by Mike Faricy
“I think it’s impressive, maybe it’s something he’s wanted to do all his life and he finally just bit the bullet and said to himself “fish or cut bait.””
“I suppose, I just wasn’t expecting it. Anyway, come on, we better get going,” Heidi said standing up. I noticed even with the hair, or maybe because of it, she turned a number of heads on her way out the door. She, of course, remained oblivious.
I think we took the last open spot in the Lady Slipper parking lot. As we made our way in through the front door I noticed the potted plant Morton had lifted his leg on the other day didn’t look to be doing all that well.
Tommy’s reception was in a private banquet room next to the barroom where I’d last met him. The room had it’s own bar setup, not quite as grand as the barroom, and it was crowded.
A number of tables had bouquets of flowers lying on them for Tommy. There was a basket by the door that looked like it could have been stolen from a church collection filled with cards addressed to Tommy. A quartet was off to the side playing soft, contemporary music while out on the dance floor a receiving line of folks slowly worked its way toward Tommy to offer personal congratulations.
“Come on, I’ll introduce you,” Heidi said stepping to the back of the line.
“I’ll go get us some drinks.”
“No don’t, by the time you make your way to the bar I’ll be in front of him. You told me you wanted to meet him.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” I said and reluctantly stepped into line next to her.
It took about five minutes to work our way up the line. Tommy spotted me about a half dozen people back and a cloud seemed to pass over his face. When we finally stepped in front of him he gave Heidi a big hug and she gushed about how much she liked the recital and his performance in particular. Then she half turned to me and said, “I’d like to introduce an acquaintance of mine, Dev Haskell.”
I stuck my hand out and said, “We’ve met once or twice before, nice to be formally introduced.”
“Yeah, Haskell, how could I ever forget,” he said shaking my hand and then he didn’t say anything else. I waited for a very long pause while we stared at one another.
Heidi looked at me, smiled and pinched my butt.
“I wanted to just say how impressive I think it is that you’re taking lessons. I’m guessing it’s something you always wanted to do and you finally just decided to do it.”
His look visibly softened and he said, “That’s it exactly, my mom couldn’t afford it when I was a kid and I’ve always been too busy and all of a sudden it sort of dawned on me that I was running out of time, so sort of like you said, shit or get off the pot.”
Heidi seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
“Quite the smart finance woman you have on your arm tonight, Haskell.” Then he leaned in and said to Heidi, “You should set your sights higher.” He chuckled, but he wasn’t joking. “Look, you two go help yourself to something at the bar and thanks again for coming. Charlie,” he called out and reached over my shoulder, bringing the next couple in as he hustled us out of the way.
“Oh God,” Heidi said as we made our way to the bar.
I turned to ask her what she meant by that just as the bartender stepped in front of me. “I’ll just have a pale ale, Summit if you got it.”
“Double vodka martini,” Heidi said which more or less served as all the explanation I needed.
After her fourth Heidi was in no condition so I decided to drive us back to my place. We stepped inside the front door and Morton bounded out of the kitchen and immediately shoved his nose up beneath Heidi’s short skirt.
“God, he is so like you,” she said then attempted to pull her heels off. She ended up sitting on the hallway floor and lifting her leg up toward me, “Maybe give a lady a hand and things just might go your way.”
I knew which way things were going to go as we headed upstairs and it wasn’t in my direction. I guided her up the stairs, helped her into the bathroom, pulled the covers back on the bed, escorted her from the bathroom to the bedroom. I helped her get out of her dress, helped her climb into bed.
“I’ll catch you in the morning, honey,” she said just as she drifted off.
I got the bottle of aspirin out, placed it alongside the glass of water on the end table next to her. I shooed Morton away from licking her face then waited thirty seconds for her double vodka martini snore.
Chapter Forty
I was at the kitchen counter when Heidi made her appearance the following morning. Her rainbow colored hair hung every which way making her look certifiable. She was wearing the same gorgeous, delightfully slinky little dress from the night before, but somehow it seemed to have lost its magic. Maybe it was the mascara ringing her eyes, the pale skin, or the lack of lipstick that conveyed an inherent sense of depression.
Morton shoved his nose between her legs, but other than giving him a brief pat she didn’t seem to notice.
“How’s the head?” I asked and poured her a cup of coffee
“My head? It must still be there because I can feel it pounding. Hey, thanks, but no coffee for me. Where’d you hide my car keys? I just need to go home, get cleaned up and then wait for Tommy Allesi to call and tell me he’s pulling all his money out of the fund.”
“I don’t think he’ll do that, Heidi.”
“Wanna bet?”
“Look, sorry he had that reaction. Maybe he was just pissed off because he did a horseshit job playing the piano.”
“He did the horseshit job because he saw you in the audience. Need I remind you I’m the idiot that brought you there? You just seem to have that effect on people, Dev. I’m so screwed,” she said and just sort of stared at the floor.
I slid her car keys across the kitchen counter. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“You know, Dev, for once I honestly don’t think it’s your fault. I mean whatever you did he’s probably right to be pissed off. God only knows I’ve been there enough times. But, I know you, given all the dumb things you do, you honestly don’t remember what in the hell it was. I get that. I made the decision, on my own, that it would be a good idea to introduce you to my biggest client. What in the hell was I thinking? Look, I gotta go. Oh, hey, last night when we got back here, did we?”
“You got some action from Morton, he licked your face, but you more or less passed out.”
“Morton, figures, see you later,” she said shaking her head in disgust as she walked dejectedly toward the front door.
I hurried after her trying to come up with some sort of encouraging word, but I couldn’t think of any. She let herself out the front door, leaving it halfway open as she walked onto the front porch. She gave a slight groan as she stepped into the morning sunshine then climbed into her car parked out on the street and drove away without looking back.
My phone rang just as Heidi’s car disappeared from view.
“Mr. Haskell,” Natasha said. “We’ll be conducting our final workout at Hidden Falls. If you would head over and survey the area prior to our arrival, I plan to be there within the next forty-five minutes.”
“See you there,” I said and hung up. Once we arrived it took us, Morton and me, about sixty seconds to survey the park, we were the only ones there. I got the Frisbee out and exercised Morton until Natasha and Princess Anastasia showed up in the camper. Then I returned Morton to the back seat of my car. Natasha parked a good dozen spaces away from me.
I noticed that the back door to the camper was dented. The two glass louvers with duct tape and two more above them were missing. The right side of the rear bumper, from the trailer hitch over appeared dented and hung at an odd angle.
Natasha climbed out from behind the wheel and clapped her hands. Princess Anastasia jumped out of the open door and immediately sat at attention at her feet. Natasha was wearing makeup this morning, I guessed in an effort to cover up the slight discoloration around her right eye. It wasn’t working.
“Looks like you had a bit of an accident,
someone hit the rear of your camper?”
“Something like that,” she said, but didn’t go into any further detail. “We haven’t a moment to lose so if you’ll excuse us,” she said. With that she clapped her hands and the two of them headed off to the grassy area and began to work through their routines.
I walked around to the rear of the camper and inspected the damage. It was minor in the scheme of things. Enough to get your attention if you were behind the wheel, maybe jolt you forward a foot or two, but it certainly wasn’t totaled by any stretch of the imagination. There was one other thing I noticed, the scent of dope was missing.
Natasha was busy with the princess, putting her through her paces. Her back was to me and I tried the door on the rear of the camper, but it was locked. I wondered about that black eye.
I occasionally walked over to my car and peeked in on Morton, he was stretched out in the sunlight shining in the back seat, sound asleep. Natasha and the princess finished their routines around one and came back to the camper to break for lunch.
“You two are looking very good out there,” I said.
“Yes, she seems to have regained her focus from the other day, still not sure what that was about,” Natasha said as she unlocked the back door to the camper.
“You alright after the accident?” I asked and nodded toward the dent in the door and the bumper.
“Nothing to concern yourself with.”
“That how you got the black eye?”
“As I said, nothing to concern yourself with.”
“I get that, Natasha, I really do. But, if there is someone or some incident out there that may cause a future problem I’d like to know so I can be prepared and offer you and Princess Anastasia the best possible protection.”
“I’m sure it’s over and done with.”
“Tommy Allesi or Denis Malloy?”
“Hardly.”
“It appears you moved all that dope.”
She shot me a look as she opened the door and the princess hopped in. “We’ll be ready to resume our workout in forty-five minutes, Mr. Haskell,” she said then stepped into the camper and locked the door. I wondered if she removed the dope or had it been taken from her?
Chapter Forty-One
Natasha resumed their workout schedule exactly forty-five minutes later and they worked through the afternoon. A little after five three cars rumbled down the entrance road, pulled into the parking lot and cruised over toward the camper. They parked in a half circle around the camper effectively blocking any attempt Natasha might make at backing up. I had just peeked into my back seat to check on Morton and I don’t think they saw me.
Five guys climbed out of the cars. Once the driver climbed out of the third car it leaned decidedly to the right and I spotted the unattractive Fat Bastard face of Denis Malloy through the window. The gauze across his forehead was gone, but now he sported an awful lot of white tape and gauze wrapped around his chin. His eyes appeared dark and swollen. He seemed to move rather stiffly in the seat as he angled his entire upper body in Natasha’s direction. His right arm was hanging in a sling.
Denis either hadn’t seen me or he wasn’t paying attention. The five guys headed across the grass toward Natasha, her back was to them and she was focused on Princess Anastasia. A big blonde guy with a crewcut said something and they suddenly fanned out in a line and continued walking toward her.
I quietly opened my trunk, moved the softball bat I’d relieved Denis of the other night and pulled back a wool blanket. My AR-15 was lying beneath it along with a couple of magazines, each holding thirty rounds. I slapped a magazine in the AR-15 and closed the trunk. The five guys were maybe halfway across the field and appeared in no hurry, Natasha remained oblivious.
I walked along the passenger side of a car, opened the door where Denis sat focused on the group moving toward Natasha and gently pushed the barrel up against the side of his head.
“I think you should get out of the car, Denis, very quietly.”
“Hold on, now you just hold on, man I’m a seriously injured person, here.”
“That’s nothing compared to what I’ll do to you if you don’t get out, now move.”
“Okay, okay, just settle down and take it easy, I’m getting out, okay, I’m getting out.” Then he groaned as he slowly turned in his seat. He placed his right foot out onto the pavement and slowly, cautiously swung the walking cast on his left leg out of the car and onto the pavement. He carefully began to stand using his left arm as leverage on the open door. The car rocked back and forth as he gingerly stood and the effort left him gasping for air.
“You armed?” I asked.
“No, no I don’t have anything, honest, man,” he said.
I quickly patted him down anyway and found a jackknife, not too large.
“I, I thought you meant did I have a gun, honestly. I wasn’t trying to screw with you or anything. I just thought you meant a gun is all.”
“I opened the knife and handed it back to him, I want you to go around and slit a tire on each one of these three cars. Got it?”
“Now wait just a minute, hold on, you can’t just….”
“Actually, not only can I, but I am. Now, why don’t you just be a nice guy like I asked and start on those tires? I better start hearing a hiss in about fifteen seconds or you’re not gonna like what I have planned. It’s just about time to get your friends attention.”
With that I heard Natasha’s name called out and she turned to see the line of men walking toward her. She made some sort of hand signal and Princess Anastasia quickly moved along side her, as she turned to run into the woods I fired off a burst of three rounds from into the air. Everyone stopped, turned and looked in my direction.
“You got about ten seconds, Denis and if I don’t hear….” A heavy hiss suddenly cut off the rest of my statement. “I think that’s just about far enough, gentlemen. Why don’t you all turn around and very slowly walk back this way. Natasha, you and Anastasia get over here.”
A guy with a ponytail seemed to say something to the crewcut standing next to him.
“Don’t. Please, just start moving this way and no one gets hurt. Hands on top of your heads, now,” I said then shouldered the AR-15 and swept it back and forth along their line. Everyone’s hands went up on top of their heads and they slowly moved toward me. Natasha moved behind them with the princess following and directly in my line of fire, oblivious.
I heard another hiss as Denis stabbed the front tire on the second car then gingerly made his way toward the third vehicle groaning with every other step. When the line was about twenty feet away I said, “That’s far enough, Natasha get over here.”
She walked around them and came alongside of me.
“You got anything you need in that camper?”
“Anything I need?”
“Yeah, we’re leaving it here. You got a purse or anything in there?”
“Well yes, but I….”
“Get it, then get behind the wheel of my car, you’re driving.”
“I don’t think that’s….”
“Get your purse and get into my car. These guys were almost on top of you and you never even saw them coming. You might be good at training the princess, but your head is up your ass when it comes to taking precautions. Now move.”
Surprisingly, she did. I had her pull my car out of the parking lot and over to the entrance road. Once she was out of the immediate area I said, “Why don’t you boys turn round and start walking toward the river.” No one moved for a moment and I shouted, “Come on, move.”
“They’re not going to like that,” Denis said offhandedly. He was standing in front of me and off to the side by maybe ten feet.
“You can join them, too, Denis.”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “Oh, come on I’m in no condition to walk anywhere.”
“Get moving,” I said and waved him forward with the AR-15.
As they slowly walked toward the river I quickly moved tow
ard Natasha waiting for me in my car. I gave a final look back as I climbed into my car. They had stopped walking, but they didn’t seem to be in any hurry to head back to their cars. A couple of them still had their hands on top of their heads.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said. Natasha didn’t seem to need any additional encouragement and she raced up the hill.
I glanced into the back seat. Princess Anastasia was seated and looking very happy as Morton sniffed her.
Chapter Forty-Two
“You know Natasha, I have the distinct feeling you haven’t been completely honest with me and I’m thinking it just might be time we have a little heart to heart,” I said.
She slowed the car for no more than half a second, gave a quick glance to the right then floored it onto the River Boulevard. I swayed back and forth in the seat as she attempted to straighten out then I glanced back out the rear window just to make sure those guys weren’t somehow following up the hill. With her foot on the gas we were quickly up to about seventy sailing along for three or four blocks before she eased off and dropped it down to a steady fifty miles per hour on the city street.
“I’ve told you on numerous occasions, I positively deplore violence,” she said in that clenched jaw Ivy League accent then shot a momentary glare at the weapon resting between my knees.
“Me too, that’s why I stopped those guys from getting any closer to you. I’m not sure what their plan was, but at the very least they would have taken the princess. And, I’m guessing there’s a pretty good chance they would have enjoyed kicking the shit out of you, or worse. Pardon me for being curious, but exactly what sort of logical discussion do you think would have changed their minds back there?”
“They somehow seem to be laboring under the misconception that they are entitled to the cannabis I recovered. And apparently, they seem quite willing to underscore that claim with the threat of violence.”
“Underscore that claim? Are you nuts? Threat? They weren’t going to threaten; they were going to kick the living hell out of you, Natasha. Stop with the high handed explanation, you’re dealing with thugs here, and by the way, your close personal friend, Denis was with them.”
