“Charles, I am not engaged. She refused me.”
“She refused you!”
“Oh, yes, most vehemently. Apparently I am the last man she could ever be prevailed upon to marry. I had spent so much time absorbed in my own inner struggles that I never bothered to notice that she detests me. When she refused me, I foolishly asked her why. She gave me a long list of reasons, the particulars of which I will not trouble you with. But, apparently, Wickham had ingratiated himself with her and concocted a tale about an injustice I committed against him. More significantly, she could not forgive me for having irreparably hurt her sister by separating you from her when she returned your affections. Apparently, Miss Elizabeth had pieced together my role in all of this before I proposed to her, and it gave her yet another reason to dislike me. We quarreled over it and other matters, and I left after some very cruel words were exchanged.
“The next day, I wrote to her to explain myself in regard to her sister and also to defend myself against Wickham’s slanders. I then left Kent. But I was troubled by the mistake I had made and the harm I had caused you and Miss Bennet. I tried to get you to visit Hertfordshire so that I could undo the damage I had done. But you were so adamant in your refusal to go; I thought it best for me to go there first to see for myself whether there was any hope of a reconciliation between you.
“Charles, I must tell you that I am relieved to finally speak of all of this, and I hope I have adequately explained what happened. But I am under no illusions about my behavior. I know what I have done has severely damaged our friendship. I sincerely apologize for all the harm I have caused you. I will understand if you never want to see me again, and I will importune you no further in that regard. But before I take my leave, I do want to encourage you one more time to visit Miss Bennet. I honestly do not know whether she will still receive you, but at least you should try. I know my aunt has complicated matters, but if you still care for her, you should risk it. I know that if there was still hope for me, I would not let the opportunity go by.”
“Darcy, I hardly know what to say… I still cannot comprehend it all. When you talked to Miss Bennet, what did to you say to her and what was Miss Elizabeth’s reaction to you coming to Longbourn?”
“Well, before I spoke to Miss Bennet I had assumed that Elizabeth—Miss Elizabeth—would have confided in her about what happened in Kent, and I was correct for the most part. She knew of my proposal and her sister’s refusal, but she was not aware of my role or your sisters’ role in urging you to leave Hertfordshire. So I confessed to her what happened. She was actually most gracious. She had every right to be livid with me, but she understood how I could have misconstrued her regard for you. She is truly a remarkable woman. I can understand why you thought so highly of her, and I apologize for not seeing it sooner. I think what troubled Miss Bennet most were your sisters’ objections to her. She does not want to come between you and your family.”
As Darcy’s countenance grew more somber, he continued, “As to Miss Elizabeth’s reaction to me, it was civil and appropriately cold. After the way I treated her, she has every right to dislike me. It was clear from her reaction to me that she wants nothing more to do with me, and I shall grant her that wish.”
Both men were silent for a long time as Bingley tried to digest all that he had heard. Darcy watched as Bingley walked to the window and stared out it for several minutes. Bingley finally turned and said, “Darcy, I am still unable to comprehend all that has happened, but one thing is clear. We both must return to Hertfordshire.”
“Charles, I am relieved to hear that you are going to go to Netherfield, and I think you should leave as soon as possible. But as to including me in your party, while it is very generous of you, there is no reason for me to go. I believe everyone involved would be happier without me.”
“I beg to differ. I would not be happier without you. There are many reasons for you to go, not the least of which is that you owe it to me and Miss Bennet.”
Darcy stared in disbelief. “Charles, I am not sure…”
Before he could continue, Bingley interrupted him. “Darcy, I have listened to you speak a great deal today. Given your propensity toward silence, I have heard you talk today more than a whole week’s worth of visits. Now, please hear me out. First, I want to apologize to you for thinking that anything inappropriate occurred during your visit with Miss Bennet. I reacted before I knew all the particulars, and I am sorry. In fact, I am exceedingly grateful that you spoke to her. And, Darcy, I also want you to know that I appreciate all that you have just told me. I know it was not easy for you. In return I will also be honest. You are right, I still have very strong feelings for Miss Bennet, and I intend to go to Longbourn to convince her of that. I appreciate that it will be difficult, given my sisters’ actions, and I expect the support of my closest friend to help me through it. You said that our friendship has been damaged by your actions, and perhaps it has, but I have never assumed it to be so fragile as not to be able to stand some strain. Have you?”
Darcy looked at his friend for a long moment, humbled by his generosity. He then answered with warmth and gratitude in his voice. “No, Charles, I suppose it is not, and I am honored to call you my friend; nonetheless, I think my presence there might be awkward.”
“I grant you that it might be at first. But I am resolved to stay there until I convince Miss Bennet of my regard. I do not intend to make the same mistake twice. Hopefully, she will be able to forgive me and grant me a second chance. And if she does, as my closest friend, it will be natural for you to be in our company. Please do not follow my sisters’ lead and make me choose between you and Miss Bennet. If Miss Bennet is concerned about my sisters’ opinion of her, it will help to demonstrate to her that there is at least one person in my closest circle who approves the match and is comfortable in her presence.”
“Charles, I am not sure. I think my presence will impede your progress, not aid it, especially since my aunt’s visit.”
“It is your aunt’s visit that I am thinking of mostly. If everyone in the neighborhood thinks that you had intentions toward Miss Bennet but gave them up after your aunt lodged objections to the match, then your failure to reappear will confirm the truth of the rumor. Your actions will make it look as though you rejected her as unworthy. If, however, you come with me and make it clear that your previous visit was to convey your regard to the Bennets as my friend, then the rumor of your affections toward Miss Bennet will die of its own accord. As I said, you owe it to Miss Bennet and me to come to Netherfield. If you do not, it may damage Miss Bennet’s reputation.”
“Charles, I see what you are saying, and if that is the case, my sense of honor requires me to return with you, but the idea of staying or becoming comfortable as a visitor to you and Miss Bennet is unrealistic. After what my aunt has done, her family has every reason to dislike me, and more importantly, after all that has happened between Miss Elizabeth and myself, we will never be comfortable together. She will never forgive me for what I have done.”
“Darcy, how can you be sure? You said Wickham had told her some lies about you and that you explained the truth to her in a letter. Did she believe you?”
“Yes, she did. When I visited, she let me know that she now understood Wickham’s true character and no longer harbored any doubts about my actions toward him.”
“Well then, there it is. Her only other real objection concerned Miss Bennet and myself. She cannot continue to hold it against you now that you are helping reunite us.”
“No. But, Charles, she will never forgive me for the damage I have caused.”
“But why not? Apparently, Miss Bennet and I have each forgiven you, and we were the direct victims of the events that unfolded. If we can forgive you, then surely Miss Elizabeth can do the same. Or do you not consider her to be a generous person?”
“No, of course I do. But that is not the point. Besides, she has many more objections to me than just these two things. I insulted her during my
proposal, and I also insulted her family. You have no idea of the stupid things I said to her.”
“You may be right, Darcy. I do not know everything that has passed between you, but it is clear from what you have said to me today that you are still in love with her. Don’t you think it would be worth trying to convince her to forgive you—at least enough to let you start over? Maybe you won’t win her immediately as your bride, but you could at least become friends.”
“Charles, I will do whatever you want me to in order to help you secure Miss Bennet’s affections, and if that includes trying to make peace with Miss Elizabeth so that we can all be in the same room together, I will do that for you. But I harbor no illusions about ever winning Miss Elizabeth’s regard. The best thing for me to do is to learn to accept that fact.”
“Darcy, not five minutes ago you said that if you were in my place, you would not let the opportunity go by to attempt to win Miss Bennet back. It seems to me that you are in the same place. I may go back to Hertfordshire, risk all, and fail. But it will be worth it because I care so deeply for Miss Bennet. Why is the risk not the same for you?”
“Bingley, our situations are vastly different. You—”
Before Darcy could finish, Bingley interrupted him again. “Listen, Darcy, I do not expect you to make a decision now about events that may not occur, and you need not promise that you will stay on at Netherfield. It is enough that you have agreed to come with me in the first place. I simply ask that you think about everything else that I have said and leave the option open. Right now I think we will have our hands full getting to Longbourn, and undoing the damage my sisters have caused and erasing the effects of your aunt’s visit. That said, how soon can you leave?”
“Immediately.”
Chapter 9
SECOND CHANCES
The morning after they arrived at Netherfield, Bingley and Darcy set out to visit Longbourn. They left as early as civility would allow. During the previous day’s long carriage ride to Hertfordshire, they had decided it would be best if they called together. Bingley would apologize for his long absence and hope for a moment to talk to Miss Bennet alone. Darcy would attempt to dispel any rumors that his aunt’s visit might have caused. It would be awkward, but there seemed no other course.
As they rode their horses to Longbourn, they were both filled with anxiety. Darcy looked over at Bingley, who was clearly lost in thought. He was somewhat surprised by his sudden silence. He had spent the previous evening listening to Bingley speak almost nonstop about the best strategy to win a second chance with Miss Bennet. Bingley vacillated between making a quick confession of his regard followed by a plea that she forgive his hasty departure last fall to resuming his attentions as if nothing had happened in the hope that she would allow him to proceed without an explanation. Bingley preferred the former option but was concerned both that his behavior would be considered improper and that the logistics of arranging the confession would prove difficult. The latter would be easy to execute, but he worried Miss Bennet might consider his attitude cavalier. As the hours passed, Darcy’s tolerance for Bingley’s indecision was tempered by the fact that his friend’s cheerful demeanor was slowly returning. Bingley remained cautious about his chances of winning Miss Bennet’s forgiveness, but his pervasive air of sadness was in retreat. As the fire in the hearth burned itself out, Bingley determined to let his actions be guided by how they were received.
Watching his friend now on his way to Miss Bennet, Darcy could not help but feel a stab of jealousy. He was truly happy that Bingley was attempting a reconciliation with Miss Bennet and wished him every degree of success. He and Miss Bennet deserved no less. Nonetheless, he could not help but lament that he was foreclosed from seeking the same absolution from Elizabeth. It seemed bitterly unfair that he should find the means of his happiness only to know that it was permanently out of his reach. He knew his quickening pulse was in anticipation of seeing her again. If only the encounter had the promise of ending well.
It would be the height of arrogance to assume that he could expect a second chance with Elizabeth, and he knew the danger of allowing his pride to rule him unchecked. The difference between his situation and Bingley’s was very real, and he would be a fool to lose sight of that.
Nonetheless, there was a part of him that was spurred on by Bingley’s hopefulness. When he looked objectively at Bingley’s situation, it seemed reasonable that Bingley would try to win Miss Bennet’s regard. His determination spoke well of his devotion. Bingley had told him he had no real alternative in the matter, since he would never be happy until he secured her hand. Was not the same true of him? He knew that his attempts at putting Elizabeth out of his mind were futile. Was not Bingley’s willingness to pursue Miss Bennet without any real encouragement actually evidence of his ability to put his pride aside because he was doing so without any assurance that he would ultimately be accepted? Maybe the real difference between his and Bingley’s situation was that Bingley was willing to pursue Miss Bennet even if it ended in an embarrassing rebuff. Was his resignation over losing Elizabeth simply his pride at work again?
No. Those were the daydreams of a lovesick schoolboy, not the master of Pemberley. Part of being a man of importance in the world was accepting its realities. His father had taught him as much. Didn’t Elizabeth specifically say that he could not have made the offer of his hand in any possible way that would have tempted her to accept it?
But, then again, when she had said those things, she had been laboring under Wickham’s deceptions and anger over her sister’s loss. She clearly no longer believed Wickham, and she must have seen from his own recent behavior that he truly regretted his actions toward her sister. Why did he begrudge Elizabeth the charity to forgive him? The fact that she had tried to thank him at the assembly must have meant something. He knew she was a compassionate person. That was how Wickham was able to weave his lies, by falsely appealing to her sense of justice and fairness. Even if Elizabeth could not forgive him immediately, maybe it was not unreasonable for him to expect a pardon if Bingley eventually convinced Miss Bennet to forgive him and accept his offer. Maybe he simply needed to give her more time.
No, that was also false optimism. It was his manners that she believed demonstrated his arrogance, his conceit, and his selfish disdain of the feelings of others. It was his lack of civility that formed the groundwork of her immovable dislike of him. Given her low opinion of him, it was clearly folly to believe that he could ever convince her otherwise. As they approached the house, Darcy continued his internal debate, preoccupied by his conflicting emotions.
Inside Longbourn, the morning routine was progressing in its usual chaotic fashion. Elizabeth had woken early, dressed, and fixed her hair before her younger sisters commanded the attentions of their shared maid. As she took a quick walk in the garden before breakfast, her mind wandered to the dramatic events of the past few days. If the memory of Lady Catherine’s visit had not been so humiliating, she would have found her mother’s clash with her humorous. Here were two women who inevitably got their own way—one through the privilege of her position and the other by virtue of her unwillingness to heed anyone else’s counsel—fighting fiercely over the propriety of a nonexistent match. If it had ended there, she might have found the absurdity of the situation amusing.
Her father certainly did. He had half-listened in a detached manner to her mother’s vivid account of the exchange and then patiently heard Jane’s heartfelt plea that Mr. Darcy not be blamed for the misunderstanding as he had neither pursued her nor intimated any special regard for her. Her father simply laughed and shook his head at the disparity between his wife’s and daughter’s descriptions. He then dismissed the entire affair as unimportant with a wave of his hand. If this young man truly wanted Jane, he would ignore his aunt’s wishes, and if he did not, then Jane was better off without him. He then advised his wife to forget the episode, as Jane’s honor had not been compromised and it was simply another example of human fo
lly at its best. Their neighbors would forget the details of it as soon as someone did something more embarrassing.
Elizabeth considered her father’s advice both cynical and naïve. It had barely taken a day for news of the encounter to spread, as Lady Catherine had apprised her parson of the reason for her trip before she left Kent, and Mrs. Bennet could not help but lament the details of the conversation to Mrs. Philips when she visited to inquire of the matter after being informed of it by Mrs. Lucas. Since then, there had been no indication that discussion of the visit would abate any time soon.
Try as she might, Elizabeth found it impossible to forget the encounter or its ramifications. She could not help but take offense at her neighbors’ speculation that Mr. Darcy had abandoned Jane because of the inferiority of her station and connections. She knew it was idle gossip that did not deserve her consideration, but it struck too close to home. In his declarations to her at Hunsford, he had said that he had struggled against his attachment for her because he knew he would be going against the express wishes of his family. This concern suddenly seemed less condescending when juxtaposed against his aunt’s aggressive and hostile attack of Jane. The manner in which he had addressed her was still unacceptable, but the fact that this concern was foremost in his mind seemed a little less arrogant. She wondered what would have happened if his aunt had lodged the same vehement opposition to her, invoking his departed mother’s name in the process. Would he have abandoned her as the neighborhood now believed he had abandoned Jane? She felt an irrational sense of discomfiture as she concluded that he most likely would have.
She wondered why it mattered to her. How colossal was her own pride that she demanded his loyalty in a situation of her own conjecture? She had refused him after all. It was no longer her place to feel rejection over the possibility that his family’s interference would have swayed him to reconsider. It was foolish fancy on her part to think about it. Yet, of all the thoughts Lady Catherine’s visit produced, this was the one that stuck.
Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman Page 10
