“Dumb reasons,” Dodie retorted. “He’s a great guy, and he is great with the kids.”
Dodie wasn’t giving her new information. But things were never as cut-and-dried as her sister thought.
Luke held a fantasy view of her complex and messy life and given how he spoke of his mother, he had his own issues.
“Do you see that trailer on the yard? That’s where Luke lives,” she said with more force than necessary. “Do you see that house? Once he’s fixed it up, he’s selling it. He’s moving on, Dodie. He’s not sticking around. And he doesn’t go to church. Doesn’t share the same values I do. There’s too much that doesn’t fit or work.” She caught her breath after her little speech, not liking the smile forming around Dodie’s mouth.
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Dodie raised her eyebrows in question. “Because I think you’re scared that he’s sneaking into your heart.”
Janie felt Dodie’s words battering at her defenses. She had to hold on. Had to shore them up. She had nothing to fall back on if he hurt her. Left her.
“And you’re such an expert on relationships,” she snapped, her words sharp and hard, deflating the hope that had shone in Dodie’s face.
Dodie reared back, and even before she was finished speaking, Janie wished she could snatch her words back.
“I’m sorry, Dodie. I should never—”
What was she thinking? How could she have been so insensitive?
“I’ve got to go.” Dodie’s voice was quiet. As she turned away, Janie felt her stomach roil with regret and disgust at herself. She had struck out to defend herself and in the process had hurt her sister deeply.
As Dodie left, Janie pressed her hands to her face. Forgive me, Lord, she prayed. I’m turning into a miserable old woman, pushing everyone away. I don’t want to be that woman, but I don’t know what else to do.
She waited a moment, gathering her thoughts.
But just before she shuffled into the house and back to her obligations, she shot one last look over her shoulder at Luke’s trailer. The lights were on, and she wondered what he was doing in there. All alone.
Chapter Thirteen
“No one came to work on the house today?” Janie stood in the doorway, watching Luke and Todd as they pounded nails into the fresh, white boards that were part of her new deck.
Luke pounded another nail in and sat back on his feet. “The crew staged a revolt last night. Said they weren’t going to work on weekends anymore. Slackers.” Though he threw out the comment with a smile, he felt again the smolder of anger he’d experienced when Bert gave him the news.
Before he came, the crew was working at half capacity, yet he was paying them a full wage. He was still trying to make up for lost productivity during that time. They were at least a couple of days behind on the job. Though it was Saturday, Luke had worked all morning and afternoon, trying to get done what he could on his own. For a moment he had thought about not fixing this deck. Janie didn’t want him around anyhow, but he had said he would come.
And if he didn’t and something happened to the kids as a result, he would feel terrible.
So he had scarfed down a quick supper, then showed up here, ready to pound yet more nails. He didn’t take the nail gun. Though it would be quicker, it would also be nosier and he didn’t want Autumn to feel on edge.
“Will you get your house done on time?” she asked, still hanging around.
“Oh, ya.” He waved off her concerns with a gloved hand. He didn’t want her to know how behind he was. It would only give her another excuse to keep him away from her.
And her kids.
Todd was grinning as he pounded nails with one hand and held on to his hard hat with another.
Behind him, Autumn swung back and forth on the swing, her bear on her lap, singing a little tune in time to the squeaking of the swing set.
He had taken a chance and had taken Cooper along.
Thankfully he had been surprisingly quiet and now lay beside the deck, catching the early evening rays of the sun, his tail twitching. Autumn had come and carefully petted him and thankfully Cooper had just sat there.
Suzie had made an appearance for a while, playing fetch with Cooper; then a phone call from a friend had summoned her into the house.
Janie put her head out the door from time to time, answering questions he had about her preferences and, sometimes, just watching.
The watching part gave him a mixture of hope and encouragement. She didn’t need to stick around, but she did.
“I’m done nailing. Do you have any more for me to do?” Todd asked, his hard hat slipping over his forehead.
Luke marked out where the next nails were to go on the board he had just tacked down. “This should keep you busy.” Luke plucked the hard hat off the boy’s head and adjusted the straps. “Here, that should stay on better.”
Todd knocked himself on the head, then grinned at Luke. “I’m helping you good, aren’t I?”
“You’re doing a great job.” Luke pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and returned Todd’s smile. “Now remember that you put the nails pointy side down, okay?”
Todd laughed and nodded as he bent down and started flailing away with his hammer.
“When you’re done, Todd, you and Autumn have to get ready for bed,” Janie said.
“But it’s Sunday tomorrow.”
“That’s why you and Autumn need to be in bed on time.”
Todd wrinkled his nose but kept nailing as Janie walked carefully past them, down the temporary step Luke had put together and pried a protesting Autumn from the swing set.
To Luke’s surprise, when she came back, Todd got up and walked over to Luke, giving him his hammer. Then he followed his mother into the porch. He couldn’t get over how obedient her kids were.
They left, and the yard felt deflated. As if the life had slipped out of it with the kids.
He smiled at the whimsy and finished nailing Todd’s board down. This was all very domestic, and if he let himself, he could easily slide into the fantasy.
Husband working on the house. Wife and kids inside. He heard the sounds of water running, coming through an open window above him, then the murmuring sounds of Janie talking to the kids, tucking them in. Then her voice seemed to change cadence, soften.
Feeling like an intruder, Luke strained to listen even so.
Janie was praying with the kids.
Just like she had when he made chili the night she sprained her ankle.
He went back to nailing, his hands moving automatically as his thoughts skipped back to memories of Al teaching him to pray, bringing him along to church. He thought of the Bible he had packed along with all the other books in his trailer.
He had pulled it out the night he and Janie had talked. He thought of what she said about God being a loving and faithful Father.
Though he kept the Bible beside his bed, he hadn’t opened it yet. He wanted to read the Bible for the right reasons. Not because a woman he was interested in read the Bible.
At one time, he had felt as if God had touched his life. Had been a part of his life.
But his own preoccupation with making a living, the busyness of his work had distracted him. And when Al died, Luke felt as if God had played a cruel joke on him. Giving him a father, then taking him away.
“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Janie’s voice broke into his thoughts. She was back.
“Sorry,” she said, “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“No problem.” Luke glanced over the deck, then up at the windows above. “I should quit anyway. I don’t want to keep the kids awake.”
Janie shook her head. “Do you hear that horrible sound that just started up in Suzie’s room?”
“Some tortured form of rock and roll, I’m guessing,” he said with a smile as the noise blasted through the quiet. He was surprised Janie let her daughter get away with listening to that.
&
nbsp; “Todd and Autumn sleep through that, so I’m sure your nailing won’t bother them.”
“So in spite of all your protests to the contrary, you do want me to keep going?” Luke said with a teasing smile.
“No. No. I mean, you’ve done so much already. And I’m sure I could find someone to finish up—”
“I was kidding,” Luke said, letting her off the hook. “I’ll come by and finish it Monday morning while you’re at work. Because, as you pointed out, tomorrow is Sunday and it wouldn’t do to work on the Sabbath.” He dropped his hammer in his pouch and began gathering up the nails Autumn had scattered over the deck.
“But working on your house won’t count?”
Luke shot her a frown, then realized it was her turn to tease him. “I probably shouldn’t.”
“But what would you do instead?”
Luke dropped the nails and the hammer Todd had been using in the toolbox he had brought along. “I don’t know. Maybe read one of the dozens of books I packed along.”
“What do you like to read?”
“Legal thrillers, psychology books, history, biographies, murder mysteries. How about you?”
“I don’t read as much as I used to.” She sounded wistful, and he assumed between the coffee shop and raising three kids she didn’t have a lot of spare time.
Luke closed the lid on the toolbox. “I noticed Todd likes reading as well.”
Janie sighed. “I sometimes wish he would get his nose out of his books and play.”
“What do you mean? I’ve seen him play.”
Janie gave him a rueful smile. “Because he likes being around you. You’ve made some kind of connection—” she stopped there, as if she didn’t want to admit what she was about to say.
He didn’t press the matter, but felt a tiny glow of satisfaction at what she said. “I like Todd. He’s a fun kid. And Autumn seemed okay with Cooper.”
“She’s definitely getting better.” Janie granted him another smile.
“I’m glad about that.” He piled up the leftover lumber against the deck, then as he glanced over her way was surprised to see her watching him.
“You’ve been good for my kids,” she said quietly.
Luke held her gaze, and once again, he felt it. The connection between them that tipped his hope into yearning. Without even realizing how, he now stood in front of her, their gazes tangling as the world wheeled and slowed.
She looked away from him. But she didn’t move when he touched her shoulder. He squeezed lightly, solidifying the connection.
Her lack of movement gave him encouragement, and he decided to intrude just a little more into her life. “When I came by the other night, I heard you talking to Cooper.”
Janie gave a short laugh, shaking her head. “Just babbling.”
“I overheard what you said.” He was quiet a moment, waiting for her protest, but when none came, he pressed on. “I thought your business was doing very well.”
“It is.” She bit her lip, then moved away. But she only went to sit down in one of the plastic chairs pushed against house. Luke sat in the one beside her.
“But…”
Janie heaved a sigh, staring out over the yard. “It’s not really your concern. It’s my problem, and I shouldn’t burden you.”
He sensed she was trying to convince herself more than inform him. “Does this have anything to do with the visit you made to the banker the other week?” he asked, gently prompting her.
She nodded, wrapping arms around her midsection, as if trying to hold everything in. But then she took a quick breath. “I’ve been wallowing in my operating loan too long and I’ve renegotiated too many times. I’m losing equity in the business, and the building is for sale. I’d hoped to make an audacious business decision and buy it, but the loan was turned down because I can’t get out of my operating loan. So you see, it’s a vicious circle.”
“And the bank is going to call in the loan? So how did you get this far behind?”
This elicited another sigh. “Owen. My ex-husband.”
“I thought you were widowed.”
“We were married for nine years, divorced for two. He died eighteen months ago.”
This time Luke didn’t say anything, giving her the space he sensed she needed to sort through her thoughts and decide which ones she would share.
“He worked for the local car dealership then decided he wanted to strike out on his own. Trouble was while he was a tood talker and a good salesman, he was a lousy buniessman. He took out a loan against the house. Then lost the business. I started the coffee shop out of necessity. I needed a way to make money separate from him, and I wanted the independence of my own business.” Janie sighed, releasing her grip on her waist as she pleated her fingers together. “The trouble was, I needed the equity from the house for collateral on the loan. And that was used up when Clyde’s business went under.”
“I can imagine,” Luke murmured, her story sounding all too familiar. “But your business is doing well.”
“It is. But Clydedidn’t mind borrowing from my father. And paying him back was my first priority. My father didn’t know what a sacrifice it was for me, and I never told him. And private loans don’t show up in financial statements.”
“But they should show up in cash flow.”
“I thought so, too. And I thought that would count for something when I decided to buy the building the coffee shop is located in.”
“I noticed the For Sale sign the other day.”
“I wanted to expand. I thought rather than try to convince the bank to extend the loan, I would be aggressive. Make a bold move.” She gave a bitter laugh. “My banker suggested I talk to my father.”
“Oh, of course. Run to Daddy,” he said with a measure of anger. “Can’t believe he suggested that.”
Janie’s eyes met his, and in her sad smile, he sensed approval. “Me, either.”
“So what’s next?”
Janie looked away, breaking the connection, her eyes wandering over the immaculate yard. “I’ve spent the last few weeks pouring all my extra energy into my expansion plan. Now? I don’t know.”
“What were you going to do with the rest of the building?” he asked, curious about her plans.
Her smile held a touch of wistful melancholy. “I’ve always wanted to have a bookstore. All those shelves of brand-new books, waiting for an owner. If I owned the building, I thought I could knock out part of the wall so people could go back and forth between the two. I’d add a craft section and maybe some supplies. Make it more than just a bookstore. Make it a community place. I know it would get patronized in this town, especially in combination with my coffee shop.” She gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. It was nice to dream, but that’s all it is now.”
He held her gaze, envisioning the concept, imagining her walking along shelves of books, trailing her fingers along them. For a moment he was jealous of her plans. They showed stability. Recognizing her community and contributing to it. He wished he could do something like that.
“I wish, for your sake and for the sake of Millars Crossing, it could happen. I know I’d be a good customer.” He shared her smile, then touched her arm again, as if to console her in the loss of her dreams. “I’m a sucker for books and coffee.”
Janie turned to him, her eyes lighting up. “Me, too. I have a ‘to be read’ list as long as my arm.”
“That’s not that long.” Luke said with a grin, picking up her hand to extend her arm. He stretched his out beside hers. “Now that would be a long ‘to be read’ list.”
Their eyes held, and to his surprise, she touched his arm with her fingers, solidifying the connection. “Not everyone understands that.”
“Anyone who reads does. I’m sure Todd does.”
Janie’s expression grew clouded, and she looked down at his hand. “Todd retreats to his books. They’re like an escape for him.”
“I’m sure things have been confusing for him. First his father leaves,
then he dies. I know I wanted to escape when my foster-father died. And I was thirty-some years old.”
Janie didn’t say anything, her eyes still downcast. In the background, Luke heard the noises of the neighborhood settling in. Across the alley a mother called a child in. The last warning, she said. A dog barked. Cooper joined in.
Families in a neighborhood and each home had their own stories.
“I tried to shield him,” Janie said. “Tried to shield all the kids. But it seems…” her words faded away.
“You’ve done what you can, I’m sure. I’ve said it before, you’re a good mother to your kids.”
She looked up, and as their eyes met, he felt as if he had been knocked back by the longing in her gaze. Longing that matched his own.
“Janie,” he whispered, leaning closer.
“I’m going to church tomorrow,” she said quietly.
Luke stumbled mentally as he tried to catch up to where she was going. He sat back, frustrated by the shift in the atmosphere, yet sensing this needed to be dealt with if he wanted any chance with her.
“You still think I should go?” he asked, keeping his tone light and carefree.
“For your own sake.”
“I’ve read that God reveals Himself through the Word and through creation. I could just sit out on my lawn or go to the beach and let Him reveal Himself to me. That would be just as good.”
Janie caught his tone and returned his smile. “You could. But no one at the beach, or on your lawn for that matter, is going to confront you with your sin or your need for a Savior. Which is what happens at church.”
“You’re not a theologian.”
“I’m a sinner in need of grace,” Janie said, her tone suddenly serious.
“You don’t seem like a sinner to me,” he said quietly.
Janie gave him a rueful smile. “Then you don’t know me very well.”
“I know you well enough that I admire who you are and what you’ve done with your kids.”
She kept her eyes on his, and her smile softened. “You’re a good man, Luke.”
Her words encouraged him to take another chance. He slipped his finger under her chin. She didn’t pull away. Didn’t protest. Instead she sat as still as a statue as if waiting.
A Family's Hope: A Sweet Romance (Love in Millars Crossing Book 3) Page 13
