I rolled my eyes as I heard Sean’s key’s jiggling outside of the door to my townhouse. I lived in a quiet neighborhood in Pasadena. For the most part, I spent most of my time there alone. Sometimes, my girls, Mariah, Elle, and Fatima, who dated one of Antwan Jared’s drummers, would spend the night at my place to keep me company. I had a white and blue Pit named Steel to keep me company when my girls weren’t around. He’d fuck your ass up if you even raised your voice at me. He was one of Sean’s apology gifts. And I think that dog loved me more than Sean did. He lay asleep at the foot of my bed. That dog used to love Sean. Over the years, he’d gotten used to Sean not being around. He used to race to the door as soon as he heard Sean’s car pull up outside. Now, all he did was grunt when he heard Sean’s keys jiggling at the door.
“Where have you been?” I huffed, turning around to face Sean as he strolled through the front door, wheeling his brown Gucci suitcases behind him.
That nigga was fine as fuck. Every time I saw his face or even felt his presence, my stomach did back flips. I swear, you put this nigga next to R&B artist August Alsina and you couldn’t tell the difference. And the worst part about him was that the nigga knew he was fine. He knew he was talented. He knew he had too many hoes chasing after him to let one hoe, me, get on his got damn nerves about where he’d been and what the fuck he was doing with his time. It didn’t help that the muthafucka had a dick the size of his forearm either. This nigga was the definition of ‘cocky’.
“What’s good, shawty?” Sean took a deep breath, parking his suitcases behind my sofa.
I stood from the table, facing him, arms folded. “You forgot that we had plans, Sean?” I watched him stroll over to me, dressed in all white and purple, from his hat to his Guiseppe high-tops.
Sean walked over to me, looking my hair over. He smiled, perfect white teeth gleaming. Why did he have to be so damn fine? “Damn, you look good as a muthafucka, shawty. All this for me?” He grabbed me to him, unfolding my arms.
I looked up into his face. “Fatima called me, said your flight landed at two o’clock today.”
Sean looked down into my face as he removed his hat from his head.
I looked over his neatly trimmed mustache and the finely trimmed hair on his chin. I looked back into his eyes.
“Fatima needs to mind her own got damn business. She needs to concentrate on little drummer boy and stop worrying about what the fuck I do. Yeah, my flight landed at two o’clock. I’ve been at the studio with The Jeweler and his crew since about 3:30. Afterwards, we went out for drinks.” Sean slid his cool hands around my bare waist.
He knew his touch drove me wild, which was why the muthafucka always touched me when I was mad at him. Just one touch, one look from that boy, always set my soul into flames. I hated how much I loved him because I’d forgive him for just about anything he’d done. The muthafucka was lying to me. I don’t think Antwan even finished signing autographs at my store that day until around 5:30. After security got rid of the crowd, I had to lead Antwan and his crew through what us mall employees called The Tunnel, which was the hidden inside tunnel entrance behind the outlets. Antwan and his crew walked as slowly as they could, along with me and my girls, trying to make sure that we were going to hit up The Rhymes that night. Antwan said he was signing me up to perform because he wanted to see what I was working with. I told him that I’d try to make it but that I wasn’t making any promises. When Rhandy told Mariah that Serene, Joy, and Roxanne from the dance group, Black Beauty, from Howard University were going to make an appearance at the club that night, you already know she was on it. The word was out that this group was working closely with Anastasia Jones. Elle just wanted to be a part of the mix, so she promised to go with Mariah. I think Antwan talked to me in the back of the mall until around 6:30 that night. So, wherever Sean was, it wasn’t with Antwan.
“You’re lying.” I looked into his face, watching his nostrils begin to flare. He hated when I questioned him. He hated when I got all “insecure” on him. “I don’t know where you were, but it sure as hell wasn’t with Antwan and his crew. You’re always standing me up, Sean.” I pushed his hands off of me. “I haven’t seen you in months, and the first place you’d rather be when you step foot in Maryland is not with your girl? The girl you’ve known since elementary school? My birthday is Sunday, got damn Valentine’s Day; do we have plans or not?”
Sean’s eyes just searched my face. I hated that ‘I could really give a fuck what you’re talking about’ look that he always wore on his face. Sometimes, that nigga cared, and sometimes, he didn’t, and that shit always drove me crazy.
“Are we supposed to have plans?” Sean watched my eyes grow bigger before I rolled them. “I have mad work to do all weekend, Ma.”
“Ugh!” I screamed out in frustration, walking past him. “Sean! It’s fucked up enough that I have never been out with you or your boys, but now you’re in town after being gone three months, and you’re about to be in the studio with them on my muthafuckin’ birthday? Can I go to the studio with you? Shit, we can have dinner there.”
Sean laughed to himself, following behind me. “Nah, Audrey. You don’t wanna be around my niggas. The spot is gonna be filled with purple haze, liquor bottles, and groupies. Oh, and IP might roll through too. They practice there in the studio.”
I stopped in my tracks, turning around to face him. “Oh, so my sista can hang with you, but I can’t be there with you?” I was hurt.
Sean’s face grimaced. “What? Audrey, it’s not the environment that I want my sweet girl to be a part of. I’ma be mixing beats all got damn weekend. As a matter-of-fact, I gotta be there tonight at 9:00. I just came here to drop my bags off.”
I was pissed. I shoved Sean in his chest with both hands. “You are so got damn selfish! You don’t give a fuck about me! I’ve been sitting here, waiting on you, and the first thing you do when you get home is work? I’m sick of this! Get’cha shit and get out!” I pushed past him, on my way to his luggage that he parked by my couch.
Sean found my anger hilarious. “Bae, why you trippin’? Why you mad, huh? Why are you always in ya got-damn feelings?” He grabbed my hand, pulling me back to him before I grabbed his shit. I was about to sling that shit outside in the yard. “You want me to beat the pussy up, huh? That’s why you mad?”
“I want you to stay with me tonight, Sean! We don’t have to go out; I just want a little bit of your time. You don’t have time for me! I’ve known you damn near all my life, and all I get out of you are texts, tags on Facebook, and maybe five-minute phone conversations!” I looked into his face, trying to pull from him, but Sean grabbed my face, kissing my lips. I melted in his mouth as he kissed, nipped, and sucked on my lips. I moaned in his mouth. Kisses were a rarity with that nigga, so when I got a kiss from him, I embraced the moment, never knowing when or if I’d receive another one. “Sean, I miss you. Please stay with me tonight!” I squealed as Sean started to unsnap and then unzip my jeans.
“I wanna stay with you, bae, but I’ve got work to do tonight. I won’t be out late; I promise.” Sean whispered between kisses, unbuckling his belt, unsnapping and then unzipping his jeans. “Turn that ass around.”
I shook my head, eyes growing misty. “Sean, a quickie? That’s all you’ve got for me?” I panted as Sean started to push my pants over my hips.
Sean quickly turned my body around. “Grab the couch,” he whispered in my ear before kissing my neck, right behind my ear. That was one of my spots, and he knew that shit too.
The only time we were in tune was when it came to sex. Any other time, we were just on two completely different pages; shit, we were in two completely different books, in completely different genres. I didn’t even know how we’d lasted so long.
I grabbed the couch as Sean quickly pulled that long, thick, dick of his out of his pants. I braced myself, gasping as Sean wrapped his arm around my waist, pressing his body up against mine, holding my body close. He didn’t bother to play with the pu
ssy to get her wet because he already knew that as soon as he asked me if I wanted him to beat the pussy, she was already drooling. Like I said, I wished I didn’t love him so much. But he was all I knew. He was my first. I gave myself to him for the first time while he was dating someone else back in high school. It was prom night. I went to the prom with some other dude and still ended up in Sean’s bed that night.
Sean panted in my ear as he eased his way inside of me. My pussy collapsed around his penis, sucking it in, gripping it tight. “Got damn, there’s no place like home.” Sean laughed in my ear, arm wrapped around me, hand gripping my hip.
“Stay with me tonight, Sean…” I sighed as he began to stroke. I couldn’t tell you how many years it took to get used to Sean’s dick. He was the only man I’d ever been with sexually, and any man after him would have a lot to live up to when it came to sex. Sean wasn’t the least bit romantic, but his stroke was on point. If he held me after sex, if he would slow down a little and let me enjoy the moment, he would be just right. We never once made love. The only way Sean could ever make me cum was when he ate me out. Not saying I didn’t love to feel his lips on me, but I always had to reciprocate. His dick was humungous, and my gag reflex was real serious, y’all. The sex was amazing, but we never connected on a spiritual level. I never felt at one with him. He was always so distant. The only time we had sex missionary was on prom night, four years ago. I needed a connection with Sean, not a quickie. It was as if he was afraid to connect with me on any level. The only time this fool needed me was when he wanted me to help him write music, which he never gave me credit for.
I think Sean might have gotten four pumps in when his iPhone rang in his pocket. The nigga didn’t stop pumping, but he slowed down a little and actually answered his phone.
“Really?” I panted, looking back at him.
“What’s up?” Sean spoke through the phone.
I couldn’t hear the conversation but I could hear the muffled sound of a woman’s voice.
“A’ight, I’m on my way,” Sean said before ending the conversation and putting the phone back in his pocket.
I whimpered a little as he pulled out of me. “Seriously?” I looked over my shoulder at him, watching him pull his pants up, zip them, and then buckle his belt. I turned around, facing him, pulling my panties up, then my pants. “I’m not even worth a quickie? Who the fuck was that?”
“Karen Black. She needs me to roll with her to the studio.” Sean watched the irritated expression on my face. “Don’t look at me like that. She’s the entire reason for my existence in the music industry. When she calls, I haul ass.”
I looked into his face as I buttoned my pants over my waist. I folded my arms, watching Sean dig through a pocket on his suitcase. He pulled out a royal blue velvet box. I already knew what it was before he turned to me with the box and opened it. It was the diamond, platinum cuff bracelet that my sister wore on her wrist. I guess Sean thought I didn’t notice. He must have forgotten that I had a sister who bragged about the jewelry that she was laced with. She claimed that the CEO of IE gave all of the dancers the same bracelet, though she was the only one who I saw with it on. But if Sean wanted me to play dumb, I was going to play dumb.
I looked at Sean as he looked down at my wrist, sliding the bracelet onto it.
“I gotta go.” Sean kissed my left cheek before turning around, walking away from me.
“Sean!” I called out to him. “What time are you coming home? Are you coming home?”
Sean grinned at me over his shoulder, putting his purple cap back on his head. “No matter what I do or who I’m with, don’t I always come home?”
And then he left me. Alone. As usual.
Chapter Two
You and that Bitch
“I can’t believe that I let you two talk me into this.” I sighed, nervous out of my mind as me, Elle, Mariah, and Fatima stepped out of Fatima’s red Porsche that night in the parking lot in front of The Rhymes.
“Well, believe it, girl.” Fatima rolled her big brown eyes as she stood alongside me, dressed in her burgundy fitted silk dress and black Red Bottoms. She was dressed to kill. As were the rest of my team. “That nigga is in this club, Audrey. I’m telling you; my bae said he’s in this bitch. Said he’s in here with your got damn sister. I say you slip your ass backstage and surprise this nigga with your skills, right in front of that bitch.”
I shook my head to myself as Mariah slipped her arm around my waist.
I looked at my girl.
Mariah looked at me, sympathizing with my pain; at the same time, revenge was written all over her face. “That nigga pulled out’cha pussy to come here so he could get up in hers tonight. I’m telling you, he’s fuckin’ your sister. Get in here, rock this mic, and get this job. You don’t belong at Foot Locker. Sean has been using your lyrics against you for years. That’s your shit he’s been rewriting, making the shit hood. He’s good, but you’re better. And you need to show that muthafucka tonight. Now let’s go.”
I was sweating bullets as my girls trailed in front of me, down the red carpet, straight into the club that night. The place was packed. I’d been there a few times with my girls, but it was never that packed. Antwan was in town; that was what it was. He almost never came to his brother’s club. I didn’t know much about Antwan, but what I did know was that he used to be a member of the Royals. He still rocked purple every now and then to let the world know he was Royal until he died, but he didn’t do the dirt for them that he once did. His twin brother, Apollo, was knee deep in the shit. Apollo was the leader of the Royals. As much as Antwan hated the life, I was sure he hated to see that his brother was never letting go.
“There he is.” Elle whispered in my ear as we made it to the end of the hallway entrance to the club. She pointed over at Sean, who was hand and hand with not only Brandie but with her friend, Cara, who was a dancer as well.
I shook my head as Fatima grabbed my hand. “That muthafucka.”
“Girl, fuck that nigga. Come on, girl.” Fatima rolled her eyes. “I got us the table right in front of the stage. Y’all grab a seat, and I’ll meet y’all there. I can’t wait to see the look on that nigga’s face when Audrey kills this shit!”
Fatima had more confidence in me than I had in myself. I was hurt when I saw Sean with my sister. I already knew the nigga wasn’t working that night, but to tell me that he was working and then I saw for myself that he was with Brandie… Yeah, I was ready to show out that night. I didn’t feel much like singing or flowing. Reciting my poetry and singing to myself in the shower or at work in between customers was one thing, but to perform on stage in front of Karen Black or Antwan Jared was another thing. I was so ready to just forget the whole thing, go out there on the floor, and beat the fuck out of my sister in front of Sean, until I saw Antwan backstage, talking to everyone who was about to perform that night. He was so down to earth and so friendly, nothing like the celebrities that came to that club who were too much to even shake your hand or give you an autograph. He shook the male performers hands and hugged the ladies. One of the contestants was even crying when he hugged her. He dried her cheeks and kissed her forehead. And then he saw me, walking backstage, still dressed in my high-waisted jeans, knee-high Jordan’s, and white crop top.
“You came. That’s what’s up.” Antwan’s braces sparkled as he smiled at me, watching me and Fatima walk up to him that night backstage. He looked me over. “That’s a cute outfit. Sexy but comfortable. Looks like something a girl made for me would wear.”
I blushed, looking down at my feet.
“Can’t wait until you take the stage tonight, shawty. I’m geeked like a muthafucka that you showed up.” Antwan told me.
I sighed, looking him over a little. That nigga was too fine. My eyes traced the tattoos that trailed up his neck and around his ear. I looked back into his face. I stood there, holding my leather notebook against my chest. I must have written over three hundred songs in that book. It was my lyrical j
ournal. I wrote in it every day. I hadn’t shared it with anyone, but that day, I was about to share the song that I wrote about Sean on the way over to the club.
“My girl here is the best you’ve ever heard, Antwan.” Fatima put her arm over my shoulder, laying her face against mine, her straight hair brushing against my face. “Aye, contestants, listen up: my chick here is about to win this contest. No offense to any of y’all, but y’all might as well just go the fuck home.”
Antwan and I both looked at her crazy ass, shaking our heads.
Fatima rolled her eyes. “Antwan, you’ve been around me enough to know that I hold no punches. See you out there on the dance floor, Audrey!” Fatima kissed my cheeks, and strolled her way from behind the purple curtain.
The LyricsTo His Song Page 3
