by Helly Acton
Thandi looks at him hard.
‘No, that would be a disaster,’ she says, unblinking.
‘Exactly, why risk—’ Ben continues, but she cuts him off.
‘No, Ben, you misunderstand me. I don’t want to love Simone and I don’t want her to love me. Shared feelings between us would be a catastrophe. It would risk everything we’ve worked so hard for. It wouldn’t just destroy our friendship, it would destroy the other friendships we have around us. It wouldn’t only ruin our personal reputations, it would ruin our professional reputations, too. It would put our business at risk, and our employees to boot. I’d never do that to them. I’d never do that to my mum. It would be like throwing everything she gave me back in her face. I’d never dream of being that selfish. We’ve worked too hard and too long for this. Nothing feels as good as fulfilling a personal ambition. Not even Simone, despite what my hormones might suggest.’
‘She got one over on you there, didn’t she?’ Millie grins at Ben from across the table in the hotel, her eyes resting on his for a little too long. She’s just inhaled her first glass of wine.
‘Uh?’ His forehead twitches. ‘No, she didn’t. Her entire story is one-sided. How does she know that fulfilling a personal ambition is better than being in a relationship, if she’s never been in one? Answer me that.’ He takes a victory sip.
‘I actually don’t think it’s love,’ Millie replies. ‘It’s infatuation. She’s a high achiever, who’s used to getting what she wants and works for. And now she’s become obsessed with attaining something unattainable.’
‘Infatuation is just a big word for a crush. Crushes are fleeting and love is long term. Big difference. You can’t be infatuated with someone for twenty years, can you?’ Ben asks.
‘I wouldn’t know,’ Millie responds. ‘I’ve never been infatuated, or in love. I don’t know anyone who’s been in a relationship that’s lasted. Look at June’s parents. Look at . . . you and Sarah.’
‘Fair play.’ Ben nods. ‘But look at my parents. Their love has lasted for decades.’
‘Well, that’s amazing. But you have to admit it’s a rarity.’
‘It sure is,’ Ben says, and smiles.
Millie nods yes to another glass, even though she shouldn’t. Tomorrow’s Friday. It’s still a workday. And they have an early checkout. They also have to drive to their final interview in Laugharne at 9 a.m. But to end the night now seems too soon.
‘Have you been infatuated with anything?’ he asks.
‘My career, I suppose. Making sure I achieve my ambitions before I’m thirty. I made myself a vision board when I was sixteen, and I’m working my way down the list.’
‘Did you have “visit Wales” on there?’
‘Yes!’
‘Glad I could help. Being infatuated with your career is kind of cool. And it looks like you might be on your way with this promotion, so cheers to that!’ he says, raising his glass before shouting loudly across the hotel bar and making her jump. ‘To Millie Jones! Chief creative officer at Slide!’
‘Stop, please!’ she whispers, cringing.
‘You embarrass easily, don’t you?’ He squints.
‘I’m a behind-the-scenes type,’ she says, reaching across the table and bringing his hand back down.
‘I think what you need is to care less about what other people think,’ Ben says, putting his glass down.
‘No,’ she replies, her eyebrows raised. ‘What I need is for you to care more about what other people think.’
An hour later, they amble down the hotel corridor, in a heated debate about who they’d rather be stuck on an island with, Adrian or Sasha.
‘Sasha might bark, but she doesn’t bite. Which means she’s basically harmless. I could just sit there with my toes in the sand,’ Ben argues.
‘You honestly want Sasha’s bark to be the only other voice you hear for three months?’ Millie says, before quickly stifling a hiccup.
‘I’d rather a bark than laser beam stares burning a hole into the back of my head. Does Adrian look at you like that too?’ Ben asks.
‘I mean, you could just climb a tree.’
‘Laser beams, Belle! They’d follow you right up into the branches. And probably burn the whole tree down.’
When they reach her door, she looks at him and points a finger down the hall.
‘You missed your door,’ she says, and this time her hiccup escapes and echoes down the hotel passage. She throws her hand up to her mouth and laughs.
He giggles too, and stares at her.
‘Sorry, what did you say?’ he eventually asks, with his pointy tooth showing.
‘Your door, Ben.’ She laughs. ‘This is mine. My door. Your door!’ She points down the corridor.
He looks back, then looks at her door, then looks back, then looks at her again.
‘Ah-ha!’ he shouts with the passion of a eureka moment and Millie hushes him. It’s late. ‘Gotcha. Well, that was fun, Willie.’ He giggles. ‘Do you like my new nickname for you?’
‘’Night, Ben.’ She turns to her door as he plods back down the corridor.
Her door card doesn’t work at first, which triggers a mild panic within her. Looking over at Ben, she sees him struggling, too. They catch each other’s gaze and shrug. And just like that, their doors ping open at the same time.
He mouths goodnight.
Inside, Millie puts her bag by her feet and leans against the door with her eyes closed in an attempt to calm her spinning head.
All of a sudden, there’s a loud bang on the door behind her and she screams, jumping away. ‘Ben?’ she cries as she stands on tiptoe and peers through the peephole. There’s no one there.
‘Ben?’ she repeats through the door, before turning the handle and inching it open. Still no one. Millie opens it wider and pokes her head right into the corridor to find Ben with his back to the wall, staring up at the ceiling.
‘What are you doing?’ she cries. ‘You scared the life out of me!’
‘Ah, but did I scare the hiccups out of you?’ he replies.
‘Yes! And you’ve probably woken the entire floor!’
‘Whoops! Sorry!’ he whispers, turning and creeping back towards his room.
If he asked her to follow him to his room for a drink, she would in a heartbeat. It’s their last night, after all. Just a few more moments of time alone, together. She wishes she had the courage to ask him. Would he say yes? Maybe. But if he said no, she could never look at him again. She listens to her inner voice whispering no and shuts the door. She has an early start, and they have important work to do tomorrow. She heads straight for the bathroom and splashes her face with cold water. This isn’t her. It’s the wine.
Millie’s phone vibrates. It’s a message on ‘Scum Chums’.
June:
Pals, it’s Friday tomorrow and I’m starting to feel thirsty. Still up for drinks?
June:
Can’t wait to catch up x
Millie:
MISS YOU! x
June:
Yeah yeah, bet you say that to all your friends
Al:
She said it to me last night
Ruth:
She texts it to me every day
Al:
Bit clingy
Millie:
Very funny, scums
Eighteen
On Friday morning, they pull up to a picturesque cottage by the sea in Laugharne. Standing on the stone step, Millie and Ben press their backs against the wooden doorway, sheltering themselves from the soft summer rain and staring out across the choppy ocean in front of them. The grey wall behind their backs is covered with tangled, windswept creepers and vines. Such a mess would normally make Millie squirm, but there’s something comforting about the view.
‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ Ben comments. Before she has time to reply, the door behind them unlatches. They turn to see two beaming smiles greet them from the same height.
‘You must be Millie and Ben. Wel
come to Laugharne!’ says one. ‘I’m Betty, and this is my partner Marius.’
Poor Marius is radiating anxiety, delivering a vigorous handshake with clammy palms and muttering ‘hello’ repeatedly.
‘It’s lovely to meet you both,’ says Ben with his broadest smile, stepping into the hallway. ‘You two are very lucky to live here, aren’t you?’
‘Oh, well. Maybe. I suppose we’re lucky in some ways, unlucky in others. What with all the tourists on our doorstep.’ Marius shrugs, laughing.
‘We get enough looks already, don’t we, Maz?’ chirps Betty, grabbing his waist and squeezing him to her.
‘Well, that’s what we’re here to talk about,’ Millie says, feeling chilly in her puddle-soaked sandals, and wishing she’d taken Ben seriously when he told her to bring wellies. But sometimes, it’s hard to take him seriously.
‘Wow, check these out!’ Ben says, holding up a pair of tiny boots with rainbow monsters all over them and crocodile teeth on the bottom. ‘Yours, Betty?’ he teases her.
‘I wish!’ she laughs back. ‘Those are Lily’s. She’s at a friend’s, back in a few hours. We thought it best she wasn’t here.’
Millie feels instantly at home, drawn to the hotchpotch of framed photographs in the hallway. In every single one the three of them appear together, laughing at the camera.
They follow Betty into the living room, where there’s a crackling fire and a tray of tea and biscuits on the coffee table. Everything is floral, and nothing matches, but somehow it all comes together. There are old paper books on every surface, ornaments in every gap and a sea of blankets on the sofas. Millie nods to the offer of tea as she sits down on the edge of the couch. It’s so squishy that she fears she’ll never get up if she leans back.
Betty and Marius sit on the opposite sofa. There’s an awkward silence for a few seconds until Ben crunches loudly on a home-made ginger nut and their heads all turn at once.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbles. ‘Delicious biscuits.’
The four of them giggle and the tension fades.
‘Thank you,’ Marius says, more relaxed.
‘So, Betty and Marius. How does your story start?’ Millie asks, sipping her tea.
‘At high school,’ Betty answers. ‘We were polar opposites. Still are in many ways, I suppose. I was the class rebel, Marius was the class star. One school holiday, we were working at the same hotel. I was a waitress and Marius washed the dishes, so we spent a lot of time in each other’s company. That’s when we realised there was a spark between us. We got together that summer, kept it quiet for a year, then told our friends and family the minute we finished our A levels.’
‘And how did they react?’ Ben asks.
‘Dad didn’t bat an eyelid,’ Betty answers. ‘He was used to me doing things differently. He said he always knew I’d end up in a couple, with my personality. I hate being alone.’
‘My mum was upset,’ Marius sighs. ‘She was worried I’d been led astray, and thought I was throwing away my future. She refused to accept that Betty was my future. I think she’s finally accepted it after all these years, but sometimes I still catch her looking at me with tears in her eyes,’ he says, rolling his own. ‘I have to yell at her and tell her to stop worrying about me. That there are lots of couples my age. I don’t have to be single to be happy.’
‘And we were happy, until a few months ago, when the government introduced all these new penalties for couples,’ Betty adds. ‘First there was that crazy couples’ climate tax, which has pushed our monthly bills up by 5 per cent just because we have a slightly higher carbon footprint than single occupancy households.’
‘Then along came the single credit incentive that rewards single people for staying single,’ Marius adds. ‘Simply because the government views them as more solid and stable in society. And did you know that we pay more for private health insurance than singles? Apparently, couples have a higher risk of suffering from mental stress.’
‘If you add up the contributions and taxes over time, being a couple comes at a considerable expense,’ Betty says. ‘We were prepared to take the hit at the beginning, and we budgeted for the extra day-to-day costs of being together, like groceries, bills and such. But we’re planning for the future and we’re feeling the pinch. We’d love to buy this place, but it’s almost impossible to get a mortgage as a couple, with the higher fees.’
‘I had no idea about any of this,’ Millie says, shocked. ‘Why should the government be involved in your relationship status? What business is it of theirs? That would be like the government turning round and telling me that I get tax breaks because I’m single.’
‘You do!’ Betty and Marius cry in unison, and then laugh.
‘What? Why are they promoting being single?’ Millie scoffs.
‘Because they’re desperate to discourage couples,’ Betty says, shaking her head.
‘That sounds like discrimination,’ Millie replies.
‘It is! We’ve also heard rumours on the romantic relationship circuit that the government is introducing couple-parent ‘drop-ins’ to check on the welfare of the children,’ Marius says. ‘Apparently it’s to make sure that they aren’t growing up in households where the parental relationship has gone toxic and is having a negative impact on the child’s well-being. We can understand why that’s important, of course. But shouldn’t single parents be subject to the same investigation?’
Millie thinks of June, and Deion, and wonders whether that might have been of benefit to them.
‘So, until a few years ago, we were happy,’ Betty explains. ‘We still are, inside these four walls. But financially, and practically, it’s getting harder and harder for couples. And for Lily, too. She has to repeatedly explain to her classmates why her parents are in a romantic relationship.’
‘What does she say?’ Ben asks.
‘That we love each other,’ Marius says, squeezing Betty’s hand.
‘Then they all say that’s yucky and laugh at her,’ Betty sighs.
‘The saddest thing is, her mood is beginning to change,’ Marius explains. ‘She’s always been so sunny, so loving, so carefree. But in the last year, we can see this shadow over her that just won’t go away. She always says she’s OK. But, when I picked her up from school the other day, she had food stains all over her bag. When we asked her why, she said there’d been a food fight at school. But when I looked at the other bags on the backs of her classmates, they were clean.’
‘Don’t forget how the other parents treat you at the school gate,’ adds Betty.
‘Well, they aren’t hostile, but they aren’t friendly,’ Marius adds. ‘They don’t include us in their parties, and they clam up whenever I go over to say hello. I’ve stopped approaching them altogether.’
‘We love each other,’ Betty says. ‘We would do anything for each other, and we aren’t ashamed of who we are. But we would both take Oxytoxin in a heartbeat, knowing it would make Lily more secure – financially and emotionally. She comes first, above everything.’
Ben sits up, puts his tea down and clears his throat. ‘I grew up in an official couple household,’ he says. ‘It was hard at times. But I learnt how to manage it. How to cope. Eventually they got used to me. We got older. The whispers stopped. With complete respect for whatever decision you make, do you really want to break up your family by doing this? Look around you. You only have to be here for three seconds to know that this is a house of joy.’
‘Thank you,’ Betty says.
‘We aren’t breaking up the family, Ben, we’re fixing it,’ says Marius. ‘Betty and I have been under a lot of stress because of our situation. Sometimes even taking it out on each other. I don’t want us to fight.’
‘Would you miss each other?’ Millie asks.
‘We would still be together, physically,’ Betty answers. ‘One of us would move to the barn at the back. We’d see each other all the time, have dinner together, share care responsibilities. We’d be platonic co-parents.’
> ‘We’re hoping that Oxytoxin will dampen the romantic spark between us, but that we’ll still love each other like best friends do.’ Betty gazes at Marius. ‘We’ll still be best friends, and that’s the love that lasts, don’t you think?’
‘If that’s the way you feel, couldn’t you do that without taking a pill that permanently stamps it out? What about when Lily’s older and she doesn’t live here anymore? You might want to rekindle things, no?’ Ben tilts his head.
‘That’s twelve years away. I’m not willing to take the risk,’ Marius says.
An hour later, and it’s time to leave. But when they open the door, they’re greeted by a thick sheet of rain. The tide has swelled right up to the street and is lapping furiously at the doorstep.
Ben’s staring at his phone. ‘The roads to Cardiff have been closed off. Flash flooding.’
Nineteen
Betty tugs on Marius’s sleeve and pulls him into the kitchen corridor out of earshot.
‘This is a disaster,’ Millie whispers, pacing the hallway.
‘It’ll be OK,’ Ben says. ‘We’ll work something out. At least we can avoid the Friday night rush into London!’
Millie looks at him leaning against the stone wall, flicking through a magazine about the local area without a care in the world. She wonders how he can be so relaxed, and feels irritated by his indifference. It’s making her feel silly about being distressed. Wouldn’t most people worry in this situation? Perhaps it’s easier for him because he’s at home here. Or perhaps nothing distresses him.
Millie:
Roads closed. Stuck in South Wales. No idea when I’ll be back
June:
No! Are you OK?
Millie:
Bit stressed
June:
Find a hotel, have a bath, order your weight in room service x
Betty and Marius reappear with some towels, a bottle of wine and a small hamper.
