“I’m never gonna let you go, Cora. Never, baby.” He leaned forward and kissed her, and she kissed him back until they needed to catch their breath.
Chapter 9
Blade stood by the hallway window, looking out at the yard. The sun had risen, Beau said Cora was taking a shower, and Cason, Avery, and Asher were making breakfast. He couldn’t get himself to join the others this morning as they made love to Cora a second time. His mind, the memories and fears of his past, kept haunting him, and he couldn’t sleep. He had faced some of the most dangerous missions where his life was on the line and the life of his men, but nothing compared to the fear he had right now. He worried that he couldn’t love Cora. That he didn’t have it in him to give her all of him and his heart because of the fear caused by Eileen.
When Eileen told him that she was pregnant, he was ready to instantly change his entire life, his future, and his career for her. He knew he had the family business to fall back on despite his love of serving as a Special Forces officer. But she mattered more. Somehow that unborn child instantly became important. He knew he was at fault for leaving her so often on several tours, but she never complained. Well, not fully.
He ran his fingers through his hair. Life seemed so much simpler when he faced the idea that he would die alone, without a wife, without children, and perhaps only the camaraderie of his team, his only true family. But then Cora entered their lives. This town, what it stood for and fought for, started to affect his attitude toward getting older and his life. Making love to Cora with his team gave him the strength to let go and to finally allow his heart to open to another woman. But what if he couldn’t make love to her alone, without the support of his team? What if she left them because of him and his broken heart that had been closed off for years? What if he couldn’t give her what she deserved?
“Blade?”
He swung his head around, shocked at the sound of Cora’s voice.
He ran his hand along his chin and jaw and turned away from her, pretending to fix something by the table near the door and sofa.
“Hey, honey, how was the shower?” he asked but didn’t look at her.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked him.
“Fine. Hey, the others are probably almost finished making breakfast. You’re probably hungry.”
“I’ll get something in a minute. Can I ask you something?” she asked.
He turned to look at her.
God, she’s so beautiful. She was only wearing a man’s blue button-down shirt. She looked so sexy and petite. Her big brown eyes appeared sad and unsure. He hated seeing her like this. Why wasn’t she happy? Had one of the guys hurt her?
“Do you regret last night?” she asked him, shocking him, nearly making him lose his balance. He was the one to cause that sadness in her eyes?
“Baby, why would you ask that?”
“You didn’t come back to bed or join us again this morning. You left the room, Blade. Did you not mean what you said about wanting me too?”
He swallowed hard. His mind went into a thousand directions about all his fears, the past, the pain Eileen caused.
“I need a little time, Cora.”
She shook her head.
“You can’t do this to me. I need you too, Blade. You calmed me when I was freaking out during one of my stupid attacks I can’t seem to gain control of yet. You’re the one who confessed to wanting me and wanting to be my guardian as well as the kids’ guardian along with your team. What happened to one team, one unit, one family?” she asked him. The way she raised her voice would cause the others to come too.
“Cora, I meant all of it. I will be your guardian, just like the others will. I’m just trying to get through some feelings from my past.”
“The woman who hurt you, you mean?”
“You know about her?”
“No. I just know some woman broke your heart and made you untrusting. I want to know how you can pledge a commitment to make me—have me trust you and your team so fully that I gave you all of me last night and it’s okay that you’re still holding back.”
“Cora, please don’t push this.”
“I’m not,” she said and then walked closer. She reached out and took his hand. He loved how small it was in his. He felt so protective of her. He didn’t want to cause her any more pain, but he feared not being good enough.
“I want you to know that this was very hard for me too. The only knowledge I had of sex was violent and forced. I was abused and I had two children with a man who hurt me physically and emotionally. I don’t think you understand what that’s like. To have someone you want to care about you so much, instead just walk all over you and beat you as if you’re trash. I don’t know what this woman did to you, but I’m not her. Just like I know you, none of you, are like Anthony. Can’t you take the risk I’m taking too?” she asked him and brought his hand to her chest and held it there. This woman was so amazing, so perfect she deserved everything. He was in awe of her kindness and huge heart.
“It’s hard to explain what I’m going through. What happened to you was far worse then what happened to me.”
“Blade, that’s not what I’m saying. I mean to tell you that whatever it is she did, it’s in the past and the only way to heal is to move on and take another chance. I, for one, thought my future entailed being alone forever. Maybe this will all work out between us and maybe it won’t, but I’ve taken the first step, the chance at giving it a try. Can’t you try to open yourself up to me fully?”
He pulled her into his arms and hugged her to him.
“God, you’re so amazing, Cora. I know you’re nothing like her. I know that.”
“Good. Then get her out of your head and out of our relationship. I’m sure she moved on. So should you.”
He cupped her cheeks and held her gaze.
“I’m afraid I won’t be good enough for you,” he admitted, and she gasped, looking at him strangely. He turned away and ran a hand through his hair.
“I focused on the service, my career, and she waited on me, wanting me to be her husband and a father. I thought she was happy, and on the second to last tour she told me she was pregnant.”
“Oh, Blade, what went wrong?”
“I was excited, instantly ready to change everything for her and this unborn child, when she told me that it wasn’t mine.”
“Oh no.”
“We made love when I returned. She seemed distant, tired, but she didn’t tell me beforehand. I don’t know if she was going to try and keep it from me or push the kid off as my own, but she slept with me despite having this baby with someone else.”
“What did you do?”
“I demanded to know how long she had been cheating and who the father was. She said she wanted a divorce and that she was in love and this man loved her the way she deserved to be loved.”
“I’m certain that added to the pain you already felt.”
“I wasn’t good enough to hold on to her and give her the family she deserved.”
“No, Blade, that wasn’t it. People drift apart. Throw in marriage and it gets more difficult to give up and end. She didn’t love you.”
“But I loved her. I gave her my heart, my soul, everything I had inside. Every tour I fought to live, to survive to get back to her. Meanwhile she was with this other guy.”
“I understand your pain, but that shouldn’t stop you from opening up your heart fully again.”
“No, he should let it go and forget about her and what she did,” Beau said, joining the conversation. Blade released an annoyed sigh as the others came in.
“I was having a private conversation with Cora,” Blade said in annoyance.
“That involves all of us and our commitment to her and this relationship we’ve begun,” Cason replied.
“Why is it that you can’t get over what Eileen did to you? So what that she got knocked up by some other guy and left you? Who gives a shit? You never have to see her again. She’s not worth all this di
strust, uncertainty, and fear of making a commitment to Cora and to us,” Cason said.
“Why does it matter?” Asher asked.
“Because the man she cheated on me with, the father of her child, is my brother,” Blade confessed, and the room grew quiet.
Cora covered her mouth, and everyone else seemed shocked.
“Yeah, now you all know. Do you understand my fears here?” Blade asked.
“We’re not your brother Jenks, Beau. We’ve been through life and death situations. We’ve always had one another’s backs. This is special, this bond we all have, and nothing can destroy it,” Cason stated.
“How do you know? I thought I trusted my brother. I trusted Eileen and I gave my love to them and when I was away risking my life, they were…they were…”
“Don’t do that to yourself. I can’t believe that you never told us this. No wonder you didn’t want to be a part of a ménage relationship. Your brother and Eileen broke that trust, they corrupted it, and it’s understandable that you’re hurt. But I think it’s time to move on. What we have with Cora is special, and stronger,” Asher told him.
“Besides, she can’t cheat on you. She belongs to all of us and together our bond will only grow stronger,” Avery added, and they chuckled.
Cora stepped forward and took his hand.
“I’m sorry they hurt you like that. I won’t hurt you, Blade. This relationship, giving in to my attraction to each of you, scares the hell out of me. Is it right? Will it last? I haven’t a clue, but I know when I’m in your arms, when one of you and especially all of you are touching me, I feel perfect, like I’m not such a misfit or used goods.”
“Baby, you’re not a misfit or used goods. Never say that again,” he told her.
“But that’s how I feel. It’s from the abuse, from getting beaten down so long and losing any self-confidence I had. I’m slowly building that up again. I want to feel normal and not the aching pain I feel when I have an attack, and when I’m all alone at night.”
“You’re so damn special, Cora. I promise I’ll try to be the kind of man you need and deserve. I’ll try really hard.”
“Good. So can we eat some breakfast then head back to bed?” Avery asked.
“Back to bed?” Cora asked as Blade wrapped an arm around her waist and began walking her from the room.
“Oh yeah, we’ve got plans for you,” Asher added.
“You guys can hold off, Cora and I need a little alone time then you can join us,” Blade teased, and they all chuckled.
“I need to get back to the kids,” she protested.
“We promise to have you home by dinner,” Asher teased.
“Dinner?” she asked.
“For tonight, but soon you’ll be living here and staying in our bed where you belong. Now let’s eat and we can discuss the future later. You and I have a little business to take care of,” Blade told her, and she shyly lowered her eyes, making his heart soar once again in adoration. Blade didn’t want to screw this up. He’d do anything to make Cora happy so she’d never leave him and his team. He was going to have a family, and this one was going to last forever.
Chapter 10
Chicago-Club Mystique
“Damn, Roland. I forgot about Anthony pulling off that hit and snagging that shit. Those were the fucking days. The cops didn’t have a clue where to even start collecting evidence with the mess you and Ant mad.” Tyson Barns carried on as he polished off his glass of whiskey on the rocks then chuckled at the other men around the card table.
Roland loved it here. He loved working for Victor Sotoro. With Victor, Roland provided the muscle and sometimes the more violent actions necessary in securing respect and commitment to one of Sotoro’s requests. As Tyson and Willie carried on about jobs they did for Anthony, trying to schmooze Sotoro as they all played cards in a private back room, Roland thought about Anthony.
The poor fucking guy was hiding out for the better part of a year. Men showed up that Roland never heard of before and who never really identified themselves as cops or agents. He had a suspicion that whomever Arabella and Cora got involved with in Texas, they had some serious dark connections. It made him a bit concerned about the call he could receive any day now from Ant. His request to fly out and take care of Arabella, her mom, and the kids once and for all was extreme, but that was Anthony. He’d want to fuck that bitch Cora one more time before he did something sick, like skin her alive, beat the shit out of her, break her bones, and make her suffer.
“What the hell are you thinking about, with that expression like you want to hurt someone?” Tyson asked.
“Just thinking about Anthony.”
“Anthony? Shit, he’s probably dead somewhere or living in some forest hiding, living off the land. That crazy bastard,” Tyson replied.
“Shit, it would take multiple bullets to the head for that sick fuck to die. He’s alive, and probably planning to take Cora and her family out after all the shit those bitches caused,” Willie added.
“He’s alive. Alive and well. One last job with him,” Roland said then downed the shot. His eyes lost their focus for a moment. He knew he was on the verge of getting shit faced, but he didn’t care. For all he knew, Anthony could call him tonight and want him to head out to Texas to help him with one last job.
“One last job with Anthony? What job? He’s rebuilding his little empire?” Tyson asked.
Roland slowly turned toward him. His eyes gazed over Sotoro and his two guards on either side of him who stared. A woman brought over another round of drinks and two shots for Roland.
He downed one then the other, holding Tyson’s gaze.
“Setting up shop again is not what Ant is up to. No, revenge and slaughtering those women is his plan. When he calls me, I’ll have to go do this one last job for him, then I’m done.”
“Shit. That crazy bastard. Those women are fucked,” Willie said, and Roland nodded his head then pushed more chips to the center of the table, placing his bet on the hand he didn’t even look at clearly.
“They sure are, and they’ll even see him coming.”
* * * *
“I want to know all the details. How did this happen? Are you okay? Did you have an anxiety attack? Were they gentle with you?” Arabella asked, whispering the last question as they sat down at the kitchen table in the small house.
Cora ran her hands around the mug of coffee and looked from her to their mom. The kids were playing in the living room. She had worried about their reaction in regards to her not coming home, but the moment they heard where she was they asked about swimming again and if Cora got to play any games while she was there.
She smiled, but her chest felt tight.
“Everything happened kind of quickly. Each of them has been paying attention to me for the last few weeks. They would do little things like bump my elbow, rub against me in the office. It was escalating and I was worried, yet I felt something too.” She began to explain about how Blade, Beau, and the others thought she was up to something and perhaps trying to land a wealthy man like Calvin. Arabella was shocked and seemed insulted herself at the accusation when Cora pushed on and told them about how things panned out.
She explained about the party, the anxiety attack, and how amazed she was that Blade of all people helped to calm her. Then she looked at Arabella.
“I wish you had warned me about them asking Brock and the men about being my guardians.”
“They asked to be your guardians?” her mom asked, and Cora nodded.
“It came as a shock to me too. I was concerned because of the reputations the men have as being so hard, especially Blade and Beau. They’re the most intimidating and mysterious of the bunch,” Arabella added.
“I had the same fears, but then I started to think why would they want me, used goods, someone with two kids and a sordid past? They must just want sex.”
“Oh, Cora, no, sweetie. Why would you think that? You’re a beautiful young woman. You have two adorable, respectf
ul kids. You should be proud of what you survived,” her mom stated.
“Oh, Mom, you’re biased.”
Arabella chuckled.
“She’s being truthful. We all have our ghosts, baggage, per se, but it’s the people we are today, it’s what we fight to accomplish and be that matters. You went through hell and you’re still trying to put yourself back together.”
“Arabella, these are five older men. Each of their personalities is so strong, and their capabilities? God only knows what men like these are even capable of.”
“Do they scare you? Make you feel like they could hurt you or the kids?” Mary asked.
Cora shook her head as she looked out toward the living room where Liam and Julia played.
“I have to do what’s best for the kids. I have to ensure that they’re safe. Every time I think about the happiness I feel when I’m with Blade, Beau, Cason, Avery, and Asher, there’s this feeling, this pull deep in my gut begging me to hold on to and not give up all of me.”
“It’s the fear that he’s still out there,” Arabella leaned forward and whispered.
“You can’t let him hold you back from being happy. If these five men truly want you, make you feel good, safe, protected, and they want everything that comes with you, including the kids, then you need to take this chance, Cora.”
“Arabella is right. You also told us how you had that anxiety attack when the car broke down and how they came to you and Blade calmed you down. Even if your mind is fighting, resisting taking this chance, your body, your heart, knows best.”
“I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared. I have to make the best decisions I can for Julia and Liam.”
“Cora, when Blade, Beau, Cason, Avery, and Asher spoke with Brock and my men, they expressed their full commitment to you and the kids, and even to Mom. Cason and Beau have been watching you from afar. You said Asher and Avery were the ones to invite you and the kids over to the pool and for lunch on the weekend. They were getting to know you and the kids and they want all of you.”
Soldiers of Pearl 2: Healing Souls (Siren Publishing LoveXtreme Forever) Page 16
