by J. J. McAvoy
I waited a good half hour before reaching down and gently touching the side of his face. “If you only realized how happy I am just to touch you. Just for you to be here…love isn’t fair, and whoever loves the most automatically loses. I know I’m going to lose, but this moment is still worth it.”
WYATT
I was exhausted.
But in her room, on her lap, I felt so relaxed I couldn’t sleep. It was a new feeling for me…relaxing. Which was why I was awake, my body had calmed down, my mind has calmed, but I couldn’t sleep. However, the moment she started to speak, I forced myself to close my eyes. Whatever else she was going to say, I wanted her to say it the way she wanted…privately. But as I started to drift off, I couldn’t help but think…
She’s dangerous.
SIXTEEN
“I feel like a traitor, a phony, a fake. But I am a hypocrite with the best intentions, and I need kissing desperately.”
~ Coco J. Ginger
WYATT
When I woke up, the movie was over, and when I looked at her, she was sleeping while sitting. Rising up off her lap and onto my knees, I lifted her up, carrying her over to the bed and laying her down.
“Are you making your escape?” she whispered, her eyes still closed.
“Unlike some people, I have to work,” I whispered back, brushing the hair from her face. “Want to switch places with me?”
She smiled. “Do you have a doctorate in Computer Science and Computer Engineering Systems?”
“Show off.” I grinned.
She opened her little bit of a smile into a full grin, too. “Don’t be jealous, I make genius look easy.”
I laughed, lying beside her on top of the sheets. “Some people would call me a genius too—”
“They’re kissing your ass.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in love with me?” I half joked.
“I am, so what? I’m still not going to lie to you, though,” she replied, and I couldn’t help but just stare at her. “What? Are you realizing I’m your one true love? Are you seeing fireworks?”
“Yep, the whole nine yards. In fact, everything is now all rose-colored in my eyes. We might need to slow down or tomorrow I’ll be holding a stereo over my head at your window.”
“Oh…what song are you going to play?”
“I was thinking ‘Weekend Love’ by TGT.” She broke out into a fit of laughter, just shaking her head. “What, you don’t like it?” I asked. “It’s a good song.”
“Oh, I have so much to say right now—”
“Bring it.” I waited, my head propped up on the pillow.
“First, someone is apparently thinking they’ll get lucky tonight if you’re playing that song tomorrow.”
I nodded. “You already guaranteed I’m going to get the chance to unzip your skirt, so I’m thinking my luck is a sure thing.”
Her mouth fell open a little, and I just winked.
“Secondly, that’s the song my parents used to play when we were younger whenever they were about to do it. You might give the game away.”
I tried not to laugh. She was right. I remembered sometimes seeing them dancing to it. “Actually, it so on the nose, they will just think we are making fun of them.”
“You really have an answer for everything, don’t you?”
“I was trying to tell you I was a genius.”
“Smart ass.”
I laughed and so did she…and when we both calmed down, I pulled her closer to me. “Thank you for the sleep.”
“Don’t thank me, you have no idea what I did to you while you were sleeping.”
“I’m sure I enjoyed it,” I whispered back, placing my thumb on her bottom lip.
We both were quiet and didn’t move any further than that. Finally, she spoke up and said, “Do you need help with anything? I can look into the list they gave you this morning.”
“That reminds me, how did you know I was going to have to kill them?”
She shrugged, covering her mouth with her hand when she yawned before speaking. “Because no one is as cold as us…as heartless as us, and even we would never work with people who killed someone from our family unless it was to help kill them in the end. So whether the information they gave you is true or not, they are not on our side. Besides, the moment you gave the order you knew you were going to have to eventually kill them.”
I did know that. But I hadn’t really thought about it when I gave the order. I just wanted to hurt them badly at that moment. “I can’t get rid of them now. If the whole government collapses, it’s not going to work in our favor.”
“No one ever said you have to do it now. It’s just you’ll have to do it at some point. Elections are this November anyway.”
They were? I’d forgotten.
“You forgot, didn’t you?” She giggled at me, and I frowned. “Well, in your defense, you didn’t really have time to keep up with elections while you were away.”
“All I wanted was to help Ethan get revenge. And yet I haven’t even been able to focus on that or the problems in the south because of all the shit happening here—”
She kissed my lips gently and pulled back. “No one is expecting you to fix everything. Not even Ethan could do it. Why? Because this is a family business. You need help. Ethan needs help. And right now, you working on the city and taking out the rats is important. Ivy’s death doesn’t change.”
“Ethan might come home, though, if I caught them.”
“Ethan will always come home. Like you came home. That’s why it’s called home. It’s the place you come back to.”
“When did you become so wise?” I asked, somewhat amazed at her. She gave me a look, and I immediately knew what she was going to say.
“Because I’m a genius.”
“Because you’re a genius,” I said at the same time.
She nodded, smiling proudly. Leaning in, I kissed her lips, and though I wanted to deepen it, I pulled back. “Tonight, we’ll see a play.”
“Is that code for something?” She narrowed her eyes at me.
Smiling, I nodded. “It’s code for we’re going to tempt each other in a dark hall, trying to act natural in front of the public until it drives us crazy and we find a place to ourselves and fuck till the sun comes back up.”
“Why didn’t you just say so?” she shot back and as she pushed herself up off the bed. “I’ll start getting ready.”
I wanted to stay in bed longer but watched her get out of bed happily. “Wear something sinful.”
“You’re a bad man, Wyatt Callahan.”
“And you like that about me,” I fired back.
She didn’t reply but laughed while walking into her closet. Sitting up, I watched her go…feeling abnormally warm all of a sudden.
I didn’t mind this.
No… I kinda liked this.
HELEN
I wondered, when an apple fell on Newton’s head, did he feel like an idiot because he didn’t realize the answer was above him all along? Now I realized he most likely didn’t have time to berate himself because he was so damn excited at the new world and possibilities that had just been revealed to him.
That is how I felt.
“Someone looks happy.”
Turning around, I watched as Nari tied her white sneakers. Her black hair was pulled into a top bun. Only she would want to wear all-white active wear.
“I’m always happy.” I continued stretching.
“More like you’re always pretending to be happy,” she replied, stretching out her arms and exposing the small abs on her stomach.
“I knew this was coming.” I said, rising up off the mat and turning to her. “With Dona gone, you definitely need to find a rival for the strongest female in the land.”
“I’m hurt you think I need to fight for that,” she replied.
“I don’t think you do. You’ve lost and will always lose.” I moved over to the punching bag, flexing my hands.
She walked behind the
punching bag, holding it steady. Looking at me, she glared. “You’re very good at pretending to be kind. You’re a bad person.”
I winked at her, pulling my fists up to my face and then throwing. I didn’t say anything else…I just punched and kicked and punched and kicked. Each time I did, I remembered everything I was risking, all the pain I was going to cause by being with him. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. I couldn’t bring myself to do more than care. Just like Newton, I was too excited about all the things I could be instead of being angry at myself.
“Why can’t I be the strongest female in the land?” Nari asked me when I paused, caught up in my own thoughts.
I looked to her, staring into her eyes as she held the bag. She almost looked like she was pouting. “Real question is, why would you want to be?”
“What?”
I stepped back and grabbed one of the water bottles on the table to the side of the gym. “When you are the strongest girl, everyone wants to test themselves against you. New people, old people, young people, males, females, everyone. You’d hate that, Nari. Everyone wants to be at the top, forgetting it’s very lonely there.”
“You don’t want to be the best? Isn’t that why you insist on calling yourself ‘Helen Badass Callahan’?”
“I’m a badass who appreciates that there are other badasses around me,” I replied before gulping down some water. Wiping my mouth, I saw her staring back at me, doubtful. “And I also understand nothing will ever change the order of this family.”
“Which is?”
“The wife of the Ceann Na Conairte.” Putting the water bottle down, I walked behind the punching bag, holding it for her. “Not even Donatella could change that, so fighting for that position is useless. I thought you understood that and chose to help Ivy.”
She walked in front of the bag, her fist clenching. “I chose to because I wanted to see what type of woman she was.”
“And?”
She punched the sand bag so hard I felt the vibrations throughout my body. “She was as weak as a newborn kitten…but she was growing.”
“Nevertheless, she was disappointing to you? You wanted to be able to look up to her, compete with her, stand beside with her, just like Dona. Not raise her to be better than you. But what could you have done or said? She was the one Ethan chose. She was the wife of the Ceann Na Conairte, despite the fact that she wasn’t strong enough.”
This family didn’t give anyone time to be weak. No matter what our issues were, no matter how broken down we felt, we had to pick up the broken pieces of ourselves off the ground and keep moving forward, or else we’d die.
“We’re the black sheep,” she grumbled, punching forward again, not looking away. “The adopted ones. Callahans with an asterisk by our names. Since we were kids, we’ve had to work our asses off to prove that, even though we weren’t blood, we were just as good, just as strong. No one gave us a break for our weakness, but she just got to waltz right in and, weak or not, she was accepted. It wasn’t fair.”
“It is fair.”
“What?”
“She was murdered. So it’s fair. Her weakness got her killed.”
“What could she have done? It wasn’t like she made a mistake. It could have been any of us that day—”
“But it wasn’t,” I reminded her. “Somehow, we grew up with just as many people trying to hurt us, which is why we have always needed to be strong. She couldn’t last even three months. It’s fair. We are stronger, so we are here—and she is not. That seems like divine justice to me.”
“Don’t let Ethan hear you say that,” she warned, but the corner of her lips turned up. “We are both bad people, but I feel better.”
“Don’t. We might not be lucky next time. It’s the mafia. It isn’t supposed to be fair. It’s just supposed to be. And we may be black sheep, but black sheep are still sheep,” I reminded her, and she paused, looking around the bag, her eyebrow raising slightly. “Asterisk or not, our names are still Callahan. That’s better than other people.”
“You’re in a good mood today. What aren’t you telling me?”
I looked at her for a moment and smiled sadly. “I’m going to betray you, Nari. When that day comes, forgive me, okay?”
“No.” She frowned. “Why should I forgive someone who betrays me?”
“Because you know if I could have avoided hurting you, I would have done it…bad choices can be forgiven if they are done because of love, right?”
“You’re not a bad person. You are the worst type of person.”
“And what kind of person is that?”
“Conspicuous,” she replied, punching harder into the bag. “Looking at you is like looking into a mirror.”
“Why does that make me the worst type of person?”
She punched twice. “Because not all of us want to face ourselves.”
I couldn’t reply because she just hit harder. I wasn’t sure what she meant, but I didn’t press her more on it. She needed to vent and blow off steam, and I just wanted to relax and pretend I wasn’t a little bit of a hypocrite. She wanted to get strong, be more useful, and I told her not to reach too high…even as I was reaching, everywhere.
I’m good at giving advice…taking it is another thing altogether apparently.
WYATT
“I’ll be at my penthouse.”
She had texted me early in the day, and I couldn’t reply with anything but “okay.” That was hours ago, and now I found myself outside of her door, not sure if I should knock or not. I hadn’t ever thought about it before, but it was strange doing so now.
This is insane. I frowned, entering the pin before opening the door. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but her leaning there against the couch in a silk emerald green gown wasn’t it.
“I was wondering how long you were going to stand out there.”
“How long were you going to have me stand out there?” I questioned, sliding my hands into my pockets.
She shrugged. “For as long as you wanted. I already made the first move, it’s impolite to make me do more than that.”
This is what I like about her…her answers were very clear. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. What time does the play start?”
“In an hour. Why?”
“Because before we go any further, I’d like to be completely honest with you.”
I paused. “Should I sit down?”
“It’s better if you don’t. It would be easier for you to turn around and walk away.”
She’s serious about this. But what the hell could she have done that she thought was so serious to tell me now of all times?
“Ready when you are.” I nodded for her to go on.
“The day I went to the manor, I was prepared to abandon my crush on you and focus on helping the family…Dona had called and reminded me that while Ethan was away you were going to need help.”
“I’m glad to see all the concern,” I said, somewhat annoyed. “Do I seem like I’m doing such a bad job without Ethan now? And here I thought Rome wasn’t built in day.”
“And it wasn’t built by one person.”
“When I need help I’ll ask for help, Helen.” I eyed her carefully before crossing my arms over my chest and continuing, “Okay, how about we skip to the point. Why are you bringing this all up now—”
“Because if we are going to go forward, we’re going to do so as partners, and you need to hear and see all of me. You’ve just scratched the surface of what it means to be the boss of this family—”
“And you would know that how!?” I snapped.
“I was here!” She hollered back at me. “While you were fucking nurses and living it up in Boston, I was here fighting alongside your brother. Do you think you’re the only one who finds me convenient to vent to? You have no idea what your brother has gone through to get to where he is. How thin he stretched himself. I do. I saw it. Your parents built this family together. It takes two very strong people to run thi
s business. He was lucky that he’s naturally gifted when it comes to running this family, but to say it never took its toll would be a lie. The audacity of you to think you can just take over and get your way. It doesn’t work like that.”
I laughed, crossing my arms over my chest. “You expect me to believe Ethan, my big brother, was a team player? That he told you his plans—”
“Yes,” she said it without hesitation.
I stared into her eyes but couldn’t see anything. They weren’t the same brown eyes I was used to. “You’re lying.”
“Ethan decided on Boston six months ago. I was the one who ordered the safehouse built. I also donated three extra ambulances for your hospital, knowing you’d more than likely be in one of them. Your old girlfriend, she didn’t have a shift that day. I hacked into the hospital system to make sure her shift changed. Don’t tell, Dona, but I also knew about Tobias. Ethan had a backup, too, if for some reason she didn’t follow through. He had another month before the poison would have killed, though. But all of that isn’t really anything to brag about. That’s child’s play in comparison to some of Ethan’s other plans. Is he a genius? Yeah, but he’s not God. He can plan perfectly, but someone still has to put the small pieces in motion.”
Who the hell was this, and what had she done with Helen?
Walking over to her, I stood face to face with her. Doing my best to keep calm, breathing in through my nose as I spoke. “Don’t stop now. Take the mask all the way off, Helen. Did he have you spying on me, too? Did you eat waffles with me in the morning and plan to stab me in the back at night?”
“I’ve never betrayed you—”
“Don’t you dare,” I sneered at her. “Don’t you dare soften your voice now. You knew what Ethan was planning. Apparently, you’ve known for years! Yet not once. Not once did you ever tell me anything. Did you ever warn me of anything? Or was I not supposed to feel it? You just admitted to betraying my trust, so excuse me if I don’t believe you now.”
