Rock volunteered to operate the syringe. “You know I used to use these… before… for a whole different sort of procedure, though nearly just as painful.” I’d never known this about Rock, but it didn’t surprise me.
I watched him find a vein in Manifest’s arm and easily draw out a full portion of blood. Then swiftly and smoothly, he shot the blood into Sphinx’s arm. Neither of them flinched. On Manifest’s orders, Rock carried out the procedure two more times, just to be sure.
Manifest, holding his arm at the elbow to stem any bleeding, concluded with a speech. “You are unhar,” he said. This was some slight ceremony. “Through this act, I bring you to a new body and a new way of life. I hope that in this new method, the transition is a smooth one. You deserve only the best.”
Only Something Happening
Sphinx
Darkness. Eyes closed. Something was simmering, waiting inside me.
Then light – stars! Stars shot into my eyes, into my mouth, down my throat. Like fire it was, hot and filled with pain.
People put their hands on me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t scream, didn’t struggle. Fire shot through me, down into my gut. My flesh was churning, changing, every part of me. I did not fight it. It was only something happening, something I couldn’t fight.
I remembered, in the middle of it. Heart – I knew his name, I remembered it, too – had told me what was happening. It was like with the nurse warning me. I didn’t know what she said until afterward. Like that… only different. This was clear. Heart had told me and I remembered. I was changing into Wraeththu. No matter what, I should not be afraid.
I was awake, I was asleep. I was terrified, I was calm. Sometimes I saw things in the air, sometimes it was just dark. Other times people were coming to me. My arms were stuck with needles. People spoke to me softly, and sometimes I would feel a bit better, go off to sleep.
At some point later, I woke up and it was Manifest with me. I remembered him and his name now, too. He would not touch me but he sat near to me and smiled, offered me comfort. My skin was burning and my gut was being cut by a hundred knives. It was easy for me to resist the pain, however.
“Would you like more of the drugs?” he asked me.
I squinted my eyes, staring at his mouth, and thought about the question. “No, I’m fine,” I said slowly. “I don’t need the drugs.”
A jolt like electricity shot through me at the sensation of speaking to someone.
Manifest was just as shocked as I was. “You can speak!”
I nodded, weakly, and he said, “It won’t be much longer.”
I’m not sure, but I think it was two more days.
During those days, Manifest left me alone again. Hours went by. I lay still as cells generated, fluids balanced out. Gradually my skin began to clear. I felt my guts come together once again, solid and healthy, instead of the churning torture. There were other changes, too, but I was too tired to see.
Finally the change was complete. The people taking care of me smiled. They said kind words to me and I understood more than something, something, something. “You look incredible!” they said and “Won’t they be surprised!”
They gave me a shower, standing close and soaping me up and down, when I was too tired still to do it myself. I thought about Heart and the other shower. I couldn’t speak to him then, but now I could. And he had promised me, we would.
Things Are Different Now
Heart
I had been waiting nervously on the bed for about an hour when there was a rap on the door. “Come in,” I said, and arranged the hair around my face.
The door opened a few inches and one of the two althaia attendants stuck his head in. “He’s just finishing his shower. We’ll dry him off and put him in a robe, then send him on to you. Are you ready?”
I didn’t pick up any emotions coming off the har so I tried, and failed, to read the expression on his face. “Well, that depends,” I said. “How’s he turned out?”
The har smiled enigmatically. “Oh, you’ll see.”
This was as much as Manifest had told me that morning. I had no idea how things were going with the inception, not even at this late hour. All I knew was that it was over and whatever the result, it was going to come into the room soon and we would be sharing aruna.
Once the attendant went away, I leaned back and tried to calm myself down. Whatever I was about to face, I would be on my best behaviour. Nothing less would be acceptable, not when it was Manifest’s orders.
There was another rap on the door, accompanied by a tendril of thought, an announcement: It’s him.
I smiled, thinking immediately of Manifest’s pronouncement.
The door opened slowly, creaking on its hinges, and there in the entrance stood one of the most entrancing hara I’d ever seen. His hair, which even as a boy had been as full and beautiful as a woman’s, now shone with an irresistible gleam, begging to be touched. His body, tall and lean, tantalized me from beneath a robe of semi-transparent yellow silk. And his eyes, those deep brown eyes I’d first seen as they stared blankly at a fire, now looked at me deliberately, intelligently, longingly.
Come, I gestured, and he stepped forward into the room. The door closed behind him. When he stopped, half-way across the room, I gestured again. “Come sit,” I said, thinking at this stage I might need to speak out loud.
He sat at the foot of the bed, gingerly, as if he was afraid he would break into pieces like a piece of old porcelain. A flicker of memory came back to me; I remembered feeling that way myself after my inception.
“I’m glad to see you made it through. So how are you?” I started off.
He focused on me as I spoke but did not reply, simply tilted his head and looked puzzled.
Oh, no, he’s the same now, only more beautiful, I thought to myself.
But then, he spoke. “I can…” he began, “I can speak. I understand you… Heart.”
“That’s good.” I was stunned. “So what do you say?”
Again there was a brief silence. His eyes locked with mine with a focus they had never had before. “I say… things are different now.”
I nodded. “Yes, they are.” The force that had drawn him to me even as a human boy tugged on me now that he was har. “Want me to show you just how different?”
I reached out for his hand. A jolt of power went up my arm. His brown eyes studied me, and he pursed his lips. “Show me,” he said.
An hour or so later, as we lay tangled in the sheets, I was still showing him – and he was showing me. We couldn’t seem to stop touching one another. It was mainly me doing the talking, but he told me things as well. Where he’d come from, what his inception had been like. Hearing him was like taking part in a miracle. And the power I felt even in the tips of his fingertips, never mind what I’d felt in aruna, was a miracle, too.
Looking at Sphinx, I couldn’t help thinking his new harish body was animated by a different person. The human boy was gone, replaced by a har just as intense, but with the ability to truly share that intensity with the world. The vision of Manifest’s dream was a true one.
It was during a pause in my talking that he reached out and pointed at my chest. “Heart,” he said. “Your name.”
I nodded. “Yes, and a horrible pun – har-t.” When he didn’t laugh, I wasn’t surprised. He was changed, but nothing could make up for his past. Which reminded me…
“You know,” I said, “I don’t even know your name. What is it?”
“John,” he said flatly.
I got up from the bed. “John? Well, that won’t do as a harish name. You need a new name.”
“A new name?” he asked. From his expression, I sensed I had confused him again.
“Yes,” I said. “A new name, for your new life. A new difference.”
I stepped back and thought about what I might name him. Manifest and I hadn’t discussed it. I wondered if he had some particular name in mind, since he sometimes liked to give names to his hara, e
specially those he incepted personally. But as I looked at Sphinx, his high cheekbones and wide eyes, which until today had only stared blankly, incuriously, the name came to me.
“Sphinx,” I said, half to myself, then louder: “Sphinx.” I placed my hands on his head. “That’s your new name.”
“Sphinx,” he repeated. “I like it.”
Pro Lucror
Storm Constantine
The creature of darkness slunk out into the night and glared at the vague moon, which was faintly visible through the smog that hung over the city. He cursed quietly, shook his tousled hair, and stepped into the street. He walked along the centre of the road, where litter blew. There were bloodstains, sometimes, to step over. This was the place of ruins, best avoided. This was the place of demons. The creature walked away from it, towards the weakening, shrinking heart of the city, where humans tried to cling to a normal life. Armoured cars purred past, their ghostly lamp eyes gleaming dully.
He knew what he sought: a huge building without windows. There it was: the mausoleum of hope. The creature sighed, his hollow eyes fixed upon the immense stones. He leaned against a lamp post across the street from the building and waited; a trim tiger.
After maybe an hour, an automatic elevator in the building opposite slid to ground level and opened its metal doors, spewing forth uniformed workers from the vast interior. A soft, female yet metallic voice crooned: ‘Home to bed everyone. Home now to bed. Wake up fresh tomorrow. Fresh. Work hard tomorrow.’
Exhausted figures began to stumble away.
The creature stirred restlessly. His hands were numb from cold. He scanned the figures, seeking the one he had come for, but they all looked the same. It was impossible to discern individual features. The creature sighed again and slunk away down the street. He must take a further risk.
The streetlights were already dimming and patrolling guards lurked in every darkest corner. The creature hurried: it screamed inwardly with frustration.
A voice echoed from the darkness: ‘You’re out a bit late aren’t you… er…’
The creature turned slowly, and saw a guard whose face was mostly hidden by a black glass visor. The creature did not speak, but smiled a little. It would be enough.
The guard cleared his throat, gestured with his black gun. ‘Well… er… hurry along home. The streets are no place for young… for you to frequent after dark.’
The creature inclined its head and walked away. He heard the buzz of static, then a faint metallic voice issue from the communication device in the guard’s helmet.
Jarad entered silently into his apartment. He walked softly into the kitchen, so as not to awaken his neighbours, for the walls were thin. He turned the light onto dim and downed a swig of his week’s ration of milk. Unsatisfied, he turned on the water tap, but the supply had already been disconnected for the night. He shrugged resignedly and made his way into the plush living room. At the threshold he turned up the light a little.
The creature was curled up in a chair, waiting for him. He regarded Jarad stonily.
Jarad’s entire body went hot, then cold. ‘Why are you here?’ His voice was harsh.
The creature’s beautiful face adopted a smile. ‘It’s where you live,’ he said.
Jarad wiped his mouth with the back of one hand. He could still taste milk, and it was sour. ‘How did you get in?’
The creature smiled wistfully. ‘I learned where you hide your spare key. Wasn’t that difficult. Your mind print was all over it.’
‘You must go,’ said Jarad.
The creature shook his head slowly.
‘You must,’ Jarad urged. ‘You can’t stay here. You shouldn’t be here. Go!’
‘I can’t. You must know that. If you want me out, you must use physical force. But I doubt you’d do that either.’
Jarad flared his nostrils. ‘If you’re found here...’ He shook his head. ‘You had no right to come, to invade my privacy.’ He hesitated. ‘What do you want?’
‘Want?’ The creature extended his legs, clad in soft leather, and rose from the chair. He advanced upon Jarad and touched him on the cheek with a long fingered hand. ‘I think you know.’
Jarad flinched away. ‘Get back to where you came from.’
The creature laughed. ‘Remember, you came from there too, Jarad.’
‘I escaped,’ Jarad said. ‘My choice. I won’t live that life. If you’re here to persuade me otherwise, you’re wasting your time.’
‘You are deluding yourself,’ said the creature. ‘You can’t survive here. Not for long. You can’t hide. Eventually, all this will be gone, and then what?’
‘If that happens, I’ll deal with it. I live from day to day.’
The creature slunk back to the chair and arranged himself gracefully. He crossed his legs and rested his elbows upon the chair arms, linking his long fingers beneath his chin.
Jarad felt as if the creature stared holes in him.
‘It is just a sickness you have,’ said the creature. ‘This fear, this denial. It can be cured.’
‘Not your way.’
‘What happened was wrong,’ the creature said. ‘You are not the only one to think it. There are mistakes, because we are so young. It was a mistake. It can be undone.’
‘It can’t,’ Jarad said. ‘You are the mistake – all of you.’
‘Jarad… some things can’t be undone. You know that too. You are one of us.’
‘No,’ Jarad said. ‘I wasn’t given a choice about that either. Now I make it.’
‘You can’t ignore what you are.’
Jarad laughed coldly. ‘I’m doing pretty well, thank you. Watch me. You can sit there as long as you like, say what you like. It won’t change my mind.’
‘Sleep on it,’ said the creature. ‘I’ll give you that time.’
Jarad shook his head. ‘It will make no difference.’ With a final wordless sound, he loped to his bedroom and shut the door carefully behind him. As he undressed, he watched the door all the time and then lay in bed staring at it. He shouldn’t sleep, but he was too tired to resist. He was always tired.
Jarad awoke when the radio in the wall chimed: ‘Awake! Awake! To work! To work hard! A good breakfast and off you go!’
Jarad winced. There were prices to pay for living in the ‘decent’ area of the city over which the Society Government had tenuous ruling. Jarad stretched in his bed, and then froze. He saw that the creature lay asleep beside him. Typical, thought Jarad. Only you could sleep through such an alarm. But he couldn’t help smiling. The creature was naked beneath the quilt, which covered him from the chest down. His tawny skin was as smooth as fur. Jarad’s hands felt hot and dry. It took all his strength not to reach out and touch. All his strength to confine that heat to his hands.
‘I hate you, most beautiful of creatures,’ he said aloud.
The lovely eyes unveiled at once and blinked at him. ‘You talk in your sleep,’ the creature said. ‘You never used to do that.’
‘How would you know? We never slept together.’
Jarad got out of bed and dressed himself quickly in his plain uniform clothes. ‘I’ll have to get you out before the cleaners arrive,’ he said. ‘If you’re seen…’
The creature laughed softly and pulled the quilt over his head.
‘Get up!’ Jarad snapped. ‘If you’re seen, security will be alerted.’
The creature sighed, and then threw back the quilt. Jarad stared for a moment, then averted his eyes.
The creature sat up. ‘Come home, Jarad. We want you back with us.’
‘Who sent you?’ Jarad asked.
The creature pushed back his long honey-coloured hair that fell down over his chest, nearly to his waist. ‘Not anyone in particular,’ he said, ‘although your name has been mentioned often. You are a lost child, Jarad. We care for you.’
Jarad laughed caustically. ‘Care? Is that what it is?’
‘Yes. Listen, I’ll be honest with you. Manticker is planning an assau
lt on City Heart. It will be destroyed – you along with it, most likely. Get out now, while you can. I know for sure that if you return to us, Wraxilan will discipline those who wronged you.’
‘Why? Why should he care?’
‘The Lion cares for his own. You are part of his phyle, part of Oomar.’
‘Yet you say he did not send you, nor did he bother to look for me himself. You’re lying. He doesn’t give a shit.’
The creature raked his hands through his hair. ‘He didn’t know what happened. None of us did. We only found out once you’d gone. You lost yourself pretty well. I only found out where you were because we took someone who had heard of you. That was a big coincidence. It was meant to be. Come home. Wraxilan will give you a blade. You can cut throats with it, if that’s what you want.’
‘Why should I be so important?’ Jarad asked. ‘Aren’t numbers the important thing? There is only one of me. You can always find more, incept more.’
‘You are one of the best,’ the creature said. ‘We cannot let you slip away like this.’
‘But look what I have here,’ Jarad said, making a sweeping gesture with one arm. ‘Would I have all this back there? Warmth, comfort, clean water?’
‘You would have freedom,’ the creature said softly, ‘and me also, if you so desired.’
Jarad made an angry sound. ‘Doesn’t everyone have you?’
The creature shrugged. ‘That didn’t used to bother you. I know you wanted me, Jarad, and I’m sorry I played with you. It was just a game, and I didn’t know you’d simply disappear. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.’ He grinned mordantly. ‘Do you see what you’ve done? I just apologised and I never do that!’
‘You would give yourself to me, just to lure me back?’ Jarad uttered a snort. ‘There’s more to this than you say. I don’t flatter myself I’m that desirable.’
The creature stood up and dressed himself. ‘You are. That was the point of the game.’
Paragenesis: Stories of the Dawn of Wraeththu Page 35
