“I met Scott when we were seniors in high school. I attended a party with my cousin in his neighborhood. That’s where we were first introduced. I almost fainted when my cousin’s girlfriend told me Scott wanted to meet me. He was so handsome and I was so flattered.”
Okay, this was going to be the long version, but it had to be good, so he listened without interruption.
“We started dating and became monogamous very quickly. We were inseparable. I only applied to Oakland University because that is where Scott wanted to go. It was my intention to go to UCLA or Arizona State University. I wanted to get away from the cold and the snow, you know? But once I met Scott, I never wanted to be away from him. I could deal with the harsh winters for the rest of my life as long as I had Scott to keep me warm.”
Long and sappy. Man, when is she going to get to the circumstances? Antonyo thought. He decided to intervene in an effort to speed the conversation along. “So, what happened to sour this great love the two of you had?”
“During our sophomore year in college, Scott started exhibiting some strange behavior. For the first two years, we were never apart. Then suddenly, every now and again, Scott would be missing in action. Of course, my initial thoughts were that he had started cheating on me. On a couple of occasions, he disappeared for a day, and when I asked him where he’d been, he said he was having some emotional issues and he needed some alone time to work through things.
“I wanted to believe he would not hurt me by betraying our relationship, so I asked about his issues and why he felt he could not share his pain with me. He simply stated that school was so very challenging, and the pressures to keep up were becoming too much to handle. He then admitted that he began smoking marijuana to relax and didn’t want me to see him while he used drugs.
“My cousin, Jordan, the one who introduced us, helped to convince me that Scott had told me the truth. He, too, confessed to smoking weed and stated he and Scott had been hanging out together on some of the times Scott had been away from me. Therefore, I was more than convinced that Scott had not been with another woman, because Jordan would have never stood for it.”
Immediately, pictures of a crack-addicted shell of a man appeared before Antonyo’s eyes. Is that what—or should he say who—Jessica ran from each time she ran to him? The sound of Jessica’s voice continuing her story brought him back from his musings.
“The disappearing acts continued throughout sophomore and junior year. The marijuana and relaxation getaways apparently worked for Scott, because his grades were exemplary. He made the dean’s list each semester.
“But still there remained an edge of uneasiness that surrounded Scott. On the first few days after he would return from one of his retreats, which occurred generally about once a month, he would be fine; then for several days after that, he would be sullen. I was confused, but in love. So I just went along with Scott’s program, hoping he would eventually get back to normal.
“By the time senior year rolled around, Scott had seemingly come back to himself. Jordan had graduated the previous semester with a degree in sociology and found a job teaching in Atlanta. He proposed to his fiancée. They were married a couple weeks after their graduation, and they moved away to begin their new life together. As far as I knew, Jordan had been Scott’s only retreat buddy. Once Jordan left, the retreats ended and I had my man back.”
Jessica stopped speaking for a moment. Antonyo could feel the heaviness the story created for her, and decided to help her take a break. “Hey, how about I get us something to drink and grab a little snack.” Before she could answer, he jumped up, put on his robe, and headed toward his kitchen.
When he returned, Jessica had put on her oversized blouse to cover her, but she didn’t look as if she was preparing to leave. She had gotten comfortable on his bed and awaited his return. He joined her on the bed, handing her a glass of fruit juice, and set a bowl with potato chips and a plate of chocolate chip cookies between them. Jessica sipped from her glass, nibbled at a cookie, and then continued her story.
“By the end of senior year, Scott and I had grown closer than ever. I loved him more than ever. I wanted to be with him forever. And he did not disappoint me. He asked me to marry him three weeks before our graduation ceremony. We celebrated our graduation by driving to Toledo to get married on the same day we received our degrees. It was perfect.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. Whatever, Antonyo thought. Now get to the part that has you running to my bed on a regular basis. Tiring of the long-winded walk down memory lane, he resolved to again try to push this version along a little. “So, when exactly did things fall apart for you two?”
“Two years ago, Scott pulled another Houdini and disappeared on me again, this time for a full two days. I was worried sick, frantic even. At the forty-seventh hour, as I picked up the phone to call the police, Scott walked in the door, looking disheveled, but unharmed. I was both happy and angry at the same time. While I was glad he was alive, I wanted to kill him for not being hurt and worrying me so.
“When I got up from my seat on the sofa, where I practically lived during the hours of his disappearance, I didn’t know if I would slap him or hug him. As I approached him, still unsure of how I would put my hands on him, I was immediately attacked by the aroma of marijuana. The anger took over and I slapped him. Hard. Twice. I could not believe he had put me through the hell of the unknown so that he could go somewhere to get high.
“I sat down on the sofa, fearing the worst, knowing he was about to tell me he had been cheating on me when we were in college and that he had started his affair once again. I was not only prepared to hear that he had been dishonoring our marriage, but that he had been betraying me with a woman who used drugs. I sat on the couch, gripped its edge, and stilled myself for the fallout from his lips.”
Antonyo sat in eager anticipation of how Scott would explain this all to his wife as well. Jessica had taken all day to get to this point, but now she had prepared him for the climactic end with expectancy. There were a million questions running around in his head. Was this woman the same woman Scott cheated with in college? Were they still seeing each other? What arrangement had Jessica and Scott worked out so that they could still stay together? He waited for Jessica to finish her entire story, though, before he began his interrogation about the current state of her marriage.
“‘Well what is it, Scott? What do you have to say for yourself,’ I asked. No matter what I thought I was prepared for, nothing could have readied me for what he told me.” Jessica paused before repeating the words Scott had said to her.
“He said, ‘I was with Matthew. We went to his parents’ house up north. Jessica, Matthew and I were at the cabin as lovers this weekend.’”
“What!” Antonyo yelled in astonishment. “Your husband is gay?”
“Tony, I was just as amazed as you are, probably more so considering that I was married to him and deeply in love with him at the time of his declaration.”
“Man! This is deep, Jessica. How long has your husband been gay?”
“Get this. Remember I said that when Scott apologized, he stated that he had been deceiving me since we have known each other? When I was finally able to speak again, I asked him to explain his statement. He informed me that he and my cousin, Jordan, had been in an intimate relationship with each other for several years.”
Antonyo’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. Initially he was too astonished to even speak the words lodged in his throat. When he did finally find his voice, he asked, “But didn’t you say that your cousin is now married? What’s up with all the gay dudes suddenly deciding they want women? And don’t these guys act gay? I mean, how is it that you and your cousin’s wife couldn’t tell?”
Jessica sat on the bed shaking her head, her look clearly testifying to the fact that she saw no clues. “I searched my mind frantically on that day, trying to recall if there were any signs that I missed or ignored. There were none, Tony. None. I could have been blinded by l
ove, I guess, but I saw nothing.”
Antonyo had very little interaction with gay people, but those he had been around were usually easy to spot. They behaved somewhat feminine, and were generally weird to him. How could Jessica and her cousin have been that blind?
“Does your cousin’s wife know the real deal?”
“According to Scott, Tamala, my cousin’s wife, is the one who pulled him out of the lifestyle. She supposedly met him, introduced him to Jesus or Christ or whatever, and eventually he decided he did not want to be a homosexual anymore. The two of them fell in love, and as they say, the rest is history.”
God? Did He actually change homosexuals to heterosexuals? While Antonyo sat silently musing, Jessica made her opinion on the subject plainly known.
“I think that’s all a bunch of bull, though. If there is a God, why would He change Jordan so that he could marry, and not change Scott? Does your God play favorites, Tony?”
Whoa! Where had that come from? Just a little while earlier she had accused him of being such a bad guy that he could not possibly believe in God. Now she wanted him to answer religious questions about God and her gay husband. Antonyo became a bit aggravated by the fact that he was not sure how to answer Jessica, because he wanted to be able to answer her. He hoped the Bible study classes he would attend with Minister Keisha would prepare him for moments like this. He gave it his best shot, though, using what he’d heard in church and what he’d heard his mother say over the years.
“Jessica, I don’t think God plays favorites. I’m nowhere near knowledgeable enough to explain why your cousin was changed and not your husband, but if I had to guess, I would say it’s because Jordan wanted to change after he found Jesus. Perhaps if Scott developed a relationship with God, he, too, might want to change.”
“According to Scott, he’s been gay his whole life. So, if that is the case, that means that your God made him gay since your God created him. Now, are you saying your God is expecting Scott to right the wrong He made initially?” The question was rhetorical, so she continued speaking without waiting for an answer. “Whatever! You and your God can kick rocks, Tony. There is supposedly this God who doesn’t like gay people, yet He creates gay people? Whatever!”
Antonyo felt even more foolish because he had no rebuttal for Jessica’s statements. In all honesty, what she said made absolute sense to him—everything, that is, except her disbelief in God. Despite what she said, Antonyo knew that God existed.
“Jess, I’m sorry you have been hurt by your husband. I’m even sorry that I have no answers to your questions about God. But I’m certain there is a God, and that’s all I can say about it. Now, let me ask you a question. Why are you still married to a man that obviously is not attracted to you anymore, if ever he was attracted to you?”
“What makes you so sure he is not attracted to me? Scott still loves me, for your information, and I still love him. It’s complicated, and that’s all I can say about it,” she said mockingly.
Oh, my goodness. Did this beautiful, intelligent chick think that a gay man could really be attracted to her? She sounded delusional to him. How could she still possibly love this dude knowing he enjoyed sleeping with men? Dang! Love must be blinder than he’d ever heard. Suddenly, a terrible thought occurred to him, causing him instant panic. He needed Jessica to answer a question quickly. No sarcasm allowed.
“Have you slept with your husband since you found out he was gay?” Antonyo asked.
“What goes on in my bedroom in my home with my husband is none of your business, Tony.” Jessica was clearly upset and defensive, but Antonyo couldn’t care less at this point. This chick was sadly mistaken if she thought her sexual history with a gay man was none of his business. She came to his home and climbed in his bed, husband or not, at least once a week. They were usually very careful, but passion had preceded precaution on a couple of occasions.
“I beg to differ, Jessica. The antics of your bedroom are very much my business, since you could be putting my life at risk.” Now Antonyo had developed a little attitude of his own.
“A little late to be concerned now, isn’t it, Mr. Self-righteous?”
Antonyo’s ire rose each time Jessica gave him a sarcastic or evasive response, especially those that made sense. Now, after having just had sex with her, was not the best time to inquire about her risk factors, but the fact remained that at this point, if she had continued to have sex with Scott, he, too, was at risk.
For the first time in his life, Antonyo felt the urge to strike a female. He removed himself from the bed to put some distance between them, but his anger did not subside one iota.
Just as he was about to begin yelling, Jessica, too, got up from the bed and began to get dressed while yelling. “Tony, I cannot believe I have told you any of this. This was personal. Private. Between my husband and me. Not that you have a right to know, but I’ll tell you anyway. No! I have not had sex with my husband in more than one year.
“Why do you think it was so easy for me to climb in bed with you? You are cute, but you’re shallow, Tony. You’re irresponsible. You are not the type of man I would normally choose to spend time with, but I needed the physical release you offered. I needed to feel relaxed and take off the edge that I have lived with for more than two years. You may think you are special, Tony. All the other women you screw around with may have you believing you are wonderful, but for me, you were nothing more than a sexual object.”
Jessica screamed and sobbed as she put on her clothing. Her frustrations screeched from her throat and poured from her eyes. Her anger did not truly lay with Antonyo. She simply hurled the insults at him because he was the one who had gotten her to talk about her pain, and he was the one who stood there while she openly dealt with it at this moment.
Antonyo’s anger lessened as he realized the horror Jessica suffered every day in her marriage. “I’m sorry, Jess. I didn’t mean to sound so selfish.”
Jessica did not bother to respond. She continued in her mission until she was fully dressed. She left Antonyo’s home without a backward glance in his direction.
Chapter 19
“So, how did you enjoy tonight’s class, Antonyo?” Minister Keisha asked her handsome student as they sat in the informal Coney Island restaurant near the church, finishing their light snack.
While they read through a great deal of the book of Proverbs, Antonyo seemed interested and intrigued. He was inquisitive, responsive, and eager; however, Keisha knew quite a bit about Antonyo’s beguiling charm, so she couldn’t be sure if he was genuine in his displayed desire to learn, or just running game to get her into the position she sat in now, having an evening meal with him.
“Minister Keisha, I have always enjoyed school and learning. My grades in both regular education and college have always been well above average. Tonight, however, provided a whole new dimension to learning for me. I can look at you and see that you’re wondering if my interest in Bible study is real. You realize that I’m attracted to you, so you believe that this is all a ploy to get you to go out with me.”
Keisha’s eyes widened in surprise. Antonyo had called her on what she was thinking as if it were written in bold letters across her forehead. His instincts were quite keen, which explained to her why he was so capable of wooing and winning the ladies.
Antonyo smiled at the minister’s reaction, thinking to himself, So beautiful, so brilliant, yet still normal in so many ways. “Class tonight was great for me, Minister Keisha. The lessons from Proverbs were informative and easy to follow. You being the instructor is icing on a delicious cake. You being here with me now is like having a big bowl of ice cream with my cake.”
Now it was Keisha’s turn to smile. “Antonyo, can you please just call me Keisha? Minister Keisha sounds so formal, especially when we are out in a setting such as this.”
“I’ll drop the Minister and tell you a secret if you agree to go out with me again.”
Keisha blushed again, not sure how to answer him
. Her attraction to him had apparently been obvious to them both, but her positioning in the church made her wary. She was concerned about a fraternization issue.
She quickly reasoned with herself, however. As an unmarried minister, propriety was certainly expected, but what would be so improper about her enjoying an evening out with a nice, albeit extremely handsome and devastatingly alluring, man? Antonyo was merely her Bible study student, right? And she was here with him now without qualms, so what would be the big deal about accepting his formalized invitation?
Keisha knew the answer to that question before she’d even formed it in her mind. Antonyo Simms caused her to think things about a man she had not thought about in quite some time. Again, she let reasoning kick into gear.
I am strong and I know God’s Word and will for my life. Yes, this man is fine, but God is my rock, upon whom I can stand. Keisha looked up to find Antonyo staring at her. Had he again read her mind and deciphered all the thoughts she had going on in her head? She decided to answer him quickly in hopes of avoiding him calling her out again.
“Okay. I’ll go out with you again. Now tell me the secret.”
Antonyo pulled his wallet from his pocket, preparing to pay the check the waitress just set before him on their table. This was a foreign concept to him indeed. He could count on less than three fingers the number of times he’d picked up the check for any date he’d had with a woman other than his mother or aunt. For him to even do it without giving it a second thought surprised him. He, too, thought about Keisha’s allure, and had to give credence to how special this woman made him feel. The secret he was about to let her in on also added to his assessment of her credibility.
“The secret is this: Up until meeting you, the only woman I tolerated calling me Antonyo was my mother. I prefer to be called Tony, but I honestly like the way my given name sounds when you speak it.”
Keisha’ s blush was so deep this time, she actually had to lower her eyes away from this expert charmer in an effort to keep herself from turning into a quivering idiot. Antonyo thrilled at her response to him.
From Sinner to Saint Page 21
