“My mom called you, didn’t she?”
She nods. “She’s worried. That’s all.”
“She worries too much.”
She smiles sadly at me, “That is what we parents do. She mentioned you were at the hospital when Kristi was brought in last night.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about why I was there.”
She nods. “Did you know Kristi?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No, but I just—it really pisses me off that someone would throw their life away like that. And even worse, is that everyone else is going on with their lives like nothing happened.”
“I don’t think that is something we’ll ever understand, Alec. But you, better than anyone else, know that people process things differently. Some people talk things through… others keep busy and act like nothing happened. From what I was told, Kristi only had two close friends here—Skylar and Mike. They’ll have the most trouble with it because they were so close to her.”
“I wasn’t close to her and I’m not acting like most of the school. Even Kyle has more compassion than most of the girls we know.”
She smiles at the mention of her son’s name.
“Alec, honey, Kyle has been your friend since middle school. The two of you are like brothers. He was by your side when you went through more than anyone should have to, and because of that, he values life in a different way than most people.”
“Is it true what they are saying? That bullying led her to do this?”
She sighs. “I’m not in a position to discuss what was happening to Kristi, but it’s possible that bullying played a role in her condition.”
I shake my head, still not getting it. Everyone should have something worth living for.
“What’s on your mind?” she asks.
“This is just high school, you know? There is a whole world outside of here. Even if bullying was a problem, this girl obviously had parents and friends who cared about her. How could she do that to them?”
She gets up from behind her desk and sits on the couch next to me. “Bullying is a big problem, Alec. It’s not something that comes in one ear and goes right out the other, and it’s definitely not something that you leave at school when the last bell rings. Words have power, and sometimes, they stay with you for life. It’s up to you to allow those words to define who you become. Do you allow those words to motivate you or do you let them destroy you? Some people can work through it and move on, but others can’t.”
“What about her parents? Her friends? Weren’t they enough to protect her?”
“Alec, assuming that bullying was the only problem, there are so many cases involving bullying where the parents aren’t even aware of what is happening, or in denial if they are. It’s tough to deal with it if the student doesn’t seek help. And oftentimes, the student doesn’t, because he or she is ashamed of not being able to handle the situation or doesn’t think that anyone can actually help.”
I shake my head, not knowing what else to say.
“I guess I should go back to class.”
She nods. “If you still need to talk, I’m here. And Alec, I have a personal favor to ask you.”
“Okay.”
“Skylar and Mike will be back at school sometime in the next few days. They’re obviously dealing with a lot. If anyone gives them any trouble, can you please let me know?”
“Of course.”
I get up and make my way back to class. I can’t help but think back to Mrs. Harper’s request and the conversation between Lizzie and Mandy earlier. I know bullying is a big problem at this school, but I never realized how some of the people who are close to me are the ones involved in these situations. And I don’t mean the guys, but mostly, Lizzie and Mandy. I wonder if, through the years, I’ve been so self-involved with my own problems that I failed to notice what was really going on around me.
CHAPTER FIVE
SKYLAR
It’s already morning and I’m still awake, but I can’t make myself get out of bed. I have a text from Mike asking if I’m going to school but I don’t bother answering it. I don’t even know why we had the conversation we did with Kristi. I feel like it’s mine and Mike’s fault somehow… that we led her to do this, even if we were just having a day-to-day conversation.
I lie in bed, crying, just thinking about it, until Mom knocks on the door.
“Skylar, Mike is here.”
“I don’t want to see anyone,” I yell through the door.
Then I hear her steps fading away and I know that was enough for me to be left alone.
My mind goes back to the day before, when Kristi and I were leaving the gym and heard Lizzie make a comment about how we’re both a waste of space and that no one would even notice if we were gone. As always, I ignored it, or as Kristi called it, kept everything inside. She kept saying that one day Mike and I would explode from keeping it all in and that was worse than what she was doing, which was basically taking meds that numbed her out.
That was the last class of the day. We met Mike after and headed to the park for a while until Mike had to go to work. We all sat on the swings, side by side.
“Do you think anyone would miss me if I was gone?” Kristi asked. I looked right at her and, at first, she seemed okay. In fact, I remember thinking that she was having a good day. Kristi’s mom had taken her and her little sister out the day before for a girls’ day out. She was even excited that her mom let her get a few purple highlights under her beautiful blonde hair. She had wanted that for the longest time…
But now I realize that somewhere along the line, I could no longer tell if Kristi was truly having a good day or if she seemed that way because of her meds.
Jokingly, Mike said, “Hmm I’m not sure if I would miss you, but I would definitely miss Skylar. She’s way nicer to me.”
“Shut up, Mike,” I said.
“Okay, that wasn’t that nice… maybe I should take it back.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “I’d miss you, Kris,” I said.
“I would too,” he said. “I was just kidding.”
After that, Kristi closed her eyes and kept swinging without saying a word. When a breeze came, she smiled.
“What are you thinking about, Kris?” I asked.
She didn’t open her eyes. “I was just thinking about how easy things were when I was little. Being at this park was my favorite thing and I had nothing to worry about.”
I should have known that there was something wrong with her. She never talked like that, and now I see the clues in every word she said.
I don’t get out of bed for the rest of the day. I just keep replaying that in my head over and over again.
CHAPTER SIX
SKYLAR
I’d been to a funeral before.
I was only twelve-years-old when my grandpa passed away. I remember feeling at peace. It was sad because I knew I would miss him, but it felt like it was natural… a part of life. Being here this morning, at Kristi’s funeral, feels wrong in so many ways. That feeling of peace is nonexistent.
I can’t even make myself look at her coffin. I look at everything but it. I try to focus on my surroundings. I see her parents and little sister, crying. Mom and Dad are both with me. Mom holds my right hand and Dad stands by my left side. I know they are both as shocked as I am. Even with everything that is going on, I didn’t fail to notice that they have been watching me in a different way… as if they are observing me for signs of trouble. I don’t say anything. In fact, I understand why they’re worried.
I turn around to look for Mike and, as I glance behind me, I notice our school counselor next to her son, Kyle, and then, Alec. I catch Alec staring at me and I get lost in his brown eyes for a split second before I quickly turn around. He’s probably here just because his friend is. I wonder what he was even doing at the hospital that night.
I hear the priest say words about life, forgiveness, and, that one day, we’ll see her again.
That is when I
realize how angry I am. My hands start to tremble. I’m so angry at Kristi. How could she do this?
Mom leans into me. “Honey, are you okay?”
I hate how many times I’ve been asked that question in the past few days. Am I okay? Of course not! I shake my head. Tears run down my face. “I have to get out of here.”
She nods and starts to move.
“No. Please, stay.” I whisper. “I don’t want her parents to get the wrong idea. I’m not trying to be rude. It’s just too much. I’ll wait in the car. Can you explain it to them?”
Mom nods and gives me the keys.
I get out of there as fast as I can.
By the time I get to the car, I’m shaking so bad, I drop the keys in the grass.
I kneel down to get them, but Mike is now in front of me and he grabs the keys before I can. He helps me up and opens the door.
We get in the back seat. Mike looks at me and he has been crying as much as I have.
“I can’t believe we’re here… saying goodbye to our best friend,” he says. “It feels like a nightmare. I keep hoping that I’ll wake up and see her again.”
I don’t know what to say. I can’t even try to comfort him, when I’m falling apart too.
I turn around, hug him, and let the tears fall.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ALEC
I lay in bed thinking about the day before. I feel emotionally drained. I didn’t expect Kristi’s funeral to get to me like it did. The fact that no one from school was there, other than her close friends, really hit me hard. I kept wondering if it was me lying in that coffin, who would be there… And then, there is Skylar. We may not be friends anymore, but I hate seeing her go through this.
I barely got any sleep last night. That was the one thing about playing baseball… it kept me busy and it kept me from thinking about the what ifs in life. Now, I have nothing but time. Well, that is a funny thing to say considering that my time could be cut short.
I manage to drag myself out of bed, grab a breakfast bar, and head out to school.
Even leaving late, I still get to school early. Kyle is with a group of people in the parking lot and I head over there. Minutes later, Lizzie and Mandy are here. Lizzie is talking about prom and she keeps bringing up the fact that she is still waiting to be asked. I know for a fact she was asked by at least two of the guys from the baseball team and said no, and I know that the comments are directed at me, but I’m going alone. It’s part of my no dating rule. I know Kyle asked Mandy some time ago and they’re going together, but even he is trying to get out of this one and just go as a group of friends.
I’m doing my best to block Lizzie and Mandy’s conversation, but that fails when Mike pulls up into a parking spot, and I see Lizzie nudge Mandy’s shoulder and point toward his car.
I look over and see Skylar and Mike get out of the car. He’s wearing all black and looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Skylar is wearing jeans and a plain black t-shirt. She has her hair up in a messy bun, and even from a distance, I can see that her eyes are bloodshot from crying.
“I guess she decided to grace us with her presence again,” says Lizzie. “I can’t believe she was even allowed to take so many days off. It’s really not fair. If they’re going to give her some kind of grief excuse from school, I think that everyone should get it too.”
I look over at Lizzie and cock my head to the side. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What? It would only be fair.”
I just shake my head because, honestly, trying to show her how wrong she is will be a waste of my time.
I throw my bag over my shoulder and walk away.
“What is wrong with him?” I hear Lizzie ask Kyle.
I keep walking, but I can hear Kyle snap at her, “Why do you have to be such an evil—”
“Kyle!” I hear Mandy stop him before he continues.
I pick up the pace. I don’t want to hear how this is going to end, especially now that she’s getting on Kyle’s nerves.
Kyle is the most laid back person I’ve ever met. I tell him all the time he doesn’t even look like he belongs here—in a town where people are driven by drama. The girls go crazy over him because he has—as they say it—a surfer look, with his natural highlights, tan, and all that stuff. Any way, it takes a lot to piss him off, so when you do, you stay on his bad side for a very long time. The only reason he even puts up with Lizzie is because he has sort of been dating Mandy for a couple of months.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SKYLAR
Mike says he isn’t feeling well and ends up leaving after first period. I go to class after class, always dreading the next. When the day is finally over, I walk outside. That's when it hits me that I have no way to get home. I always rode home with Kristi. Mom and Dad both work today, so having no other options, I start to walk home. I only live a few blocks away anyway.
About two blocks down the street, I hear his truck slow down.
“Hey,” he says. “Do you need a ride?”
I look over at Alec.
“No. I’m okay. Thanks,” I say in a cold tone.
“Come on. It’s not like you live out of my way.”
I sigh and stop walking. He stops the truck and, to my surprise, he gets out.
He rushes over, opens the door for me, and waits.
I just look at him, dumbfounded.
“Please. Let me give you a ride,” he begs.
I give in and get in the truck. He goes around and after he closes his door, I say, “You didn’t have to do that.”
He grins and shrugs. “Yes, I did.”
He turns up the radio. The song Bright by Echosmith comes on. That was the last song I remember singing and that was days ago, before Kristi—before I saw her for the last time...
I can already feel my eyes water and I attempt to hold back the tears.
“Are you doing alright?” he asks.
I nod. “Why were you there that night?” I ask, curious.
“Where?”
“The hospital.”
“I hurt my hand.” He says as he lifts his hand up. I notice for the first time that he has a splint on.
“Oh.”
“Yeah…”
I look away from him and my eyes tear up again, but for other reasons. Memories rush to me of the summer nights when I heard him through my window. The crying, the yelling… it was all unbearable to listen to.
“Are YOU doing alright?” I ask.
He smiles from ear to ear and nods.
“Better than I have in a while.”
I sit back and relax to the sound of the music.
When we pull in his driveway, we see Kyle waiting by his front door.
I’m about to turn to get out of the truck, when I feel Alec’s hand reach for mine. By instinct, I pull away.
“Sorry,” he says. “I just wanted to say I’m here if you want to talk.”
I look straight at him, “Alec, not counting today, we have barely exchanged a word since elementary school.”
“Are you still mad at me for what happened?” he asks.
Truth is, I’m not. At least I don’t think I am. And because I’m so exhausted and hurt, I just open my mouth and let the word vomit come out. “I’m not mad at you. I know I was only in kindergarten, but looking back, I’m mad at myself for allowing what happened to change me. Words have power, Alec. I went through a lifetime of pushing people away because of what happened… never making any friends. And when I did make friends, well, you saw how that turned out.”
I see the shock in his eyes and I regret saying all of this, but I can’t take it back. I want to apologize and say that I didn’t really mean it, but the words just don’t come out. And he is as speechless as I am.
I open the door before the moment gets any more awkward, and jump out of the truck.
Kyle, who is still waiting by the front door, looks at me confused, but he is nice as always.
“Hey, Skylar.”
“Hi,�
�� I say, before turning around and going toward my house.
It’s not until I close the door, that I hear the sound of Alec’s truck shutting off.
CHAPTER NINE
ALEC
I wait until she goes inside before I get out of the truck. I just keep thinking, ‘Did I do this to her? Was that one silly, stupid thing I said enough to cause her to shut down? …to change her so much?’
Kyle is waiting for me by the door.
“Hey, Bro. Is everything okay?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
I unlock the door without saying anything and he doesn’t ask either.
“The guys are going to play at the field today. Do you want to come by? Maybe help us practice?”
I sigh. “Nah. I think I’m going to hang out around here today.”
He walks over to the window and looks out through the blinds.
“What’s the deal with you and Skylar?” he asks.
“There is no deal.” I say. “The whole thing is actually pretty stupid.”
“Spill it. I’m not a freaking mind reader.”
I sigh. “We used to be friends when we were little, before I met you. She started kindergarten when I was in second grade. We were inseparable and my classmates made fun of me for having a girlfriend. I got embarrassed and told her we couldn’t be friends anymore.”
I pause.
“And then?” he asks.
“That was it. I told her we couldn’t be friends at school anymore, but she distanced herself altogether. We kind of went our separate ways and never really talked again until today.”
“Dude! That was like a decade ago. You didn’t try to talk to her after?”
“I wanted to at some point, but then I got sick and things just got away from me.”
He shrugs. “She is cute. Maybe you should try to talk to her again.”
I laugh. “We were just friends and I doubt she wants to hear anything I have to say.”
“So, is it cool if I go talk to her then?”
I cock my head to the side. He can’t be serious.
“What about Mandy?” I ask.
He shrugs and gets away from the window. He then flops down on the couch and looks at me like he’s actually waiting on an answer. I don’t even know why he’s dating Mandy in the first place. They have nothing in common.
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