by K. K. Allen
35
Liam
I was living a nightmare, in a prison of my own making. What I’d become was worse than a robot. I was a man living the tale of my own lie, and I hated myself for it. Most of all, I hated what I’d done to Chelsea in the process.
It was the night of my final contractual obligation, the reunion show that had been all the buzz since my return last week. Everything I’d done over the last five days had prepped the viewers for what was to—in their eyes—be the showdown of the century. It would be drama in its finest form as the women I’d dumped on television came to confront me with their feelings.
I was ready for the punches that, at one point, even I’d thought I deserved. The audience and the women certainly thought that I did. But I’d accepted the fact that even though I’d only tried to follow the truth in my heart, I hadn’t signed up for that. I’d signed up to very publicly date women with the expectation that I would pick the one I would want to spend forever with. Unfortunately, that woman hadn’t been chosen for the show.
Bart stepped into my dressing room without knocking. “Good in here, mate?”
I gritted my teeth, ready to remind him that I wasn’t his “mate,” but he didn’t give me time to speak. He knew I was still furious at him for the arrangements he’d made behind my back.
“I came to say the show is starting in thirty minutes. Colin will introduce the ladies, bring them out, have a quick chat, then we’ll be calling to bring you out.”
I nodded, refusing to speak to the man I’d once considered a friend.
He sighed, already fed up with the silent treatment I’d been giving him. “Right, well, this will all be over soon.”
After what had happened the night before, my excitement for the show ending had faded. There was nothing to look forward to without Chelsea waiting for me on the other side of the camera. She was gone, and I had no idea where to start looking. Without my phone, I couldn’t even attempt to track her down.
“This will all be over soon for you.” I narrowed my eyes at Bart as I spoke. “But thanks to you, I’ll be living this nightmare until Chelsea forgives me. You had no right to contact her behind my back.”
Bart shook his head. “It’s my job, Liam, and I’m damn good at it. You might not like my methods, but if you hadn’t said what you said last night, you and Chelsea would probably be shagging right here, right now. You mucked that up, not me. Take some accountability for once.”
Without another word, he slipped out the door and slammed it behind him.
Talk about sitting in the hot seat. Every eye in the room was focused on me for the majority of the segment. The cast of women sat on a bleacher-style setup off the edge of the main stage while the host of British Bachelor, Colin, sat across from me on an oversized chair.
Thanks to my month-long holiday after the show, everyone seemed to be wound up for the grand showdown. The pent-up anger was apparent from the moment I stepped on stage, and the crowd started to boo, clap, cheer—the greeting was a healthy mixture of all the above.
The women were as heated and as pissed as ever. Colin was definitely playing up the sympathy card. The audience’s oohs and aahs were perfectly timed. And I just sat there, feeling like a complete arse, listening as they vocalized their frustrations with me as they recapped dates they thought had gone perfectly.
Video reminders of every single breakup played throughout the show, only digging a deeper hole in the wounds I’d created. I’d never apologized so much in my entire life, and while I couldn’t be sure how genuine the women were, I was genuine in my apologies. It had never been my intention to hurt anyone.
We’d just gotten back from a commercial break when Colin invited Francesca onto the stage to join us. The crowd clearly loved her. She’d received the loudest applause when first introduced at the start of the show, and the crowd rose to their feet when she headed over to the couch.
I stood and hugged her, the same as I’d done with all the other women that had joined me. “Nice to see you again,” I muttered. In a way, it was good to see her again. After all, she’d played a huge part of my time on the show, time when I’d genuinely started to have feelings for her.
“Sure it is,” was her response. So dry, so cold. I was surprised to see the warm smile on her face when we pulled apart.
She turned and blew kisses to the audience, followed by a princess wave, then we both sat down. I hadn’t expected to feel my blood boil at any of my interactions with the women, but when I saw Francesca playing the audience just like she’d played me on camera during production, I was reminded of how our off-camera time had gone on our last night together.
“Is this the first time you two have spoken or seen each other since the show?” Colin asked, faux curiosity written all over his face. He already knew the answer to that.
Francesca and I both agreed that it was, in fact, our first time speaking, but then Francesca decided to take it even further. “It’s just so strange to see someone every day and to be so sure you’re going to marry that person, and then they just disappear off the face of the earth.”
Francesca pouted just slightly to get a sympathetic reaction from the crowd.
“What do you have to say to that, Liam?” Colin asked, keeping the perfect balance of imploring and sensitive.
“Well,” I started while I turned to face Francesca. “I suppose everything became strange after-the-fact. Breaking things off was hard for me too.”
She pushed her lips out farther in a bigger pout. “But you broke up with me.”
“That doesn’t mean I enjoyed it, Francesca. People break up every day. You date, you get to know people, then you either stay together or you break up.”
I cringed, realizing that could come off sounding heartless in the situation. I’d been reminded every day for the past three months that I’d broken women’s hearts. When could I finally move on?
“But that’s what I don’t understand,” she said, shifting on the couch to face me straight on. “Our dates were amazing. We got along so well.”
“On the surface, yes.”
Everyone in the room sucked in a breath while Francesca’s mouth hung open, like she’d just been slapped.
“Look,” I said, turning to Colin. “Every single woman sitting here tonight deserves to find love. The perfect, magical, amazing kind of love that comes along once in a lifetime. I couldn’t give that, even when I thought I could. Throughout this entire process, I learned more about myself than I ever had in my life. Making that lifelong commitment is a big deal, and I would have done every woman here a disservice if I had picked them.” I turned my glance to the group of women sitting offstage. “Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. That wasn’t something I could control or predict, and I’m very sorry I couldn’t be that person.”
I was more than surprised when a round of applause came from the audience. My eyes searched the crowd to see nodding heads, like I’d finally said something they understood. I was finally being honest.
“It doesn’t matter what you say now,” Francesca said with an incredulous look on her face. “You’ve had a month to prepare for this reunion. Emotions aren’t nearly as high as they were when the show ended.”
I took a deep breath, trying to control my rising annoyance. All I wanted was to walk off the stage, take my phone back from production, and find Chelsea, whether she was back in America or still in London. I had to find her, and the longer this interview carried on, the harder that would be.
“I’m very sorry, Francesca.”
“Clearly, you’re not,” she pushed. “You said you’ve learned so much from being on the show and that you’ve gained perspective, yet even when you’re off the show, you’re breaking women’s hearts.”
I tilted my head, trying desperately to hold onto my wits at her subtle mention of Chelsea. “It’s a little impossible to break someone’s heart when that heart was never yours to begin with. You never loved me, Francesca.”
Fran
cesca’s jaw dropped. “And what do you know about love? You had thirty chances here, and then you broke up with us all, ran to Providence, and snuck around with some—nanny?” Her voice was practically squealing when she was done.
I pressed down on my ear with my pointer finger and wiggled it a bit, hoping to stop the ringing. By the time I regained my hearing, I felt like I was ready to explode. “Yes, as a matter of fact, that’s exactly what happened, and you know what I realized?” I looked to Colin. “I’m not the bad guy. You can all paint me as the villain if that’s what you need to do, but I joined this show for the right reasons. Because I wanted to find love. And you know what? It actually worked. I found love. Not in the way you all expected or wanted, but I found her, and I’ll do anything to get her back.”
“Wait a second,” Colin said, looking as confused as ever. “Are you saying that you’re in love with the nanny?”
My lids fell shut as annoyance raged through me. Then I thought of Chelsea’s face. Her presence that had always steadied me when I least expected it. I opened my eyes and smiled. “First of all, her name is Chelsea. And not only am I in love, but I finally understand the meaning behind that phrase.”
The audience gasped and talked amongst themselves, even while the stage crew tried to silence them with frantic waves of their hands.
“I thought she was just your friend,” Colin said, still trying to understand.
“She is my friend, my best friend, but I never should have reduced her to just that. She’s my soul mate, my everything, and I need to find her.”
I stood up from the couch and looked down at Colin, my hand moving to the microphone inside the back of my trousers. I was so desperate to remove the microphone that I barely noticed Colin announcing the commercial break.
“Can we help?”
Colin’s question more than surprised me. “Really?”
He nodded and stood up, clapping his hand on my shoulder. “Well, yeah, bud. If there’s a love story here, I think we all want in on it.” He turned to the audience, even though the cameras were off, since they could still hear. “Right guys?”
The audience roared with their applause.
As exciting as the enthusiasm was, I still had a major dilemma. “Well, alright. But I have no idea where to start looking. She could have gone back to America for all I know.”
“She hasn’t checkout out of the hotel, mate. She’s still in London.”
We all swiveled toward Bart’s voice coming from side stage.
I ground my teeth and nodded, finally accepting Bart’s part in all of this. He was here for the ratings, and if that meant helping me get the girl in the end, then he would do it.
“Alright,” I said. “But I’ll need my mobile back first.”
Bart slipped his hand in his pocket, pulled out my phone, and tossed it to me. “Thought you might ask for that.” Then he winked. “Fully charged.”
Colin chuckled then snapped his fingers to someone on the side of the stage. “I think we can help you out with that.” He stood and held out his hand to shake mine. “Let’s go find Chelsea, shall we? I can’t wait to meet your girl.”
36
Chelsea
At some point between late afternoon and after dark, the pub I’d chosen to wallow in became busy with customers. Mostly, they’d taken up the seating in the dining room, but the bar area was packed now too. I sat, stubbornly drowning myself in wine that just kept coming. I even made friends with the group of girls that crowded behind my stool as we all watched the train wreck that was the British Bachelor Reunion.
It turned out, every female in freaking London knew the show, and Liam, well. And when they asked me if I was “that Chelsea girl,” it didn’t even phase me to lie and tell them no, especially not with four glasses of wine in me.
“That wanker, Francesca, wants to be the British Bachelorette,” commented one of my new friends. “She’s eating this up. Just look at her.”
I tried to focus on the screen, and on the flawless Francesca, but I was too hyped up to focus on one thing at that given moment. Exhaustion, the booze, and the lack of food in my body was a perfect storm for the painful hangover that awaited me in the morning. I didn’t care. If it dulled the ache in my heart, then I was all for it.
“I thought she was just your friend,” the host, Colin, said.
“She is my friend,” Liam responded. “My best friend, but I never should have reduced her to just that. She’s my soul mate, my everything, and I need to find her.”
Near the end of Liam’s speech, I started to think that maybe I was imagining his words. I’d imagined a lot of things over the past couple of days, and Liam proclaiming his love for me on television had definitely slipped into my fantasies. But just as quickly as I thought I heard him say the words, my denial swallowed me whole.
“Did you hear him? He loves you, Chelsea!” cried out another one of my new friends.
My laughter that followed came straight from my gut. “No,” I said, whipping my head left then right. “I’m his friend. Nothing more.” I believed what I was saying. I believed it with so much conviction that my heart broke all over again. Rolling my eyes, I took another sip of my wine then set it down before spinning on my stool and throwing up my arms. “Who wants a shot?”
My new friends cheered, and I ordered us a round of lemon drops. Eventually, I left my stool to play a round of pool with the girls. For a few minutes in time, I actually considered them real-life friends. It felt good to not feel so alone in London.
“Where is she?”
I was bent over the pool table, preparing to take my shot, when the familiar voice boomed from the entrance of the pub. My pulse took off racing. My heart crashed through my rib cage, and every muscle in my body froze while my gaze panned over to the door.
Every emotion I’d felt over the last few days rolled through me, a roller coaster of highs and lows and twists and turns, flipping and spiraling, until I didn’t know which way was up. Liam was standing in the threshold of the pub, his eyes actively scanning every inch of the joint until they landed on me, and he immediately stepped forward.
I swallowed, my stomach somersaulting as my heart grew heavier in my chest. I was back on that damn roller coaster, on the upward climb of the world’s tallest ride. The closer he got, the higher I went, every inch bringing me closer to the peak that would take me over the edge.
He stopped when he reached the pool table. Only worn green felt separated us. The girls I had been playing with were inching their way behind me, whispering words of encouragement. I didn’t even care that cameras were following behind him.
“Hi.”
At least that was what I thought he said by the way his lips moved. The pub was too loud to hear much. His expression carried so much remorse that my heart squeezed in my chest. He was still dressed in the same suit I’d seen him wearing on television less than an hour ago.
“Were you watching?” Liam shouted, his eyes flickering with hope.
It took me a second to sort through my alcohol-induced fog to realize he was talking about the reunion show.
And that was the when words he’d said—words I’d thought I’d imagined—came back to me full force. She’s my soulmate, my everything. And I need to find her.
Had he really spoken those words on television for everyone to hear? I’d gone immediately into denial after he’d said them. I hadn’t given it a second thought until now.
I still held the pool cue as I pulled myself up straight, realizing I hadn’t responded to him. “You might need to repeat what you said!” I yelled. “I’ve had a lot of wine.”
He let out a slight laugh before resting his hands on the edge of the pool table and leaning in. “I said you’re my everything, my soul mate, and I love you. You have every right to be upset with me, but I won’t allow this distance anymore.”
My heart felt like it was in my throat while he spoke, every word he shouted penetrating deep in my soul and reverberating outwar
d. I sucked in a breath and tilted my head, biting back on my smile as my throat thickened with emotion. “What? I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you.”
He narrowed his lids, his gaze locked on mine as he started to move. My feet were still rooted as he made his way around the pool table, his right hand dragging along the edge until he was right in front of me. He towered above me, his chest flush to the top of my head, then he brought his hands up to cup my face while he lowered his to leave only a couple of inches between us.
“Can you hear me now?” This time, he didn’t bother to shout. His words were gentle, sincere, and filled with a plea I couldn’t ignore.
I nodded, my eyes already brimming with unshed tears. “Yes.”
“Good. Because I love you, Chelsea Banks. And I really need you to forgive me for being a wanker last night. I was only trying to guard the one good thing in my life, but I realize now that you don’t need protecting. You’re capable of doing that all on your own. I promise to keep that in mind from now on. Just don’t walk away from this.” He placed his forehead on mine, closed his eyes, and exhaled in a steady stream.
I wrapped my arms around his waist, emotion bubbling up in my chest as I held back my tears. Placing my lips against his, I whispered shakily, “I love you too.”
That was all the momentum we needed to tip over the edge of the track and begin the ride of our life. Together.
His lips slammed to mine, and the room erupted in a cheer so loud it made me smile. Liam demanded my full attention with a growl, kissing me harder as he hugged me tighter. My head spun. Wild butterflies became uncaged in my chest as I melted into him.
At some point during our kiss, Liam lifted me and wrapped my legs around his waist before pulling back slightly and smiling. “I guess this means I’m not the Forever Bachelor anymore. Think you can handle that responsibility?”
“What exactly does the job entail?”
