid to think we'd work through what happened? I guess so," I said, more to myself than to him.
I clenched my eyes shut, regretting that I’d snuck out. When I opened them, Kova was standing in front of me looking utterly destroyed. The miserable look in his green eyes made my heart twist with grief. He was hurting as much as I was, yet he was the one who was causing our pain. I didn't understand why he'd do this to us when it devastated him just as much as it did me.
"That is not what I am saying, but I think we need to wait for this storm to weaken before we can be anything more."
"That's not what you told me in my condo that day when you said we could be together because you had a plan. Even before that, you knew it was eventually bound to happen." I felt like I was going to shoot steam from my ears any second. "You can't look me in the face and tell me you didn't anticipate any of this. What happened for you to change your mind? I know you were arrested, but I'm eighteen now. No one can stop us."
There was so much more I wanted to add, but I stopped when I felt tears streaking my cheeks. There would always be people who wouldn’t approve of us, but I never once thought that us not being together was an option. I always put him—us—first, and I thought he would too at this point.
My spine bowed, and I looked at him helplessly. "Why can't you ever put me first?"
"Adrianna, you know my feelings for you, but I have to keep your father in the back of my head. When I got out of jail, we had a meeting." I squinted at him, stunned over this news. Dad never told me about this. "Frank threatened to ruin me if I went near you beyond being your coach. He knew he did not have a leg to stand on legally, but he said he would go to the media and claim that I sexually abuse my gymnasts, and he would provide proof for people to dig deeper. He said he would release pictures of us but blur your face to protect you. He said he has connections and will make sure the story goes worldwide. I have worked with your father in the past, I do not doubt him."
I stared up at him, dumbfounded. My eyes widened and I took a step closer, angling my head to make sure I heard him correctly.
"You're scared of my dad and his empty threat? He'd never do that because it would implicate me, not in a million years, no matter how mad he is." I stared at him. "So quick to believe him," I whispered in shock. "You bought his lie. You made it your out."
Kova widened his stance. His brows lowered and his gaze turned defensive. "Everything I have worked for since I came to the United States will be taken away if we continue a romantic relationship. How would we work out if I have no gym? No name? Nothing? How could I support you, support us? I cannot make mistakes right now." The color drained from his face. "He can ruin me and you, and that is not something I am chancing."
I ground my teeth. I was frustrated because I knew my dad was using this as a scare tactic and Kova was buying it. He edged closer to me and I stayed exactly where I was.
"I have to walk a straight line and I have to do it for us. You th
ink I want to leave you? You think I do not care about you? My fucking heart beats only for you, Adrianna. It kills me inside. I want to ram my fist through a wall over and over because of this shit we have to go through. I am trying to do what is right. Whether you like it or not, the right thing is time. Are you not sick of living in this fantasy we have created? Do you not want the real thing? I do. And I will do everything I can in my power to make that happen for us."
"I’m not trying to be dramatic, but you don't seem to comprehend that I don't have that kind of time. I was supposed to go home and start treatment. What if the dialysis doesn’t work, or I have the transplant and my body rejects the kidney? I know these are slim possibilities, but that's how my life is at the moment and how I have to think now. I can't wait around for you because that's not fair to me. If we're careful, we could have now, you just don't want to."
My heart was about to jump out of my chest. I was going to be sick any second.
"You only want me when I'm at my best and not at my worst," I said, my voice shaded with disdain. "That's not what love is. I stood by you at your worst. I never gave up. I took everything you would give me, and I gave myself to you ten times over because I knew you needed me when you were going through something. Now when I need you the most, when my body is literally fighting to kill me, you feel time between us is best."
Kova opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn't done.
"You want time, Coach?" I said, bitterness dripping from my tone. "Time is exactly what I’m going to give you." I turned toward the door and shot one last response over my shoulder. "I’m leaving for the University of Oklahoma shortly after I get home. You’re getting exactly what you wanted."
Forty
"Adrianna," Kova called out. "Let me finish."
I wanted to lift my middle finger to him. I'd been living a dream expecting to luck out in the end. I’d set myself up, and that hurt my heart more than Kova ever could. I really was just a stupid, naive, lovesick girl.
