by Helly Acton
‘So, did you enjoy being back in the motherland?’ June asks him.
‘Loved it, have you been?’ Ben asks.
‘I haven’t, but Millie and I are always scouting for dream beach houses to buy together when we get old and bored of London.’
‘Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.’ Ben grins.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You don’t have to pretend you’re a couple.’ Ben chuckles. ‘But I do appreciate the method acting. Five stars.’
‘Oh, it’s not acting!’ June smiles. ‘We’re going to live together like an old couple when we hit sixty-five. We’re adopting Al. It’s a done deal, isn’t it, Mils?’
Millie nods, detecting a hint of discomfort from Ben as he sips his beer.
‘So, who’s your secret crush?’ June asks, poking Ben in the chest.
‘Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret!’ Ben smiles.
‘Oh, come on,’ June says. ‘I presume she or he is in Tenby, not here?’
‘Fair point.’ He nods. ‘She’s just an old floozy I know from back home.’ Ben chuckles, looking out at the party. ‘Drinks like a fish, swears like a sailor and totally and utterly drop-dead gorgeous. But, sadly, in a relationship with someone else, as I recently found out. Isn’t it always the way?’
‘What is?’ June asks, looking confused.
‘You always want what you can’t have,’ Ben replies, glancing at Millie.
Twenty-Four
The office is dark outside the boardroom on Wednesday night, where Millie is sitting alone under cold white lights, tweaking the final elements of the pitch proposal ahead of the presentation tomorrow. As she taps away at the pitch on-screen, she reminisces about her late nights sitting in this exact seat opposite Ruth. Millie is meant to give Ruth an answer tonight. She’s spent the week noting the pros and cons of joining her at Twocan on her phone. She opens up her notes.
Pros
Working with Ruth
Not working with Sasha
Cons
No security
No sick pay
No holiday pay
No office
No customers
No guarantee of success
No Ben
Millie stops typing for a second and looks across the room at the whiteboard covered in red and blue scribble. Underneath the scribble are layers of more scribble, going back years. Christmas campaigns, Slidetember, the Slidies. It would be crazy to leave now, just as she’s on the brink of being recognised for everything she’s worked so hard on.
‘An app for couples? How many users does she expect to have? It sounds so niche, it’s certain to fail,’ said Vivian in a frenzied phone call on the way to work this morning. ‘Promise me you won’t take that role. It would be utter madness. Stay at Slide, get the promotion, make a name for yourself with Oxytoxin, then leave on a high and start your own agency. I mean, there’s risk and then there’s reckless.’
Staying at Slide is the sensible option. And, with the promotion, she has a huge opportunity within reach.
The light in the kitchen comes on.
Then there’s him, she thinks. Ben, who is currently making every day here a good day. Ben, who she thinks about constantly. Ben, who gives her comfort just by sitting across the desk from her. Ben, who has spilled beer all over the counter and is frantically mopping it up with a coaster. Millie is fully aware of how inappropriate her Ben crush is. But she is also fully aware that the flirtation between them is harmless fun. And of course, it doesn’t mean anything. If there’s one thing this pitch has taught her, it’s that love might feel real to the people who experience it, but it’s just hormones. Nothing more. She could put a stop to it if she really wanted to. Besides, he won’t be here forever.
Millie returns to her screen for one final check of their pitch deck, as Ben approaches the boardroom with a bottle of beer in each hand.
‘Shall we take this outside?’ he asks, opening the door with his back. ‘To be clear, I want to have a beer on the roof garden. I don’t want a fight.’
‘That’s a shame,’ she says, shutting her laptop. ‘I reckon I’d crush you in a thumb war.’
‘Ah, fighting talk. I like it.’
‘I do actually need some fresh air. I feel like I’m beginning to fester,’ she says, standing up and grabbing both of their jackets before following him up the stairs to the twentieth floor. The roof garden is Millie’s favourite office spot, and at night it’s extra special. A soft green lawn with a long glass wall overlooking the river, tidy beds of roses and lavender planted so symmetrically it gives Millie great satisfaction just staring at them. Above the lawn are criss-crossing strings of tiny twinkling lanterns that cast a warm orange glow. When she’s up here, Millie likes to lean back in a deckchair and squint at the lanterns, imagining that the stars have dropped down. After checking that no one is watching her first, of course.
Millie takes a rug from the communal box and lays it across two deckchairs in the centre of the lawn, as Ben places the bottles on the table between them. All she can hear is the soft hum of traffic from below and the occasional siren in the distance.
Ben opens a bottle of beer and hands it to her.
‘Drinking before a pitch?’ Millie fake-gasps, taking the bottle, stretching her legs out and leaning back. Normally she wouldn’t drink on a weekday night before a big meeting, but she’s feeling confident about the pitch and figures one won’t hurt. Ben sits down, stretches his legs alongside hers and looks up at the lights. He closes his eyes for a few seconds to bask in the glow, and looks so beautiful in the moment that Millie takes a mental snapshot of him in this light.
‘So, think we’re finished?’ he asks, lifting his head and turning to her. She abruptly turns her head back in case he sees her staring.
‘What?’ she replies quickly, startled by the suggestion.
‘The presentation? Are we finished?’ he repeats.
‘Oh, yeah, I think so,’ she says, calmer. ‘I can’t believe how much we got done today! Go us.
‘A toast to the dream team,’ he says, lifting his bottle in the air and stretching it towards her. Millie reaches across to meet it, still staring straight ahead.
‘Belle, what are you doing?’ he cries softly.
‘What?’ she says, turning to him.
‘We have to look into each other’s eyes when we say cheers! It’s ten years of bad luck if you don’t.’
‘Ten years? That’s a pretty long time,’ she replies.
As they stare at each other and re-clink, it feels like the world pauses. For just a few seconds, everything is still. Everything but Millie’s racing heart. Suddenly uncomfortable, she breaks off their stare and takes her gaze up to the lanterns. Ben, after a while, does the same. She needs to say something. Anything.
‘So, I have a question for you,’ Millie says. ‘How long do you think you’ll be here?’
‘If we’re done, I’d say half an hour or so?’ he replies breezily.
‘No, I mean at Slide,’ she says. ‘You mentioned you wanted to go travelling again.’
‘Ah,’ he says. ‘Yes, I do want to. Plus, you know, I don’t think it’s fair to deprive people of Boy Eats World for too much longer. My three fans need me, Belle.’
Millie’s mood nosedives at the thought of him being far away.
‘But,’ he continues, ‘I doubt it’ll be for a while yet. I’m enjoying it here too much.’
And all is OK with the world again.
‘How about you? You’ve been here for eight years, haven’t you? You aren’t bored of it yet? Would you ever pack it all in to travel the world?’ he asks.
No. Millie wishes she could say yes, but she’d be lying. Travelling isn’t part of the life plan. It was never on her vision board. You couldn’t pay her a million pounds to pack it all in, not when she’s worked this hard to get where she is. She’d spend the entire trip wondering what could go wrong and worrying about falling behind. People like
her don’t go travelling on a whim. People like Al do. People like Ben do. Planless, carefree, caution-to-the-wind types. Millie stares down at his legs stretched out next to hers and imagines them both on the sand of a tropical beach instead of the roof of the office. No matter how hard she tries, the vision makes her feel anxious, not excited.
‘Honestly?’ she replies. ‘I don’t think I could. It’s just not me,’ she responds.
‘What if the trip had a very precise and well-planned itinerary?’
‘Even if I planned it down to the minute, it could still go wrong. Besides, it’s not just about the itinerary, it’s about the whole life plan.’
‘Ah, the career,’ he nods, looking disappointed. She wonders why.
‘It’s not just the career, it’s the home comforts. I love my life the way it is. And anyway, I have responsibilities here that I can’t ignore.’
‘Such as?’
‘For starters, I’ve got a cat.’
‘And who are you to say that your cat doesn’t want to see the world, sampling the finest local cuisine?’ Ben asks.
‘Do you think the mice in Vietnam taste different to the ones here?’ Millie replies.
‘Oh, undoubtedly. I’ve heard the mouse pho in Vietnam is to die for.’
‘What about the cat-su curry?’
‘Ha, very good,’ Ben says, laughing.
When their conversation goes quiet, Millie’s thoughts grow loud. She wonders what Ben really thinks about her obsession with routine, her aversion to risk and her fear of change. They’re so different, they shouldn’t work. So why does it feel like they do?
Millie hates disappointing people. Earlier she felt like she’d disappointed Ben by saying she’d never go travelling. And now she has to disappoint someone else she cares about. It’s a moment she’s been dreading for the last hour, but her mind is made up. She clicks on Ruth’s number and waits, practising her speech in her head.
Twenty-Five
‘Very impressive!’ Adrian booms after the presentation on Thursday morning, leaning back in his chair as Ben sits down. ‘I can see how much work went into this. Lots of research. Strong insights. A solid creative idea. You two have given us plenty to think about.’
Ben nudges Millie’s knee under the boardroom table.
‘I just have one question,’ Adrian asks, looking at his notes. ‘Your strategy is to target one specific audience. Single adults who’ve had their hearts broken. That’s a limited market. How would we get scale? Go wider? Attract different audiences?’
Millie and Ben have anticipated this question, and they have a simple answer.
Millie clears her throat. ‘We wouldn’t.’
Adrian raises his eyebrows. ‘What about parents, teens, couples? This campaign is just about a cure for the broken-hearted. What about Oxytoxin as a preventative? Wouldn’t we want to help adults avoid being lovesick altogether?’
‘If we target parents and teens, we risk a backlash,’ Millie explains. ‘As it is, Human doesn’t have the best reputation. To come out with a product that shows adults making teens take a pill feels too controlling, too Big Brother, too inhumane. If teens want to take Oxytoxin when they’re older, they can. And in terms of couples, you only have to glance at social media after an episode of Single Me Out! to see how divided we are in our feelings towards romantic relationships. Everyone seems to think that couples are a bit weird, but people tell the truth on the Internet. Our social listening research shows that, to our surprise, lots of people, with the courage of anonymity, are in support of couples in a “back the underdog” kind of way. So, bringing out Oxytoxin to break couples up might come across as a bit couple-bashy.’
‘Whereas if we focus this campaign on helping to mend broken hearts,’ Ben continues, ‘it paints Oxytoxin in a much better light. We’ll come across as kind, not cruel.’
‘Heal Your Heart,’ Adrian repeats. ‘It’s a snappy tagline, that’s for sure. Good work, you two.’
While Adrian isn’t looking, Millie tries a cheeky sneak peek at his earlier notes on Sasha and Margot’s presentation, but he snaps his notepad shut before she can see what it says.
‘Yes! Chicken satay!’ Millie says, smiling. ‘What did you get?’
‘Vegetable tagine,’ June says, poking at it, testing it and nodding in approval. ‘S’good!’
‘You seem super chirpy this evening, Mils,’ June says, curling her legs up onto Millie’s sofa with her Surprise Meal for One from Pantry. ‘And I can’t believe you ordered a Surprise Meal. Something’s changed. What’s up?’
‘Oh, nothing major. Just that I think Ben and I might have nailed the Oxytoxin pitch!’ Millie sings. ‘And I’m feeling stoked that it’s finally over.’
‘Amen!’ June says. ‘I feel like we’ve been strangers this past fortnight.’
‘Do you know, Adrian has never once described my work as “good” to me, ever. I mean, even if I don’t get the job, that’s a win in itself.’
‘Of course you’re going to get the job,’ June says. ‘You’re the best one.’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Millie shakes her head. ‘Sasha might have nailed it, too. But at least I can say it wasn’t a total train wreck.’
‘I was surprised when you texted me to hang out,’ June says.
‘I was surprised you weren’t stuck at the office,’ Millie replies.
‘I assumed you’d be with Ben, having a cosy celebration for two somewhere.’
Was that a dig? It feels like one, but June isn’t subtle. If she wanted to come out and say something, she would. She’d probably use a megaphone.
‘A cosy celebration?’ Millie laughs, feeling uncomfortable. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You know what I mean, Mils,’ June puts her fork down and stares at her. Millie detects a mood shift.
‘I really don’t!’
‘It’s so bloody obvious that you two fancy each other. I’ve never seen you look at anyone that way. Ever. You look at Ben like he’s a human-sized peanut butter, honey and banana cheesecake. And he looks at you the way I look at my bank account on payday. Honestly, when you two are together, it’s like there’s no one else in the room. I’ve never seen you like that with anyone. It’s a bit nauseating, to be honest.’
‘That’s so untrue!’ Millie cries.
‘No, it isn’t,’ June replies. ‘You luuurve him.’
‘Oh, as if,’ Millie dismisses June’s taunts. ‘I do not.’
‘He luuurves you,’ June teases again.
‘Can you stop?’
‘No, you stop,’ June replies, childishly.
‘I do not love him,’ Millie states.
‘Riiight. OK then,’ June says, unconvincingly.
‘I don’t,’ Millie repeats softly.
‘If you don’t at least fancy him, why does your nervous rash make it look like you’re wearing camo when you’re with him? And, actually . . . right now. What are you nervous about, Mils? Huh?’ June asks.
Millie throws her hand to her chest and feels the hot skin underneath.
‘Because you’re making me uncomfortable!’
‘OK, fine!’ June replies, louder. ‘Let’s change the subject. How did Ruth take the rejection?’
‘She was fine,’ Millie says quietly.
June’s taunting has unsettled her. Sure, Millie fancies Ben. He’s beautiful. Sure, she likes being with him. He’s fun. Sure, when she’s not with him, she misses him. But the same could be said of any friend. She likes being with June. She misses June when she hasn’t seen her for a while. But it doesn’t mean she loves June, in that way. Millie wonders what June has seen between them. What makes her think that Ben loves her? She can’t deny that the possibility that he fancies her makes her heart flutter.
‘Maybe it’s time you got back on Slide, Cobweb Pants,’ June suggests, putting the kettle on. ‘Talking of which, have you decided what you’re going as tomorrow night?’
‘No idea,’ Millie moans. ‘And I’ve run o
ut of time, so it has to be something I can find in this flat.’
‘Hmmm . . . a sexual fetish in this flat.’ June looks around. ‘You could strap Bruce to your head and go as Ben? Cheap, warm and true?’
‘June!’ Millie cries. ‘Enough. You’re going to make it weird between us.’
Bruce narrows his eyes at them both from across the room.
Ping!
Millie frowns when she sees who the message is from and squints when she sees the photo.
Sasha:
Busted!
Millie’s heart stops.
‘Millie, I did you a favour by taking that photo!’ Sasha says on Friday morning, faux casually, opening her yoghurt pot. ‘I wanted to shock you into being a little more cautious next time. I mean, if you’re going to have a dirty weekend away with someone from the office, maybe don’t leave the photo evidence in full view on your work computer?’
‘It wasn’t a dirty weekend away, it was a work trip,’ Millie states firmly.
‘Conducting interviews on the beach with champagne, were you? Interviewing a boat captain, were you?’ Sasha asks.
‘What the hell were you doing on my computer on Monday morning anyway?’ Millie asks angrily, her pulse rising from the confrontation.
‘I wasn’t on your computer, I happened to walk past and see it. I was actually trying to lock it for you before anyone else saw it. Bit defensive, aren’t we?’ Sasha replies, her eyebrows high.
Millie slaps the yoghurt pot out of Sasha’s hands, sending it flying across the canteen and into the window, where it slowly glides down the glass, leaving a pale pink streak. Then she grabs Sasha’s phone, scrolls to the photos and deletes the picture of her and Ben on the beach and, as a final jab, plops it into Sasha’s coffee.
‘Did you hear what I said?’ Sasha interrupts, scraping up the last dregs of yoghurt.
‘Sorry?’ Millie asks.
‘I said, you’re lucky it was me who saw it, and no one else. I’m just worried about you. I mean, you know Adrian’s rules. It was a risky move, with the promotion announcement tonight. It’s hardly professional, is it? Especially when Ben might be under you soon. If he isn’t already.’ She winks, sticking her tongue deep into the pot.
