He bent over and brushed his lips over hers.
She tasted sweet. Like the iced tea she liked to drink. His hand drifted to her shoulder, held on, wanting to build on the slight connection.
Her hand came up and touched his face, and then he couldn’t stop himself. He pulled her close, wrapped his arms around her, protecting her, laying his claim on her.
He kissed her again while he felt his heart beating in his neck, in his chest, in the hands that held her close.
When she drew away, his only surprise was that she hadn’t done it sooner.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have let you do that.”
He knew where she was coming from. He understood. But he was also getting tired of it.
“I’m not a fly-by-night kind of guy, Janie. I know you’re scared. I am too. But the only way we’re going to find out if this will work is if you let me into your life. Just a little at a time.”
He waited, as expectation hovered between them.
“And your house?”
At first he didn’t know what she meant and then it came to him. The very presence of his trailer on the yard was a reminder to her that he was here only temporarily.
“It’s not my house, Janie. I bought it with a partner.”
“So you’re going to be selling it.”
Luke stood up, moving away from her, his frustration with her and with their situation spilling out. “What do you want, Janie? What am I supposed to do? I kiss you and you push me away. I try to be a part of your life and you won’t let me. I know where you’re at. I get that you’ve got to protect your kids, but in order for me to make any kind of commitment, in order to know whether what we shared is going to go anywhere, I need something from you, too.”
Janie looked away and stayed silent.
Luke looked down at her, then left.
Chapter Fourteen
And you are going to church because?
Luke silenced the critical voice in his head as he listened to the worship band finish their last song.
He knew he had to separate his growing feelings for Janie from his deepening relationship with the Lord.
He knew that he was trying to find his way through this new place he had come to, and he knew that church was a vital part of that.
That much, he had learned from Al. His foster father had always told him that though one could worship anywhere, it was only in church that you were confronted with the daily need for forgiveness. And it was only in church that you received the nourishment you needed from fellow believers.
And one of those fellow believers—he wasn’t going to lie—was Janie.
As he sat down, Luke glanced around the congregation again. He hadn’t seen Janie or her kids yet. One woman had caught his eye. In profile she looked a lot like Janie, but she was a blonde, had a baby and a husband.
He had seen Janie’s mother standing beside a patrician-looking gentleman Luke assumed was Janie’s father.
But no Janie.
The minister stood up again and invited the congregation to open their Bibles to Luke 6. He started reading, and as Luke followed along, he thought of the Bible lying beside his bed. After he and Janie had talked on the porch, he had gone back to his trailer and opened it up, starting at the New Testament.
“…. Do not judge, and you will not be judged,” the minister was saying. “Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
The words jumped out at Luke.
Forgive. Forgive his mother.
While the pastor carried on, Luke reread the words of the passage.
Luke knew he was in need of forgiveness. He hadn’t been following God’s will for his life the past few years. But he hadn’t caused anyone any harm. As much as possible he’d tried to live so that his father would be proud of him. So that he could stand before God unashamed.
“Forgive and you will be forgiven.”
The words surrounded him, pulled at the barriers he had put up against his mother.
She didn’t deserve his forgiveness.
But do you deserve God’s?
He tried to pull his righteous anger around him, like a cloak of protection against what he was reading.
“Our sins are like a chasm between us and God,” the pastor was saying. “Forgiveness is the bridge. But until we forgive others, we cannot truly believe the forgiveness of God for our own sins. We can’t embrace the idea that we have been forgiven and live lives of forgiveness. Too often we hold the offenses of people close because it’s easier than recognizing our own faults before God. To know that none of us can stand blameless before Him is a hard thing to accept. God’s forgiveness is not conditional upon our forgiving others but our pride, which keeps us from forgiving others, can also keep us from accepting God’s forgiveness. But until we both receive and give forgiveness, we are bound by the hurts others have inflicted on us. When we forgive, we are free.”
Luke grew still as the pastor’s words piled on top of the Bible passage he had just read.
He knew in his head what had to happen, but how could he forget all the hurts his mother had truly inflicted on him? How could he forgive when she had never, once, asked him for forgiveness? Never had shown, in any way, that she was sorry?
Luke closed the Bible and sat back, troubled by what he read. By what he heard. He had to think this over. He’d struggled with his feelings for his mother so long; it would take more than a sermon to make him change his mind.
He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for the pastor to be done, waiting for the moment when he could see Janie again. Wondering if he had read too much in her response.
“Cappuccinos all around and muffins?” Janie handed Luke his order with a smile. “What are you and the crew celebrating?”
“The end of the job,” Luke said, handing her two twenties.
She almost dropped the money. “That soon? I thought you were running behind.” If the house was finished that meant…
“I’m still behind. But I finished your deck this morning, then I officially told the crew today was their last day.”
“So what…how?” Janie tried to parse her confusion as she kept her hands busy, wiping off the steamer, rinsing the metal cup the milk was in.
“How am I going to finish it in time?” Luke took the box of muffins and the tray with the coffee cups and winked at her. “I cancelled the open house.”
Janie frowned, still not sure what was going on.
“I talked to my partner. I’m thinking we won’t go through with the sale of the house.”
Janie held his gaze and in his eyes read a deeper meaning to what he was saying. And hope stirred in her heart.
“What would you do?”
“I’m thinking I might buy out his half.”
“And then?”
Luke shrugged. “Seek gainful employment. I noticed the co-op is hiring. Or I could start another business.”
“So we might be neighbors.”
“Good neighbors, I hope.”
Janie slowly wiped down the machine, trying to choose her next words. “I saw you in church on Sunday.”
“I didn’t see you.”
“The kids and I had to help one of the Sunday School teachers right after the service. I went out the front.”
“And I was in the back.”
“I’m glad you went.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” His smile held a promise, and he looked as if he was about to say more when the door to the shop jangled and a group of men wearing suits entered.
Luke stepped aside as he tossed off a wave. “Gotta go now.”
While Janie took the men’s orders, most of her attention was on Luke, glancing over as he left the shop then catching a glimpse of him getting into his truck. Cooper sat on the seat beside him, inspecting the box Luke put between them.
Luke started the truck, then caught her watching him. His mouth lifted in a lazy smile full of promise.
&
nbsp; “I said I wanted a latte,” one of the men complained.
“Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Normally she’d be flustered by the mistake, but now it didn’t matter.
The sheaf of papers on the table behind her outlining her latest save-the-coffee-shop scheme didn’t matter either. Nor did they seem as ominous and depressing as they had the previous few days.
She had gone over figures until her eyes were crossed. There was no way out, Though she’d fought her next decision for so long, she knew letting go of the coffee shop was the right thing to do.
She felt a momentary flutter of fear. Then she took a breath.
Help me, Lord, to let go. To stop fighting. To trust that You will take care of me and my children. To trust that whatever happens, You are in control. Not me.
The morning dragged on heavy feet as the clock ticked toward noon. Janie closed up the shop, walked over to the bank and marched inside.
Ten minutes later she stood in the afternoon sun, feeling the tension, which had held her shoulders taut for the past few weeks, ease away. The panic made another brief appearance, but she breathed it away.
It was done.
Janie returned to the shop with a sense of lightness and expectation. She thought of Luke, and the irony of his starting over in Millars Crossing just as she was making moves to close her business.
A cluster of people stood by the door, peering into the shop, looking puzzled. As Janie approached them, she wondered where they were going to get their coffee now.
Not your worry, she reminded herself as she unlocked the shop and began serving.
Though the rest of the afternoon seemed to fly, by the time Janie was ready to close the shop, her ankle was sore once again, and a niggling of worry had returned.
She locked the door and was about to turn the sign over when her father appeared at the door. He wore an open necked golf shirt and khakis. He must have been out at the golf course.
Puzzled as to why he would come here, she unlocked it and let him in.
“Hey, Dad. A little late for coffee, isn’t it?”
“It is. I was hoping I could talk to you.”
“You want to come to the house?”
Her father shook his head, his blue eyes concentrating on hers. “I prefer to talk to you without the kids around.”
Janie locked the door, turned the sign around and sat at the nearest table. Her father sat down across from her and folded his hands on the table, much as he used to whenever he had something important to say.
Janie’s heart flipped over slowly at the frown wrinkling her father’s brow.
“What’s wrong, Dad?”
“You’re not allowed to get angry. You’re not allowed to fuss, but I just played a round of golf with Victor.”
Janie didn’t fuss, but she did get angry, guessing where this was going. “And what did my account manager have to say to you?”
“He told me nothing. At first. But I knew from Tilly that you had been talking to him. So I pushed and he finally told me you were in a bit of financial trouble.”
“Just a bit.” Not as far as the coffee shop was concerned.
“He also told me that at one time you were hoping to buy the building. Expand the business.”
What didn’t Victor tell her father? And what happened to that confidentiality Victor had boasted about.
“Also right.” Janie resisted the urge to fiddle with the sugar container beside her hand. She felt a curious combination of guilt and relief. Relief that her father now knew and guilt that she hadn’t told him earlier.
“I stopped by the real estate agent. I wanted to talk to her about purchasing the entire building.”
“Daddy. You didn’t.” She had made up her mind. She had made her decision. It was over. “I don’t need you riding in at the last minute to rescue me.”
“Doesn’t matter. I can’t. Someone else made an offer on the building this morning.”
She just stared at him as what he said sunk in.
“So it’s not available anymore?”
“Unfortunately no.”
Janie blew out a sigh. This was news and, to be honest, a bit of a relief. That particular avenue was firmly closed, as well. “Well, that’s that.”
“Not really. What are you going to do?” Ted Westerveld’s expression shifted, and Janie read pain and worry in his face.
“I’m going to be okay. I have a little bit of equity left. I can find a job pretty quickly.”
“Working at the Inn? Waitressing?”
“If I have to. I could also take night classes. Finish my degree. Become a teacher.” Janie gave her dad a reassuring smile. “I’m not a dummy. I could learn. I’m still young. I’ve got one year of college behind me.”
“And there’s no room in your life for anyone else?”
Janie thought of Luke and smiled. “I had to make a decision, and I’m at peace with it. I’ve prayed about it, and about the coffee shop. I know I have to stop fighting. Stop trying so hard to make this work.”
If she thought too much about the future, if she started speculating too much, the dread could return, but for now, she trusted that God was guiding her decision.
Ted reached across the table and covered her hands with his. “I would gladly have given you what you needed if you’d only asked.”
“I know, Daddy. But I had my own obligations and duties, and you taught me and Dodie to be responsible with them. And I like to think I have.”
“When you said you wanted to pay me back, I had no idea that this was only a small portion of the debt Clydehad run up.”
“I guess I didn’t tell you because I was ashamed. I’m a proud person. I wanted to make this work on my own.” Janie drew in a deep breath. “But that’s over. I’ve made up my mind and to tell you the truth, Daddy, I feel free. I know I’ve got a tough road ahead of me, but I feel as if I can do this. I can get a job. I can support my family.”
Luke’s unspoken promise lingered in her mind, and she clung to the hope in it. She wasn’t alone. Not anymore.
Ted smiled at his daughter. “You were always such an independent miss. I thought that might have changed. But I guess not.” He got up, walked around the table and dropped a kiss on her head. “I’ll be praying for you and the kids. And I know you might not like hearing this, but I’m still going to pray that someday someone might come into your life.”
Janie’s mind slipped to Luke.
And she wondered.
Chapter Fifteen
The kids were in bed. The sun was slipping below the horizon.
And the lights were on in Luke’s house. He must be working on it, Janie thought, a trickle of anticipation dancing down her spine as she stood on the newly finished deck.
He wasn’t going to sell the house. He was staying.
She touched her lips, resurrecting once again the kiss he had given her on this very spot as the scent of newly cut wood wafted around her.
She glanced over at the house, and as she did, felt a flutter of anticipation at the thought of seeing him. A smile tilted her mouth.
The phone rang, and with an irritated sigh at the interruption she turned away, back to the house.
It was her mother.
“Honey, your father told me what you did.” Tilly’s voice was shrill. Angry. “You can’t stop running your coffee shop. It’s your business.”
Janie sat back as she tried to let her mother’s emotions slide over her. She couldn’t let the frustration or sorrow in her mother’s voice deter her from the decision she had made.
“Surely you can let us help you,” she said. “We can’t let you lose this business. I know this will be a huge disappointment.”
A disappointment for me or for you?
“…and goodness knows, we’ve all had enough disappointments.”
Her mother’s words piled on Janie’s shoulders, each one adding to the burden of guilt Janie struggled to shrug off each day.
“I’m sorry you fee
l that way, Mom, but I don’t want Dad’s help. I don’t want to keep the coffee shop going that way.”
“But, Janie, how will this look?”
And there lay the crux of the matter. Bad enough that Janie had to get married. Bad enough that Clydeturned out to be such a loser socially, maritally and economically. Bad enough that he divorced her.
Now this had to be added to the mix? Successful businessman Ted Westerveld’s own daughter couldn’t keep her own business?
“It will look like I tried to do what I could, but it didn’t work. That’s what it will look like.”
Her mother’s theatrical sigh made Janie want to scream in frustration. Give me some credit, Mom, she wanted to cry. Recognize what I have done. What I have accomplished.
“Are you sure your father couldn’t—”
“Positive, Mom.” Janie clenched the phone as she stepped out the door. She looked at Luke’s house, suddenly yearning to talk to him. To lay her head on his shoulder and let him hold her up.
“I have to go, Mom,” she said, her decision made for her by her own needs. “See you later.” And before her mother could add more guilt to the mix, Janie hung up.
Then she dropped the phone on a chair on the deck, stepped down from the deck and walked across the soft grass, her heart lifting at the thought of seeing Luke.
She stepped through a hole in the hedge, then paused when she saw a woman standing by a car, parked across the street.
In the gathering dusk, Janie couldn’t see her face but, now and again, caught the glow of a cigarette.
As Janie glanced her way, the woman pushed herself away from the car and flicked the cigarette. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her short leather coat, her eyes on Janie.
Janie glanced over at the house, but all she heard was the muffled pounding of a hammer. Luke was working.
As she walked over the cool, dampening grass the woman came toward her. Janie felt a frisson of fear, but dampened it down. The woman didn’t look as if she weighed more than 110 pounds.
A Family's Hope: A Sweet Romance (Love in Millars Crossing Book 3) Page 14
