I hate seeing Andi so distraught, but at least the feelings should be temporary. As soon as the pod’s effect wears off she’ll wonder what she ever saw in Jackson, but I can’t tell Andi that. “It’s not like you to be condescending or act like your job is better than anyone else’s. Maybe there’s a reason you’re acting this way with Jackson.”
Andi blankly stares at me. “Just what are you getting at?”
Clearly, she is still feeling the effects of the pod. Why is it taking longer to wear off on her and Molly? Do the pods’ effects last longer for girls? Maybe the behavior is caused by something other than the pods. All I know for sure is that I’m not going to get anywhere with Andi right now.
“Something must be bothering you to make you act out of character,” I say. “Maybe it’s just pre-wedding jitters or something.” I swallow hard to get the bad taste of what feels like a lie from my mouth.
Andi smacks the heel of her hand against her forehead. “Oh. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s so obvious.” Quickly she jumps up. “I need to find Jackson.” She runs out the door without even saying goodbye. I mope out of the office and run into Jeremy.
“What on earth did you say to her?” he asks.
“Not what I really wanted to say,” I admit glumly.
Jeremy shrugs. “You’re probably better off. The last time I said something negative about Jackson, she didn’t speak to me for a week.”
Andi doesn’t usually hold a grudge. “I just hope she comes to her senses before it’s too late,” I say.
I’m pained by the anguish in Jeremy’s eyes. “You and me both,” he grumbles and then proceeds to tighten a bolt on his robot with a bit more force than necessary.
Chapter 9
I don’t feel like going back to work and detour to the rec hall to take a nice, long swim. I focus all my energy on swimming and successfully drown out all my negative thoughts. I take too long in the pool and have to hurry back to the lab to meet Jake for dinner. Even though I run, I’m a good ten minutes late. He’s not there. I hurry to the dining hall, and see Ryan and Kelly, though they don’t see me. Kelly’s grating laugh fills the air as she pulls Ryan to her. The sight is almost too much for me to withstand, but I’m done running. I stand my ground and hope Ryan will see me. Let him try to use his puppy-dog eyes once he knows I’ve seen him. Kelly’s gaze locks onto mine, right before she locks lips with Ryan. I lose my resolve to confront Ryan and flee in the opposite direction though a thread of dignity keeps me from breaking into a full run.
I stop at a small bench next to an unlit lamppost, and my rage overwhelms me. Everything on the base has changed: Ryan, my friends, my job, my boss, even the stupid little patch of grass under the bench. I kick the bench and am rewarded with a sharp pain that shoots up my leg and leaves my big toe throbbing. Stupid bench. I sit down to inspect the damage and laugh at the irony of my struggling to get back home to the base just to discover it no longer feels like a home to me.
A hand rests on my shoulder. “You know there are better ways to get out your aggression, less painful too.” I raise my eyes and see Chad’s sympathetic face. He sits on the bench and holds out his hand. “Here let me look at it.” I give him my foot which he examines with his warm and gentle hands. “It doesn’t look broken.” He takes my sock and shoe from the bench and slides them back on my foot. I feel silly being treated like a child but say nothing. Once he’s finished, he slides closer. “How did the bench offend you so badly?”
I’m embarrassed and turn away. “It’s silly,” I say.
Chad catches hold of my hand. I meet his eyes. “It can’t be silly if it has you this upset,” he says. “Tell me what it is.”
“It’s not just one thing. It’s everything. Everything changed on me. The base doesn’t feel like home anymore.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, tears cascade down my face.
Chad curls his arm around my shoulder. I lean against his chest and allow him to comfort me. The sun slowly sinks behind the tree line. The lazy clouds that linger in the sky fade into inky blue splotches against the deep red and purple background, as if the sky was in a fight but lost, badly. I sigh. Chad lifts my chin and stares down at me. I don’t want to be cheered up, but he cups my cheek in his hand and leans down. Then his lips are on mine, gentle but eagerly seeking a response. When I gasp, he tightens his grasp.
I push against his chest and spring to my feet. “I… uh…You have a girlfriend!”
“I had a girlfriend, Suzie, but she died. I thought you knew that.”
Oh, my God. How could I be so stupid? Throughout quarantine I assumed his behavior was platonic, because I knew he was happily in a programmed relationship. “I’m sorry, I didn’t remember her name. I didn’t realize she was the botanist that had the allergic reaction.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you knew. It’s not like you and I really knew each other back then.” He pats the open spot on the bench next to him. I sit down, but leave plenty of space between us.
“It wasn’t that long ago,” I say.
“You must think I’m a total ass for moving on so quickly.” He holds up his hand to stop my protest. “I feel really bad that she died, but we hadn’t been dating very long. I really wasn’t that into her. We probably would have broken up if she hadn’t… well, anyway, I just don’t want you to think I’m shallow or trying to rebound with you—anything like that.”
I have no idea how to respond. I don’t want to lose his friendship.
“I’m sorry Suzie died, but I’m glad you’re moving on. The last thing I’d want is for you to suffer. You mean a lot to me, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I just broke off my engagement with Brody.” I let my voice trail off, hoping he’ll fill in the rest on his own.
The corners of his lips turn down and his stare becomes hard. “And you’re still pining after Ryan?”
“What?” Am I really that transparent with my emotions?
Chad’s face remains stoic, but he reaches forward and tenderly lifts my hand. “Don’t bother denying it. I saw the way you looked at him during quarantine. I don’t blame you, after all the two of you went through to survive, but he’s back with his girlfriend now, isn’t he?”
My chest aches.
Chad eyes my hand as I rest it on my lap, but refrains from taking it again. “You deserve better than a guy who’s content to be with you until someone he thinks is better comes along.”
“Ryan’s not like that,” I protest.
“Really? Tell me, is he still giving you those long sideways glances and charming smiles whenever he catches your attention? Trust me, the guy’s a jerk. He’s just stringing you along as a back-up or until he figures out if your self-esteem is low enough to be the other woman.”
I take a few steps backward, ready to storm off. “Do you really think that little of me?”
Chad rushes forward and takes hold of me. His voice is soft and sad. “I’d never think that way of you, but he does. Trust me. I’ve known guys like him before. But I also know you’re smarter than that.”
I want to argue that he’s wrong, but I have my doubts. So, the silence lingers.
“Your friendship means a lot to me, too. I don’t want to lose it. So we’ll stay friends, unless you decide you want more. All you have to do is let me know. But even if you never pick me, do yourself a favor and forget about Ryan. Find someone who deserves and appreciates you.” He touches my cheek and rests his hand on it before he turns and walks away. Tears sting my eyes and slowly roll down my cheeks, and I briefly wish I could return Chad’s feelings. Life would certainly be easier, if not happier for me.
The light above the bench clicks on with the growing darkness, spotlighting my misery for everyone to see. I walk into the shadows, and instinctively my feet take me toward my rock. As I near it, a loud screech pierces the air.
“Ick, what is that thing? Keep it away from me!” a girl shrieks.
I run toward the screams
to find a scared couple huddled on my kidney bean rock. “What happened? Is everyone okay?” I ask.
The guy realizes he has an audience, and steps down from his perch on the rock. “Some hairy, purple thing just tried to attack her. Who knows what would have happened if I didn’t scare it away,” he boasts even though he looks scared.
“Was it purple and white? About this big?” I gesture with my hands.
“Yeah,” the girl speaks up. “That sounds about right.”
Great. Being kept out of the field was affecting more than just me. Caper must have come looking for me. “It was a meerkit. They can be quite friendly. He was probably just curious.”
The guy looked embarrassed, but he quickly recovered. “I heard something about them. Isn’t that the creature that broke a guy’s hand?”
Of course, that would be the one thing he’d heard. “Yes a mother meerkit broke a soldier’s wrist after the soldier struck at her baby in fear. Any animal is dangerous if you threaten its young.”
“Well, I’m not taking any chances. I’m reporting that thing to security. The sooner they get rid of it the better.” They both storm away before I can convince him otherwise.
I sit down and keep a silent vigil on my kidney bean rock. There’s no sign of Caper, but soon a soldier walks by. Apparently, the scared guy wasn’t all talk and no action. Twenty minutes later, another soldier passes by me. They’re definitely patrolling the area now. I just hope my rock is not a permanent addition to their nightly rounds.
In between the soldiers’ passes, love-struck couples appear. I can’t help but scowl at their intrusions. If they’d just leave my rock alone, Caper wouldn’t be in danger. From the couples’ looks of pity, they probably assume I’ve been stood up, but as long as they leave me alone, I don’t care what they think.
The later it gets, the colder I feel, and I don’t have a jacket. Soon, I’m shaking. My ears hurt, and my fingertips and nose go numb. Several soldiers suggest I return to the dorms, but I refuse. If Caper returns, I need to be the one to greet him, not one of the soldiers. I leave only after a soldier warns me about curfew and the penalties for breaking it.
As usual, I’m awake before anyone else is up. I shower, dress, and then hurry back to my rock. Caper’s happy chirps greet me as he leaps onto the fence.
“No, Caper, stop.” I don’t know if it’s my words or the tone of my voice, but he listens. He anxiously paces on top of the fence. Now that I found him, I need to figure out how to keep him safe. We can’t stay here in the open, so I lead him toward the base lab which provides a temporary fix. At least it will get him away from the soldiers.
Caper follows me by running along the top of the fence. When I call to him, he leaps down and jumps into my arms. I rush into the lab, hopefully before anyone sees us. Caper spends the next hour eagerly exploring every inch of the lab. I chase after him to make sure he doesn’t damage anything or hurt himself. Nothing is safe. He opens and paws through every cabinet and drawer he finds until he discovers a bag of marbles. I’m not sure where he found them because I was too busy turning off the Bunsen burners he’d turned on. But, I don’t care, the swirled colors of the marbles mesmerize him, and I finally get a chance to sit down as he carefully inspects each one.
Caper is so quiet that Ryan doesn’t seem to notice him when he first walks in. He does see me, and hesitates at the door. All the pain from last night rushes back into my heart.
“Ryan, I— ”
Caper coos and chirps as he runs across the room and leaps into Ryan’s arms, almost knocking him over. Caper’s enthusiastic greeting lasts several minutes. Eventually, I lift him off of Ryan and set him down in front of the marbles. He glances at Ryan and then happily continues to sort through his marble treasure. Like it or not, I think Ryan needs to stay, for Caper’s sake.
Ryan shakes his head and looks at me as if I’ve lost all sanity. “What on earth are you thinking, bringing him here? Are you trying to get him killed? Never mind the trouble you’ll get the rest of us in. Did you even think about it before you decided to bring him here just to play with him?”
I lean against the lab table and wait for Ryan to finish his rant. “No wonder you prefer Kelly,” I say. “You think so little of me. Apparently, you think I have the forethought of a toddler.”
“Morning.” Jake walks in, followed by Molly. They look from me to Ryan and quickly realize that they’ve disrupted something. Fortunately, Caper’s coos brake the heated tension of the room. “What’s he’s doing here?” Jakes asks as he crosses the room, patting Caper on the head. “Are those my marbles?”
“Sorry, Jake, but they’re the only thing that keeps him from tearing apart the lab. He jumped the fence last night looking for me and scared the hell out of a couple. They reported it to security, and ever since soldiers have been patrolling the perimeter.”
Both Molly and Jake look shocked. Ryan looks guilty, and I feel a smug sense of satisfaction. “I got up early and found Caper still hanging around. I had to do something to keep him safe until we could figure out a better solution.”
Molly scratches Caper behind the ear. “Well, for starters we need to keep him out of Elliot’s sight. That guy is dissection happy.” Jake nods in agreement. As unlikely as a visit from Elliot is, we decide to relocate Caper from Elliot’s base lab to our old base lab. Caper’s not happy about being closed up a plastic storage bin, but at least the walk between labs isn’t very far. Plus, the noise from the marbles we placed in the bin distract him. Once we’re inside, I remove the cover and deposit Caper on the floor. Caper promptly resettles himself and plays with both the bin and the marbles. I sit down, feeling a little woozy.
“You don’t look so hot.” Jake rests a hand on my forehead. “You’re not getting sick are you?”
I close my eyes and rest my head on the table. “I don’t know. I feel lousy.”
Ryan stands up and heads toward the door. “I’ll get you something from the dining hall. I was planning to get something for Caper anyway.”
Jake shakes his head at Ryan. “Food might not be the best idea if she’s sick.”
“She’s not sick. She hasn’t eaten since lunch yesterday,” he says and looks at me. “Have you?” He leaves without waiting for a confirmation. Great, apparently he saw me flee from the dining hall last night. His pity is the last thing I want.
“Wait up. I’ll help.” Molly calls after him and disappears out the door.
I laugh weakly and pretend I’m not as upset as I feel. “He’s right about lunch. You’d think I’d be able to figure that out on my own.”
“You have a lot on your mind. I know it’s hard being banned from the field and stuck working with Ryan all day. You never explained why you broke up with him. You might feel better if you talked about it.”
“Maybe.” I lay my head on the table. I really don’t want to talk about it, ever. “So how are things between you and Molly, now that Alex is out of the picture?”Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jake’s face fall. When I turn to him, he has a decidedly somber look.
“I don’t feel that way about Molly.”
I lift my head and look at Jake, surprised by his unexpectedly serious tone. “I thought you liked Molly.”
There’s a note of hesitation in his voice when he responds. “She’s like a sister to me.”
I carefully observe his face. “But then why did you want to get rid of Alex?”
An awkward silence passes before he answers. “I guess I feel protective of her. Alex was a jerk, and she deserves better.”
I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something he isn’t saying. “You and Molly seem perfectly matched. Are you sure there are no romantic feelings between the two of you?”
He looks as though he’s bracing himself for something unpleasant. His eyes squeeze shut, his jaw sets with determination, and a bead of sweat forms on his brow. When he speaks, his voice is low and strained. “Brett, there’s a reason the pods haven’t had an effect on me. I
don’t have a match here. I’m gay.” He says the word gay as if it’s something to be feared or loathed, the same way my mom used to whisper that someone had cancer or spent time in jail.
“That’s not funny,” I say, shocked by his uncharacteristically disparaging humor.
“I’m not laughing.” His stare is intense but guarded, as if he expects me to reject him.
I instantly regret my reaction. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were serious. I had no idea. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“I never told anyone besides Molly. Actually, I didn’t even tell her. She figured it out. It’s not a problem for you, is it?” His voice cracks, and the question ends as a soft squeak.
Guilt and shame run through my veins because Jake felt he needed to hide who he really is from me. “A problem? No. How could it be a problem? You’re my family. I’m just surprised and a little sad that you never said anything.”
“I didn’t want to make everyone uncomfortable.”
I see that Jake’s the uncomfortable one. “Why would we be uncomfortable… unless… you don’t like Ryan do you?”
Jake laughs. “Nah, he’s not my type.”
“So then why did you think we’d be uncomfortable? Did we ever say or do anything that made you think we’d be?”
Jake’s expression hardens. When he speaks, his voice is thick with emotion. “Don’t take it personally. I grew up in an extremely religious family. I knew they’d never approve, so I hid it from them and everyone else I knew. I thought I had everyone fooled, but one day I came home to my parents’ own personal intervention. They gave me an ultimatum: leave the house or enter some religious program that promised to turn me straight. So I left.”
“So that’s how you ended up here?”
Jake blinks back tears. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“Thank you for telling me now.” I hug Jake as Molly and Ryan return with the food. They frown looking confused, but don’t ask any questions.
I eat in silence as I contemplate the significance of another discarded teen being recruited by the Center for Technological Advancement. Was it just to avoid notice by the general population or were there other reasons behind their selections?
Concisus Page 10
