Kara felt her stomach flip over; surely, she heard him wrong. But for the life of her, she couldn’t think of how she would have heard the word wrong. She laid her head back against the couch and closed her eyes to steady herself. Someone had been watching her—someone who had masturbated while watching her unpack. Who would do that and why? Exhausted, that was what she was. Completely exhausted.
"You're sure?" she asked without lifting her head from the couch.
"Not a hundred percent, but it certainly looks like semen, and it’s dark outside. I’ll have to have someone analyze a sample to make sure. Are you okay with my asking the boys and girls at the lab to run it?" Ethan asked cautiously.
"Do what you have to do. I’m going to guess that whoever it is doesn’t have their DNA in any database, but it’s worth a try, right? And even if he isn’t in the database, now we’ll have a sample in case he comes back. To be honest, I’m getting tired playing the reclusive victim," she whispered, her eyes still pinched tightly shut, trying to block out everything just a little longer. “Guess it was dumb to not put some blinds up right away.”
"You okay?" Caleb asked.
"Just peachy. I have been home for less than twenty-four hours, and I have regretted almost every second of that time. No offense to the both of you."
"None taken," Caleb said. "Do we want to run this through the station or do the analysis on what you found off the books?"
"No. Don't even suggest that; just do it by the book. I don't want either one of you losing your job trying to protect me. Not to mention that if he’s connected to the recent murder, which I suspect he is, we’ll have evidence."
"We wouldn’t lose our jobs, but if that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do," Ethan said. "I'll go call it in." He walked away to make the call, leaving Kara alone with Caleb.
"This whole situation is screwed up," she said after minutes of silence passed.
She was still sitting with her head on the couch and her eyes closed when she felt the weight of someone sitting down next to her; no small feat, considering Samsonite was taking up a large portion on the other side of the couch. He had his head resting on her shoulder and thumped his tail once to make sure she was fine with Caleb’s proximity to her. She rubbed his head and opened her eyes and saw Caleb sitting, staring at her, concern evident on his face. She took a deep breath and braced herself for the cursory questions. When it appeared that he wasn’t about to ask her anything, she found herself talking.
"Who do you think was out there? Just a peeping Tom, or am I right, and he’s the one who killed Andrea Vincent?" she asked, hoping that she wasn’t grasping at straws and it was a coincidence.
"I’m not going to lie to you, but I don't think this was a random occurrence. It would be too odd for that to happen on your first night back."
"Why do I keep coming back to the awful prospect that this is all connected to what happened ten years ago?"
"What did happen ten years ago? The real story, not the sanitized and G-rated version you tell your brother to spare him."
And there was the proverbial question, followed by the most on-target statement ever. Still, it didn't mean she had to go over what happened. Maybe if it became pertinent to the case, but not now, not tonight. She knew it was supposed to be part of the healing process to talk about it, but that was bullshit. In her mind, she needed to block it out as best as possible. And she didn't want this man to hear the details any more than she wanted Ethan to. She didn't want him to think any less of her, for some reason. She didn’t want him to see her as the dirty and sullied woman that she saw when she looked in the mirror, and if she told him what had happened to her in detail, he would forever look at her as a victim, an image she had fought hard to rid herself of.
Although he probably already thought of her as a victim, he was doing a good job of looking at her as anything but. And really, the only thing she was getting off him was concern, not pity.
"What makes you think that’s why I don't talk about it? Have you considered I don't talk about it because it’s behind me?" Her voice sounded cold and detached, with her defenses fully up to protect herself.
"Actually, no. You know as well as I do that you haven’t put whatever happened those four days behind you. No one could put it totally behind them. Sure, you go on, but you don't forget."
"Maybe I have."
"There is nothing wrong with talking to someone." He paused. "You had no control over what happened to you. No one on this planet would think less of you, and if they did, then that’s their loss."
Kara couldn’t hide the surprise on her face. He had nailed it, nailed what her mind had been stuck on. It was as if he had read her mind. But that didn't change anything; she just wasn't ready to tell details of that time in her life. She was pretty sure she would never be ready. She had tried to work through it, and she wanted to move on. She had even been contemplating seeing a therapist, but the little bit of Vanderbilt genes she did inherit were stubborn and proud.
Seemingly from nowhere, tears stung her eyes, and her throat burned from trying to hold them back. Brutally, she shoved those tears and the feel-bad-for-herself emotions down, back into the cellar they had been locked away in. She was disgusted with herself for appearing so weak. Fighting it with every inch of her being, she regained her composure. She had nothing to cry about. She was alive, she had made it out, and the person taunting her would not win.
"Yeah, well, easier said than done. You may think someone could hear all the details about what was done to me without looking at me differently. But that’s just not possible." She took a deep breath. "How can you tell anyone, especially a man you might be interested in that you were raped repeatedly, that you were soiled, and not expect his opinion to change? No one worthwhile would want damaged goods."
"That’s where you’re wrong. If I was the one you were interested in, I would want to know what you went through because I would want to be there to support you, and it wouldn’t change my opinion of you. What kind of person would that make me if I blamed you for something you didn’t ask to happen to you?"
"Ah, victim blaming is common, though. I heard the whispers, had I led him on, maybe I should have dressed differently, behaved differently. Am I wrong to say that I’m damaged goods? Am I wrong to feel soiled? Am I wrong to say no man can look at me and see me as anything other than a victim?" she asked, suddenly feeling very emotional and damn if she wasn't feeling self-pity at that moment.
"You have no idea how wrong you are. First and foremost, you are not damaged. You shouldn’t feel soiled, and most importantly, anyone worthwhile would want you no matter what happened, no matter where you came from. Anyone worthwhile couldn’t possibly look at you as a victim if they truly wanted to be with you. Because it wouldn't matter. You are a package deal, and that’s what matters. All of what happened made you who you are."
"Nice story. But I live this life, and every man I’ve ever dated has heard of what happened to me. They stick around a little bit hoping to...I don't know, maybe fix me, maybe hoping to get ahead because of my dad, and in some cases, to find out about what happened. But they all leave," she said sadly.
If she was being honest, there weren’t a whole lot of men she had tried to date. She could count on one hand how many men she dated in ten years. And half of them didn’t last past one date. Hell, she’d only tried to be intimate once since the abduction. Once. In the end, no man had ever been able to be there for her. No man had ever gotten her to open up at all or have her wanting to be normal, until this man. This man whom she had only met that day. His voice broke into her thoughts.
"That's because they couldn't separate what happened to you and who you are, and because they went into the relationship with the wrong goal in mind."
"Find me a man who could separate me from the victim."
"Me." Kara's eyes widened in shock. She had to have heard him wrong; she’d just met him. Maybe he meant that he could separate the two, but it did
n’t mean he was up to the challenge. She opened her mouth and closed it, opened it again, trying to find the words that wouldn't come. She was just about to ask him what he meant when Ethan walked back into the room.
"Dispatch is sending over a couple of uniforms to take your statement, and I called in a favor and asked Cathy to come out to collect the samples," he said, looking between the two of them. His eyes widened slightly, and then, as if sensing he had interrupted something, added, "I’m going to wait for them outside a minute." He stalked out of the room, and Kara could not help but think, uh-oh.
9
Caleb sat quietly, looking at the beautiful and brave woman sitting beside him on her couch. Had he just implied that he would be interested in exploring things with her? Yes, he had. And he knew that he meant it; he hadn’t spent one minute after meeting her not thinking about her. She had infiltrated his innermost thoughts, and he wasn’t sure how that had happened.
Like he didn't know how it happened. It had happened because he was intrigued as hell to get to know who this stubborn and private woman really was. Other than a knockout. Caleb knew there was a lot more to her than met the eye. Just from spending an hour with her, he could tell that she was extremely intelligent and so full of pride that she was exceptionally good at covering up how she really felt about what had happened to her.
It was not hard to figure out that she had never opened up to anyone about those four days, and that tonight was a first for her. Even if she had not gone into detail, she had offered up key information that helped to shed a little light on the woman who had been stunned into silence. She was terrified but would rather die than show it.
What she was terrified of was more complex. Was she terrified of opening up because people might look at her differently, or was she terrified of opening up because that meant she would have to face what happened? Because it was apparent that she had done a very good job at pretending she had moved on. He was guessing that it was a little bit of both columns. The silence suddenly became deafening, and he was just about to say something to ease the tension when her voice stopped him.
"What were you doing when I called?" Her voice was so quiet he could barely make out the words. He knew she was trying to change the subject, so he allowed the diversion.
It was okay if she wanted to pretend he hadn’t showed interest and ask about him instead. Normally, he might give up, move on. Caleb had no problem with finding women to entertain him for short times. He did, however, find it hard finding a woman who was worth the effort for more than just a casual fling. And he had a feeling this woman was worth the effort. That she was worth taking his time over, building her trust. That it would be worth it to take his time in showing her how a real man would treat a woman like her.
When Kara cleared her throat gently, he looked at her and remembered she had asked him a question.
"We were meeting about the young woman we told you about earlier today. I had stepped out to grab Ethan’s cell phone. He’d forgotten he took it out of his pocket and left it on his desk."
“But you said I called your phone?”
“You did. Our numbers are only a digit off.”
“But I programmed both in; I must have hit the wrong speed dial number in my haste.”
“Hearing someone breaking in could do that.”
“That, and I had just woken up from a horrible nightmare, so I was still groggy from that.”
He didn’t ask what the nightmare was about; it was obvious what it would have been about. They sat in silence for a minute until she looked at him and breathed deeply as if deciding.
“Why were you still there?” She paused then looked at him closely. "Or were you called back because they found something else?"
He paused, knowing that he had discussed with Ethan what they should and shouldn’t disclose to Kara. Both men were unsure of how much she could handle all at once. But he knew from the ten minutes he had just spent with her that she was much stronger than Ethan had given her credit for. Part of Ethan still thought of her as his broken little sister, and while she was still lost, to an extent, she was not broken. Although to give Ethan credit, he really did think she was strong, and he was so incredibly proud of her. He just wanted to shield her from the ugly in the world.
Unfortunately, there was too much ugly to shield her from. Because he would want to know as much information as possible if the roles were reversed, he decided he would fill her in, whether Ethan approved or not. In all honesty, she had a right to know what had been discovered.
"We were called back in; Ethan said if any new evidence was found to call us. There isn't an easy way to tell you, so I’m just going to spit it out. There was a note discovered that appears to connect the case to you. We hadn't wanted to involve you, but it became evident we were going to have to. Ethan was filling in our boss about your past, though he already knew most of it. I went to get his cell phone, and then you called."
"What did the note say?" she asked, her voice the same monotone from their visit earlier.
"Maybe I shouldn't tell you. Maybe this isn’t a good idea after all," Caleb said, regretting bringing it up. Maybe in the light of the day she’d be able to handle it better. But she made up his mind for him about four seconds later.
"Just tell me, damn it. I think I deserve that. If it pertains to me, I deserve to know about it." Her voice was edged with a little bit of anger, but for the most part, she sounded completely prepared for him to drop a big bomb, and a big bomb he would drop.
"#12 wasn’t as sweet until once again we meet.” To her credit, she handled it much better than he had expected. Her face tensed ever so slightly, but that was it.
"So, I was right.” It wasn’t a question, and she sounded so sad that it broke his heart, like she was reserved to her fate. “This isn’t the first one since me.”
"It looks that way. Ethan was trying to convince our boss that you didn't need to be involved. But he’s a smart man and had the same mindset I do; we shouldn’t protect you from this because you need to know what’s going on."
"I appreciate that. Ethan means well, but he still just sees me as this little girl who he should protect. Worse than that, he still sees me as the victim in that hospital bed. I can’t blame him; if the roles were reversed, I would do everything to keep him safe. But he thinks that I can't handle anything on my own. He sees me as a fragile little girl who will break if anything challenges me."
"I’m not sure you’re completely right on that one. He wants to protect you from anything bad happening again, but he knows that you can handle things and that you’re extremely strong because of what you went through. But that doesn’t stop him from wanting to lock you in a tower somewhere to protect you from anything else happening. I understand that feeling."
"Because you’re a brother?"
"Yes, but also because I know that you’re strong and brave. And I know that you would never admit any weaknesses or that you might need someone to lean on. I suspect that other than your brother, and a few others, you don’t let people in. Although, I sense that you don’t lean on anyone as much as you could. I also know that even though I just met you, I would do anything to stop you from ever being hurt again."
"That doesn't make sense to me. You think I’m strong and brave, but you don't think I can handle anything bad."
"No, I don't think you should ever have to handle anything bad again, and I don’t want you to. I don’t believe anyone should go through what you did, and since you’ve already seen more bad than any person should ever have to, you deserve to never be put through anything like that again. You should be allowed to move on and have the rest of your days be happy."
Silence ensued after his statement. Kara looked down at the floor and then took a deep breath before looking up at Caleb and locking eyes with him. He saw a resolve in her eyes, and it tugged at his gut. He wasn't sure what she had made her mind up to do, but he knew it was something big. He held his breath as she moved her face closer
to him and delicately kissed him on the cheek. Just as slowly, she pulled away.
"Thank you."
"For what?" he asked, after taking a deep breath.
"For being honest with me. Maybe—” Ethan walked back into the room, cutting her off mid-sentence.
"Kara, this is Cathy Weaver. She’s going to collect the samples we talked about."
Kara scrambled to her feet like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t have and shakily held out her hand to the other woman. Caleb wanted to reach out to steady her, but he knew that would insult her. It was after midnight, and it was hard to believe that it was only yesterday that he had reached out to her, and she had allowed him to.
"It’s nice to meet you," Kara said, sounding very genuine in her statement.
"Likewise, though it would be nice if it were under different circumstances. Well, I better get to it. The faster we get done here, the faster you can go back to bed."
“No worries there. I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. I don’t sleep much anyway.” She shrugged, embarrassed.
"I’ll be right with you Cathy; I just want to talk to my sister privately," Ethan said pointedly.
"If it has anything to do with the note that was found, I already know. Don't get mad at him; he was only doing what he thought was best." Ethan nodded at Caleb, a silent thank you rather than an angry gesture. As he turned to leave with Cathy, Kara's hand reached out to stop him. He and Cathy turned to look at her.
"Ethan, thank you for believing in me enough to tell me about the evidence that was discovered."
"I have always believed in you. I just wanted to shield you from this whole mess." He smiled sadly, kissed her on the forehead and looked at her long and meaningfully.
"I understand but don't shield me. Keep me in the loop; I deserve to know what’s going on. I think I earned that right all those years ago." Ethan nodded and hugged Kara close.
"I love you; you know that, right?"
In the Night (Darkness Falls Book 1) Page 7
