Then Krishnadeva’s closest friend Uddhavadeva smiled and putting his hand on my shoulder he exclaimed “Yugandhar Srikrishna!”
Uddhava
I am Uddhava! Son of Devabhaga and Kansa. My father Devabhaga was Maharaja Vasudeva’s brother. My mata Kansa was the sister of Maharaja Kansa, king of Mathura. Thus, I was Krishna’s chulat bandhu as well as mavas bandhu. More than any of these relations I was Srikrishna’s favourite ‘Paramsakha’ – his confidant. This relation with Krishna was the most valuable for me throughout my life.
I was not his self-proclaimed ‘confidant’! In fact, he had casually conferred that epithet upon me. It is because he had given it, that I remembered it for my entire life.
As Srikrishna was my elder brother I used to earnestly address him as ‘dada’ with respect. It was not just out of respect that I called him dada. In fact, so many other emotions were involved in it. There was not a single event in his life that he did not share with me. Actually, sometimes he spoke to me as if he was speaking to himself.
The eighteen families of the Yadavas had a tradition of having Rasa dance after major wedding ceremonies. I did not get married. That is why I particularly avoided the Rasa dance. As soon as dada noticed it, he was the one who held my hands and pull me inside the Rasa circle for the first time, saying ‘Udho, brother, come let’s dance. He always called me ‘Udho’ with love.
My father, Thorale baba, my mother, both Thorali and Dhakali mata, Balidada, my own elder brothers and many Yadavas asked me whenever they got a chance as to why I didn’t want to get married. But my dada – the Lord of Dwaraka never questioned me about that. That was the prominent reason why I had so much respect for him.
I did not have the temperament of a warrior. What I acknowledged was the tug of war that goes on in a human mind day and night. Dada was well aware that I was the only one amongst lakhs of Yadavas, in whose mind such a war would go on. That is why among all his favourite Sakhas including grandsire Bhishma, Mahatma Vidura, dear friend Sudama, Sanjaya, Balidada, Jalapurusha Karna and master archer Arjuna whom he gave the advice of a lifetime on the battlefield, he considered me as his ‘Paramsakha’. He was well aware of what I was, and I tried throughout my whole life to understand who he was, as per my capacity. He was just like the wind that is invisible but occupies the entire world rapidly with tremendous speed! He was blue complexioned, like the endless sky above us! His blue colour had a darkish tinge to it, like the limitless dark space beyond the vast skies! In the Ankapada aashrama Aacharya Sandipani had explained the difference between aakasha, the sky and avakasha, the space in so many ways to all of us. It is now that I came to realize why gurudeva addressed him as ‘Krishna, Shyama’ on many occasions and especially on the day of Gurudakshina!
Recently, I realized that each time his smile was different – like the earth! The earth never shows the same beauty of colours during all seasons. Every season has its own beauty. He was indeed like the earth – merciful.
I witnessed first-hand, his natural attraction towards water – right from Mathura, to Dwaraka, Hastinapura and Indraprastha.
His life, that was like the river Yamuna, had some prominent and elegant turns. Gokul, where he spent his childhood was the very first most elegant, beautiful milestone that would have made a deep and lasting impression on anybody’s mind. The second equally beautiful turn was the life in the Ankapada aashrama of Aacharya Sandipani in the forest of Avanti in which he absorbed all the knowledge that he obtained. When he arrived in Mathura from Gokul I was the only Yadava of Mathura to meet him first. Since then I constantly lived in his company till the commencement of the Great War of Bharata. I witnessed how he overthrew Magadha emperor Jarasandha’s assaults on Mathura. This turn of Avanti-Mathura in his life was also splendid indeed.
With the support of innumerable dexterous Yadavas he erected the new kingdom of golden Dwaraka on the turbulent, roaring, vivacious western ocean.
When he left Mathura determinedly and came to Dwaraka he taught me something without uttering a word. It was an invaluable lesson that at times one has to leave behind even one’s beloved motherland – for the sake of fulfilling one’s duty! Every event in his life taught me something or the other that was pro-life.
In spite of living and enjoying a comfortable life in Dwaraka with lakhs of Yadavas he consciously took interest in the life of the displaced Pandavas. The Great War of Bharata that he masterminded was the zenith of his divine genius. It became a Great yajna where forty lakh soldiers were sacrificed in the war. He participated in this war for eighteen days without holding any weapon in his hand. It is because of his unarmed participation that this war turned out to be a Great yajna.
Didn’t this Great yajna of his prove to be the eternal lesson of ‘How mankind should not behave’? The eighteen-day Great War on the holy land of Kurukshetra that he engineered, was the biggest and most thrilling turn of his life. Because of that he became ‘Yugandhar’ – the epoch-maker.
Whatever I understood from all these turns in the life of my dada ‘Srikrishna’, is what I am going to share as per my intellectual ability. I am well aware that no matter how much ever I try, it cannot be shared in its entirety.
It was his hearty wish to erect an aashrama in the area of Badri-Kedara near the base of the Himalayas. I had gone to Badri-Kedara to make preparations for that. It was many days before the commencement of the Great War of Bharata. I selected an appropriate place for an aashrama in the holy place of Badri-Kedara near the Himalayas. I checked whether all materials necessary for the aashrama were readily available nearby. During my travel in the Himalayas I met many yogis, ascetics, sages, and hermits. I did not make any one of them my Guru. As I had taken formal initiation from Aacharya Sandipani and spent my whole life in the company of dada I didn’t find any necessity for that. But now I had donned the saffron clothes after a great deal of thought.
While going back to Dwaraka, I received the news of the war in Kurukshetra from time to time from many sages and hermits whom I met during the journey. Hearing all the news my feet inadvertently turned towards Kurukshetra. With only one yearning in my heart, that was of checking the wellbeing of my dada.
I reached Kurukshetra in the last phase of the Great War of Bharata. Just like me Balidada had also come there straight from the Himalayas.
For the sake of the offspring of the Pandavas’ third generation – Uttaraa’s unborn child – Srikrishnadada took a sip of Aachamana and prayed with all earnestness on the strength of his virtuous merits on the bank of river Drishadwati. As a result, Uttaraa’s foetus came back to life. The descendant of the Pandavas’ third generation was safe – their lineage was saved.
Only one ritual was left to be performed now for the cessation of the Great War that lasted for eighteen days like a Great Yajna. It was of performing the last rites, ceremonial Tarpana offering to more than forty lakh soldiers slain in the battle from both sides. For that purpose, the Pandava family priest, Dhaumya rishi who was invited by dada was present on the holy land of Kurukshetra along with his disciples. According to his and dada’s instruction Yudhishthira as the eldest of the Pandavas was going to perform the last rites by offering Tarpana on behalf of all. All Pandav ladies including Draupadi, all Kaurava ladies who could come except for Gandharidevi had arrived at Kurukshetra for the ritual of offering Tilanjali after Tarpana. Dhaumya rishi commenced the Tarpana ceremony at the given Muhurta. First Yudhishthira remembered all the ancestors and performed the Pindadana and then mentioned the names of each one of the prominent warriors like Aacharya Drona, Dhrishtadyumna, Abhimanyu, and Ghatotkacha and performed the Pindadana for them. A single Pindadana ritual was done for all the others together. All the assembled men and women offered Tilanjali. Grandsire Bhishma was still alive on the Shara grass bed, surrounded by guards.
Today Yudhishthira had discarded his war costume and was dressed in simple clothes as a family man. The other four Pandavas were still wearing their war costumes. Bhima held his huge triumphant
mace on his shoulder. Arjuna held his invincible Gandiva bow adorned with flower garlands on his broad shoulder. Nakula had his favourite sword tied around his waist and Sahadeva carried his tall, polished pestle on his shoulder. Rajmata Kuntidevi who was now much aged and weary, dressed in white, sat on one side of the Tarpana fire pit. On her left sat all the Pandava ladies – Draupadi, Chitrangada, Uloopi, Pauravi, Vijaya, Hidimba, Subhadra, Uttaraa and such, who had come to offer Tilanjali. Dada and I sat on a grass mat next to Dhaumya rishi.
All rituals were performed with the chanting of mantras. As per Dhaumya rishi’s instruction Yudhishthira left his seat from near the fire pit and walked towards river Drishadwati to offer the final Jalaanjali of Tarpana after the Tilanjali to all the warriors who had died a hero’s death in the Great War of Bharata. He was carrying a salver with lamps, consecrated rice, haldi-kumkum, and flowers. First, he was going to worship river Drishadwati. His heart was overwhelmed by emotions in memory of many warriors. Dhaumya rishi had given him instructions about the rituals, that first he should worship river Drishadwati. After that he should mention the names of all the relatives who had died as heroes, according to their seniority and offer the Jalanjali of Tarpana.
At that exact moment aatya Kuntidevi signalled dada to come close. She whispered something in his ears. Hearing that dada nodded in affirmation and whispered something in the ears of Dhaumya rishi – the chief priest of the ritual of Tarpana. Dhaumya rishi then hurriedly got up from his grass mat. To stop Yudhishthira, who had meanwhile reached river Drishadwati he loudly called, “Pandavaa, wait…!” I suspected that there was probably some error in the Tarpana ritual when he did not address Yudhishthira as ‘eldest Pandava’ as usual. Aatya Kuntidevi had probably instructed him about the same.
Yudhishthira stopped in his place. Hurrying towards him Dhaumya rishisaid, “It is Krishnadeva’s instruction that the very first Jalanjali of Tarpana should be offered to Karna, the king of Anga! He was the ‘eldest’ brother of you Pandavas!”
Yudhishthira began trembling in his place with an overwhelming volley of emotions. The golden salver in his hands containing the articles required for Tarpana started rattling. He must have felt that the shining sand on the banks of Drishadwati was slipping from under his feet.
Wondering why Yudhishthira was not offering the Jalanjali, first Bhima and Arjuna and after them Nakula-Sahadeva rushed forward.
Yudhishthira had not yet recovered from the shock. He was still shaking. Bhima asked him, “What happened, Jyeshtha?”
Looking at Bhima with tearful eyes and trembling hands, in a trembling voice Yudhishthira said, “Don’t call me ‘Jyeshtha’ from today onwards! Brother Bhimsena, I was not Jyeshtha then and I am not Jyeshtha now!”
Arjuna came forward and lovingly said to him, “What is wrong Yudhishthira? Are you not our elder brother? Is it not that because you were the eldest you performed all these Tarpana rituals?
“No! I am not your Jyeshtha. The world conqueror, munificent, maharathi king of Anga was the eldest. Karna, who we disparaged all the time as the son of a charioteer!”
‘What?’ Bhima – Arjuna both took a step back in shock with their eyes opened wide. Then immediately Arjuna went close to Yudhishthira and violently shaking his shoulders he said in a heart-wrenching voice, “What are you saying Yudhishthira? Have you gone crazy because of the carnage of lakhs of lives?”
Sometimes in a fit of fury Bhima used to prick the pointed edge of his mace in the sand of Drishadwati and speak insanely. He spoke now in the same way, “Looks like you are still under the influence of the Maireyaka wine that you drank last night after the end of the war! Jyeshtha, offer the Tarpana and go take some rest.”
“Bhimsena, didn’t I tell you just now not to call me ‘Jyeshtha’! Your – mine – our – our older brother was Karna…! I am going to offer the very first Jalanjali of Tarpana to him now – as per Krishna’s instruction! Each one of you will have to do the same after me!” said Yudhishthira.
Arjuna who was disconcerted by all this stood silent for a few moments as if hit by lightning. The next moment he turned around and rushed towards the ladies sitting near the fire pit. Within moments he reached Kuntidevi. He pulled out the divine Gandiva bow from his shoulder, with which he had beheaded many valiant warriors, in the just-concluded Great War of Bharata that had lasted for eighteen days. Looking at the expression on his face terrified Kunti aatya stood up trembling in fear.
“You, sinful woman…! You made me murder my own brother!” Shouting thus he put his divine Gandiva bowstring around the neck of his own mother like a noose! Shaking it violently, regretting the fact that he had killed his own brother’s sons Sudamana, Vrishasena and Karna’s foster brother Shona, Dhananjaya raved insanely. He shouted at his own mother, “Evil woman…, I used this Gandiva bow to kill my own elder brother and many others. Now I, who have reached the gates of hell due to committing the sin of killing my own brother, will tighten this bow string around your neck and take your life too!”
Everyone was stunned to see Arjuna’s violent emotional outburst. The fear that the religious ritual of Tarpana might turn into a bloody scene, confounded me too. In one leap, I grabbed Arjuna’s hand holding the Gandiva bow and said to him, “Pandava, be calm. Compose yourself.”
Dada came from behind me, put his arm on Arjuna’s back and gently patted him for a few moments with affection. Then in his usual sharp and sarcastic style that brought many arrogant people to their senses he said, “Well done my pupil! You are going to kill my venerable aatya of whom even today I do not consider myself worthy of seeking blessings! Sakha Arjuna, without even hearing her side of the story you assaulted her with uncontrollable rage! Then how are you going to console my sister Subhadra who lost her son, my beloved bhacha ‘Abhi’? How are you going to offer her solace?”
With each of his words, Arjuna’s boiling anger gradually subsided like the western ocean retreating in low tide. Exhausted he leaned on dada’s shoulder. Seeing the trickle of warm tears running down his eyes I also kept gently patting his back. No one ever understood whether his tears were that of the guilt of killing his own brother unknowingly or for consciously humiliating his own mother. Except for dada nobody could have understood it.
There in the waters of Drishadwati Yudhishthira was offering the first Jalanjali of Tarpana to the barely visible sun disc with tearful eyes and while chanting the Gayatrimantra.
Arjuna sought the blessings of Kuntimata, offered Jalanjali of Tarpana in the waters of Drishadwati and came out from the water after washing his hands and face. Dada and I walked Arjuna to our Garudadhwaja chariot which Daruka had kept ready.
From river Drishadwati we came into the camp of the Pandava ladies. Those tents were not yet dismantled. Kunti aatya had returned along with all the women in the chariots of Pandavas and was sitting in her pavilion. As I entered the pavilion with dada, crying Subhadra came running first. Draupadi followed, to comfort her. Actually, her pain of losing all five of her sons was the most severe among all the Pandava women. But she had become very tough as she had gone through many testing times in her life one after the other. Draupadi was the one who recovered before others.
Subhadra threw her arms around dada’s neck and cried convulsively, ‘Krishnadada, where is my Abhi – show me his face at least once.’ For a few moments dada’s lean blue fingers gently stroked her back with affection, as if silently telling her – ‘My dear sister Subhadra, compose yourself and listen to me carefully.’
The next moment he said in a very calm and steady voice, “Subhadra, our Abhi has attained the zenith of glory. He was the only one who performed such a valiant feat at such a young age in the Great yajna of war. He has brought acclaim not only to the Kuru dynasty of the Pandavas but also to us Yadavas because of you. Don’t cry over his death – be proud of him!” Each word of his, especially his divine touch had so much strength that very soon sobbing Subhadra calmed down. I also came forward and gently patted her shoulder. Then echoing
dada’s sentiment I said to her, “Sister Subhadra, as you are the mother of a valiant warrior I feel proud of you. Many future generations will revere you. Now that you have calmed down remember Goddess Ida and get detached from everything!”
More than anybody else, now I was curious to know what dada was going to say to his dear aatya. She was already sitting placidly on her seat like a statue as if she had gone beyond everything. Dada moved forward. He touched her right foot with his fingers. Then moving them over the crown on his head respectfully he sat on a mat near her right foot. I also touched aatya’s left foot and sat on the mat.
A few moments passed by in utter silence. No one was saying anything. All of us were waiting for the Lord of Dwaraka to speak. He was waiting for his aatya to say something. She was a senior lady who had lost her eldest son. And yet she was calm. Finally, dada spoke in his mellifluous voice that completely transformed the atmosphere as usual.
With utmost tenderness, he brought his palms together and said to her calmly, “Pardon me! Consider me in his place and forgive me!” All of us sitting around didn’t understand what he was referring to. But Kunti aatya probably understood it. She said, “Forgive you and for what? Am I even worthy of forgiving you? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
All of us – at least I thought, that he was seeking pardon from Kunti aatya for getting Karna killed by Arjuna, by expounding to him what Dharma is.
To clear the misapprehension from our minds including aatya Kunti’s he said, “I am seeking forgiveness for the fact that my dear friend Arjuna forgot his duty as a son and assaulted you out of ignorance in front of me. As for your eldest son Karna – he has achieved even higher acclaim than our Abhi. You are indeed great – as a mother and also as a grandmother.”
At that point Kunti aatya arose from her seat. Exclaiming ‘Oh Krishna’ she spread both her arms and embraced him with the satisfaction that at least one person understood her completely with all the intricacies of her mind.
Srikrishna- the Lord of the Universe Page 94
