Our dear Garudadhwaja chariot began speeding in the direction of Somanatha. Putting yojanas of distance behind us first we arrived at the small stone temple of Shiva at Somanatha. As soon as the temple priest who was a Shiva devotee saw us he made preparations for Shiva Abhishek without waiting for our instructions. Dada sat on a short decorative wooden stool placed near the neat stone Shivapindi located in the shrine of the temple. I sat on another stool on his left hand. Before offering the first Bela leaf on the Shivapindi in front of us dada said to me, “Avadhuta, this is your day. I would like to hear Shiva’s hymn from your mouth. Shiva also wishes the same. Go ahead and sing it.”
I joined my hands in prayer and closed my eyes. The hymn of Shiva began flowing out of my mouth like the stream of Abhishek.
We left the Shiva temple of Somanatha. Dada took the charioteer’s seat again. I climbed into the back of the chariot without his instruction. We reached a very small village called Veravala. Dada kept driving the chariot, holding the eight reins in his hands, talking to his horse friends in their own language, without touching the whip to their back, just striking it in the air.
We reached the thick forest near Bhalakatirtha. Dada halted the chariot, put the reins down. In a single leap, he jumped onto the land of Aanarta near Bhalakatirtha. I also climbed down from the back of the chariot. He had handed me an orange lotus that matched the colour of my saffron clothing. I tucked it in his yellow dhoti.
I got to witness a very rare scene. First, he lovingly patted on the back of the two horses on the left. He stroked their backs affectionately with his blue hand. Both the horses responded to his touch with neighing and shaking their bodies. Dada stood in front of them. He ruffled their thick manes. Just like he used to embrace Arjuna he put his blue hand around the neck of Sugriva – the horse at the extreme left and whispered as if he was talking either to the horse or to himself – “Yes… yes… you have served for a long time.” Then he moved to the next horse. He ruffled the mane of the second horse too and putting his arm around his neck he said, “Shaibya, friend, I know that you remember Panchanada and Chandrabhaga. Calm down.” He took one more step forward and came in front of the horse ‘Bala’. Touching his own circular, white-bearded face to the elongated jaw of the horse he said, “Bala, I agree that your colour is whiter than my beard.” That horse also responded as if he understood what dada said to him and licked under dada’s eyes and his sharp blue nose with his tongue. Finally, dada came in front of the first horse on the right side. Ruffling his mane too he patted lovingly on his back and said to him, “Megha, even the white clouds stop after colliding with the snow-clad summits of the Himalaya, but you never stopped once you were harnessed to the chariot.” Meghapushpa snorted in response. Now dada walked around the Garudadhwaja chariot slowly, watching it carefully. He stood in front of the horses again. I handed him his mace from the back of the chariot and he held it on his shoulder. He looked at the flagpole of his dear chariot, and stared at the symbol of the Yadavas – Garuda, in a pose ready to soar, on the fluttering saffron pennant. The pennant fluttered continuously in the winds coming from the western ocean of Aanarta.
“Come, let’s collect the thorny wild creepers for their grooming,” he said and holding the Vaijayanti garland around his neck gently in his right hand he entered the thick forest in front of us. I followed him. We stopped under the cooling shade of a sprawling banyan tree nearby. This tree was just as huge and had many branches, shoots and leaves as the Bhandirvriksha in Gokul that dada had told me about many times. Even our chariot was clearly visible from here. Deeply, from the deepest recesses of my heart I strongly felt that this was the time when I must ask him the important question that had been nagging me constantly for the last thirty-six years.
Moving forward with a sudden urge, I held his hand and stopping him I said, “Dada, whatever you say, it is certain that Arjuna is your much more beloved sakha than me. If that was not the case, you accepted all kinds of services from me for the last thirty-six years – but – but -” I hesitated not knowing how to speak my mind.
“But what? Say it brother Udho, speak freely.” Dada said.
“If that wasn’t the case then you would have given me some kind of advice like you gave to Arjuna before the war at Kurukshetra which people know asthe ‘Gita’ now. You would have considered me suitable for such advice. Arjuna is indeed your best sakha! Not I. I am simply your best servant!” Abashed, I stood in front of him with my head lowered. I had never spoken so openly in front of him.
He removed his hand from mine and patted on my shoulders with utmost love. I clearly felt the genuine love in that touch. He smiled and said, “That’s not true Uddhava. You are silly. Arjuna is my sakha after all – my aate bandhu – my aatya’s son. In the war of Kurukshetra, he was my confidant of my worldly life. You are my chulat bandhu – my kaka’s son – my Paramsakha – the only confidant of my emotional world in my spiritual life. You insist on hearing so let me tell you. Listen...” He looked around and chose a lead-coloured boulder to sit on it. He rested his mace against it. He dusted the boulder with his orange shawl and then sat on it. I was well aware of the fact that he never sat on any royal throne in his entire life. Today the lead-coloured boulder that he sat on seemed to me like a golden throne even more golden than the royal thrones of Indraprastha, Hastinapura and Dwaraka or any other royal throne. I sat on the ground near his feet.
He began speaking, I started listening. He asked, “What is your name?”
“Uddhava” I got flustered. After answering the question, I began listening to him attentively. He asked again, “What does Uddhava mean?”
“Uddhava means the being that longs to ascend.” I answered. He smiled and asked me again, “What is a being?”
“Being means the consciousness of one’s existence.” I answered.
Staring at me he said, “Now do one thing, imagine that you are not named ‘Uddhava’.”
“Okay, done” I got curious.
He said again, “Does your being without the name still exist or not?”
“Yes, it does.” I cautiously listened to each and every word of his.
Gazing at me he asked, “Where is that being right now? On top of what? Under what?”
“In front of you. On the land of Aanarta Saurashtra. Under a sprawling tree below the azure sky.”
“Okay. The land of Saurashtra, the sky, the tree and I – what is all this called?”
“The universe” I responded.
“Do you know from what the universe comes into existence?”
“From the five basic elements and such basic principles of life that are constantly manifesting in various forms.”
“You are doing fine. The universe born out of the five basic elements comes into existence from the Tamas Ahankara of the Paramatma, the Universal soul.”
“What exactly is the Paramatma?” I asked him very curiously.
He said, “You’ve asked a precise and nice question. Me, you, the insects that you see on my yellow dhoti – all of us live in our own dimensions. Three such dimensions exist for a being – weight, distance and time. Time is also known as ‘Kala’. All animate and inanimate creation that you talked about exists in those three dimensions.”
“The subject of the ‘Ahankara of Paramatma’ that you were talking about earlier was left half way. Does the Paramatma have only Tamasa Ahankara?” I needed to interrupt him and get clarified any point that I had not understood, in order to follow what he was going to speak further.
“No. ‘Tamasa’ is not the only kind of Ahankara. There are two more kinds – ‘Rajasa’ and ‘Sattvika’. Before you try to understand those, understand clearly what exactly ‘Ahankara’ is. You said earlier, I am alive – that means life is the consciousness of one’s existence. Similarly, the Paramatma’s consciousness of its existence is Ahankara. Ahankara does not mean pride or ego. Ahankara means the mature awareness of one’s existence! Just as you have that awareness so does the Paramatma. You,
I and everyone is a part of the Paramatma. That is why it is crucial and necessary to comprehend what the Paramatma is. If the Paramatma doesn’t comprehend who you are it hardly matters to him. But if you don’t comprehend what the Paramatma is, everything goes wrong with you.”
I was getting convinced that he was taking me deeper in
his emotional world. He had only mentioned the Rajasa and Sattvika Ahankara of the Paramatma. So, I asked him, “Just as the universe made of five basic elements is created from the Tamasa Ahankara of the Paramatma, what was created from its Rajasa Ahankara?”
“All senses came into existence from the Rajasa Ahankara. The senses are connected to the organs. Human beings have ten such organs – ears, skin, nose, eyes, hands, legs, mouth, tongue, anus and genitals.”
“What came into existence from Sattvika Ahankara?”
“The mind came into existence from Sattvika! The human mind has many facets just like the tree above has countless branches, aerial roots and leaves. The moon is the god of the mind!”
He was getting completely engrossed now. All the people who had heard him speak in the Sudharma assembly wouldn’t have been convinced that this was the same Srikrishna – Krishna. Only Arjuna would have been convinced, the same Arjuna who, at the beginning of the war, had abandoned his bow and arrow and had become dejected, clueless, and lacklustre on Kurukshetra. To make him speak freely I asked him, “Desires spring from splendour and strength or potency. Which god is the master of these?
“The sun god is their master. That is why when the sky is cloudy and the sun is overcast with clouds the human body feels sluggish first, then unenthusiastic and spiritless. And then even the mind feels lethargic and lacklustre. Now understand it carefully, ignorance comes into existence from Tamasa, the senses come from Rajasa and the mind comes from Sattvika. Men and women strive throughout their lives only to fathom this mind. Beyond that mind is the intellect. And even beyond the intellect is Prana or Atma – the Soul.”
I wanted to get some more things clarified, so I said, “I understood the three dimensions that you mentioned – weight, distance and time. I grasped the three qualities that you told – Tamasa, Rajasa, and Sattva. Now I comprehend the three principles that you just told – the Mind, the intellect and Prana. But I still don’t understand the concept of the Paramatma that you talked about.”
He gave me a very sweet smile and said, “Okay. Let me explain it to you in simple words, because this is your day and you are my Paramsakha, closest confidant, and my chulat bandhu, Avadhuta. Listen carefully. Paramatma is not merely a concept. It is as true as the sun that you see rising every single day. Paramatma is the weightless unhindered energy that continuously flows through the universe around us, the vast skies and the space beyond it. It is eternal, perpetual and unending. With the help of time that energy always keeps creating or destroying things! It keeps control over everything.”
Now I realized why I found him so different from all other people. To make him clarify I asked him, “Then does this mean that human beings should just rely on this Paramatma and do nothing?”
Holding his head high like the hood of a serpent, as sometimes he did while speaking in the Sudharma assembly he said, “Not at all. For generations, this is where people have been going wrong. You are looking at only half of the complete truth that I told you. You are making it one-sided and convenient to suit your purpose. A part of that great Paramatma resides in every being. And you yourself said that life means the consciousness of one’s existence. To explore that consciousness day and night from every angle is life!”
I kept staring at him. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t fathom the depth of his eyes. Therefore, to make him continue talking I asked, “So what exactly happens when one explores it?”
He said, “Once you discover the connection between you and the Paramatma, then the revelation of what life is, comes to you like unrolling a bundle of a fine soft cloth. You gain the unending knowledge of not just your own self but of all animate, inanimate beings around you, the visible as well as the invisible world around you, the vast expanse of the sky, the space beyond it and the unhindered, weightless brilliance that flows through all these.”
“What is this knowledge called?”
“Prajnana. It is beyond the realm of Jnana and Vijnana.”
“What is the best way to comprehend this realm of Prajnana?” I questioned with utmost curiosity now.
“Complete surrender with utmost devotion and loving all beings without any expectations is the only way!” A few moments ago, I had seen him embrace the horses of his chariot. Now I began to understand the meaning of that action of his – his Ashwagita.
“People call you ‘Narayana’ because you imparted the knowledge of the Gita and they call Arjuna ‘Nara’ because he was fortunate to get the opportunity to listen to your advice. Can you please elucidate more about Nara and Narayana?”
“Nara means Jala – water. Ayana means abode. Throughout my life, I lived near water. You might remember the meaning of Jala that Aacharya Sandipani had told us – the life of any animate being or vegetation relies on water. Just as water keeps flowing continuously, life also has the same innate quality. To understand that means life!”
“Now I come to realize why in Srisopana the steps in the name of Ganga’s son Bhishma and the firstborn Kaunteya, the munificent Karna are at such a higher level. They always strived to reach your level throughout their lives. You knew it very well. You were always a level higher than both of them. That is why the grandsire first addressed you as ‘Vaasudeva’ and considered you as Narayana. Even Karna said so when he met you and regarded you in the same way. So, now please explain what exactly it means when you call Arjuna the ‘Nara’.”
“All male and female animals have nipples. It is only among the horses that just the female horse has them. That is why a male horse is considered as the pinnacle of manliness. He possesses more running power than any other animal. It also lasts longer. That is why any kind of power is always measured in units of horsepower. A horse never lies on the ground to take a nap. He sleeps in the standing position whenever his body needs sleep. Arjuna’s best quality is that he has complete control over his sleep. That is why he is called ‘Gudakesha’.
“I have told you earlier that part of the Paramatma resides in every individual soul. Arjuna is the one whom I have chosen as the representative of all such beings. Nara means a being in the primitive state that has the capability to achieve sainthood.
“Arjuna is the complete Nara among human beings, like the horse is among the animals. He doesn’t have nipples. He has complete control over sleep. He handles many weapons swiftly with the swiftness of a horse. That is the reason why I chose only Arjuna as the suitable Nara to offer the advice on Kurukshetra, from among the five Pandavas, all of whom possess various rare qualities.”
“Then why did you choose me to offer this advice now?” I promptly repeated my original question.
He gave me such a sweet smile that he had given me only in the Ankapada aashrama before and said, “Udho, brother, you are very clever! Yet you are as pure as a lotus blooming in a lake. Because Arjuna is a complete Nara he got attracted to more women than his other brothers did. In spite of being a Yadava you kept yourself detached from such kind of attachments like guru Ghor Angirasa. That is why I addressed you as ‘Avadhuta’ in the Sudharma assembly full of people. All Yadavas accepted the epithet that I gave you. Even guru Ghor Angirasa approved it in his last visit even though I didn’t ask him. You know very well that he is my guru of Brahmavidya.”
Now most of my doubts were cleared by him. I still had a couple more. It was necessary to get even those cleared at this time, so I asked him, “You said that seeking the energy that resides within oneself is life and the best way to seek it is through complete surrender with utmost devotion and pure love without any expectation. I want to ask you what exactly is devotion and love.”
“Devotion is selfless faith, service
and worship. Love is respectful attraction without any kind of expectation!”
Now touching the most important topic that he had mentioned while describing the difference between both his confidants, Arjuna and me, I asked him, “You mentioned Nari – the woman along with Nara earlier. So how do you define the Nari that you have understood?”
Now his eyes lit up and dazzled. Gazing at the cerulean sky through the thick foliage of the tree above he said, “Understand that Woman is not a birth-giving machine that breeds daughters and sons! Woman is an embodiment of affection.
“Woman is that part of Paramatma, the universal brilliance, that pervades through each household, which is the unending source of affection with the capacity of creation. This affection is beyond the dimensions of weight, distance and time. It is beyond the realms of Jnana, Vijnana, and Prajnana. It is even beyond the three qualities of Tamasa, Rajasa and Sattva.
“A woman is always venerable not only as a mother, grandmother, friend, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, assistant and as a servant but also just as a woman.
“To make all the people who look at me understand the feminine aspect of the Paramatma clearly, I bore this peacock feather in my crown with honour throughout my life. It is the matchless symbol of the fertile female Yoni – the essence of womanhood. Today, more than the Sudarshan chakra that I have renounced completely, this peacock feather on my head is my message to the world.” He had left me spellbound and speechless. I had obtained a complete blessing from him, whom I had served wholeheartedly for the last thirty-six years. Exactly at that moment he spread the rosy palm of his right hand in front of me just like he had spread it in front of Arjuna. I clearly saw the brilliant rare symbols of a pennant, chakra, conch, swastika, triangle, and square on his hand which I had never seen on anybody else’s. Looking deep into my eyes he said, “Avadhuta, do you understand now how you are the confidant of my spiritual life? Promise me that whatever I have told you just now, you will pass it on to the generations to come, by raising an aashrama in Badri-Kedara and teaching it to them yourself.”
Srikrishna- the Lord of the Universe Page 106
