“You’re right,” Morgan agreed. “No details. At this moment, I find myself wanting to break your jaw.”
“Right. So, no more of that.”
“None.”
“The first thing I want to say is: I believe you,” Robert said.
“As shocking as it is to hear myself say this – under the current circumstances, which I think you’ll agree qualify as unusual…”
“Undoubtedly,” Robert interjected.
“I believe you, too.”
“Next: I forgive you for the almost. You’re only human.”
“Same here.”
“As such,” the traveler said, “I feel that we’re still the best of friends.”
“Unquestionably,” the young man nodded.
“So, we need to work together on this.”
“I entirely agree.”
“The first thing we have to do is work out: why?” Robert asserted.
“Sounds good,” Morgan said, shaking his head. “Because, I don't like any of the answers I've been able to come up with on my own.”
“Well, we can start by eliminating what we know it isn't.”
“What isn't it?” the young man asked.
“It's not that the girls have actually transferred their affections,” the traveler replied.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that Cleo loves me and Azure loves you. On a simple, practical, physical level, Cleo is literally addicted to me. Even if she wasn't, I know she's not attracted to you because of some incidental things I've overheard her say when you weren't around.”
“Like what?” Morgan asked with a rising inflection.
“It's Cleo we're talking about here. To her, I'm the ideal man. So, she sees any differences between us as flaws in you. You have the wrong eye color, you're too bulky, you're too tall...”
“Impossible,” Morgan interjected.
“No, it's not,” Robert laughed. “On top of that, from her point of view, you just don't look as good as me, smell as good as me...”
“Taste as good as you,” Morgan suggested.
“Yes,” the traveler sighed. “To her, my mouth tastes like Krispy Kreme bear-claws; whereas your saliva, at the very best, only tastes like saliva.”
“That ain't no contest. I mean, if someone said to you: would you rather eat this box of bear-claws or this pie that tastes like...”
“That's precisely my point, Morgan,” Robert interrupted. “When it comes to Cleo, there is absolutely no contest between you and me.”
“What about Azure?”
“Start with her feelings on infidelity. She went basically berserk when you kissed that girl in the fan club.”
“When she kissed me,” Morgan corrected.
“Quite so. Based on her reaction, I think it's pretty safe to assume that she's not really serious about two timing on you with her best friend's fiancé.”
“I can certainly follow that logic.”
“Not to mention that, to her, I'm not the perfect man. Poor thing.”
“Funny.”
“Which means,” Robert replied, “that on a physical level, she may find you almost as attractive as me.”
“Maybe more attractive.”
“Let's not go nuts.”
“I don't know, Rob,” Morgan said, shaking his head, “you're kind of stumpy.”
“I'm not stumpy.”
“That's what all stumpy men say.”
“Do you want me to continue?” Robert asked.
“Please.”
“When you add your basically slavish devotion to her on top of that...”
“Not slavish,” Morgan asserted to no avail.
“Plus, there's the fact that you're constantly saving her life, or trying to save her life, or doing your best to rush to her rescue. You've just about got to be that girl's hero, boy. Whereas, she probably thinks of me as nothing more than a remarkably sweet, stunningly considerate, super-genius who is the leader of the most elite team ever assembled and who also happens to be devilishly handsome and an incredible kisser.”
“Which one of us does she love, again?”
“You, of course!” Robert laughed. “Think how much work you've put into her. Azure's the kind of girl that appreciates effort like that.”
“That's certainly true.”
“Not to mention that, in addition to everything else, she has to know that my loyalty to Cleo is absolute. So, throwing you away wouldn't give her a shot at me, anyway.”
“I'd like to believe that she's never even considered that fact.”
“I'm sure she never has,” the traveler assured him.
“Which brings us right back to: why?”
“It does. I have to admit that it's not an easy question to answer. Both of them have to know about it because, they can count on the fact that either of us would tell the other one so, it would eventually get back to each of them.”
“If it happened more than once, that's true,” Morgan replied. “Although, I admit that my initial reaction was to make sure you never found out.”
“That's never a good idea,” Robert said, shaking his head. “It's best to keep me in the loop whenever any weirdness happens.”
“Noted.”
“Either way, I'm positive they planned this. They got us alone and kissed us at almost the same moment. It was a coordinated attack. But, why do that? To try to get us fighting or something?”
“That's why Azure was flirting with you when she was drunk.”
“True...” Robert replied slowly. “Morgan, I may have miscalculated, my friend.”
“In what way.”
“I was sure the girls wouldn't remember what had happened to them once they woke up.”
“Yeah, so?”
“We lied to them.”
“To protect their feelings,” Morgan replied. “And, they don't know that. Neither of them did remember what actually happened.”
“Not at first...”
“What are you saying?”
“What if, after Doc gave them something for their hangovers, they started piecing together what really did happen the night before and then realized that we had lied to them?”
“That would be bad,” Morgan nodded. “It brings to mind something Cleo said to me during the last date night.”
“What was that?”
“She said she was sick of the cycle of you doing or saying things you shouldn't, talking around her in circles, and managing to make her long to forgive you before all's said and done. She said she was going to have to put a stop to it before you two got married.”
“That is complete nonsense,” Robert denied. “In fact, it's basically the exact opposite of what actually happens.”
“We can argue about that later,” Morgan said, shaking his head. “The point is that part of her initial plan was to try to make you jealous.”
“What sense does that make?”
“You're expecting me to think like Cleo? She's insane.”
“No, she's not,” the traveler laughed. “But, I see where you're coming from.”
“Still, that doesn't explain Azure kissing you,” Morgan observed.
“Oh, yes it does,” Robert disagreed. “You remember the first time Azure kissed you?”
“Are you kidding me? I'll never forget it.”
“Right. Well, if you recall, she kissed you so she could slap you. She made sure to balance out the karma.”
“So?”
“So, you can be sure they discussed this!” he explained. “It probably went something like this: Cleo says; Azure, in order to make Rob jealous I need to kiss Morgan. Azure replies; Kiss Morgan?! – she can hardly believe her ears – but, Cleo explains; You know how I'm always getting mad at Rob for no reason...”
“I doubt she said that.”
“Please don't interrupt.”
“Sorry. Carry on.”
“Azure replies; I do! Serves him right! – you know how women stick together – Cleo continues; Exact
ly! The time has come to teach him not to let me get mad at him for no reason. The best way to do that is to make him jealous...”
“You're sure this is how it went?”
“I'm giving you the short version,” Robert pointed out. “Azure says; I can understand that. I've been planning to make Rob punch Morgan in the face using jealousy. Cleo replies; What?! Why?! – you see how she always takes your side by default...”
“Why wouldn't Azure want me to punch you the face?”
“She knows I'm too fast for you, and it doesn't matter who hits who as long as we end up in a fight,” the traveler replied. “Either way, Azure explains; Morgan is basically Rob's pet and I'm sick of it. He should be my pet.”
“She did not say that,” Morgan asserted.
“If you say so... Cleo asks; So, would you be cool with me kissing Morgan once? Azure replies; I suppose so, as long as we keep it balanced. You kiss Morgan and I'll kiss Rob. Cleo exclaims; Kiss Rob?! – now, she can hardly believe her ears – Azure explains; It's just me and it's just one kiss and it'll be sure to end in loads of jealousy and fist-fights. After discussing terms such as where, when, duration...”
“How much tongue they could use,” the young man suggested.
“Shut up, Morgan!” Robert demanded. “Anyway, they finally come to an agreement. They'll each kiss the other one's man once and stand back to watch the ensuing tempest. Once the dust settles, I'll never risk making Cleo angry again and you'll be Azure's pet – or so they believe.”
“That's what happened?”
“Isn't it obvious?”
“Not to me,” Morgan replied, shaking his head, “but, I'm not as smart as you.”
“Be glad I'm here to advise you, then.”
“So, I guess we should talk to them about it?” Morgan speculated. “You know, get everything out in the open.”
“Are you serious?!” Robert laughed. “After all the effort we just went through to work out the details of their female machinations?”
“Machinations?”
“Now that we know what cards they're holding, we can win this game.”
“How?”
“Simple, Morgan,” Robert said with a wide smile. “We act like nothing happened.”
Chapter 10: A Minor Modification
“It's gonna be alright, Vox,” Robert said as he and Morgan stepped back onto the bridge.
“I hope so,” he sighed, staring out into non-space. “But, that ship she stole was just about a derelict. Who knows what might happen between now and her dropping back into real-space?”
“Cleo, love, how long was it between you pinpointing her position and her jumping back into non-space?”
“About a minute,” she said.
“That being the case,” Robert replied, “if she doesn't make it to her next stop, we can just go back and pick her up there.”
“That's true, I guess,” Vox nodded. “I just wish... I mean; I just about can't believe she actually did this, man.”
“I know what you're saying,” the traveler replied, slipping down into his usual seat. “She steals a pod, turns off the transponder so I can't just catch her immediately, manages to track down, reach, and steal a ship – without getting caught, I might add – she then gets it flight-worthy and modifies the ship's transmitters so she can turn the transponder back on by remote and even has the finesse to send us a video, rubbing the fact that she outsmarted me in my face – all in just over ten days. That is genius, brother!”
“That's not what I'm saying at all,” Vox replied with a deep sigh. “Celeste and I have been married for over a century, and this is not how you work through things. You don't just take unilateral action. Whatever the situation, whatever's going on, whatever's upsetting or bothering you, you open up and talk it about it honestly.”
This assertion caused Morgan to shoot a glance toward Robert. In reply, the traveler simply shook his head no in a very subtle and extremely confident way.
“In the end, if I hadn't been able to convince her not to do this, I would have helped her.”
“You would have?” Robert asked.
“Of course,” Vox chuckled. “She's my wife, man. Plus, I know that it's only a matter of time before you catch her. My doing my best to help her get away wouldn't have changed that.”
“Not in the slightest,” the traveler agreed.
“It would have even given me a chance to try to outwit you,” Vox continued. “Which, I imagine would be a lot of fun.”
“Provided you realized that you couldn't succeed at the start.”
“Obviously,” Azure said, giving Robert a rather coy smile. “I don't think anyone alive could do that.”
“No one alive, dead, or yet to be born,” the traveler assured her.
“Celeste just outwitted you,” Doc pointed out with a slight smile.
“In the very shortest of runs,” Robert admitted. “But, he who outwits last, outwits best.”
“My point is,” Vox said, “that this could have been a little vacation for her and me. We could have been on the run together, trying to do something that I, at least, knew we couldn't do. If we had ended up getting killed or something, I wouldn't have even known about it until after it had never happened. Now, if she blows herself up, I have to deal with the agony of what if Rob fails this time.”
“She's not going to blow herself up,” Robert asserted. “I'm certainly not going to fail this time, either. When's the last time I really, truly failed?”
“When it's your wife's life on the line, it's hard to think like that, Rob,” Vox replied, shaking his head. “We both know you've failed in the past. Until she's back safe in my arms, I can’t be sure that you won't fail now.”
“I won't,” the traveler said with a tone of unquestionable confidence. “That minute is more than I need. No matter what happens, Celeste is going to be back in your arms – where she belongs – before very much longer.”
“I know that confidence doesn't equal success,” Vox chuckled, “but, it's hard not to believe you when you talk like that.”
“It's the only time you can believe him,” Cleo observed, shaking her head.
“Trying to figure out when it is that I actually mean what I say is half the fun of knowing me.”
“You once told me that you meant everything you ever said to me,” Cleo pointed out, gazing at him from under a single raised eyebrow.
“You knew I didn’t mean when I was lying,” he laughed. “You can always tell when I’m lying.”
“I can,” she agreed, “your lips are moving.”
“Well, of course my lips are moving!” he replied. “I have to move my lips to… No wait, I forgot. I’m a ventriloquist. Still, since I always make sure to lie to you in such a way as to make sure you know that I'm lying, you really shouldn't get mad at me over it.”
“You're lying, Robert,” she said with a sigh.
“Of course I am,” he smiled. “That you recognized that fact immediately actually underlines the point I'm trying to make.”
“In any event, Rob,” Doc said, shaking his head and laughing in spite of himself, “I think it would be best if you were to tell us the truth about your plan to save Celeste.”
“Absolutely, Doc,” the traveler nodded. “Step one, we head for Karl's...”
“Why Karl's?” Morgan asked.
“We're going to add a tractor beam to the ship's arsenal.”
“Why a tractor beam?”
“Maybe, if you let Robert explain his plan with fewer interruptions,” Doc suggested, “we would all find out.”
“Sorry...”
“We have to stop Celeste's ship,” Robert explained. “Now, we could try hitting it with a gravity beam...”
“But, that might rip the hull to pieces at the speed it's moving,” Vox pointed out.
“Exactly. The ship's own inertial dampeners and gravity generators might be able to handle it but, it would certainly put a lot of extra strain on them. Not to mention the fact
that blasting the ship with a gravity beam strong enough to hold it could crush Celeste under her own weight if anything went wrong. A tractor beam, on the other hand, can tie our ships together and equalize the inertia without modifying the gravitational field of either vessel.”
“It also comes with the added bonus of being able to keep her ship from jumping into non-space,” Vox added.
“Precisely,” Robert smiled. “Now, obviously, just climbing into the car, having our ship fire us at hers, magnetically locking onto its hull, leaping out in spacesuits to cut our way inside as she jumped into non-space – having no idea we were out there – and then strutting onto the bridge to see the stunned look on her face, would be a lot more exciting but, under the circumstances, I think we'd better keep the excitement to a minimum. This is Celeste's life we're talking about.”
“I appreciate that, Rob,” Vox replied.
“That being the case, Karl's it is.”
“I don't think that's a good idea, Rob,” Cleo said.
“Why not?”
“Several reasons.” the green maiden replied. “First, we still haven't finished checking all our systems out. Second, we've gone to Karl's three times in the span of a primary-time-line month. Third, we don't know that all the parts we've already bought from him aren't time-important.”
“Actually, we do know that, small girl,” Vox corrected. “I checked right after we got back to Never Never Land.”
“I'm glad,” she said. “I forgot to.”
“You had a lot on your mind that morning,” he said with a knowing smile.
“Either way,” she replied with the slightest hint of a blush, “I think we should go back to Never Never Land. We'll be able to get an off-the-shelf tractor beam – which will save a lot of work – and we'll be able to finish all our checks a lot faster with a full repair crew working alongside us – which is something we should do before we try to rescue Celeste. Not to mention, doing that will keep us from having to go to Karl's, which is something that could mess up the time-lines.”
“Alright, Vox,” Robert said, turning his seat to look directly at him, “you admonished me the other day for never listening to anyone else...”
Bad Behavior (The Last Time Traveler Book 3) Page 17
