Tori walked out the back door of the beach house onto the sugar sand and felt the warm breeze on her sun-kissed cheeks. As she stared out to sea, a haze of tears clouded her vision. She couldn’t believe the passage through which she had just emerged. She was still in shock. It seemed like she had walked through a long, dark tunnel and emerged into the light. She had been at the beach house for over two weeks while she tried to process all that had happened. The pain of the last month and a half had been a firestorm that had crystalized the broken shards of her heart.
Zack’s betrayal of her trust had been the worst part. The embarrassment of the Admonishment and her temporary suspension from the practice of law seemed to pale in significance to her broken heart. She realized that she had loved Zack with her heart and soul as well as her body. She had been devastated by his egregious sins of commission and omission and his selfishness. She did not know how one person could have such a callous disregard for the needs of another. That certainly wasn’t in her emotional makeup, and she was shocked that it appeared to be in Zack’s.
She brushed away the tears from her cheeks and started down the beach. Over the whistle of the wind and the crashing waves, she heard the slam of a car door, but she disregarded it and kept walking. Suddenly, she felt a hand close on her shoulder. She began to pull away in panic, but she knew that touch, that scent. In shock she turned around. The air sizzled around her as she looked up into Zack’s ravaged face. His blue eyes were filled with all the pain she had been feeling. For a moment she felt sorry for him, but then her rage took over and hardened her heart.
“What are you doing here? You must know you’re the last person on earth I want to see.”
“Please, Tori. I had to see you. I love you. I have to talk to you. I know what I did was stupid and wrong, but I hope you know that I would never have hurt you on purpose. That wasn’t my intention in the beginning, although I know it was the end result. I did everything in my power to make it right. I’m so sorry. Can’t you forgive me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me in the beginning as soon as you realized?” she cried. She shook her head as if trying to dislodge the pain she felt. “Never mind. I don’t care about your explanations. It’s gone too far, and it’s too late. We’ve gone through too much—I’ve lost too much—to forgive you now.”
“It’s never too late if you love me, if you can open your heart, let the pain drain out, and let me back in. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“I’m sorry, Zack. The pain is all that’s left of what I felt for you.”
He grabbed her shoulders. “If I believed that, I wouldn’t have come here. Won’t you try to see my side of this? Please listen to me.” But she pulled away from his grasp. He held his hands up in defeat and backed away. He’s leaving. Good. Maybe now she would be able to bury her pain…like a cursed treasure on a sandy beach.
As she watched him turn away, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. He looked like he’d been through hell as well. Her heart broke again, and the bitterness began to flow out. She couldn’t stand to see the look of misery on his beautiful face. “Wait!” she cried. He didn’t turn. Did he hear her? “Wait, Zack…please…I can’t stand it. I can’t stand any more.” She felt as if she would collapse right there in the sand. Her heart was breaking all over again as she watched him walk away. It was more than her damaged heart could take.
* * * *
Zack had to let her go. There was no hope. Crushed, he turned back toward the shore road, defeat in every line of his body. The pain and anger in her voice and on her face was killing him. He had known this was a long shot, but he had had to try to get through to her, to set things right, and at least apologize in person. He couldn’t have lived with himself if he hadn’t tried one more time.
When he heard her cry out, he stopped in his tracks. He turned and ran back and pulled her into his arm. He hugged her tight and whirled her around. He buried his face in her hair and just drank her in. She was the most precious person in his life, and he needed her like the air he breathed. He knew he didn’t want to ever let her go.
“We can work this out, baby, if you’ll only give us a chance. I’ll make it better. I promise. I wish I could take all the pain I caused you back. I’d do anything to be able to do that.”
“I don’t know if we can work it out, Zack. I’m not even sure I can try. I’m not sure I even want to, but I’ve missed you so much.”
He crushed her mouth with a desperate kiss as tears streamed down her precious face and then just held her tight against his body. He was unwilling to let her go for even a minute as he tried to absorb her into himself. Finally, they walked back toward the beach house. Zack knew they had a long way to go to work through the miasma of misunderstandings, the half-truths, and the outright lies that had led to this impasse. But at least it seemed Tori might be willing to listen, to make the attempt. He wasn’t even sure of that, but he knew success was not guaranteed in any event. Total honesty would be needed.
“Tori, I knew—or really just suspected—that you might be Green’s attorney that first weekend,” he said with trepidation. He held up his hand to stop her angry rejoinder. “I wasn’t sure, and to tell you the honest truth, I didn’t want to find out. I could have called Bob or just asked you, but I didn’t want to ruin something important I felt was developing between us.”
“How could you be so selfish?” she cried. “Didn’t you know what would happen when this came out? What a difficult position you would put me in?”
“No! I wasn’t thinking that far ahead at first, and by the time I did, it was too late. I was already in it up to my neck and falling in love with you. I realized that I loved you that first week we spent together in Ocala… By then I couldn’t give you up. And it’s cost both of us too much. Can you forgive me? Do you think we can put it behind us and just go on from here?”
“I don’t know, Zack. There is a lot to think about, but I know that I loved you, too.” She looked so sad. It broke his heart to know he had caused the pain on her face.
Loved as in past tense? He was afraid to ask what she meant by that. He didn’t think he could stand it if she told him she no longer loved him. “Can I stay? Can we talk about it? I’ll do anything I can to make this up to you.”
After what seemed like an eternity, she said, “I guess you can stay for the weekend, and we can talk about it. I can’t make any promises that it will make a difference in the end. You can stay in the guest room I suppose.” She really didn’t sound too enthusiastic.
* * * *
Zack would have been content to just stand there and stare at her. He had missed her so much, but he knew of one thing guaranteed to soften her up. “I have a surprise for you out in the truck.”
“Really?” she asked as they headed back to the house. When they rounded the corner, she saw the horse trailer hitched to the back of Zack’s truck. She ran the rest of the way to the trailer, threw the side door open, and poked her head inside. Three sets of big, brown eyes greeted her—Rocky, Rosebud in his carrier, and Zack’s horse, Shadow. “I can’t believe you brought them all the way up here. What are we going to do with them?”
“Ride them on the beach. We can stable them with a polo friend of mine. He has a few extra stalls at his farm not too far from here. I thought you could probably use an ‘R & R’ fix by now.”
“That was very thoughtful of you, Zack. I do appreciate it. I’ve missed them terribly.” He could see that in her eyes.
“It’s only one of a million small things I want to do for you, Tori. I know I have a lot to make up for, and I want to get started on that.” Zack tried to be hopeful, but his heart was in his throat. What would he do if she wouldn’t listen to him?
* * * *
Tori said, “Well, since they’re here, we might as well go for a ride on the beach. We can leave Rosebud on the patio. It’s enclosed, and he can’t get into too much trouble.”
Zack unloaded the horses, tied them to the side of the trailer, and opened the do
or to the tack room while Tori took Rosebud out of his carrier and started toward the patio. “Don’t eat all of Jacques’s climbing roses, you little imp, or we’ll be having goat stew for dinner.”
She saw Zack smile. It felt so good to be with him again, but she didn’t know if she would be able to forgive him, to get past the pain of the last month. When she returned, he already had Shadow saddled and was throwing a saddle pad and her old Steuben saddle on Rocky’s back. Rocky reached around to nip at Zack’s butt. Rocky-6, Zack-2. She had to laugh. It didn’t look like he was ever going to even the score. The poor guy couldn’t seem to catch a break.
She took over the chore of saddling the big gray. Rocky leaned up against her and rubbed his muzzle in her hair. She knew he had missed her. She had had a private moment with Rosebud on the patio, and her eyelashes were still wet. She had missed her guys terribly over the last month or so—unfortunately all three of them—Zack included. She had been too busy working on her legal problems and too worried to spend time with Rocky and Rosebud, and then she had left town.
When the horses were saddled, they mounted and rode around to the back of the house and out on to the beach. They walked out over the powdery sugar sand down to the wet, packed sand near the water’s edge. The horses had caught the scent of the salt water and were excited to be out of the trailer. They began to play in the waves, splashing and dipping their heads into the water. When the horses had calmed down, they let them gallop through the salty waves foaming up to the high water line.
“We’re going to have a mess of tack to clean up when we’re done. Salt water and sand on leather isn’t a good mix,” Tori said as they turned north and continued up the beach.
Zack smiled at her and said, “No problem. There’s plenty of saddle soap in the trailer. It’s all part of the service. I want to apply for my groom job again. I’ve missed it.”
“Zack, we have to talk seriously. There’s a lot to discuss, and I’m not making any promises. I don’t know if I can get past this.”
“I know, babe. I think it was fate. We were meant to meet, and once we did and spent that first weekend together, there was already the appearance of impropriety which Bob has explained to me. I’ve never done anything so irresponsible in my life. All I can say in my own defense is that you so totally blew me away that I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through, and I’ve been kicking myself ever since. You can’t be more disgusted and mad at me than I have been at myself.”
“Want to bet?”
“Not really. That was just hopeful thinking on my part. Actually, John and Jacques told me they’d kick my butt if I didn’t make this right. You have some very good friends there. When I went to pick up Rocky and Rosebud, I wasn’t sure if they’d greet me with a shotgun.”
“They are loyal. I have to tell you, though, that John didn’t think you intentionally meant to hurt me by all of this.”
“Baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wish I could take it all back, but then think of the wonderful month we wouldn’t have had together. I really can’t wish that away despite everything else that has happened. And who knows—we might not have ever seen each other again.”
“Tell me why you decided to buy out Green. Your case was excellent. I knew I didn’t have a chance of winning, especially after I discovered the evidence of his guilt in the e-mail archiver records. I knew your people would eventually find it as well.”
“Chuck did find it. We also got Green to admit to the theft. We have a recording made during a meeting he had with his accomplice at the company, after we discovered that she had forwarded him another transmission of program data. Bob Grossman thought it would be more expeditious to buy him off than to continue to deal with him and fight the lawsuit. And your legal problems were a consideration in that as well. Bob thought we could bury the negotiations for your general release in the contract negotiations and that Green wouldn’t think anything of it. We didn’t want him to know it was Z-Tech trying to buy the program.”
“You paid Green off to get me out of this mess? Oh, Zack.” She couldn’t believe the lengths to which he’d gone to try to correct the situation he had caused. She had to think about this. She was afraid to ask how much he’d had to pay Green for the program he’d stolen in the first place. She wasn’t sure she even wanted to know.
“I just really wanted a way to resolve this mess if I could. We would have filed criminal charges if he hadn’t agreed to the buyout and releasing you and your firm. We’ve got that option on tap if he causes any more problems. Of course, he didn’t know that the company he was dealing with was owned by me. We had a front man negotiate the deal.”
When they rode back to the house, Tori said, “I’ll make us some coffee while you hose the guys down and clean the tack.”
“Okay, then I’ll haul them over to Paul’s place. They can spend the weekend over there. We can drive out and take them for a trail ride tomorrow if you like.” He looked hopeful. “Maybe you can get dressed to go out for dinner while I’m gone? I’ll shower when I get back.”
“That sounds good. I know a good steak house in St. Augustine.”
As Tori got ready to go out to dinner, she thought about all that had happened that afternoon. She really couldn’t believe Zack was here and that she was actually talking to him. She needed a lot more answers before she agreed to go any further down this road, however. One ride on the beach wasn’t going to smooth this all over. She didn’t know if she could ever really trust him again. But she did know in her heart that she loved him as much as she ever had. That had not changed, and she didn’t think it ever would.
* * * *
While he knew he hadn’t won her over yet, Zack was thrilled that he was going to at least have a chance to make this right with Tori—to talk to her face-to-face. He felt fortunate that she had even agreed to talk to him at all, that she hadn’t shot him on sight. He was optimistic that they could work things out if she gave him the chance, and he was whistling while he drove the trailer out to Paul’s farm to drop of the horses.
They enjoyed a nice dinner in town, and when then returned to the beach, they sat on the patio and talked over glasses of wine. Later, Tori made a pot of coffee and a quick dessert. Then she sent Zack off to the guest room by himself. He had been disappointed that he hadn’t gotten her back into bed, but he knew that if he rushed this he stood a chance of ruining his chances with Tori permanently. He wasn’t willing to take that risk. He knew that any renewed intimacy had to be on her terms and that he’d have to earn it.
Chapter Forty-Four
The weekend passed quickly, and Tori and Zack spent a lot of time just talking as well as quiet time just being together. Zack couldn’t seem to get enough of just holding her hand. They had gone trail riding at Paul’s ranch and spent time rocking in the hammock on the patio napping in each other’s arms or walking on the beach and splashing in the cold waves. She had let the closeness they’d had before gradually reestablish itself. She hadn’t wanted to rush. She needed the time to readjust to Zack’s overwhelming presence. She now realized how deeply he had been hurting and just how guilty he felt for all the problems his actions had caused her. He was warm and affectionate, but he stopped just short of pressuring her into bed again. She appreciated his restraint because she didn’t know if she was ready for that. Having sex with him again was a big step and required a leap of faith and trust that she wasn’t sure was still there.
On Sunday night, Zack turned to her and said, “Tori, do you think we’re ever going to be able to get back to where we were before all of this happened? Do you think you’ll ever be able to trust me again?”
“I’m trying, Zack. I know you didn’t hurt me maliciously, but you certainly put your own needs before mine.”
“That’s only partially true. I wanted our relationship to work out for both of us. It was never just about getting you into bed and making another notch on the bedpost. I was intrigued by you right from that first m
orning. I knew we were right for each other pretty quickly after that, and then before I knew it, I was in love with you.” He reached across the space between them on the sofa and pulled her into his arms. “Please, baby, don’t keep this between us. Can’t we move past it? Get back to what we had before?” He kissed her deeply, and she felt all the passion and love they had shared before bubbling through her blood. It was hard to keep him at arms’ length, and she wasn’t sure she still wanted to.
She couldn’t just give in and turn her heart back over to him without any reservations. She had been through too much. But she knew she didn’t want to deny him or herself the love they had shared before. “Let’s just take it one day, or one night, at a time for now. Let’s go to bed, Zack.”
* * * *
Zack stood up. He pulled her up off the sofa and into his arms. He headed toward the master bedroom and dragged Tori behind him. He wasn’t going to give her a chance to change her mind. These had been two of the longest days of his life. The uncertainty had been eating at him. He was a man of action—used to going after what he wanted full blast. Having to be so careful and waiting for Tori to make up her mind about whether she could forgive him and let him back into her life again had been agony. But he had known he had to let her make her own decision if they were to have any hope of a future together.
He knew he had to take it slow and easy. The roughness he had shown the last time they made love still haunted him. He had acted like a sixteen-year-old in heat, and he had been ashamed that in his desperation and guilt he had hurt her. He wanted it to be perfect for her this time, and that was a lot of pressure.
“Baby, let me make it all up to you. I’ve been reliving that last time we were together in my mind over and over. I was so rough with you, and it’s been driving me crazy.”
The Appearance of Impropriety [The Horsemen] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 21
