by Gina Wilkins
It was another not-so-subtle reminder of how selfish Jenny would be if she didn’t take advantage of an opportunity her grandmother had prepared her for all her life.
“I will always do everything I can to take care of you and Mom, Gran,” Jenny replied carefully.
So far, her popular boutique had proven satisfactorily lucrative, and she hoped her new venture in the northeastern part of the state would be as successful. She had ideas for more stores in Conway and Fayetteville, two other Arkansas college towns with demographics that suited her line of youthful, trendy, high-end merchandise. She knew the risks of opening new businesses, but she had prepared herself as thoroughly as possible for this venture. She knew about budgeting, advertising, creating buzz on social media, targeted selection of merchandise. She’d reassured herself often that she would be able to put that training to good use as Thad’s wife, but now she wondered how she could have even considered voluntarily giving up the business she loved.
She wanted to believe she’d have come to her senses eventually on her own. But if Gavin hadn’t been at the cabin that weekend, would she actually have convinced herself that providing security for herself and her family outweighed her personal desires? Would she have allowed herself to be swept into a marriage with Thad that might have proven successful, but never truly fulfilling? A tiny part of her wondered...
“Jenny, is everything okay?” her mother asked quietly as they cleared the table after dessert. “You seem so distracted this evening.”
“I’m sure she’s missing Thad,” Gran answered, complacently certain of her accuracy, as always. “Perfectly understandable, Jenny, but don’t mope. It isn’t becoming.”
Jenny drew a deep breath and held it for a moment before replying, “I’m not moping. Just a little tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You work too hard,” her mother fretted. “Why don’t you sit in here with your grandmother and I’ll clean the kitchen?”
“I’ll help you clean up, Mom,” Jenny countered quickly. “It’s the least I can do after you cooked this delicious meal.”
“I want to watch television, anyway,” Gran proclaimed. “You know I always watch my program at this time every Sunday night. Jenny’s not interested in it, so she can help you.”
Carrying with her the tiny glass of red wine that had been part of her nighttime routine for the past forty years or more, Gran retired to her bedroom with restrained cheek kisses for her daughter and granddaughter. She was the early-to-bed and early-to-rise type, so this was good-night. It was with some relief that Jenny watched her leave the room without any further discussion of Thad. Soon enough she would have to tell her grandmother that there would be no fancy society wedding, but she wasn’t ready to deal with that tonight.
She and her mother talked of inconsequential things during the brief cleanup. Summer trends at the shop. A party her mom’s hospital coworkers had thrown for a retiring administrator. Afterward, they moved out to the patio to sit in gliders, her mom with a cup of hot herbal tea, Jenny with a mug of coffee.
Her mom nodded toward Jenny’s steaming mug and shook her head. “I don’t know how you can drink that this late and still get any sleep.”
“One cup after dinner doesn’t usually affect me.”
“I know. You got that from your father. He could drink strong coffee right up until bedtime and still sleep like a log for a good six or seven hours, the most he ever needed.” She laughed softly at the memory, her expression suddenly looking far away.
Jenny bit her lip and ran a fingertip idly around the rim of her mug. She and her mom never talked about Jenny’s dad when her grandmother was around. Probably because Gran always had something disparaging to say about her late son-in-law.
“Honey, are you sure there’s nothing wrong? You look so unhappy.”
“I’m not unhappy, Mom. I’m just, well, a little distracted.”
Her mom sighed. “It’s Gavin, isn’t it? Ever since you ran into him again, you seem troubled. Mother was livid that he came back into your life even for a brief encounter, but she’s convinced herself since that you haven’t given Gavin another thought. That you are totally committed to Thad. I haven’t been so sure.”
Jenny turned her head to look at her mother. Though she knew her grandmother couldn’t possibly overhear, she spoke quietly when she said, “I’m not going to marry Thad, Mom. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed, but I just can’t go through with it.”
If there was a momentary wistfulness, it was well hidden when her mom said flatly, “You have to make the decision that’s right for you, Jenny. If you don’t love Thad with all your heart, then you shouldn’t marry him. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.”
Jenny could imagine how her grandmother would snort in derision at such a sentimental remark. She would be sure to point out that Jenny was quite fond of Thad and vice versa, and that was a perfectly adequate foundation for a successful marriage.
“As for whether I’m disappointed, you mustn’t even think that, dear,” her mom added warmly. “Nothing you could do would ever disappoint me. You’ve been the best daughter I could ever have imagined, and I am so proud of you. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. I know your father would be proud, too.”
“I hope he would,” Jenny murmured. “I wish I remembered him better. I was so young when he died.”
“We both were. I was too young to be widowed and you too young to be left fatherless. Even in my grief, I was angry for a time that he was so reckless and irresponsible, that he died doing something so wild and foolish. I let Mother poison my mind against him for a few years, and I regret that now. I should have talked about him more to you despite her disapproval, kept him alive for you. Kevin was a good man and I loved him madly. I’ve never been able to feel that same way about any other man.”
Staring somewhat fiercely into her cup, Jenny said, “That’s so sad. That you’ve had to live all these years with the pain of losing him, I mean.”
“Of course I wish he’d been with us longer, but despite whatever my mother says, I don’t regret marrying your father, Jenny. I knew when I fell in love with him that he would never play it safe. He was a charming daredevil, what they now refer to as an adrenaline junkie, but he was also loving and kind and generous. Too generous sometimes. Money meant very little to him. But he had a heart as big as the sky, and he adored us. He even tolerated my mother. He said we should understand that her bitterness was rooted in pain and disappointment. He never failed to kiss her cheek when he parted from her, even when she batted him away. He even teased a smile out of her a few times. She cried when he died, though she tried her best to hide her tears from me, and then she just grew more bitter that another man she’d started to care for had left us too soon and in a financial bind.”
That must have cemented her grandmother’s hard-earned belief that it was better to marry for security than for love, Jenny thought sadly. No wonder Gran hadn’t allowed herself to like Gavin, and that she promoted Thad.
“Have you told Thad yet?” her mother asked gently.
“No. I’m waiting until he gets back. Please don’t tell Gran yet. I’ll deal with her tantrums when it’s all settled.”
“Of course. I’m glad you felt comfortable talking to me.”
“You’ve always been there for me when I needed you, Mom.”
“And I always will be.”
“If you need anything, anything at all, I’m doing fairly well with the store, you know. I have a little put away...”
Her mother stiffened. “Jennifer Gayle Baer, if you’re implying that I wanted you to marry Thad for his money, or that I expect you to support me when I am perfectly capable of supporting myself, then I’m going to be very offended.”
Smiling a little, Jenny held up a hand. “I wasn’t implying anything of the sort, Mom.” Though sh
e was a little relieved to have it spelled out. “I just wanted you to know I’m here for you, too.”
“I do know that. Thank you.”
They glided and sipped in silence for a moment, and then her mom asked the inevitable question. “What about Gavin?”
“I don’t know,” Jenny admitted. “He... I have to admit there are feelings, but...”
More than anyone, perhaps, her mother understood. “But he’s still a cop.”
Jenny nodded somberly. “And I still don’t know how to deal with that.”
“Lots of jobs carry risk. He could be a pilot. Or a soldier. Or he could be a firefighter, like your dad. I always worried about the danger in his job, though sadly his off-duty hobbies were even more dangerous,” she added with a little break in her voice. Speaking more firmly, she continued, “Actually, construction jobs are quite hazardous. Take it from someone who worked in ER for several years and saw some fairly nasty construction injuries. Would you be just as wary of Gavin if he were a roofer or a high-rise worker at the end of a harness? Or would you feel free to love him only if he worked in an office or a classroom, where he’d be relatively safe barring an unexpected illness or car accident or tornado or mugging?”
So many things to go wrong, Jenny thought with a little shudder. So many ways to lose someone. She knew her mother had been driving home a point, but rather than reassure her, the list only made her more afraid to give her heart completely.
“I’m scared,” she whispered. “It didn’t work out last time, and it almost broke my heart. What if...?”
She swallowed a huge lump in her throat.
“As I said before, you have to decide what’s right for you, Jenny. Whether it’s Gavin or Thad or life as a single career woman, whatever makes you happy is what you should choose. Not what pleases your grandmother or me or your friends or anyone else. Think about what it is that gives you pure joy—the way your father did for me—and go after it with your whole heart. I have no doubt that you can do anything you set your mind to. And don’t worry about your grandmother. She’ll throw a tantrum, but we’ll deal with her together.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Any time, sweetie. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” And despite everything, Jenny loved her contrary, bossy, pretentious and damaged grandmother. Which only went to show, she supposed, that there was no logic to her heart. Now if only she could decide whether to listen more to her heart or her mind, her courage or her fears, when it came to Gavin.
Chapter Ten
Her tensely awaited reunion with Thad could only be described as a dark comedy of errors. Almost everything that could go wrong did.
Before he’d even left on his two-week trip, they had arranged for her to accompany him to an important fund-raiser Wednesday evening at an exclusive downtown hotel. The tickets had cost a thousand dollars each, but Thad hadn’t blinked at the price. It was important, he’d said, for him to attend this particular event. All his law-firm partners would be there, and his presence was expected.
The plan had been for his plane to land early that afternoon, giving him time to go home, shower and change and pick up Jenny for a nice dinner before the gala. That schedule didn’t leave a lot of time for the conversation she needed to have with him, but she was prepared to talk with him as soon as he arrived to collect her. She would be dressed to go out, but she would assure him that she would understand if he’d prefer she stay behind.
She rather hoped that would be his decision, which would be far less awkward, but she’d promised to accompany him and she would keep her word if he wanted her at his side for one final event. She knew Thad would smile and mingle and be a courteous escort regardless of his feelings about her turning down his proposal.
She hadn’t heard from Gavin since she’d pretty much kicked him out of her bed. She knew he was waiting for her to call, but she wasn’t quite ready for that. She told herself it was because she needed to settle things with Thad, but she suspected it was more cowardice than courtesy that held her back.
She still wondered if it wouldn’t be better for both of them to leave it as it was. At least this time they would have parted with a few hours of amazing pleasure rather than angry words, with kisses instead of tears. Wouldn’t that be infinitely preferable to trying again and probably failing again?
Thad called from the airport in Phoenix. His connecting flight had been delayed an hour. An hour later he called to say he’d been delayed again. Just before he was finally able to board, he gave her a quick, terse call to let her know there would be no time for dinner.
“I hate to do this, but I’ll have to pick you up in a rush to make it to the fund-raiser at a decent time. I’m so sorry, Jenny.”
So their talk would have to wait until later in the evening. “It’s okay,” she assured him. “You couldn’t help the delays. I’ll be ready to go as soon as you arrive.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. The attendants are telling us to turn off our phones now, so I have to disconnect. I’ll see you in a few hours. Love ya, Jenny.”
He disconnected before she could respond, though she didn’t know what she’d have said. Why had she not noticed before how empty the words sounded from him?
She was ready an hour early, dressed in a tasteful black, knee-length dress with an unexpected pop of hot pink in glimpses of lining at the swirling hem. The dress came from her boutique, as she would be sure to tell anyone who complimented her.
Thad wore an apologetic smile when she opened her door to him. Despite his hectic hours of travel, he was impeccably groomed, as always.
“I’m so sorry to rush you this way, Jenny,” he said, brushing a careful kiss close to her mouth so as not to smudge her lipstick. “You look beautiful, as you always do. Did you have dinner?”
She hadn’t been able to eat a bite, but she merely nodded. “I’m fine, thanks. And again, the delays weren’t your fault.”
“We should go, then.”
She buckled herself into the soft leather seat of his sports car while he rounded the hood after closing her door for her. Climbing behind the wheel, he shot her a smile as he started the powerful engine. “We’ll have a good time tonight, I’m sure. We’ve gotten off to a harried start because of the inefficiency of modern air travel. I’m thinking about investing in a private jet, perhaps shared with a couple of partners. Some of my associates do that, and it’s so much more convenient for them.”
“I can see where it would be.”
Private jets, she thought with a tiny shake of her head. She rarely even traveled first class.
He didn’t speed as he drove them toward downtown, but he hovered right at the limit. “You have to admit it will be easier after we’re married when we have only one home from which to operate. No more hasty pickups and drop-offs. Won’t that be better?”
She almost bit her lip, but remembered at the last moment to guard her makeup. Instead, she looked out the window at the familiar landscape they passed. Though she sensed Thad glancing her way, probably wondering what was going on with her tonight, he seemed to understand this wasn’t the time or the place to ask.
A small crowd of student-age demonstrators carrying signs and chanting circled outside the hotel entrance, blocking traffic and generally causing a disruption. Jenny saw several uniformed police officers trying to corral the group off the street, but it looked as though they were trying to herd cats. Defiant cats.
Thad pulled into the portico, where a slightly harried parking valet hurried to open the door and take the keys. Someone snapped a photo using a bright flash as Thad helped Jenny out of the car. Local press covering the event, most likely. Thad would have been instantly recognized. She could already imagine the cutline: Prominent Attorney Thad Simonson and Guest.
Shouts broke out from the street an
d she turned curiously, as did Thad and everyone else waiting to enter the fund-raiser. Some of the protesters had turned violent in their resistance to being restrained. Fists flew as more uniformed officers converged on the scene. One particularly large demonstrator threw a hard punch, sending an officer flying backward to land with a grunt of pain on the street only a couple feet from where Jenny stood.
Instinctively she took a step forward, thinking she recognized something about the man in the uniform, her heart skipping a beat in dread. It started again with a jolt when he climbed angrily to his feet and she realized it wasn’t Gavin. Of course it wasn’t. He hadn’t even returned to work yet, she thought with an exasperated shake of her head.
Thad followed her gaze, then gave her a searching look. “Someone you know?”
She shook her head. “No.”
An ambitious public defender Jenny had met a couple times before, and disliked considerably, glared at the melee and motioned dramatically to her companions as they waited impatiently to be admitted to the high-security event. “That’ll just get the other uniforms riled up,” she said with a long-suffering sigh. “They’ll be breaking out the riot gear. I certainly hope they don’t resort to excessive force just because a few protestors get out of hand. We’ve all seen how cops can behave.”
Jenny spun on one heel to face the woman, incensed on behalf of the officers who were already succeeding in calming the scene, though several angry youths were being led away in restraints. “Protecting us, you mean? Getting punched in the face so that we can go into our thousand-dollar-a-plate gala without being harassed by people who are obviously unhappy about something? Helping women and children in distress, protecting property, keeping criminals off the streets?”
She realized belatedly that her disdainful comments would not be appreciated by this conservative crowd of politicos who at least gave lip service to supporting men and women in uniform.
